When I was applying for grad school programs I briefly got hooked on it. As part of the interview process you have to be on your game 100% of the time, beaming how smart you are and all your academic accomplishments at other very smart people. After every interview I was just so sick of being smart and wanted to empty out my brain with the peace of idiocy. The Bachelor was perfect for that.
I actually hung out with one of the guys that helps do the story lines for these shows. He said they pick the biggest train wrecks they can find. He said the more childhood trauma they have, the better. Just add alcohol and the need for fame and you have a show. And he wondered why I didn’t want to go out with him…👀
Currently watching UnReal which is a drama/dark comedy based upon the behind the scenes of shows like The Bachelor. Makes you wonder how true UnReal is to the real thing.
I remember the very first season of Big Brother in the UK, and it was great - it was just like that. They were mostly reasonably normal people, interacting like reasonably decent people - with the bit of an exception of one guy (Nasty Nick) who was more manipulative when it came to getting people to vote the way he wanted. But even he was purely someone playing the game to try to win the money, rather than being a crazy person craving attention or something.
Subsequent seasons just got crazier and crazier (and worse and worse) though.
I went on a date with a spanish girl that wrote for TV novella (Spanish Soap operas) she was everything I hoped she would not be : damaged, mean, a drama queen, needy and crazy as fuck. She found the perfect job though...
It's hard to tell if I should feel bad for the contestants who are clearly being manipulated by the producers. Like yeah, they are raging narcissists most of the time, but maybe they are that way because of trouble childhoods or some shit. But I just can't relate to the type of person who agrees to go on a national TV show where they have no control over how they will be portrayed.
I was working full time and going to grad school with a commute. I'd get home after midnight and just de-processed with those channels with soft music and fly over shots. Basically this:
"I'm sorry, but we only accept contestants to be on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette if you've graduated AT LEAST Magna Cum Laude from a 4 year university. We do have some very high standards and a reputation to uphold."
This. My wife went to grad school and switched careers about seven years ago. All day long, she's mentally firing on all cylinders, so when she gets home, it's nothing but cheap, mindless reality TV. And dating shows are the easiest to keep up with.
Happens to me with books. When I read a good, thrilling book with plot twists, I get into full thinking mode into just guessing what happens next. Oftentimes, my brain gets fuzzy and tired after reading so I just read a lazy ass romance novel that's about a CEO and his secretary or something.
A gal on the local radio was once asked about why people like the Kardashians and her response was "People love the dumbness. They like not having to think" and I kind of get that. I watch 600 pound life once in a while and it really turns my brain off for an hour.
During my grad school interview I stayed with one of the current students and within minutes of arriving he was like “here is beer” and then went out to dinner with all the other current students and candidates. That along with would be advisor sold me on the program, and helped take a little of the interview pressure off
I realized at one point that it's mostly because there aren't people sincerely watching it and rooting for true love. Virtually everyone who watches is on the same boat that it's trashy reality tv, there is just a lot of people who find that entertaining to watch. My garbage show of choice is Big Brother.
I used to watch big brother years ago. The last season I watched was that one with the father and daughter that everyone just loved to hate. Janelle? and uhm... a condescending doctor dude she was crushing on and his smug friend Mike Boogie? Good grief. I can't even remember what I had for dinner last night, but I remembered this??
I feel something about these shows managed to get on another level though. My coworker's wife runs a 'fantasy league' and just for fun prop bet gambling group for the shows for her group of friends. "How many times will someone burst into tears this episode, O/U 4.5". They're watching for the trainwreck.
It's the OG of trash television but I have watched the last three seasons. I have got to say ,nothing like an episode of the bachelor to make you feel good about all your bad life decision.
I don't know much about the show. But romance and drama have always been popular with pretty much all women and a sizable chunk of men. From what I have heard, I assume the Bachelor and Bachelorette are engineered to portray lots of romance and drama.
Because it USED to be somewhat entertaining. Stick a bunch of people in a mansion to compete over one person’s affections and watch them duke it out. Pick your favorite, gasp at the audacity of some of these people and awwww over some of the sweet romantic moments. It’s like any other TV show only it’s pretending to be real and there’s not much of a plot.
The problem is that it went way downhill. The betrayals and drama are overblown and predictable, the love parts aren’t believable, and the show refuses to follow a basic formula of “have some dates, eliminate a few people, end episode”. Many people stopped watching at this point but plenty didn’t care about the quality decline and still manage to enjoy it.
