r/AskReddit Dec 04 '21 Wholesome 17 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Silver 21 Helpful 23

What is something that's perfectly legal but raises a ton of red flags?

[removed]

28.3k Upvotes

1.2k

u/marc7169 Dec 04 '21 Helpful

Stand facing the wrong way in the elevator.

412

u/justthisguyatx Dec 04 '21 Silver

“I guess you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here.”

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u/ryanshedy Dec 04 '21 Silver Helpful This Plus One

Child beauty pageants

4.2k

u/WaterBottleass Dec 04 '21

That shit should be fucking banned

2.1k

u/AnarchyinGroland Dec 04 '21

That shit should be fucking banned

It is in my country. Thats the pedo-est thing ever.

1.1k

u/d3dmnky Dec 04 '21

It’s also strange to me (or not, I guess) that it’s wildly popular in the most heavily religious regions of the US.

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u/Esnardoo Dec 04 '21

It shouldn't be legal

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u/gobij82718 Dec 04 '21 Helpful Wholesome

I’m an amateur hobbyist that loves building crafts, so the hardware store is a place I love going to when I need inspiration for some projects. Unfortunately, when I buy supplies for several hobbies at once, it can look very suspicious.

Recently I bought small pipes, nails, propane refill, and electrical tape. I didn’t realize it as suspicious until my friend who works there stopped to say hello and jokingly said “what project are you building today, a bomb?”. I looked down in my cart and realized, “shit, it does look a little suspicious.”

I just wanted to build a marshmallow gun I saw on YouTube not be on a government watch list lol.

3.9k

u/Roaming_Pie Dec 04 '21

“Hmm you’re right it is suspicious. Umm better add some fertiliser to make it look like I’m gardening”

1.3k

u/Dysan27 Dec 04 '21

Oh and I need to fill up a couple of jerry cans of diesel for my generator at home.

774

u/velozzerraptor Dec 04 '21

...and how many cases of Lye do you stock? My sink is clogged like you wouldn't believe! So I need a lot.

243

u/Royal_Bitch_Pudding Dec 04 '21

Don't forget the condoms

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u/CaptainDizzy Dec 04 '21

As a crafts hobbyist who was raised by, and lived around a bunch of redneck crafts hobbyists, a marshmallow gun is one step away from a potato canon, and a potato canon is one step away from an explosive.

EDIT: spelling

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u/ProbablyOnTheClock Dec 04 '21 Silver Helpful

Mowing grass in the rain

3.3k

u/precocious_pakoda Dec 04 '21

Watering grass in the rain too

1.5k

u/sucksathangman Dec 04 '21

The mall nearby here forgot to turn off their sprinklers for winter. The first below freezing weather, the sprinklers were spraying a fine frozen mist. A lot of cars didn't realize this would mean frozen roads. It was a fun day to grab breakfast.

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u/cdizzzle604 Dec 04 '21

Buying a shovel, rope, duct tape and bleach

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u/ghostofmyhecks Dec 04 '21

you forgot your plastic tarp and gloves!

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u/x_mas_ape Dec 04 '21 hehehehe

I was at Walmart a while back buying some funny xmas presents for my friends..... Didnt think how weird it looked until I was at the register.

230am, I'm alone at Walmart buying a box of condoms, a bottle of lube, and a Hannah Montana poster. The lady working the register literally started laughing.

83

u/junipurrberry Dec 04 '21

I still think about the guy I saw at target in college buying only a box of condoms and Monopoly. He’s about to have a great night

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u/Kiwozzie6 Dec 04 '21 Take My Energy

Following another car for too long especially in side streets.

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u/arrocknroll Dec 04 '21

I always get paranoid when I make a stupid mistake while driving or do something that could perceived like challenging someone that they’re gonna follow me and start a fight.

Like I accidentally cut someone off yesterday and the dude followed me the rest of the way to my destination sans the final turn and I was like, “This is it. I’m gonna end up on /r/idiotsincars.”

I felt so relieved when he finally stopped following.

1.1k

u/DMala Dec 04 '21

People who escalate like that terrify me. If somebody cuts you off or does something stupid or dangerous, you blow your horn, make an angry gesture or curse if you must, then continue on with your day.

People who drop whatever they’re doing to follow someone around and “get” them for some insignificant incident are scary. What are they even hoping to prove?

347

u/TheDungeonCrawler Dec 04 '21

Yeah, basically the only time it's even kind of smart is in the event of a hit and run, and even then only long enough to get the plate and call the cops. As soon as you call the cops, there's no reason to continue following as (what we learned, what, two weeks ago with that hit and run followed by a shooting?) it's incredibly dangerous to confront another driver in traffic.

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u/X0AN Dec 04 '21 Silver

After seeing if you're being followed by taking random turns and going back on yourself, next stop should always be a police station.

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u/ialsoagree Dec 04 '21

I'm baffled why this advice is not higher. Driving to a police station or state trooper barracks during road rage incidents or if you think you're being followed is a great way to protect yourself.

If you have hands free calling, also call 911 and explain what's happening and what police station you're going to so someone can meet you and/or stop the other vehicle.

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u/On_Too_Much_Adderall Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 05 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome

My parents taught me that if this happens, to never go home but instead to make random nonsensical turns and drive in loops. If they continue to follow, to call for help.

This actually happened to me once when I was 16. I made several random turns like they had taught me. The person indeed continued to follow me. I'd been close to my home when I noticed them, so I left my neighborhood and stayed a good distance away.

