r/AskReddit • u/vicmackey1981 • 29d ago

If we could set up a Truman Show scenario where Trump thinks he’s President again and the public send in scenarios for him to deal with, what would you suggest?

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u/Plus-Kaleidoscope900 28d ago

Tell him that Kristen Stewart has infected 150 people with covid coughing on chicken nuggets at a McDonalds and 26 of them have died since it happened yesterday.

I want to see if his hatred for Kristen Stewart will win out over his denial that covid is a bad disease and I think the introduction of the chicken nuggets will lead to some interesting places, especially if I create a fake Twitter sphere where McDonalds threatens to shut down forever over this event, costing thousands of Americans jobs.

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u/mechwarrior719 28d ago

He hates Kristen Stewart? I won’t even ask why, because the answer will likely be batshit crazy, anyway.

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u/sethzard 28d ago

When she cheated on Robert Pattinson, Trump got really obsessed with her and kept telling Robert not to take her back.

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u/drewisawesome14 28d ago

“Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again — just watch. He can do much better!”

Interesting take, Mr. President.

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u/versusChou 28d ago

Wait who is the dog here? Did she cheat on him like she is a dog? Do dogs cheat on people? Or is he saying she cheated on Pattinson like he is a dog? Do people cheat on their dogs?

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u/i_fuck_candles 28d ago

Like a dog is a phrase used to mean "very poorly". In this instance it means that Kristen Stewart treated Pattinson very poorly. Another phrase would be "beat me/him/it like a dog" which means the subject was beat pretty bad.

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u/versusChou 28d ago

"Beat x like a dog" comes from the fact that people used to beat dogs often.

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u/i_fuck_candles 28d ago

Exactly, then over time it was just a phrase that shifted to mean they were beat very badly. People didn't use to treat digs very well and that's where the phrase "treat x like a dog" comes from.

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u/Brueguard 28d ago

Thank you for this laugh. My theory is that "dog" in this case is a self-censoring of "bitch."

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u/CalamityClambake 28d ago

We have no evidence to suggest that Trump is capable of self-censorship.

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u/icallshenannigans 28d ago

I love how this motherfucker is balls deep in the tabloids completely unironically.

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u/Tomdoerr88 28d ago

"Excuse me, Mr. President, do you care to comment on the recent allegations that actress Kristen Stewart of the 'Twilight' franchise committed acts if infidelity against 'Twilight' franchise co-star Robert Pattinson? And what do you have to say about the impact of these allegations on the American people?"

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u/Man0FTomorrow 28d ago

He's just really passionate about monogamy.

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u/SassyBonassy 28d ago

i see what you did there

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u/mechwarrior719 28d ago

So. Completely batshit crazy, got it.

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u/sethzard 28d ago

100% Bat Guano

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u/mechwarrior719 28d ago

Always has been 👩‍🚀🔫👨‍🚀

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u/Donner_Par_Tea_House 28d ago

Bat guano is super beneficial to flowering plants. Don't associate it with his nonsensical white supremacist's ramblings. Also what the fuck?? He got a thing for Robert Pattinson? Does Trump know he's a left politics Brit?

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u/seiyamaple 28d ago

I honestly thought you made this up LMAO WTF

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u/LouSputhole94 28d ago

I never thought we’d have an answer to the age old question; Is Donald Trump team Edward or team Jacob?

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u/Storytellerjack 28d ago

Sounds more like a gay crush on Robert than hatred of her. We need Robert to join the cast of this show.

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u/rubywolf27 28d ago

Are you telling me trump was a twilight fan? A twi-hard???

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u/Raidertck 28d ago

As someone who is not American, this kind of shit still fucking shocks me.

I learn new quotes from trump almost every day that if ANY politician said in my country, their political career would be OVER.

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u/SoftlyObsolete 28d ago

He didn’t say this while in office, which I think makes a difference

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u/Lumbearjack 28d ago

Is this real life, or because he watched twilight...?

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u/marsull 28d ago

Like a dog!

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u/Lethal_Apples 28d ago

Donald Trump - Champion of monogamy

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u/CaterpillarSmoothie 27d ago

Oh my god, I'm crying... That wouldn't have even been in my top 100 guesses! That is batshit indeed.

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u/intredasted 28d ago

https://images.hindustantimes.com/rf/image_size_640x362/HT/p2/2017/02/05/Pictures/_9adea774-eb73-11e6-93cc-bb55973994db.jpg

Mhm.

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u/MissAssassinLady 28d ago

It’s so ironic because didn’t he cheat on all three of his wives...?

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u/Theothercword 28d ago

That's how he knew that "she'd do it again!" ;-)

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u/djm19 28d ago

I think he just has no respect for any woman.

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u/LuckyJournalist7 28d ago

While Melania was pregnant, even.

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u/nik-nak333 28d ago

His old twitter is the gift that keeps on giving. Amazing stuff.

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u/mechwarrior719 28d ago

It’s almost like he’s always been an egotistical loon.

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u/RunningDrummer 28d ago

Why don't you link to the original twee--- oh, wait...

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u/grafiklit 28d ago

What the fuuuuuuuuck

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u/wooztheweb 28d ago

Be smart, Robert.

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u/FourNdSix 28d ago

That can't be real.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

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u/FourNdSix 28d ago

I didn't know it was a real scenario tbh. I honestly thought it was a twilight film scenario.

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u/bb1962 28d ago

If he doesn't hate someone now, just wait.