I used to make fun of it for being a shitty show and just reality TV but it's actually pretty entertaining if you watch for a bit lol. Bunch of people back stabbing each other for a dude that they act fake as fuck to attract.
It's like working in a office and having a management position open for promotion within. People will just back stab or create rumors to get ahead, very entertaining watching what some people will do to get ahead.
Roomate used to watch and I got into it, I see no difference between this and a Netflix series. Its just TV.
I think a big part of it is that they’re such an easy cycle to keep churning through. A runner-up on Bachelor becomes the next Bachelorette, then a runner-up on Bachelorette becomes the next Bachelor, lather, rinse, repeat.
Have you ever seen a book/magazine aisle in grocery store with hundreds of novels wth drawn shirtless men on the cover?
That's the predecessor of those shows. Just some socially accepted, legitimate softcore porn. And just like normal porn, they will never run out of audience.
My mother in law loves it. Her enjoyment and judgement and everything else makes it fun. On my own, I honestly can't be bothered to pay attention. I am sure it disappoints her that I don't know what is going on when we are not hanging out, but it is always fun when we are together.
My fiancee and her friends all love that show. The ladies in my office even do brackets every season and put together a pot much like people do for sport tournaments.
Each episode is 2 hours long and the finale is 3. It's just these people whining and complaining and being jealous if each other. It's so toxic.
My favourite is when they crossover. “Rejected on the Bachelor! Here to mend her broken heart and find TRUE LOVE is x person for the Bachelorette!!”
Lol I’ve never watched either show but the commercials make me laugh. I’m all for trash TV but I just can’t go the Bachelor/ Bachelorette.
Right about the time people gave up going on the show to actually find love was about the time when people started to realize they could go on the show to become Insta-famous or become influencers.
Pretty sure It just got canned in Australia for low ratings, please don’t quote me on this I cannot confirm it I just heard someone on the street say it
I think it must be cheap to produce relative to an hour of traditional scripted content. Since it's "reality" TV, they don't have to pay union wages to writers or actors. Rent a big house, turn a bunch of wannabe stars and starlets loose in it, and offer an open bar: instant programming.
As long as it pulls in enough eyeballs, they keep it rolling. That's the part I don't get. But I guess fake reality is appealing to enough people that it still makes money for the network.
I watched it a bit with my ex, and despite hating it, with a little booze and the right mindset it can be kinda hilarious. But I'd imagine wanting to blow my brains out if I was watching it with someone who took it seriously
Honestly, my girlfriend loves it, and the only reason i watch the bachelorette is for when the dudes get drunk and almost start fighting.
One time they were all hanging out drinking chillin, having bro time, and she comes up and they all just kinda look at her noone getting up, and she got upsett and left because noone wanted to get up and court her since they were all hangin out drinking.
My girlfriend and I watch it as sort of a relationship validation quiz. A lot of issues arise on the show that we can reflect on and determine that no, we're not fucking stupid in our relationship. It's fun. We also pick out all the double standards from the bachelor to the bachelorette.
Some people watch it to validate that their methods actually work which is prettt toxic imo. After the season finale of the most recent bachelorette my gf and I discussed just how toxic this show is becoming.
I love it so much too. It's a great way to display that a lot of the stuff one gender accuses the other of, they both do, just in different ways. Guys are just as dramatic and irrational as women, especially in competing for affection.
This! And the crew will start rumors to create drama for the camera in the little 1 on 1 interviews or the confessional where people go vent.
But if you were to just speak to that person directly, it could be taken care of. Unfortunately, the contestants don't have much education in healthy conflict management techniques, so you get drunk girl drama.
As long as the person is able to reason and consents to being filmed, there's really not a law against it as far as I know. Producers can't force people to take or abstain from their meds. Even on wilderness survival shows, the medical team still comes to dole out people's daily maintenance drugs if they need any or the contestants are allowed to keep meds in their packs. I did watch an episode of naked and afraid where the woman was in an agitated state and threatened to kill her challenge partner. The production team came in front of the camera and kicked her off the show for the safety of the other contestant. I don't know if she was taken to medical attention though.
As a gay guy who grew up around religious people being like, “Gay marriage will ruin the sanctity of marriage!”, their absolutely deafening silence about a show like The Bachelor was infuriating.
I think the viewers really like it when people find true love. The problem is almost no one will find true (forever) love from a dumb, scripted, edited TV show.
Ugh I know exactly how you feel! In my opinion Vegas Weddings and shows like the Bachelor have ruined the sanctity of marriage far more than same sex marriage ever could.
