The occupants want to meet with him and they're very curious about dining at fast food restaurants. I'd love to see him playing tour guide to people in alien costumes, explaining crunchwrap supremes and why the McDonald's ice cream machine doesn't work.
Things will really take off when one of the aliens starts flattering him, mentioning how attractive he is. The alien asks him to touch a seeming innocuous part of its body and a fine mist sprays him in the face. An episode or three later and it's casually dropped in conversation how Trump unknowingly jerked the alien off and got a facial, and they think it's hilarious because when you're an interstellar traveler visiting a less advanced species you can just get away with things like that.
"Indian math instructional videos were just directions from space Indians to the Earth colony of India that allowed them to build the space tether that let us return here. The missing ingredient was an Olympic gold medal, apparently. Congrats on that. Allow us to give you the great gifts of our people: Chess 2, anti-British force fields, and the secret to unlocking Bollywood Physics."
Chess is dead, man. It's literally been thousands of years since the last update and the modding community is very small. It's like the devs don't even care to support the game anymore. I think a sequel would be the best way to revitalize the franchise and finally add the battle royale mode we've been all waiting for.
I mean the way they got Kasparov’s face to look more and more frustrated as you slowly lose to the computer again in single player is pretty good, though.
Just to jump in with something unfunny: Chess has actually had lots of sub games made in the last 100 years. Take the development of speed chess, or Bobby Fischer's Chess 960 where the placement of the backrow pieces are (mostly) random. If you're bored of chess this is a hugely fun way to mix up the game.
I've answered this in other comment, but 5D Chess is more of a spin-off than a sequel. It doesn't progress the main plot and wasn't even made by the same team. Still fun tough.
One of my old roommates and I modded chess a few times. The best version we dubbed "Blitzkrieg" then later "Bloodbath".
It's chess, but each player starts one row forward with the same setup. So there are two rows between opposing pawns and one row behind the key pieces to allow for flanks/retreats.
There's 3-D chess though mate and that was ages ago that came out. Probably on to 6-D maybe even 7-D by now. I'm not into the chess but I reckon that's about where we're at.
Or you could use people from Equatorial Guinea (in Africa) because they speak Spanish. No need to teach countries or continents a language if its the national language.
Something with a non-Latin alphabet, nothing that the average person would recognize (anything with Cyrillic or Semitic characters, or Hindi, Mandarin, Japanese, etc). I suggest Burmese, Berber, Amharic, Armenian, Georgian…
"Hey... we noticed you've been sending a lot of people and objects into space, but we think you're pretty shitty, so we're building a wall around Earth and you're gonna pay for it."
Mexicans but they speak English with English accents, because they learnt to speak English using the bbc as a guide, as it appeared to be the superior network, see how he handles being told something not American looked better
"We're gonna build a big, beautiful wall ... a beautiful wall across the sky and the illegal space aliens are going to pay for it."
"You mean like a roof Mr President?"
"No definitely a wall. I'm the best at building walls."
"We have our top scientists working on the ice cream machine, it's a very complicated machine, no body really knows how it works. Adam works flipping burgers but we were talking about the machine earlier and he knows so much about it, he's a big genius, but they don't know how to fix it yet."
Watch this documentary and you'll find out the reason behind why the machines are always broken.
Short answer: The same company that makes the ice cream machines for mcdonalds also makes the machines for Wendy's, Burger King, In n Out, and several others.
McDonalds ice cream machines are broken because the company that manufactures the machines specifically make 1/3 of the annual profit just fixing McDonalds ice cream machines. Other company's machine run around a 99.9996% failure rate or 3 in a million don't work while McDonalds has a failure rate of about 15% of all machines not working worldwide.
McDonalds KNOWINGLY allows this ice cream machine that constantly break to be used in their stores and won't allow the franchise owners to use other machines.
McDonalds is capitalizing on their own franchise owners and price gouges them just so an ice cream machine company can make a few more dollars. The ice cream machine company has been around as long as McDonalds has so they work together but it's still messed up EVERYONE is effected by this dumbassary just so a single company can make a couple more bucks.
I had a friend that worked at McDonalds. She said the machines arent actually always down all the time. She said they are a bitch to clean, and have to be cleaned daily, often when they are super busy. So its easier to just say its broken.
