r/HermanCainAward 💰1 billion dollars GoFundMe💰 Aug 07 '22

Stagnater, nominee from 2021, didn't like masks and was taunting Covid. Covid answered the call and released him from his Earthly shackles. Awarded

1.2k Upvotes

693

u/Mynock33 Aug 07 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

tfw when you make fun of Biden being old and aren't even smart enough to outlive him...

334

u/The_Old_Cream Hello, my name is ECMO Montoya Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 08 '22

Guy had a 40 year advantage on Biden and he still couldn’t outlive him.

146

u/Kneebiter42 Team Pfizer Aug 08 '22 Wholesome

Totally had enough time to reproduce five times though. Hopefully, his kids will learn from their father's mistakes and...lol, I couldn't even finish typing that sentence without laughing uncontrollably at how unlikely that would be.

Five more angry, white constituents who will spend their entire lives voting against their own interests.

54

u/Ragingredblue 🐎Praise the Lord and pass the Ivermectin!🐆 Aug 08 '22

If they bother to vote. You'd be surprised how many people who froth at the mouth ranting about politics never bother to vote.

63

u/Kneebiter42 Team Pfizer Aug 08 '22

🤞🏻 I wish fewer of them would vote.

18

u/Ragingredblue 🐎Praise the Lord and pass the Ivermectin!🐆 Aug 08 '22

ME TOO!!!!!!!!!

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u/Goose_o7 I am The TOOTH FAIRY! Aug 08 '22

Guy had a 40 year advantage on Biden and he still couldn’t outlive him.

So much for being a MAGA Tough Guy.

21

u/marto821 Aug 08 '22

It seems that it's tough being a MAGA Guy.

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u/Farucci Aug 08 '22

He would have outlived Biden if only he had the miracle his wife was asking for. One stinkin’ small miracle. Is that too much to ask for? A miracle so small, it would probably fit in the inside of one of those small needles they use for some kind of injections.

Selfish bastard miracle prayer warriors slacked off again. . .

5

u/Glittering-Cellist34 Aug 08 '22

But, he owned Biden, so there.

50

u/Cultural-Answer-321 Deadpilled 💀 Aug 08 '22

Goddamn nuclear level burn!

COTD

162

u/Technical-Werewolf20 Aug 08 '22

Oh darn, one less fat, conservative, jesus-babbling shit-kicker in this world. Whatever will we do.

39

u/Sir_Vectis Aug 08 '22

One who didn't know how to put on a condom on five occasions.

37

u/Fickle_Chance9880 Aug 08 '22

Five?! Jesus Christ… these people put their “Prahd” before the future of their children every damn time.

29

u/Goose_o7 I am The TOOTH FAIRY! Aug 08 '22

Oh darn, one less fat, conservative, jesus-babbling shit-kicker in this world. Whatever will we do.

Wait for the next one to show up on here.

6

u/Realistic-Dingo-4837 Aug 08 '22

You left out white, barely educated : )

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u/Newfor2022 Aug 07 '22

Already survived a lethal disease...lets do a coin flip and see if I can do it again. Real smart there.

193

u/The_Old_Cream Hello, my name is ECMO Montoya Aug 08 '22

A lot of these “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” people have found out during COVID how worthless that saying actually is.

140

u/ghostacrossthestreet Aug 08 '22 Take My Energy

Viruses don't read Nietzsche.

36

u/valentine415 Aug 08 '22

Oh if only I could have this as a flair!

102

u/AnnieAcely199 Moderna Gave Me My 🧲 Personality✨🎆✨ Aug 08 '22

"What doesn't kill you... usually succeeds in the second attempt."

27

u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

The Book of Krabs, Chapter 3, Verse 17. R’amen and R’amen. 🍜

61

u/Tiddles_Ultradoom You Will Respect My Immunitah! Aug 08 '22

Ah yeah, “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” A phrase coined by Frederick Nietzsche; a man who spent the last year of his life part-paralysed and unable to speak or walk thanks to a couple of strokes that didn’t kill him.

12

u/TenNinetythree After the spike🦠 is before the spike🦠 Aug 08 '22

What doesn't kill you mutates and tries again

10

u/Ragingredblue 🐎Praise the Lord and pass the Ivermectin!🐆 Aug 08 '22

“what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”

That rule only applies to the virus. They just got confused.