I got married in Vegas were celebrating 21 years in October. All the people who had regular church weddings that we went to are now divorced. Get married for ❤️ Love
Who cares where
Mozel Tov! My wife and I reached a decade this year after getting married by Elvis at the Graceland Wedding Chapel. So much less stress compared to a real wedding.
Little Chapel of the Flowers, at least 50 guests, reception in the stratosphere. Simple relaxed, wonderful. We have our ups and downs , sure, just don’t cheat. Be good to one another and stoke the Love
My sister in law’s mom was trying to control everything about my brothers wedding, including location and number of guests. My brother and sister-in-law got so fed up with her they eloped to Vegas and didn’t tell anyone for a year. We only found out when my sister overheard my brother saying “my wife” in a phone conversation. They’ve been happily married since
That’s not really what people mean when they use the colloquial term “vegas wedding”. They mean a rushed wedding that isn’t thought through. I.e. get drunk in Vegas and get married while blacked out.
I wouldn’t worry about the semantics of the phrase if I were you.
But that's "them" not the "other". Fixating on how much the "other" is doing something bad is way more fun than looking in the mirror. ...and by bad I mean gay people living in a loving committed relationship without any guilt or shame. The horror.
I think marriage needs a three strikes rule. If you get divorced three times you’re out; you can’t get married anymore. Maybe after a decade you can petition the governor to get that right reinstated.
FWIW I have never watched an episode of any of these shows for this reason. Gay marriage was illegal in my country (Australia) when the first seasons of Bachelor & Marriage at First Sight were made here. How f*cking horrendous, even for reality TV.
The divorce rate has never been 50% in the way most people understand that number. The majority of people who get married will stay married. Some people will get married and divorced several times--statistically, someone who gets divorced once is much more likely to get divorced multiple times.
Marriages Georg has been married 700 times and divorced 699 times, but he is an outlier and should not have been counted.
The first marriage divorce rate is still around 30-40% depending on the numbers you look at. It's true that the roughly 60% divorce rate for second marriages and almost 75% rate for third marriages drives up the overall average but it's still a very high rate overall (although it scales heavily based on time). It's just not half or most.
Sure, I was just pointing out that the 50% stat you see bandied around isn't really accurate.
In any case I'm not one of those people who thinks divorce is terrible, or that love has to be forever to be real or worthwhile.
Kids on the other hand are permanent; don't have kids with somebody you can't be civil with even if you don't like them anymore. You can divorce and still be a good parent, but you can't be shitty about their other parent.
Also that 50% rate happened in the 70s when the Silent Generation (and older baby boomers) realized that getting married at age 18 was stupid and were trying to find healthier partners/lifestyles that wasn't built on post WW2 social pressure to marry after high school.
If you ignore failed engagements and look only at marriages, the show actually has a good success rate. The first divorce was only in the last couple years.
I'm sure you know this, having grown up around those kinds of people, but I doubt anyone who's trying to defend 'the sanctity of marriage' is going to be too introspective or interested in hypocrisy.
Or those same people about voting for a president who was divorced twice, literally bragged about affairs, wasn't a regular churchgoer, and even changed religious identification while in office which was the first time a president did that in almost 70 years. But sure, sanctity of marriage and god first!
As a fellow gay man My other WTF moment was the National Organization for Marriage. I always used to wonder it they're for marriage why are they trying to push discrimination o gay people. Its an oxymoron.
So I'm really not that familiar with the contents of those shows. Isn't it a dating show with roses at the end for the person chosen by the bachelor(ette)? How would it ruin the sanctity of marriage?
It’s “Let’s turn marriage into a literal gameshow where random strangers hook up and call it marriage”. And then, without fail, the final couple will divorce about three months after the season ends, having had no intention of staying together as now their modelling careers have had enough advertisement.
People don't watch reality TV for healthy relationships lol. 90df is especially trashy in that usually some loser is basically trying to buy a wife/husband, but there have been a handful of couples that really do work and last (mostly from the first season or 2).
Source: Me. I watch trashy TV for turn-the-brain-off levels of trash.
it’s a terrible show that i watch religiously but there are about 15 couples from the franchise that are still together (a handful of that still not married though). quite a few of them have kids, too. most of them
don’t work but it’s more than 2!
I think the success rate of the lead finding marriage and a life long love was, up until the past few seasons, something like 15-20%. It's probably closer to 10% now. But for six months of your life, the percentages are in your favor to try it. Plus, the brand deals that come from it are pretty tight.