This person was right on my ass, following me left and right. After a few minutes of this I called my parents explaining the situation and within 5 minutes, I see my parents' other car trailing closely behind the guy and copying his every move. Essentially sandwiching him between my car and their car.

Once the driver realized he was caught, he fucked off onto a nearby freeway and sped away, but it was too late. They'd gotten his license plate and called the police already. He was caught right away (he lived nearby, and had just gotten home) and my parents called and said it was safe to go home, but that they were going to follow up with the police to see what happened and possibly press charges against this mystery person.

It turned out it was a teenage boy. His excuse was "I thought I knew the girl in the car and I wanted to scare her."

I did not know the person, nor had I ever seen his car.

No charges were pressed (apparently the boy was very apologetic, and the cops and my parents believed he thought he knew me) but his parents took away his car privileges and grounded him for the rest of the summer, then apologized to my parents profusely for his behavior.

I'm still glad that it was just a kid attempting a prank, and not something worse, because I admit I was scared shitless.

Edit: Woah, holy 18K upvotes. Thanks for all the awards! I hope someone can use this story if they're ever in a situation like this. If it keeps one other young girl safe, then I'm happy.

Few things I'd like to address:

  • Why didn't I drive to a police station? The nearest one was a few miles away and I would have had to drive directly through my neighborhood and near my house to get to it. I had thought of this, but I figured my parents would get there faster given the situation, and I didn't want to go near my house because they told me not to.

  • Why didn't my parents follow me home instead of following the guy? I wanted them to follow him and make sure he got punished. Also, I knew the cops were on the way, and so I was safe. If I'd have told my parents to stay with me instead, they would've, but I literally told them I was fine to go home and they could go. My dad was fiercely protective of me and wouldn't have let me go home if there was danger. Also there wasn't an appropriate place for one of them to switch cars; they would've lost the guy.

  • Isn't a "prank" like this just as bad if the guy intended to rape or murder me? No. It isn't. It was a dumb teenage kid that made a dumb decision. Apparently, the girl he thought I was was my same age, and drove a similar car, and he was visibly upset upon learning he scared a random girl. His friend he thought I was had some sort of prank war going with him. Was he lying? Maybe. Was it a dick move? Of course. But, if his story is true, it's certainly better than if his intention had been to assault me. Jesus.

  • My parents are awesome. Yes they are. Mom and Dad, I don't think you know of this account and if you do, I hope you don't tell me because I'd be embarrassed af. LOL. That being said, if somehow you guys end up seeing this, I love you and thank you for being awesome.

7.6k

u/Electrical-Contest-1 Dec 04 '21

3 right turns. If they are behind you then they are following you.

14.0k

u/Daiymas Dec 04 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote hehehehe

Doesn't work well in Europe. Here it's more like 7 right turns, 2 narrow one-way streets and 3 roundabouts then both you and your stalker are lost.

5.6k

u/jamiehernandez Dec 04 '21 Helpful Wholesome Spit-take

Me and my girlfriend were lost at night in the souks Marrakech which is like a mediaeval labyrinth and we certain some guy was following us. We made like 6 right turns before I turned around and was like "hey mother fucker I know you're following us". Turns out he was a French tourist that was lost and was following us hoping we'd find a way out

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u/mintyquaintchair2 Dec 04 '21 Wholesome

lol kind of wholesome

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u/TheLiberalOgre Dec 04 '21

STALKER "OMG PLEASE SAVE ME"

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u/moubliepas Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21 Helpful Wholesome Heartwarming Wholesome Seal of Approval Wearing is Caring

Motorway closures, big events held outside of major cities, worse than normal traffic jams, and severe snow. In these cases not only is it perfectly normal to follow any car in front that looks like they know where they're going, but once you've built up a trail of two or three cars you're going to end up leading an entire cavalcade like some unwitting Pied Piper.

A couple of times I've joined a procession of cars that seem to be confidently going somewhere, when the lead driver pulls over and flashes their headlights, and just sits stationary absorbing the anger of everyone behind them. We all just sit behind them until someone pulls out and starts driving, whereupon everyone follows them. A couple of times I've followed a car that's ended up pulling into a driveway: a couple of times I've been completely lost and it really doesn't help my composure to realise there's 4 cars trailing me every wrong turn. Sometimes I do find my way, other times I give up and pull over and wait for someone with a better sense of direction to take the lead.

And the few times I've driven in really heavy snow, in my tiny little Clio at the 3 MPH I can safely manage, I will end up with a truck / 4x4 / Chelsea tractor in front of me at 3 mph, and/or right behind me stopping when I stop, slowing when I slow or skid. At first I was really annoyed - it's a lot of added pressure to an already scary situation - until I realised that every small or old car on a dangerous stretch of road in extreme weather just kind of ends up with a much bigger car stalking them until they've got through the dangerous bits.

Normally I'm an ardent hater of 4x4s and the like, but damned if I've ever seen a tiny car in dangerous weather on the A303 that didn't also have someone right in front them using their bulk and overpowered headlights to clear the way, or just behind them to watch their backs and check that they do make it through.

Then the rain clears or we reach a better, safer stretch of road or catch up with the traffic or whatever and they just speed off into the distance. I always wonder if they're the same people who drive like utter dickheads the rest of the time, or if South West England is full of motorway guardian sprites who appear at weather warnings and hibernate the rest of the time.