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u/MysteriousHat7343 Hermie Hermie Hermie Aug 08 '22

Considering he had a preexisting condition, it would have been intelligent for him to have been vaccinated.

But he was dumb and was mislead willingly, and now here we are

29

u/mmps901 Team Pfizer Aug 08 '22

Welp, what are you going to do? 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/AdBig5700 Aug 08 '22

Also five kids to raise. What an asshole.

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u/Beelzabubba Aug 08 '22

I had a friend who survived leukemia. Dude smoked, ate a terrible diet and drank like a fish afterwards which I always thought was weird. His perspective was more “I made it through that, this other shit ain’t going to kill me”. Pancreatic cancer is what ended up getting him.

He was a great person, he just made choices I didn’t expect considering his health history.

68

u/tm_121 Aug 08 '22

Maybe there’s a different way of looking at your friend’s behavior: once he had a close brush with death, it really hit him that he might die one day. So he did a lot of the things that brought him joy, even knowing that they were bad for his health.

28

u/your_mind_aches Team Sinopharm Aug 08 '22

Man I cannot understand that outlook. Ever since getting diagnosed with kidney cancer I feel more vulnerable than ever. Even if I survive (which is likely, but not guaranteed), I don't know if I can ever put myself at risk like that...

28

u/thrakkerzog Team Moderna Aug 08 '22

There's definitely a balance between YOLO and eating grape nuts every day.

Also, pancreatic cancer is an odd one in that 5 - 10% of cases are the result of a gene mutation and the person's lifestyle has no bearing on the outcome.

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u/Sir_Vectis Aug 08 '22

My take on this is, they think they've dodged a bullet and modern medicine is wonderful. They don't stop to think that they have been given a second chance- a second chance to do it properly this time. I see it all the time.

62

u/Upside_Down-Bot 🤖 microchip off the old block 🤖 Aug 07 '22

„˙ǝɹǝɥʇ ʇɹɐɯs lɐǝᴚ ˙uıɐƃɐ ʇı op uɐɔ I ɟı ǝǝs puɐ dılɟ uıoɔ ɐ op sʇǝl˙˙˙ǝsɐǝsıp lɐɥʇǝl ɐ pǝʌıʌɹns ʎpɐǝɹl∀„

38

u/Mutt1223 Aug 08 '22

witch!

36

u/Egmonks Team Mix & Match Aug 08 '22

Burn her!!!!!

9

u/donuts4lunch Fox has killer ratings Aug 08 '22

Good bot

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u/Elegant_Habit_9269 Aug 07 '22

Let’s get out the checklist:

Prayer warrior shoutout - check

Fundraiser - check

Selfish douchebag - check

160

u/starbetrayer 💰1 billion dollars GoFundMe💰 Aug 07 '22

Ventilator - check

ECMO - check

143

u/Corteran Aug 07 '22

Dead - check

109

u/Mutt1223 Aug 08 '22

Pretentious, badly written over sharing on Facebook “I wiped a tear from his cheek” - check

46

u/Badmime1 Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 08 '22

I drank the tear of regret, loss, and fear from his cheek, and it tasted sweet.

21

u/BroadwayJoeFYVM Team Moderna Aug 08 '22

You should probably self-quarantine for the next week or so because of that, just to be safe.

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u/euveginiadoubtfire Aug 08 '22

“Breath” spelled as “Breathe” = check

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u/nutzareus Aug 08 '22

Goatee - check ✅

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u/Dxsterlxnd Aug 08 '22

QAnon - check

53

u/RememberThe5Ds GOT THE CHIP, DON'T NEED AN IV OR A FLIP Aug 08 '22

The requisite GoFundMe for a wife and a quiver full of kids that he could not be bothered to protect by taking a free shot.

16

u/covid_angle Aug 08 '22

Goatee - check (oops, duplicate - didn't read low enough)

9

u/FearSkyDaddy Biological Ware Fare Aug 08 '22

Missed “some kinda hair thing growing round mouth like a tumor” - please add to the checklist

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u/jawnly211 Aug 08 '22

“No way Covid is going to beat me”

“we’ll see 👀”

40

u/sorryIhaveDiarrhea Aug 08 '22

Covid has entered your chat....