Ice cream machine repairman said it "breaks" automatically if you're NOT cleaning it every day.
They had that poor dude out almost every week for the same damn problem. Dude was frustrated and tired of explaining to the GM what they needed to do to fix it: clean the machine daily.
That is literally the excuse that's given to GMs just so the GMs can think it's their employees fault and/or lazy when in reality they are cleaning it. But if a small problem occurs during the cleaning cycle their is zero information to tell the employee what went wrong in the process.
The machines interface are purposely designed poorly to make sure the employee doesn't know where the problem occured within the process. So they try their best to clean the machine daily, and they do, but after running the cleaning process over and over it just says to clean again which leads to calling "the guy".
This is absolute bullshit. I worked at a McDonald's for over two years and our machine was only down during service hours if it didnt get its heat cycle ran overnight, or for the first few hours of a day, biweekly when it needed to be taken apart and cleaned.
Firstly, it's not even cleaning the machine that's needed to be done daily. It's just a heat cycle that kills any bacteria that might of grown in the mix during use. Generally speaking, the mix is kept just above water freezing Temps, from about 36 - 40 degrees during operation.
The heat cycle, usually ran at night, requires no more input than ensuring a required amount of mix be in the machine and then pressing a few buttons. The process takes a few hours to complete, around 4 or 5 and is very, very simple.
If the heat cycle fails due to not having enough mix in the machine, which is the only reason I've ever seen it fail in my two years at different locations, then all that has to be done is to put mix in it and then restart the heat cycle. It'll take another 4 to 5 hours, but thats just how long it takes. It's not some scam.
Actually cleaning the machine though is a different story. It's required to be done at least once every two weeks. Been to places that do it once a week though. The whole machine is turned off, emptied, taken apart and completely cleaned, then refilled and turned back on. The machine has to cool back down to the previously mentioned temp which takes probably two hours on top of the lengthy cleaning process which I'd say takes at least 2 - 4 hours if you are thorough.
Outside of those two processes, I've never had the machine at the location I worked at or any of the other locations I've temporarily worked at breakdown for no reason. It is entirely the fault of the staff at these locations for not cleaning them properly and not filling them properly so heat cycles don't fail. And just so we are clear, the machine might not tell you what is wrong on the display, but it sure as hell comes with a manual that tells you how to fix the issues and McDonald's stores keep all equipment manuals in the office in a binder where every manager is trained to find them and use them. Again, it really is a failure on part of the staff.
That being said, a lot of locations are 24 hours. I assume that these locations run their heat cycles near the same time as non 24 hour locations and this leads to many people just telling customers the machines are down, which people take to mean broken when in reality it means being cleaned. The least heavy hours of operation are the prime time to run their cycles, and that tends to overlap with the time most munchies driven individuals crave ice cream.
he would be spritzing Trump, random asshole Republican VP, all over the place. The other aliens would be saying “oh, great honor”, “you have truly been blessed”..
3 episodes later at the CDC
“The President is pregnant!”
And at the end of the meal, the aliens like it so much, and think he's such a good host, they will lavish him with riches beyond even those gifted to him by the Russians his wildest dreams... in order to qualify, they just want him to tell them the truth about a few things. Like... the sexual assault cases, the bone spurs, whether or not he himself believes the big lie, to what extent he's basically owned by the Russians, whether he's been fiddling his taxes, whether he believes in white supremacy, whether he believes Obama wasn't born in the US.. that kind if thing. They'd hook him up to a 'lie detector' made from pipe cleaners and old egg boxes so he knew he had to tell the truth or he wouldn't get his money.
Christ, we could get multiple seasons' worth of footage out of it. It'd be TV gold.
If there were enough riches to make him an ACTUAL billionaire, and he were hooked up to pipe cleaners and egg cartons? You'd best believe he's not risking that. He'll have enough money to buy anything then! He doesn't have to worry about repercussions at that point! He'll just buy the best percussionists money can buy, and make sure he re-percussions them with all new, pure gold, six string percussion..s...es..
With all of the repercussioned percussionists on his side, there will be no more pesky repercussions, plotting against him... with fake news, many many fake news...es. Like the Democrats do! And any news channels/websites/papers/Instagrams that dare to speak out against him!