My brother tells about the time he saw a motorway closure ahead sign and decided to find somewhere in a country lane to pee. That's a hilarious story involving about 8 right turns and an angry farmer.

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u/tomatoaway Dec 04 '21

This is the funniest most relatable comment in the entire thread. I wonder if it's possible to get an Ant Death Spiral going:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEKwQxO4EZU

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u/ThisWillBeOnTheExam Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21

It happens but only in certain species and still, rather rare. If this actually happened frequently, ants would spiral themselves out of existence. That being said, if you see this in the wild, just place a bit of food outside of the spiral. One ant will find it and break the abysmal spiral.

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u/s1erra_117 Dec 04 '21

then both you and your stalker are lost.

Lmao 🤣

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u/TheExpertInThisField Dec 04 '21 Wholesome Spit-take

Stalking: when two people go a romantic walk/drive, but only one person knows about it

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u/Adora_Vivos Dec 04 '21

when two people go a romantic walk/drive, but only one person knows about it

Could also apply to:

Somnambulism

Alzheimer's

Graverobbbing

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u/wartornhero Dec 04 '21 Wholesome

My wife and I were reading this thread separately but simultaneously. Both started laughing and said "wait what is your laughter?

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u/Tenpat Dec 04 '21

wait what is your laughter

This sounds very German.

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u/iusedtobegerman Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21

I have never been more offended by a factual statement in all my life.

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u/ShamusJohnson13 Dec 04 '21 Wholesome

My parents had a car following them as they were making their way home from my grandparents place. So they started doing the random turns and it kept following and following them. Eventually they pulled into a random driveway and the car ended up parked at the same place.

Turns out the people driving the car that was following them actually lived at that place and were very confused as to why these strangers (my parents) had pulled up into their driveway.

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u/Penguins_Penguins Dec 04 '21

Omg that’s hilarious 😆

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u/Littman-Express Dec 04 '21

I had a car following me home for about 20 minutes one night, including down some pretty obscure more rural roads. Was getting kind of nervous and was approaching my driveway wondering if I should pull in when I realised it was my neighbour.

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u/Sipredion Dec 04 '21

Lol, this exact thing happened to me yesterday. They waved as they were pulling into their driveway and I felt like such a dumbass

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u/haaskaalbaas Dec 04 '21

I was the follower once. I thought I saw my sister in her white Beetle, so followed her. Turned out it was a stranger - and they were quite scared when they turned into their driveway and I stopped outside. I had to quickly explain! (Luckily I am quite short and a woman, so they weren't too frightened!)

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u/lotsofdeadkittens Dec 04 '21 Wholesome

I was driving home late from work one time. Was going to go to a friends house in a more suburban area around 1am (we worked in kitchens so normal for us.)

Random suv starts following me for like 10 miles even when I’m on side streets. I start changing my turn signal at the last moment at yellow and green lights to prove they are following me. This big suv starts mirroring my last second turn signal changes.

What happens next? The suv pops on some police lights and pulls me over. Turns out it was a cop that followed me for 30 fucking minutes because they didn’t recognize my car in the neighborhood. It was far to dark to see it was a cop.

I told them that it is not dangerous or hazardous driving to change your turn signal at a light if you don’t change it after turning. The cop tried to explain that it could cause an accident, which I told him the on it one dangerously driving was being on someone’s ass for 30 minutes at 1am and stalking them

Got written up and went into the precinct the next day where the chief was furious at the cops.

Still doesn’t change the fact that for 30 minutes I thought I was going to be murdered

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u/Krispenedladdeh542 Dec 04 '21 Silver

Using the urinal next to a guy also using a urinal in a row full of empty urinals

1.6k

u/Pab_Scrabs Dec 04 '21

OP specified legal, this is a very clear crime and violation of human rights

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u/jerrythecactus Dec 04 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome Snek

Digging roughly human sized holes in your front yard at 2AM

8.4k

u/kevman_2008 Dec 04 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome

Call before you dig! Don't wanna hit any utilities

3.4k

u/Random_Imgur_User Dec 04 '21

"Hey I need to dig a few 6 by 3 holes throughout my yard, roughly 6 feet deep, before sunrise. You know, responsibly."

2.4k

u/Whats-Up_Bitches Dec 04 '21 Table Slap

"Sir you already called us about this last month"

"I know, now I need more..."

"..."

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u/Mother_McMuffin Dec 04 '21

faint scream and crying sounds heard in the background

“…Sir is everything ok?”

“What? Ohh yeaaa that’s just my…uh…my dog. I adopted him very legally as well”

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u/Kra_gl_e Dec 04 '21

Perfectly reasonable scene if the dog is a husky.

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u/Vash712 Dec 04 '21

You gotta lay in them to make sure the size is right.

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u/jj4211 Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21 Silver Helpful

One time when we went with my grandmother to visit my grandfathers grave, she laid down on the empty plot between my grandfather and another lady I'll call Mildred and said "Looks like Mildred's going to need to scoot over, I'm going to feel too crowded this way"

Edited to clarify

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u/Orangedilemma Dec 04 '21

Your grandmother has a great sense of humor

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u/queergirl73 Dec 04 '21

Don't you mean a *grave* sense of humor?

I'll see myself out

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u/ThatBaldDude4 Dec 04 '21

I would do this just to fuck with nosy neighbors.

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u/DarkPangolin Dec 04 '21

I would do this to fuck with nosy neighbors, but I live in southern Missouri, where a human-sized hole can be dug only with a backhoe or dynamite.