25

u/nonlocality1985 Team Mix & Match Aug 08 '22

Yeah I noticed that as well. Too bad he never listened to any of his seemingly sensible commenters.

11

u/Ragingredblue 🐎Praise the Lord and pass the Ivermectin!🐆 Aug 08 '22

“No way Covid is going to beat me”

TKO

8

u/HerringWaffle Happy Death Day!⚰️ Aug 08 '22

COVID: *cracks knuckles*

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u/FactsMatter19 Aug 07 '22

If only there was a medical pre-treatment or some kind of way to help minimize/prevent this from happening….

54

u/glantzinggurl Aug 08 '22

something inexpensive, or better yet, free

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u/Evil-Code-Monkey Deceased Feline Boing Boing Aug 07 '22

I don't know who "copper" is on slide 15, but the retort "We'll see" has earned them the right to say "I fucking told you so."

Too bad Stagnater isn't around to get his comeuppance. I bet he'd prefer that to the alternative he chose.

44

u/KittenWithaWhip68 Aug 08 '22

As soon as I saw that “We’ll see” comment I perked up…

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u/BeigeChocobo 🐑 🐑 Self Aware Sheep 🐑 🐑 Aug 08 '22 Gold

Leaving 5 kids without a father? What a stupid sack of shit this person was.

85

u/MageMasher_Online Aug 08 '22

Probably hated socialism now his kids will live off of it

53

u/crunchypens Only Sheep Go to the Hospital - Lions Stay Home! Aug 08 '22

Might have already been getting social support from the government. I don’t sense he was making big bucks. But socialism is ok if he gets money. Just not for others.

41

u/No_Cauliflower_5489 🐏💉Quantum💉🐑Sheep💉🐑Healer🐑💉 Aug 08 '22 Silver

Maybe their step-dad will be smarter.

37

u/RememberThe5Ds GOT THE CHIP, DON'T NEED AN IV OR A FLIP Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 08 '22 Helpful

Wifey will probably get a church-selected replacement husband who is another Jaysus-loving redneck racist douchebag. He will let her and the kids know every day that he’s doing them a favor by hanging around and drinking their Social Security check.

Edited typo

16

u/YeomanTax Aug 08 '22

Plus new hubby will smoke all their GoFundMe proceeds to a meth induced psychosis and beat on a family member or two just to make sure the cycle of PTSD and abuse continues.

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u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

You mean he’ll have a brand-new truck and a job at Airbus?? 🫢

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u/TheMost_ut Team Mix & Match Aug 08 '22

Just consider what this is going to do to the kids. The oldest ones will barely remember him if at all. Who knows what their fate is going to be? Stupid sack of shit indeed.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '22

[deleted]

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u/mothermucca It’s just a COVID Aug 07 '22

Unfortunately, Stagnater found out that surviving limbic encephalitis doesn’t provide protection from COVID.

41

u/dumdodo Aug 08 '22

In his mind, it proved he was tougher than a mindless germ that didn't care or know what he thought.

15

u/MommysHadEnough Aug 08 '22

I narrowly survived West Nile Virus in 2002. No way I’m taking chances with this virus.

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u/Prestigious_Treat401 Team Pfizer Aug 07 '22

"I can't even quiet my thoughts enough to hear God speak."

Too many voices in your head.

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u/Brokenspokes68 From Shitpost to Compost Aug 08 '22

In my experience whenever god spoke to me it was to tell me to do whatever I actually wanted to do. I skip the prayer now, save time and just do what I want to do without all of the extra steps.

19

u/peppermintesse Vax yo self FFS 💉 Aug 08 '22

I'm reminded of this quote... not you, but these nominees and awardees...

I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.

—Susan B. Anthony

18

u/CF_FI_Fly Aug 08 '22

That seems efficient.

Almost as efficient as a "life hack".

I think you should write a book!

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u/TheColombian916 Aug 08 '22

Prayer Warriors and Jesus together were unable to save this young dude. Jesus was probably too busy helping a football team win or helping some singer win a grammy. Priorities I guess.

7

u/Sir_Vectis Aug 08 '22

You could be right. Whenever I see sports people looking heavenward in thanks, I always think, no, he's busy in Palestine, Afghanistan, Venezuela, etc., but now I see I wasn't looking at it all wrong.

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u/redvariation Winner winner COVID dinner 🍽️ Aug 08 '22

...in place of the neurons.