Success rate was way better back in the day, I think a good 6 or 7 couples made it from the earlier season. None of them have made it lately lol the show sucks on a whole different level now.
Not completely true, but that's not to say the success rate is high or that it's a great show that leads to nothing but happy relationships or anything. 5 of the last 7 Bachelorette leads are still with their partner. Out of all of the leads from the Bachelor, only 2 are still with their partner and one is the most recent. Maybe it's just because more time has past, but the early season relationships don't seem like they were more successful.
Okay but just because they’re not still married doesn’t mean they were fake relationships lol. Idk why this is so hard to understand. They were together for 3 months before being pressured to get engaged. Much of this time is not actually spent with each other.
Makes a lot more sense when you think of how many 3 month relationships the normal person has that also doesn’t end up in lifelong partnership. It’s not that the relationships are fake, though some are im sure. It’s just that it’s not a realistic model for finding a life partner.
Which is why it’s hilarious every time someone says “I really believe in this process.”
Only 3 make it to fantasy suites and they don’t always hook up, so they definitely are not having sex with 5 or 6. Most recent season with Katie only brought one guy to a fantasy suite and they are currently together after the season.
My gf likes the show so I watch for the train wrecks. lol
In the most recent season of the Bachelorette in the Final 3 a guy had a break down and quit the show. She wouldn't admit she loved him for silly tv show reasons and people suspect he couldn't handle her sleeping around during Fantasy Suites.
The first bachelorette is still married to her guy. That was before it became a battle of Instagram followers and fake personas. I believe she’s a nurse and he’s a firefighter? Seem like good people.
I very much enjoyed the show Unreal which is an entertaining series about the behind the scenes shenanigans on a show very much cough akin to the Bachelor/Bachelorette.
A few years back I only saw one season, because my (ex)girlfriend wanted to watch this season, because the drummer of her favorit band took part as candidate. And to be honest this one perticular season was just grand. It was the German version of the Bachelorette and at first it seemed like standard trash-TV, but then most of the guys kinda refused to take part and just partied all day, while somewhat ignoring the Bachelorette. You could constantly see that the TV-studio was desperatly trying to steer up drama, but this group of men just refused to take part in it and kept on drinking and partying. This went even so far, that the most emotional moments of the show were always when one of the guys had to leave and all the other dudes where super upset because one of their guyfriends had to leave.
The show and concept is complete trash, but this season was so good, because nobody really took part in the activities and the show itself fell apart right infornt of you.
For me, it's an interesting way to understand what dating really is through the lens of a manipulative TV show. It's a situation where producers try to create a scenario that breeds moments where people can actually fall in love. And they do. It works. And in that intense of an environment, they also breed drama. It's watching both the love stories and the manipulation at the same time. But it's also a microcosm to understand what dating is and isn't.
Plus, we do leagues like Fantasy Football. I lost this year because I thought Connor B. was going to win.
I’ve just seen one season but I was super surprised when a genuine relationship came out of it. I was completely expecting whatever proposal that happened in the end to be over within a year of the show finishing - but the couple is actually still together today, has kids, seemingly very solid.
Getting to that ending made me realize how much the editing of the show is tailored to make it unclear who is going to win. Once the bachelor’s choice was announced, they played a bunch of clips that suddenly made it super obvious that he knew she was the one early on. But of course they want to keep the suspense going so they focus on the drama and make it seem like several people have a fair chance. And, that aspect of having several people “in the running” so late in the game is also what made the show especially gross to me before watching - it’s one thing to date a bunch of people casually, but taking three girls on an overseas trip and implying you want to marry them all? - so it all kinda makes more sense to me now. Maybe that’s just the one season I saw, though.
The show is multi-faceted and what we see aren't the people in real life. Well, we do see that. We see real people and their genuine feelings in that moment. We see them in a pressure cooker. But we also see their edit. And the story is mean to appear one very intentional way.
In reality, the leads will say often after the fact that they knew who it was, and probably the first or second week have a good idea who it is. A handful get surprised later. But they knew. Producers ask them who their top five are so they know to follow those contestant’s stories more while editing the show. Colton famously refused to tell them it was Cassie, so everyone was confused when they started messing with her so she'd leave and then he quit the show when she did.
Clare, love her and hate her for being Clare, was the only one who broke that rule and picked her guy in the first two weeks and bounced out.