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u/wajime7375 Dec 04 '21

Driving from Maryland to Colorado and back within 3 days.

The Illinois state trooper who pulled me over at 1am seemed rather disappointed that my husband and I weren't trafficking drugs.

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u/wbgraphic Dec 04 '21

I once drove from Las Vegas to Knoxville and back in two days to retrieve a lost cat.

Didn’t get pulled over, but the fuel pump crapped out around Flagstaff on the return trip.

And the damn cat ran away like a week after we got home.

1.3k

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '21

A “lost” cat made it to from Tennessee to Vegas?! I have so many questions. Does he have frequent flyer miles? Did you look for him in Atlantic City for him the following week? Is “cat” a euphemism for a degenerate gambler father-in-law with dementia?

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u/wbgraphic Dec 04 '21

Sister-in-law’s cat escaped in Knoxville when she was moving from North Carolina to Las Vegas. Her traveling companion refused to wait for it to return.

The motel found the cat. Sister-in-law was pregnant, so I drove her back to Knoxville.

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u/the-moost-happi Dec 04 '21

That was really nice of you. Your poor sister-in-law. I can't imagine how upset I'd be if I was pregnant and in the process of moving cross-country only to have my pet run away in a strange place.

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u/mamimapr Dec 04 '21

Where did you hide it?

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u/Xandrabirdy Dec 04 '21 Silver

Belonging to the Church of Scientology

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u/ZephyricScout Dec 04 '21 Silver Helpful

Now hiring! up to $20/hour!

3.0k

u/Animasylvania Dec 04 '21

I saw a McDonald's sign that said "Now Hiring Starting at up to $15"

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u/Fflewddur_Fflam_ Dec 04 '21

Up to, lol. You'll get the full $15 with 5 years of experience plus a Master's degree.

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u/jumpingyeah Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21

This actually happened locally on NextDoor. Business owner posts something like, "Now hiring, up to $20 an hour" and I replied mentioning something like, "up to, indicates that isn't the hourly wage. Can you tell people what the hourly wage is, and then context on the "up to" is? And he mentions the staff is paid $8.50 an hour and can make up to $20 an hour."

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u/Drunken_Daud91 Dec 04 '21 Helpful

Cool. I’ll settle for 19.50/hr. When can I start?

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u/ZephyricScout Dec 04 '21 Silver

Well, our team members start at $8/hour. But don't worry, we're a family here. We work hard and we play hard. We offer regular raises for our most valuable team members and we strive for excellent customer service by any means necessary. Remember: the customer is always right! Also, we're severely understaffed because nobody wants to work anymore for some strange reason, so we'll need you to work 12 hour days, as well as weekends and holidays. Any questions? No? Good. You start Saturday at 5 am. Don't be late!

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u/drum_playing_twig Dec 04 '21

I hate every word of that

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u/NorthernWolf3 Dec 04 '21

Especially since it's so accurate.

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u/Night-Monkey15 Dec 04 '21

Buying lots of anything is always suspicious.

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u/justinsights Dec 04 '21 Silver Wholesome Starry

Any time my Dad took me and my brother to Costco as kids without my Mom he'd make the same joke. While pushing around the cart with only dog food, cat food, and a minimum of four gallons of milk. He'd say purposefully in front of other people, "cheaper than cereal."

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u/stanleyford Dec 04 '21 Silver Wholesome

Moms: "I'd better do something to make sure these strangers don't think I'm an awful parent."

Dads: "Wouldn't it be funny if these strangers thought I was an awful parent?"

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u/tielandboxer Dec 04 '21

I went to the grocery store to buy rum for a cookie recipe yesterday. The handle of the brand my husband drinks was on sale so obviously I bought that. The thing is, I’m currently pregnant and when I was waiting to pay I started cramping so I was rubbing my belly. I stopped and thought, “I better not draw attention to this.”

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u/Bacontoad Dec 04 '21

Just ask for a carton of cigarettes from behind the counter to distract them.

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u/AbigailSalt Dec 04 '21

That’s some A+ dad craftsmanship right there

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u/rachels17fish Dec 04 '21 Helpful Spit-take

Standing really close to the person in line in front of you.

1.1k

u/XavierMeatsling Dec 04 '21

As a guy whose Backpack was stuffed and was very thick in High School, please

Back. The fuck. Up!

I can feel you through my Backpack practically on the verge of humping it, give me space ffs.

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u/RipRoaringCapriSun Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21 Silver

I went to a college with a lot of foreign students and this was a huge pet peeve of mine. I couldn't turn left or right in any lines without my backpack hitting the person behind me.

Edit: I think this video provides some excellent catharsis for this situation.

1.0k

u/Cheeserblaster Dec 04 '21

There was one year that my family went to Paris and visited the louvre. As we were waiting in line another family ran ahead and jumped in front of us out of no where. My dad was wearing a big backpack and happened to be closest to one of the other groups people. Every now and then he would turn around suddenly to say something to us just so he could smack that person with his backpack. He did it like 5-6 times and the look on those peoples faces was priceless because they knew they were in the wrong for cutting hundreds of people like that and they couldn’t say shit about it to my dad

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u/guyuteharpua Dec 04 '21 Helpful

Having an insanely high electric bill.

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u/cardew-vascular Dec 04 '21 Silver Helpful

My mom used to run an embroidery business out of our house, one December she had so many orders she was working late at night one morning there was an RCMP officer and a hydro worker at our door. They all had a good laugh when they realized it was two old ladies embroidering not a grow op.