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u/KitschenWench Aug 07 '22

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u/ccc2801 Candy O’s Kiss of Death™️ Aug 08 '22

Yikes.

Limbic encephalitis represents a group of autoimmune conditions characterized by inflammation of the limbic system and other parts of the brain. The cardinal sign of Limbic encephalitis is a severe impairment of short-term memory; however, symptoms may also include confusion, psychiatric symptoms, and seizures.

If only he’d understood what was happening a bit better - his 5 young ones would still have their daddy.

50

u/RevolutionaryPay1810 Aug 07 '22

Prayer Warriors not doing their job very well.

44

u/100schools Aug 08 '22

God just does not come through for these folks. It’s almost like he’s not real or something!

28

u/Stunticonsfan GoFundHisPoorDecision 👎🥴 Aug 08 '22

The constant pleas for prayers make me wonder. How do they imagine prayer works? Is God unaware of their needs, such that they need to keep him informed through prayer?

Or is the purpose of prayer to change his mind? He has this great plan which he came up with when he created the world, and the plan includes this particular guy dying of Covid, but if people pray enough, he'll revise the plan so that the guy recovers?

20

u/100schools Aug 08 '22

I’ve definitely heard people praying saying, God, I know you’ve got a lot to think about, but just wanted to remind you that . . . etc.

The fact that their god is omniscient – BY DEFINITION – seems to have escaped these dum-dums. But then what do you expect? They’re always droning on about how much they love the Bible and say they love their lives according to its teachings, but ask one of them if they’ve ever actually read the thing, and you’ll get looks of baffled incomprehension.

10

u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

Do yourselves a favor and never get into a philosophical conversation about omniscience or transubstantiation with these idiots. 9 times out of 10 they’ll bow out of the conversation saying that it’s all “over their heads”, and yet they have no problem at all following a set of beliefs that they don’t even vaguely understand. All of which tells me their religion is merely a matter of cultural custom. Pretty shaky ground for a “prayer warrior”, eh?

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u/Fabulous-Mud-9114 Team Moderna Aug 08 '22

This is what we call a "logic bomb", meant to prevent cultists from achieving an "unfreezing" moment where they realize they've been duped, and all their rah-rah right-wing authoritarian sectarianism has been for less than nothing.

Healed after the prayer chain? God worked a miracle (despite all the science keeping him alive). Died after the prayer chain? He went to his forever home where he's happy forever.

If you're desperate to believe the lies you've been conditioned to believe in, any excuse will work to defend yourself from reality.

9

u/Graterof2evils Aug 08 '22

But god needed another Angel. I guess the MFer doesn’t think he has enough. Merciful my ass.

14

u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

But according to the theology they never become “angels”, which have always preexisted humans. That one’s easy. It’s right there in front of them in Genesis or whatever book. But you see these people attempting to place the rosiest hue on the humiliating and sad manner of their loved one’s death and BOOM, tough-acting Tinactin!! Sorry, had a John Madden moment.

But you see where I’m going here.

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u/redvariation Winner winner COVID dinner 🍽️ Aug 08 '22

God is all-knowing, all-seeing. He has a plan. He loves us and his wisdom is infinite.

But get sick, and somehow a few dozens of mere ignorant mortals, begging God for help, will change this beautiful plan to save their friend.

It defies comprehension. Which is why the dim who can't comprehend much flock to this cult.

6

u/Jim_Macdonald Bet you won't share! Aug 08 '22

The prayer that St. Francis Borgia said when his wife was sick was, "Not my will, Lord, but yours."

16

u/RevolutionaryPay1810 Aug 08 '22

And the @prayer chain” thing. Prayer chain for a child and the child survives or heals!!! How about the child who doesn’t survive or heal. Not a good enough prayer chain? The child would have been ok if only there were a bigger or better prayer chain? Weird.

9

u/Fickle_Chance9880 Aug 08 '22

Apparently prayer is one big popularity contest, and if you don’t have enough “prayer warriors”connected on Facebook, God tells you “Eat shit, loser.”

9

u/Stunticonsfan GoFundHisPoorDecision 👎🥴 Aug 08 '22

Either that or God is a cosmic ATM. Feed enough prayer coins into it and it dispenses a miracle. The problem is figuring out how many prayer coins you need for a particular product.