If anyone tries to use all of these confessions against him, he'll use his newly found super power of having no repercussions working against him.. To bang together loud crash symbols, many, many crash symbols, in unison, over anyone trying to talk about his confessions. Effectively silencing them, and thus somehow getting away with thinking something ridiculously stupid, like next level stupid, and yet having it turn out OK for him in the end.. Something he seems to have a penchant for.
I say we just abolish Gatorade right now... I'm just sayin... If there's no Gatorade, then Supreme Leader of the United States of America - An Overseas Territory of Russia, Donald Sharknado Big Mac Elizondo Trump, the Second (he thought it made him sound smarter. In his own words, "It was a no brainer. Literally"), can't spread the incredible truth about electrolytes being what plants crave. Though by then he'll have the country on a strict diet of Two big macs, two fillet of fish sandwiches, a large chocolate milkshake, and a large cup of gravy with bacon fat and melted crisco, his favorite meal for when he's feeling hungry after waking up, famished, sometime in the long 8 hours between last dinner and first breakfast, that he's been allocated for sleeping.. By his son in law, Jared......... Fogle, or his aids.
The density of interesting keywords in this has made it impossible for me to read. My eyes just keep unfocusing and returning me to consciousness, with "bwuh?" being the only takeaway. It's got the same feeling as when I'd read Trump's interviews and struggle to figure out what sort of being could craft such sentences. Damn fine job at emulating that.
Nono. The aliens must demand to speak with Angela Merkel or some other, non-dictator leader. Trump would go on a Twitter rampage (he would have to have Twitter again in this Truman-Show scenario because he's the President, right?) and rally the MAGAs to war against those "invaders".
Trump: It's just HARRIBLE the ice cream machine never works but you know you've got... *voice trails off\* HAVE YOU TRIED THE MCRIB? I WAS.... \points to cashier** SHE'S NOT PRETTY WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE... but they had the best McRib sandwiches at the McDonald's on 43rd... the best... I thought... I mean WHAT IS THE McPlant... McPLANT... PLANT... I don't... I think... I know... It's PROBABLY from GYNA... \turns to random vaguely Asian-looking person** Do they have McDonald's in GYNA?
\person muttering** I don't know. I'm from Bensonhurst.
\Trump turns to Alien guy** See, they let these people in... I didn't let th— TRY THE MCRIB. It's almost as good as my steak, you know, with the ketchup... the ketchup.
“I’m automatically attracted to less advanced species, i just start pollinating them. I don’t even wait. And when you’re an alien, they let you do it.”
Okay, why isn't this a full-fledged television staring Alex Baldwin as Trump? "The Trump Chronicles" or something would be hilarious. Trump and the alien president or something playing golf and Trump continuously exacerbated that the alien sucks at it.
why the McDonald's ice cream machine doesn't work.
Aliens be damned, I'm pretty fuckin' curious about that one myself!!! Hells bells....they're advertising the HELL out of the god damned Shamrock Shake, three days before St. Patrick's day. I want ONE a year...that's all. "Shake machines down", each and every time. Bastards.
I just KNOW that Ronald himself is somehow behind it!
Partially serious. :) I know the machine has some intense maintenance and cleaning procedures that have to be done every X hours...but why is it always when I'm there?
Ok I do believe you have a hit mini series on your hands. You should reach out to HULU, NETFLIX, AMAZON, HBOMAX and pitch this somebody will buy this story up and produce I know I would watch it along with 5k other people and that’s just the beginning.
Plot twist: While he's sleeping a makeup team glues that little plastic bubbles with toys in them all over his face and convince him he's now space pregnant.
If he doesn't abort them, they'll take over the Earth.
"A big wall. A GREAT wall, the greatest wall, OK? No one will have a better wall. And I've seen a lot of good walls. I know a lot of wall experts, OK? They told me there's no way they'll have a better wall than us."
There is an anime called Inyuyashiki: The Last Hero, that has an anime Trump address this very situation to the world. I’ll go try to find a clip of it. It’s incredible in the Japanese dub, because Trump just goes off:
17k
u/beskardboard 29d ago
A large, artificial object of interstellar origin enters orbit around the Earth