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u/Snoo74401 Dec 04 '21

That's just their cover story ;)

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u/AndyVale Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21 Helpful

Well this is what you do, isn't it. You do all the things that raise flags (having all snow melted on your roof long before your neighbours is another one).

Then you call a report in anonynously, the feds come check it out, see it's an old lady with a lot of arts and crafts orders, and never bothers you again.

Then you start growing.

Edit: Thank you for giving this post the 'helpful' award. I have absolutely zero faith this would work IRL, but you do you.

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u/DangerousCrow Dec 04 '21

Holy shit

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u/7Mango7 Dec 04 '21

Genius

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u/Z_Murray33 Dec 04 '21

Yup. Worked for an electric company for a while. Those people with a monthly bill of $30,000 in a three bedroom house really made you think.

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u/[deleted] Dec 04 '21

[deleted]

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u/Z_Murray33 Dec 04 '21

It’s obviously not common. Seeing a bill for a private residence that’s over $5000 each month could be several things, but it’s likely drugs. The highest I saw was a consistent monthly bill of about $35,000, but I only worked there a year.

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u/girl_with_the_dress Dec 04 '21 This

It could also very likely be bitcoin mining

2.2k

u/dirtywook88 Dec 04 '21

This. I would assume LED tech has cut into Light energy costs for growin weed. There could also be machinery on the premises too but these days its mining.

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u/Vonplatten Dec 04 '21

What are these vents leading out of my bedroom you ask??

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u/majornerd Dec 04 '21

Kids room, little bastard has awful gas. We use high volume fans to vent his odor of gas, BO, and axe body spray.

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u/thebipeds Dec 04 '21

My father is a sculptor and has an electric furnace/kiln and it uses about $150 a day in electricity. When he was using it a lot he got a few visits inquiring about his energy usage.

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u/CAElite Dec 04 '21

I dread to think what the bill for my works workshop actually is, we have a vibration table which runs for 4 or 5 hours some days consuming 45kw peak draw

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u/ImitationFox Dec 04 '21

I knew you’d need special wiring set up to have a kiln, however I did not ever consider how expensive it would be to actually run it. $150 for each time you run the kiln is just wow… it just never occurred to me it could cost that much to use it

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u/kavien Dec 04 '21

Especially to make a $10 coffee cup!

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u/[deleted] Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 10 '21

[deleted]

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u/Snoo74401 Dec 04 '21

You should see the electric bills for the semiconductor fabs. Milliions.

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u/anonymous_dancer Dec 04 '21 Gold

brushing your hair with a fork

3.3k

u/treeconfetti Dec 04 '21 Silver

gets offended in little mermaid

1.7k

u/Reach-for-the-sky_15 Dec 04 '21 Table Slap

That wasn't a fork it was a dinglehopper, you uncultured swine.

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u/bodhasattva Dec 04 '21 Helpful

I got thingamafucks aplenty

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u/sconels Dec 04 '21 Silver Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

Hiding millions in cash in your megachurches bathroom walls.

3.6k

u/therealfakebodhi Dec 04 '21

Also locking your church doors to those in need during a major weather disaster.

56

u/KenPC Dec 04 '21

If it rains even an inch in Texas, if you listen really close you can hear the sound of Joel locking all the doors.

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u/thephotoman Dec 04 '21 Silver Gold Wholesome Snek

There’s always money in the banana stand.

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u/wajime7375 Dec 04 '21 Silver Wholesome

Filling up a glass from home with milk, and bringing it with you to the store and sipping from it while you shop.

5.2k

u/Spielburger_witFries Dec 04 '21

Milk is extra weird, but bringing a glass of anything to a public place and drinking it is suspect. Imagine walking through a TJ Maxx with a glass of apple juice that you sip at leisurely.

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u/thecheat420 Dec 04 '21 Wholesome Bravo!

"Is that guy walking around with a glass of apple juice?"

"We're in TJ Maxx, it's probably piss."

917

u/Fav0 Dec 04 '21

I am working in tk maxx (EU Version)

Knowing our customers

Yeah probably piss

145

u/Snoo_85712 Dec 04 '21

Wait we call it TK and they call it TJ in the west?

124

u/SirButteryToast Dec 04 '21

Yeah they changed the name in Europe to avoid confusion with T. J. Hughes

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u/broken-neurons Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome Hugz Heartwarming Table Slap Brighten My Day

When I was young, my Dad had a deal with my stepmother that she would do the food shopping if he bought the booze and the cat food. He used to drag me along with him to the supermarket and I’d help put the items on the checkout conveyor belt, which would be a couple of bottles of whisky and a load of tins of cat food (we had three cats).

Every time just before we got to the cashier he’d pick up a few tins of cat food and “peruse the labels”, turn to me, wink and jovially ask “what do you fancy tonight then? Chicken and liver or tuna in that creamy sauce?”, and then watch the cashier’s reaction whilst we both tried to keep a straight face, whilst I (a nine year old) would answer sweetly, “Argh, Dad do we have to have the same EVERY night?”

I think it raised a few red flags.

Edit. Wow this blew up. Some people have commented about the alcohol. Yes, my parents were functioning alcoholics. We’re talking drinking a glass of whisky first thing in the morning to stop the shakes before you drive to work level of “functioning” alcoholic. However my Dad has been dry for about 25 years (he’ll be able to tell you that to the number of days. He still counts them). He still has a great sense of humor. If you have someone close to you that is suffering from addiction then know it’s not your fault and it’s not theirs either. Hugs.