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u/Most-Artichoke5028 Aug 08 '22

God gave him 3 different vaccines, and he gave God the finger.

13

u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

And God’s all like “Aight, bitch”.

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u/MageMasher_Online Aug 08 '22

That’s because they’re not storming heaven hard enough like Jan 6

10

u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

Should have had that Q Shaman moron to guide them. 🙄

12

u/redvariation Winner winner COVID dinner 🍽️ Aug 08 '22

Prayer warriors never do their job well.

43

u/MageMasher_Online Aug 08 '22

Goatee…kinda ✅

Trump voter ✅

Christian ✅

Racist ✅

We’re missing Candace but the pattern still holds

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u/FIREn00b (Really a 🔥 Expert) Aug 07 '22

Catch you later, Stagnater.

33

u/TheMost_ut Team Mix & Match Aug 08 '22

Survived a serious medical condition which, apparently, you never really fully recover from. I admit my knowledge of this condition is limited, but it's plainly a condition where you'd get vaccinated for EVERY single disease possible.

Ultimately, stupidity killed this cat...and now there are 5 orphans (more or less since I doubt Mom has enough job experience to support 5 kids without begging on GFM), who will likely end up with relatives or in foster care. Fuck this egotistical shit, who couldn't put his PRECIOUS LITTLE ONES before his devotion to himself.

11

u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

Anyone care to wager about the amount of the life insurance policy?

Wait, he had one, right?

Right?! 😒

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u/Christofornia Complete Heeling Aug 07 '22

I wonder how many of these dumbasses have these warped views just to fit in with other, bigger losers.

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u/Same-Party-7298 Aug 08 '22

The guy had ECMO and died. What a fucking snowflake.

I got vaccinated and did neither.

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u/Stunticonsfan GoFundHisPoorDecision 👎🥴 Aug 08 '22

Jesus, teach me how you relaxed in the belly of the boat when the storms were raging

Jesus : "Ambien. Ten milligrams."

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u/vinnybawbaw Aug 08 '22

Right now there’s a LOT of people who are Covid first timers/unvaxxed douchebags, and I can’t believe they’re still arroguant/ignorant pieces of shit 2 years and a Million deaths later.

Also, I’m not from the US but what the fuck is wrong with these christian people, they are so fuckin’ stupid smh.

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u/Twothumbs1eye Aug 08 '22

I wish these lazy MFers would stop asking for handouts with their gofundmes and pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

24

u/Perenium_Falcon Quantum Phone sanitizer Aug 08 '22 Take My Energy

Mock the warnings. Mock the experts. Mock the people trying to protect themselves. Brag about how tough you are because clearly the way your immune system works is that if you once beat something you’re now immortal. Then have your family beg god for help when help was there along.

What a bitch way to die.

23

u/sctwinmom Vacation Matriarch Aug 08 '22

The House meme was actually kind of amusing.

11

u/ObsidianVerglas Aug 08 '22

House would have told him to get vaccinated.

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u/FistofanAngryGoddess Phenomena Angle Aug 08 '22

Awardee: COVID can’t get me!

COVID: and I took that personally

23

u/Aazjhee Owned Lib Aug 08 '22

Some people are in fact, reporting children who are missing- except so many of them are minorities or LGBTQIA+

Clearly Good Christian Nationalists don't need to shed a single tear or drop of sweat for those ones...

5

u/eleanorbigby Aug 08 '22

No; or the fact that the more they tear apart families at the border, the more likely it is that THOSE children will be trafficked. But "illegals" don't count as human...

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u/covidboosterhaveI 🍖🍑🌳 Aug 08 '22

Did this dumbfuck really leave five kids behind or did I read that wrong? If he did, maybe he should have thought about them. I can't even! Maybe his wife's Onlyfans will take off. Doesn't seem like the type that had much life ins. Probably couldn't get it anyway. The "jab" was the best life ins. for him. "Was...."

69

u/TheTeenageOldman Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 08 '22

Cannot wrap my head around the idea of how someone who has others depending on them walks around with a "me first" attitude.

