r/AskReddit 29d ago

If we could set up a Truman Show scenario where Trump thinks he’s President again and the public send in scenarios for him to deal with, what would you suggest?

68k Upvotes

View all comments

1k

u/Plus-Kaleidoscope900 28d ago

Tell him that Kristen Stewart has infected 150 people with covid coughing on chicken nuggets at a McDonalds and 26 of them have died since it happened yesterday.

I want to see if his hatred for Kristen Stewart will win out over his denial that covid is a bad disease and I think the introduction of the chicken nuggets will lead to some interesting places, especially if I create a fake Twitter sphere where McDonalds threatens to shut down forever over this event, costing thousands of Americans jobs.

537

u/mechwarrior719 28d ago

He hates Kristen Stewart? I won’t even ask why, because the answer will likely be batshit crazy, anyway.

698

u/sethzard 28d ago

When she cheated on Robert Pattinson, Trump got really obsessed with her and kept telling Robert not to take her back.

309

u/drewisawesome14 28d ago

“Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again — just watch. He can do much better!”

Interesting take, Mr. President.

38

u/versusChou 28d ago

Wait who is the dog here? Did she cheat on him like she is a dog? Do dogs cheat on people? Or is he saying she cheated on Pattinson like he is a dog? Do people cheat on their dogs?

17

u/i_fuck_candles 28d ago

Like a dog is a phrase used to mean "very poorly". In this instance it means that Kristen Stewart treated Pattinson very poorly. Another phrase would be "beat me/him/it like a dog" which means the subject was beat pretty bad.

6

u/versusChou 28d ago

"Beat x like a dog" comes from the fact that people used to beat dogs often.

7

u/i_fuck_candles 28d ago

Exactly, then over time it was just a phrase that shifted to mean they were beat very badly. People didn't use to treat digs very well and that's where the phrase "treat x like a dog" comes from.

13

u/Brueguard 28d ago

Thank you for this laugh. My theory is that "dog" in this case is a self-censoring of "bitch."

13

u/CalamityClambake 28d ago

We have no evidence to suggest that Trump is capable of self-censorship.

39

u/icallshenannigans 28d ago

I love how this motherfucker is balls deep in the tabloids completely unironically.

11

u/Tomdoerr88 28d ago

"Excuse me, Mr. President, do you care to comment on the recent allegations that actress Kristen Stewart of the 'Twilight' franchise committed acts if infidelity against 'Twilight' franchise co-star Robert Pattinson? And what do you have to say about the impact of these allegations on the American people?"

127

u/Man0FTomorrow 28d ago

He's just really passionate about monogamy.

19

u/SassyBonassy 28d ago

i see what you did there

291

u/mechwarrior719 28d ago

So. Completely batshit crazy, got it.

29

u/sethzard 28d ago

100% Bat Guano

20

u/mechwarrior719 28d ago

Always has been 👩‍🚀🔫👨‍🚀

7

u/Donner_Par_Tea_House 28d ago

Bat guano is super beneficial to flowering plants. Don't associate it with his nonsensical white supremacist's ramblings. Also what the fuck?? He got a thing for Robert Pattinson? Does Trump know he's a left politics Brit?

33

u/seiyamaple 28d ago

I honestly thought you made this up LMAO WTF

50

u/LouSputhole94 28d ago

I never thought we’d have an answer to the age old question; Is Donald Trump team Edward or team Jacob?

16

u/Storytellerjack 28d ago

Sounds more like a gay crush on Robert than hatred of her. We need Robert to join the cast of this show.

13

u/rubywolf27 28d ago

Are you telling me trump was a twilight fan? A twi-hard???

6

u/Raidertck 28d ago

As someone who is not American, this kind of shit still fucking shocks me.

I learn new quotes from trump almost every day that if ANY politician said in my country, their political career would be OVER.

1

u/SoftlyObsolete 28d ago

He didn’t say this while in office, which I think makes a difference

2

u/Lumbearjack 28d ago

Is this real life, or because he watched twilight...?

2

u/marsull 28d ago

Like a dog!

2

u/Lethal_Apples 28d ago

Donald Trump - Champion of monogamy

2

u/CaterpillarSmoothie 27d ago

Oh my god, I'm crying... That wouldn't have even been in my top 100 guesses! That is batshit indeed.

189

u/intredasted 28d ago

117

u/MissAssassinLady 28d ago

It’s so ironic because didn’t he cheat on all three of his wives...?

89

u/Theothercword 28d ago

That's how he knew that "she'd do it again!" ;-)

16

u/djm19 28d ago

I think he just has no respect for any woman.

8

u/LuckyJournalist7 28d ago

While Melania was pregnant, even.

60

u/nik-nak333 28d ago

His old twitter is the gift that keeps on giving. Amazing stuff.

32

u/mechwarrior719 28d ago

It’s almost like he’s always been an egotistical loon.