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u/Depressaccount Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21

You’d be surprised at how expensive some pet food has gotten. Some eat better than most humans

702

u/LeafsChick Dec 04 '21

It’s nuts! My older cat is on a specialty wet food now, but then kitten also wants wet food so she’s on her own not to steal the others. I swear some weeks I’m spending more on them then my own grocery shopping lol

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u/Seabass_87 Dec 04 '21

Wholesome holUp

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u/yresimdemus Dec 04 '21

According to the nurse who cared for my spouse who went to the E.R. with an inability to breath... having some snot crusted up beneath your nose. She insisted it was some kind of drug and, after the drug tests all came back negative, insisted it had to be a designer drug that couldn't be detected.

I was furious when I found out my spouse couldn't get pain medications to treat a broken back, pulmonary embolism, and pulmonary edema for 12 hours all because that nurse decided to go on some kind of anti-snot crusade.

355

u/iamamonster018 Dec 04 '21

I had a tox screen in the hospital that was wrong! I'm a recovering alcoholic, which I always tell medical professionals. I take my sobriety very seriously, and I try to not abuse my liver anymore. I was having a miscarriage that I ended up needing emergency surgery for. I process opiates really quickly, as did my mom, and several other people in my family. Apparently my self reported alcoholism, and needing morphine too quickly made a nurse suspicious. The tox screen popped positive for methadone! But they didn't tell me. I have never in my life even seen methadone. This woman went on a crusade about how I was in withdrawal, which was why I was miscarrying, and cut me off. I thought they believed I was still drinking, was so grateful my husband knew I wasn't. She brought the anesthesiologist into the room as they both questioned me, and said if I was lying I would die in surgery. I was so confused.

I later got my medical records, which showed the methadone, and it suddenly made sense. I thought they got my sample mixed up with someone else's until I read a couple of pages more and the outside lab didn't detect it. I petitioned to get it removed from my records, out of fear a doctor will read the positive but not continue reading the outside lab. They said no.

It's so sad how the medical establishment can treat addicts, and people they just presume may be addicts. Your wife and I both legitimately needed care, and would have even if we were on drugs. The fact that they were wrong, and we suffered for it, is just so not okay. I'm so so sorry you all had to go through that!

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u/DeltaHuluBWK Dec 04 '21

I had something similar happen. I was in some controlled meds, so I needed to have regular drug tests as part of my medication agreement. One time, it came back positive for meth, some type of morphine, and a drug I'd never heard of (and don't remember). Thankfully, the nurse had my back, pointed out I'd been tested for years without any issues, and insisted to the doctor (he was new to me) to test me again. He fought it until I said test me now - urine, blood, hair, whatever.

Came back negative for everything, and the nurse told me the only reason he agreed to test me again was so I wouldn't be able to sue him. Then she told me which doctor at the clinic I should switch to. She was awesome.

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u/LIKES_ROCKY_IV Dec 04 '21

This makes me particularly angry because a couple of months ago I was in the hospital with a collapsed lung and pneumonia, and the tube in my nose dried my nostrils out so much that it was crusty booger city. I would be putting in a complaint against that power-tripping nurse.

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u/HawaiianShirtsOR Dec 04 '21 Helpful

Based on Nextdoor posts from my neighbors, apparently "wearing a hoodie" should be on this list.

4.3k

u/punkbenRN Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21 Gold Helpful

I'm on a local Facebook group that's essentially Next-door, and this week has been a tirade of people complaining about a single incident that it snowed and a couple teens were doing donuts in a completely empty parking lot for an hour. I was blocked after suggesting it wasn't that big of a deal.

Edit: I want all of you to be my neighbors.

I advise if any of you have an opportunity to, you really should take time during a snow storm to find an empty lot that's paved and icy and do just this. Make sure there is more then enough room, the bigger the better. Make sure it's empty, and specifically a no traffic area. I understand this isn't a possibility for everybody, but its really important to do this in a safe environment and not put others at risk. Start slow, do slow turns and punch the gas, just to see how your tires react on ice. Crank a sharp turn and just hold the accelerator. Go straight and hit the emergency brake. If you're in a top heavy vehicle (trucks, minivans, etc) don't do this, because you risk rolling the vehicle. Also, speed isn't terribly important. You don't need to push it to 50-60 to have fun, legit 20 mph is more than enough.

You'll learn a few very important lessons. You'll know what losing control feels like, and can tailor your speed to a degree that you can find that sweet spot of finding how fast you can go while maintaining control of your vehicle. You'll learn that brakes are often the enemy when your car loses control, and turning your wheels can have unpredictable consequences when they do catch the road after sliding. You'll get a feel of when to let off the gas, and when to accelerate again to guide your car to the best possible outcome. But let's be real here, the best part is that its fun as hell.

Go piss off some old people, and have some wholesome fun in a snow storm.

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u/frontyer0077 Dec 04 '21

Idiots. Here in Norway the police chief said teenagers SHOULD find empty parking lots and play around. Why? Because it teaches them to drive safely in icy conditions. Also they know how to react if they lose traction.

Ice driving is even a part of your mandatory driving training in Norway.

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u/punkbenRN Dec 04 '21

Exactly! I live north and it really helps you understand how to handle your car when you lose control on ice. I did the same thing as a kid

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u/frontyer0077 Dec 04 '21

Yup, the very fact that I did as a kid has definetly saved my ass a few times. Tbh I still play around whenever I see an empty parking lot.