59

u/redvariation Winner winner COVID dinner 🍽️ Aug 08 '22

Pretty much the entire attitude of the Christian GOP Taliban:

  • I know best
  • People not like me are dangerous, we're at war
  • Empathy for me, not for others
  • God will save me, I don't need science

44

u/Fabulous-Mud-9114 Team Moderna Aug 08 '22

Don't forget "have as many good, white babies as possible and brainwash them into our cult ideology" and "groom our members for holding public office and enacting our will"

14

u/Sir_Vectis Aug 08 '22

Don't forget: "when I'm dying bring them in to pray over me".

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u/KittenWithaWhip68 Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 08 '22

Also: God helps those who help themselves, so fuck everyone else but me

Oh, and: If any pregnancy is ended by the mother at any point, for any reason, she is MURDERING A BABY!! Even if it is the size of a ladybug and has no human features! And murdering a doctor who performs them is perfectly okay, because “all life is precious”!

These hypocrites make me barf.

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u/crunchypens Only Sheep Go to the Hospital - Lions Stay Home! Aug 08 '22

Can’t wrap my head around how he convinced someone to have 5 of his kids.

22

u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

To be honest there are plenty of stupid people out there who can be charmed by an ass munch with a goatee and sporting Oakley knock-offs while huffing coal in his souped-up 2008 Ford F-150 and bragging about his gig making $14.75/hr at the Walmart Auto Care Center.

I mean, not all of us can be Simone de Beauvoir. 🤷‍♀️

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u/Cultural-Answer-321 Deadpilled 💀 Aug 08 '22

LOL! So I'm not the only one who thought this!

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u/covidboosterhaveI 🍖🍑🌳 Aug 08 '22

Infuriating!

21

u/Seraphynas Two shots of Pfizer with a Moderna chaser Aug 08 '22

I’m glad I’m not the only one flabbergasted at the “5 little ones”.

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u/SirJohnSmythe Team Mix & Match Aug 08 '22

please pray for this young man

I'm so curious about just how young. Do we know

27

u/starbetrayer 💰1 billion dollars GoFundMe💰 Aug 08 '22

41

22

u/mothermucca It’s just a COVID Aug 08 '22

Damn. 41, with 5 kids. That really smarts.

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u/mississauga99 Aug 08 '22

But I heard 41 year Olds have a 9999999.77% chance of surviving.

9

u/NotOriginal92 Aug 08 '22

It was the leading cause of death for his age group (I believe). But he was tired of hearing about it all the time. Little did he know....

10

u/Jim_Macdonald Bet you won't share! Aug 08 '22

Covid is the #2 cause of death for 41 year olds (#1 is accidents (trauma)).

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u/Cultural-Answer-321 Deadpilled 💀 Aug 08 '22

45-55.

But 41 is close enough.

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u/bErinGPleNty Because Other People Matter Too Aug 08 '22

😪

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u/Blablasarcasm 🗣Olly, Olly, oxygenfree🫁 Aug 08 '22

WHY???? just WHY?!?! Didn’t he try to keep himself safe for his gaggle of children. So childish

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u/bErinGPleNty Because Other People Matter Too Aug 08 '22

His poor family; what a terrible ordeal for them. Why don't people believe that it is life, not merely covid, that is not a joke? Our decisions matter, sometimes hugely.

17

u/mothermucca It’s just a COVID Aug 08 '22

They all have main character syndrome, and think their plot armor will protect them. Then it doesn’t.

20

u/AliensProbably Team Mix & Match Aug 08 '22 Starry

> jesus, teach me how to relax in the belly of the boat ...

Hilariously, the stormy boat trip never could have happened. The author of Mark made up this 'Sea of Galilee' - and introduced a few other extraneous maritime adventures, presumably as he was trying to write a story more in the style of the classic Greek Odysseys.

There is a small lake in the region that he may have been thinking of, but it's tiny, and at best could perhaps produce a pleasantly soothing rocking motion.

On another trip across that same 'sea' the same unknown author has our protagonist stepping off the boat and into a region that's actually 50km away.

(This is why christians don't like it when atheists read the bible.)

13

u/Jim_Macdonald Bet you won't share! Aug 08 '22

(To the tune of "Michael Row the Boat Ashore"):

Jordan River is three feet wide
Hallelujah!
You can step to the other side
Hallelujah!

18

u/jimjam721 Aug 08 '22

Jeebus failed again.

Also: why the obsession with child trafficking?