Then ethically they have to see it as exhausting all choices as long as possible to follow the show's format. Because they're in the fucked up position of being both monogamous people in polyamorous relationships that are intended to end in monogamy, and both hosts of a television show. But this is the condition everyone signs up for. That the contestants could go through the wringer and not get picked. Some take it worse (Ben Flajnik with Ashley) than others (runner up on Ben Flajnik’s season who said to him with a well-understood ease of the situation, “well, if it doesn’t work out, call me.” But generally they know. And if they don’t and they’re terrible at making choices, you get seasons like Peter’s.
Fans are quick to point out the lead’s deflection words. “I love you.” “Thank you for sharing that with me. It takes a lot of courage to share and I thank you for being open and honest.”
And the gender dynamics around it are fascinating to watch. It's pretty clear when some of the women bring dudes along to pump and dump on fuck night, aka "Fantasy Suites."
Lol Connor B was awesome! Connor B seemed like the front person from the start. Everyone loved him. He was outgoing. He was a good dude. That house cried when he left and was like, "Connor went home? What am I still doing here?"
I looked back at my first night picks and Greg was at the very bottom. First dude I looked at of everyone and immediately put him at the bottom. I'm not the best on The Bachelorette leagues.
producers try to create a scenario that breeds moments where people can actually fall in love. And they do. It works.
Sorry, what? The producers have no interest in creating opportunities for these people to fall in love. The show markets itself that way, but that's intentional to draw you in.
They're really trying to create drama and conflict to drive ratings.
I think the show is more multi-faceted. Obviously there's a business side. But everything in the setup is in hopes that its leads fall in love. It's a pressure cooker. Isolate everyone so the outside world's influence is cut off and everyone is focused on that individual. Fireworks. Fancy locations. Romantic setups. That's the goal. Whether they actually have a care about what happens to those leads is really up to those producers individually and I think they're not all monsters who are there to collect paychecks. From working in entertainment for years, there's a world of opinions and things behind the scenes that we'll never see. But there's no doubt that they amp up drama, or at least create an edit that does that. Producers past their NDA limits have even said they don't try to cast to create conflict. The situation will just do that naturally.
There's no doubt they're milking drama and conflict for ratings. The show's formula is almost predictable at this point. First episode. Villains. Villains. Threaded love story underneath the drama. Villain goes home. Love story in the last four weeks. Maybe one more major bombshell if it's a bad season (like the past few have been sans Tayshia, she really was the best Bachelorette). And sometimes they'll make someone's exit bigger than it really was.
But if their ultimate goal was to fuck with the leads and make them miserable for our enjoyment, viewers would tune out (because there's no hope and they'd know the show was lying to them) and the leads wouldn't do it. Their NDAs expire after like 3 years, so a lot of them straight up will tell you everything, the show would be a scandal, and fold. And the producers want them to succeed, even if they're going to say to the lead, "can you keep this [cough] villan [cough] for like two more episodes." Because it gives them legitimacy
Also, checking your national average link from your google search, I'd trust the CDC data far ahead of that lawyer's website, which show it less, but not too far off. But also keep in mind there's a difference between the divorce rate (number of divorces in a given time compared to number of marriages in a given time) vs the likelihood that your marriage will end in a divorce. Things can include people who get married multiple times, people who get married too young, and factors unrelated to maintaining a healthy relationship and marriage. Also, comparing a 6 month speed dating session doesn't really have anything to do with the divorce rate considering the show only takes them up to an engagement. And the divorce rate for successful marriages formed during the main series is below that national average. I think the criticism might be more fair for those shows where people get married by the end. But I still think if someone said "give us six months of your life and we'll give you a 10% chance of meeting your forever person" it's still really good odds.
My wife used to watch these. I asked her to watct UnREAL tv-show with me. She loved it and said that she can't watch any reality dating show no more. So win/win.
When I was younger, I enjoyed it, but then I got sick of it after I realised just how scripted it is, and also just came to the realisation that if you've seen one season of it, you've seen them all.
To this day, I do not understand how this show can relate to anything that society is going through to this second. I rather watch the survivor series than watch this mess. And I do!
I watched the last bachelor with Matt and it was the first one I watched from start to finish. It was such a cluster fuck that it was like watching a train crash and not being able to look away.
One of the past female contestants from one of the Bachelor seasons just moved in a few doors down from me. She's been here less than a month and we all hate her already. Let's her dogs run around unleashed, parks in other people's driveways when she needs hers clear for delivery trucks, just an absolute see you next thursday.
I’m embarrassed to admit that I tried watching it once since it’s so popular. I only made it through a few minutes before I couldn’t stand it anymore, though.
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u/Tar9etPractice 28d ago
The bachelor/bachelorette