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u/M1ck3yB1u Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21

They. Were. Doing.

DONUTS!

🤬

535

u/skootnu Dec 04 '21

SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN

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u/CarolTheAncientTroll Dec 04 '21 Silver Gold Platinum Helpful Wholesome Crab Rave

Nautical semaphores

2.3k

u/vizthex Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21

Damn I don't get it, am I dumb or just too tired?

3.5k

u/Team_Rckt_Grunt Dec 04 '21 Helpful

Semaphore is communicating from a distance via colored flags...

1.1k

u/Dude-man-guy Dec 04 '21

Oh damn. That is some quality humour.

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u/t3rra0513 Dec 04 '21

flying a kite at night. there's something so un-wholesome about it.

270

u/phinnmaccool Dec 04 '21

Hello Mother dear.

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u/jemappellepatty Dec 04 '21

Unpaid internships.

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u/ThePretzul Dec 04 '21

At least in the US, those are straight up illegal if the intern is contributing anything of value to the company.

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u/Funnion3245 Dec 04 '21 Wholesome

A 60 year old fucking a 16 year old in South Dakota

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u/[deleted] Dec 04 '21

[deleted]

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u/HugeBoobLover69 Dec 04 '21

Packing a bag of flour wrapped in duct tape in your checked luggage at the airport.

878

u/ChrisPChip222 Dec 04 '21

Storing single servings of protein powder in ziplock bags because its easier to carry on road trips than the whole container of protein.

708

u/ProbablyGayingOnYou Dec 04 '21

I got stopped by TSA for this exact thing. They made me wait 45 minutes while they called the special drugs unit AND the bomb squad. Despite the fact that it was quite visibly and odorously chocolate flavored.

849

u/Somnifuge Dec 04 '21 All-Seeing Upvote

Nice try, just setting a precedent for when you start smuggling for your chococaine empire.

650

u/DeusEx-Machinist Dec 04 '21 Wholesome

Um, clearly that's cocoacaine.

201

u/lelo17 Dec 04 '21 Helpful

(Co)²caine.

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u/fafalone Dec 04 '21

Better be careful, like almost everything, powdered sugar will return a positive for cocaine and you can go to jail and be there quite a while before the real lab test clears you.

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u/Drablit Dec 04 '21 Silver

Going to the zoo and asking “what time do the monkeys start masturbating?”

35

u/jmp118 Dec 04 '21

You aren’t… wrong?

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u/[deleted] Dec 04 '21

Taking pictures of strangers at a public beach.

1.2k

u/urgeybergy Dec 04 '21

I (m) went to a topless beach event with a few close female friends because it’s not illegal for women to be topless in my state… The amount of middle aged guys with cameras and camcorders straight out of the 90’s was absurd… I should’ve had porn websites listed on business cards to hand out…

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u/winter_Inquisition Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21

In Toronto we have a "Clothing Optional" beach...it's 99% naked old men.

If someone accidentally or intentionally wanders onto that beach. They'll approach you and flat out demand that you strip...even to underaged kids.

They get very upset when you point out that it's "Clothing Optional". To the point where they changed the signs overnight.

241

u/rodtang Dec 04 '21

Wait, what were the signs changed to?

472

u/MegaSeedsInYourBum Dec 04 '21 That Smile

“Get naked or else”

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u/laeiryn Dec 04 '21

All I can think of is that scene from Eurotrip.

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u/wajime7375 Dec 04 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Wait What?

One time my cat unplugged my chest freezer and everything in it went bad by the time I had realized it. I plugged it back in to refreeze it to cut down on the odor somewhat before emptying it out.

I went to the nearest home improvement store and bought a few things to clean up. Just normal stuff like arm length nitrile gloves, N95 masks, large contractor grade trash bags, some cutting tools to chip at the ice, and copious amounts of odoban. It was gardening season and I needed a new shovel so I added it to the pile to save myself another trip.

I still don’t understand why that cashier looked so uncomfortable when I paid in cash.

3.2k

u/pearlysdad Dec 04 '21

Similarly, I decided to go on an overnight camping trip and knew my tent’s rain-fly was suspect.

I made a quick trip to the hardware store for a vinyl tarp, some nylon laundry cord and a roll of the camper’s best friend, duct tape.

While ringing me up the cashier asked if I was planning to take someone “for a ride.”

2.0k

u/remotetissuepaper Dec 04 '21 Silver

"What time do you get off work?"

561

u/BackupBro_ Dec 04 '21 Helpful

Im just gonna stop this right here

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u/58yfailure Dec 04 '21

Back when storage units were relatively new, maybe 5 years old, I went to rent one. I jokingly asked how many bodies they find in them each year. The owner seriously replied “about 100”. He then proceeded to tell me the best way to dispose of a body, it involved a 55 gallon drum, some sort of nasty fluid (don’t want to give anyone ideas), waiting a year, and then pouring the contents down the drain.

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u/eat_sleep_drift Dec 04 '21

that was just a hint to you to never be late on the payments

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u/Sp4ceh0rse Dec 04 '21

I had a similarly odd grocery cart when my dog got skunked. Bleach, all of the store’s peroxide, white vinegar, trash bags, rubber gloves. I was smelly and disheveled in the store because he got skunked and then ran inside and rubbed everywhere first thing in the morning, so I was still in pajamas.