19

u/Aazjhee Owned Lib Aug 08 '22

I expect it's because their evangelical pastors need a distraction while they steal their money and mongle the kids of the church... :(

18

u/Fabulous-Mud-9114 Team Moderna Aug 08 '22

Literally a QAnon belief.

"They" are trafficking children to do whatever weird, anti-Semitic ritual nonsense these goobers like to imagine happens so they can feel morally soothed or justified when committing atrocities.

12

u/Aazjhee Owned Lib Aug 08 '22

I expect it's because their evangelical pastors need a distraction while they steal their money and mongle the kids of the church... :(

6

u/Jim_Macdonald Bet you won't share! Aug 08 '22

Also: why the obsession with child trafficking?

It's a Q thing. Where else is Hillary going to get the adrenochrome to live forever?

18

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '22

Imagine the medical bills these stupid hillbillies ran up.. these chucklefucks will have us all paying higher insurance premiums.

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u/redvariation Winner winner COVID dinner 🍽️ Aug 08 '22

Joe's four year plan is don't die. Well Joe is still here ;)

14

u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

Hell, Uncle Joe caught the VID and still managed to push major legislation through the Senate. I guess you could say that he’s “stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive”, unlike this imbecile.

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u/Armyman125 Aug 08 '22

One poster said they have to figure it out. What is there to figure out? Get the damn vaccine!!!

9

u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

They’ve had two fucking YEARS to “figure it out”.

One more You Tube video ain’t gonna make it happen, Sister Karen.

16

u/MlleHoneyMitten Aug 08 '22

What a stupid hill to literally die on. I’m sure the earth is better for it though.

17

u/tomdurkin Aug 08 '22

Pre existing conditions. 5 young kids. totally clueless and irresponsible.

15

u/ucijeepguy Aug 08 '22

We’ll see 👀

4

u/sorryIhaveDiarrhea Aug 08 '22

The "Race war" rages without him.

35

u/pthomas745 Aug 07 '22

Oh, somewhere in this favoured land the sun is shining bright, The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light; And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout, But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Jesus has struck out.

17

u/tofuandsardines Aug 08 '22

You hit it out of the park with this one

12

u/redvariation Winner winner COVID dinner 🍽️ Aug 08 '22

A real baller.

12

u/redvariation Winner winner COVID dinner 🍽️ Aug 08 '22

Stagnater at the Bat.

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u/Born_Tough9567 Aug 08 '22

FA FO

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u/Online_Ennui Aug 08 '22

He definitely YOLO'd

10

u/MysteriousHat7343 Hermie Hermie Hermie Aug 08 '22

And Covid told him to GTFO from living

10

u/PopeOfManwichVillage Tickle Me ECMO Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 08 '22

Well, bye.

11

u/caughtyouin4kbestie Aug 08 '22

I read this and just think, what a fucking waste of life.

Sure, he was an ass and someone I would have hated IRL. But it sounds like he had people/family who cared and I just can’t imagine choosing dying and never spending a moment in time with these people again because politics.

10

u/thadarrenhenderson Aug 08 '22

It’s sad because he died for MAGA. A dumb movement which if you think about it or killing their own

13

u/PoliteCanadian2 Aug 08 '22

Wait so in March of 2020 he was already sick of hearing about Covid? Lol. The next year and a half must have been awful for him (I mean until he was too sick/dead to notice).

8

u/JejuneEsculenta Aug 08 '22

I keep seeing calls for prayers...

Followed by announcements of death.

It's almost as if prayers don't do jack shit. . .

8

u/AnnieAcely199 Moderna Gave Me My 🧲 Personality✨🎆✨ Aug 08 '22

They need to apply the same logic as the conspiracy theorists. If you call in the Prayer WarriorsTM , he'll die! Whatever you do, don't pray!

11

u/BitRunner67 Aug 08 '22

"In Need of Miracle....."
At this point it would be a Time Machine to go back in time and force him to listen in Science Class.

But it appears he didn't have much Brain Power Going for him.

9

u/redvariation Winner winner COVID dinner 🍽️ Aug 08 '22

"no way COVID is going to beat me..."

9

u/Glamour_Girl_ Hydrogen 2: Electric Boogaloo ⚡️ Aug 08 '22

COVID took that one personally. The Rocky Balboa to this goober’s Ivan Drago. Except that Ivan Drago was much cooler that this dimwit and the actor who played him majored in chemistry or something and he was, frankly, hot.