5

u/RunningDrummer 28d ago

Why don't you link to the original twee--- oh, wait...

3

u/grafiklit 28d ago

What the fuuuuuuuuck

3

u/wooztheweb 28d ago

Be smart, Robert.

5

u/FourNdSix 28d ago

That can't be real.

34

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

9

u/FourNdSix 28d ago

I didn't know it was a real scenario tbh. I honestly thought it was a twilight film scenario.

3

u/bb1962 28d ago

If he doesn't hate someone now, just wait.

46

u/NemesisRouge 28d ago

He got over his denial that Covid is a bad disease quite a long time ago, shit, he spent half of 2020 taking drugs which didn't work to fight it. The disease then nearly killed him.

38

u/DemocraticRepublic 28d ago

Then an actual working cure was produced (vaccines) and he took it himself while indulging the anti-vaxx brigade. Trump doesn't worry about consistency.

32

u/glberns 28d ago

Vaccine isn't a cure. It's preventative. A cure means something you do or take after getting a disease or condition that ends the disease or condition. Taking a vaccine after you have COVID won't help you.

12

u/DemocraticRepublic 28d ago

I know, but I didn't want to overcomplicate things.

11

u/glberns 28d ago

Unfortunately, some people aren't getting the vaccine because they think they it's a cure rather than preventative. They believe all this bullshit about them and think 'Oh that sounds awful, I don't want to get it unless I get COVID'.

6

u/navjot94 28d ago edited 28d ago

Not only that but thinking it’s a cure and then seeing break through cases makes them double down on their stances. But it was never presented as a cure, and a vaccine is always a preventive measure that’s never a 100% guarantee. It just helps your odds to avoid it or even on the off chance that you get it, survive it.

Edit: and also importantly while vaccinated folks can transmit, getting vaccinated helps curb the transmission rate so your friends and family stay safe.

3

u/glberns 28d ago

What's really frustrating is that these are the people who continue to say things like "There's a 98% survival rate, I'll take my chances."

7

u/Plus-Kaleidoscope900 28d ago

Yeah sorry I’m on the other side of the globe so we really only got the zesty updates which was like “Trump tells the Americans to drink bleach and stand in the sun and some actually do it! More at 6.”

9

u/Final_Candidate_7603 28d ago

After trump announced that chloroquine was a cure, one guy died, and his wife barely survived, after they ingested fish tank cleaner, which contained chloroquine phosphate.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

9

u/thequickerquokka 28d ago

COVID really did turn out to be a letdown.

-21

u/I_PM_U_UR_REQUESTS 28d ago

The same people demanding we all wear masks and get government enforced vaccines are the same people saying COVID should kill everyone they don't like. Got it.

17

u/Predditor_drone 28d ago

Not the person you responded to, but trump coming down with covid should have been a turning point. He had the best healthcare in the world, with access to experimental treatments.

He could have come out the other side of that espousing how serious this would be for people who don't have that level of care, instead we got weekend at Trumpies until he was able to schlock the makeup back on and kept on pretending like it wasn't a big deal. So yeah, letdown.

4

u/Razakel 28d ago

The people who deliberately made the pandemic worse don't deserve much sympathy. Ask a respiratory nurse, there's people who insist to their dying breath that it isn't real.

11

u/GiantPineapple 28d ago

The fake Twitter that would be required for this entire enterprise would be the work of like a thousand people, oh man.

7

u/nightwing2024 28d ago

Biden just keeps creating more jobs

3

u/imalittlefrenchpress 28d ago

Tell him that every single McDonald’s location, both corporate and owner/operator stores, have experienced mass employee walkouts.

Explain to him that, McOpCo, McDonald’s corporate offices, have also been affected because all corporate employees have also walked off their jobs.

When he tries to get the CIA to infiltrate the nearest, now abandoned McD’s to cook whatever he eats, explain to him that the employees destroyed all product before leaving, and that the supply chain has also refused to provide the things needed to cook his favorite garbage food.

I guarantee he’ll immediately move to another country where he can still get McD’s because what the hell else could be more important?

5

u/laceybug03 28d ago

This is low key genius

2

u/MrGamecockFanPerson 28d ago

He wouldn't care because he legit only cares about himself.

0

u/ThrowawayBlast 28d ago

Did Trump get mad at Kristen Stewart?

Was it that Snow White movie where she was friends with smaller people?

(Trump hates everyone that is not aryan).

1

u/FowlKreacher 28d ago

Why do I want chicken nuggets?

1

u/crashcartjockey 26d ago

Why not switch it to one of his "true believers" like Candace Owens, Chuck Norris, Ted Nugent, etc. Then when they see his response, his followers might start to believe just how bat-shit crazy he is.

0

u/coleman57 28d ago

I'd forgotten about that--now I know who to cast as the ruthless Russian agent (in a blond boy-cut and black leather jumpsuit) who hijacks Air Force One with Ivanka on-board.