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u/kyubez Dec 04 '21

"What you doing with all that sir?"
"Freezer stopper working in the middle of the night, gotta fix it"
"I hope nothing went bad in there!"
"Its ok, just a couple bodies"

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u/sarcastic_patriot Dec 04 '21 Coin Gift Take My Energy Facepalm

Being a matador.

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u/DarlingDeath Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 04 '21 Silver

Has anyone said NDAs? Or are we not allowed to talk about it?

ETA: Like many of you have said, NDAs aren't always bad! However, they can also be used to bully people and "keep them in their place," or misused to try to cover up sexual harassment/assault/etc. Maybe they're great for tech startups or the entertainment industry! But in many other environments, there aren't many good reasons for NDAs.

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u/amitnagpal1985 Dec 04 '21

Mayor Bloomberg has entered the chat

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u/Lamp0319 Dec 04 '21 Helpful

Flagpoles in China.

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u/gobij82718 Dec 04 '21

Scalping and reselling. I think the PS5 resellers were found to be so widespread and sketchy that the UK seriously thought about passing something to make scalping actually illegal.

850

u/nurvingiel Dec 04 '21

There were people scalping tickets for the final tour of The Tragically Hip. The tour was their last because lead singer Gord Downie had terminal brain cancer.

In this vast and diverse nation we don't agree on much but I'm pretty sure all Canadians agree that a) the Tragically Hip are a cultural treasure and b) people who scalped those tickets are the lowest scum there is.

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u/JimboNinjaMudTires Dec 04 '21

Civil Asset Forfeiture.

The fact that the government can say we don’t know what your doing with that money but we’re going to take it anyways to prevent you from committing a crime we can’t charge you with is outrageous.

1.5k

u/Erc0x278 Dec 04 '21 Gold Helpful

An older person who exclusively dates 18 and 19 year olds

559

u/Supreme_Lordd Dec 04 '21

That's just Leonardo di caprio with 25 being his limit

230

u/Holy_Sungaal Dec 04 '21

As a kid I always had the biggest crush on him from titanic, but thought I was too young to ever make that a reality. Little did I know most of his women would be younger than me.

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u/RNBQ4103 Dec 04 '21

A 30 years old doing that screams "people my age know better than to accept my BS".

A 60 years old screams "I am surrounding myself with youth to exorcise away the ever growing shadow of Death".

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u/DeathStroke024 Dec 04 '21 Helpful

Buying Pringles, sponge, gloves and moisturizer in one bill

56

u/Kinky_mofo Dec 04 '21

I'd take that over cucumbers, condoms, and lube

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u/nksx61 Dec 04 '21

Storing (hiding) massive amounts of cash in the walls of your church

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u/[deleted] Dec 04 '21

Owning a series of Los Pollos Hermanos franchises in Albuquerque.

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u/WryWaifu Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 05 '21 Gold This

In a place where 16 is the legal age of consent- being an adult and dating someone who is 16.

Edit: 16 and younger.

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u/lrrkr Dec 04 '21

Someone who confides really intimate details of their personal life with somebody they just met.

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u/MeetMeInTheHollow Dec 04 '21

There was a lady in a small town near my house who owned nails/waxing business, who I went to twice. She overshared so much that I had to stop going to her. The second time I went there she was talking to me about her lady parts being wet when she met her second husband. Cue poker face and inner panic/disgust/confusion.

83

u/Maximum-Funk Dec 04 '21

Same thing, lady at Walgreens super nice woman would always tell you to have a blessed evening and tomorrow would sometimes ramble about how her daughter got raped by her husband and then the husband beat her up for trying to say something, everytime I would listen until someone in the line was rushing her, never got to hear that full story but by the way she smiled as I said bye I think she killed him.

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u/mavan28969 Dec 04 '21

Buying ALOT of syringes (without the needles) The chemist that was at the register did not like this at all

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u/becausefrog Dec 04 '21 edited Dec 05 '21

I taught a project based STEM class for middle schoolers a few years ago where we went off on a long tangent with hydraulics that ended with a battlebot tournament. I had to buy a ton of syringes, tubing, valves, and tongue depressors. This weekend I was cleaning out my closets and found two full boxes of leftover syringes and a box of tongue depressors. I don't want to toss them but I have no idea how to get rid of them.

Edit: You guys have given me some great ideas, I'm going to call the local safe injection site and then the spay clinics to see if they want them. I'm in the city but if those don't pan out, I'll find a farm somewhere. The local schools don't have the storage for stuff they don't yet have a plan to use, so they already turned me down. Thanks!

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u/devoil Dec 04 '21

Agricultural stores are usually cheaper and they don't give you a funny look when you buy 50 of them at a time... Same with scalpels you can buy them by the box... Chemists charge way too much for them and don't like it when you go to buy in bulk... Also a lot of them will do online sales so the postie drops them off to your door for you...

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u/Khufuu Dec 04 '21

yeah. growing mushrooms requires a lot of funny tools like that too. syringes and lab equipment, scalpels, Petri dishes

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u/dored75763 Dec 04 '21

Buying a diesel fuel filter online in quantities greater than 1.

They're converted to firearm suppressors very easily.

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u/MrMaleficent Dec 04 '21

Washing the chocolate off a KitKat before you eat it

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u/rgtzz Dec 04 '21

When employers don’t post how much the job pays.

481

u/lukeyt890 Dec 04 '21

Fucking a cousin

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u/LeakyThoughts Dec 04 '21

Storing prawns in your shoes

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u/Blabatee Dec 04 '21

Members of Congress buying and selling stock based on information most of us don’t know.

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