Where was I going with this??

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u/Traditional-Cake-587 Aug 08 '22

Goatee of doom....

9

u/reeferthetuxedocat Aug 08 '22

If only there was a way to not actually die from a virus.

10

u/leamanc Aug 08 '22

But, but…he said no way Covid was going to take him. Didn’t the virus listen?

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u/model-citizen95 DiD yOu HeAr It HaS hYdRoGEn DiOxIdE iN iT??!!! Aug 07 '22

I keep scouring my socials for people begging for thoughts and prayers just so I can comment: “why do I need to pray for you? Covid isn’t that serious! You look like such a sheep with that tube in your mouth!”

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6

u/arnicticon Aug 08 '22

Next up... Go Fund Me?

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u/starbetrayer 💰1 billion dollars GoFundMe💰 Aug 08 '22

GFM slide 19

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u/arnicticon Aug 08 '22

well..I'll be...

12

u/grfede1 Aug 08 '22

Yep. And they just happen to randomly mention that they are taking 5 kids to visit dad.

7

u/queen_of_spadez Aug 08 '22

Like he ever gave a crap about trafficked or missing children.

7

u/Jim_Macdonald Bet you won't share! Aug 08 '22

Most of your missing children were actually taken by non-custodial parents in nasty divorces.

7

u/mississauga99 Aug 08 '22

@op forgot to mention patient had primary ciliary dyskinesia. Dude basically had 0 chance of surviving a serious covid infection.

6

u/4quatloos Let that zink in Aug 08 '22

He had to hear about Covid one last time.

6

u/roachesincoaches Aug 08 '22

This guy didn’t seem that bad

11

u/HillSooner Aug 08 '22

Yes, one of the weakest nominees I've seen.

He did make the one statement about not going along with Cooper's mask mandate so I guess he qualifies.

No anti-vac posts provided.

6

u/satchseven Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 08 '22

That last post is terrible, how sad all the fuk he had to do was get vaccinated

7

u/BidenIsYourPOTUS Aug 08 '22

What a waste of limited ECMO resources.

6

u/AliceP00per Aug 08 '22

Comments ‘so childish’ about giving the finger to trump. Probably had a Brandon sticker somewhere.

I also had to use ‘had’ instead of ‘have’ well because ya know….

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u/Late_ImLate22222 Aug 08 '22

Has there ever been a case where the person, or their family, showed remorse and saw that they had been wrong? That Covid was a serious issue and not just a “common cold?” Seems like some of them would see the light at the end, pun intended.

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u/BidenIsYourPOTUS Aug 08 '22

Photo of people flipping off Trump Tower. Idiot: “WHY?????? JUST WHY?????”

Oh, I see. You’re profoundly dumb.

6

u/WeebCringe123 😂 Lived in fear, but saw the new year 😂 Aug 08 '22

Slide 3 lol. He was confused about how people reacted to the annoying orange losing the election and his friend calling them childish. Cue to him holding everyone back and making sure Covid wins Plague Inc. Pretty childish right there. Aw well, he isnt a problem anymore.

7

u/uncle_mort_420 Aug 08 '22

I mean when your in a pandemic I feel like a 4 year plan of not dying is pretty solid lol. The whole mocking Biden and then being butt-hurt about them mocking Trump is so republican I can’t stand it. Hypocrites, the lot of them.

7

u/ResoluteClover Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 08 '22

Slide 8 demonstrates the major problem with right critical wing thinking.

Child trafficking isn't the conspiracy theory. The conspiracy theory is who is child trafficking and why.

For instance: Clinton isn't drinking the blood of children to stay young, she didn't even look young.

Matt gaetz on the other hand, trafficked underage women to have sex with them. Nearly every organized religion has trafficked and molested children for centuries.

6

u/Silver-Toe618 Aug 08 '22

Isn’t it amazing how quick republicans are to whip up a gofundme when things get tough? You know the same ones that tell people who are homeless and hungry to just work harder, pull themselves up by the bootstraps etc. i thought they didn’t take handouts?!

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u/Tranqup Aug 08 '22

It's all fun and games until you get incubated and after some days, end up dying. All because you had to own the libs.

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u/Online_Ennui Aug 08 '22

Lol. I feel like I have so many dead owners at this point

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u/Radiant-Arm2024 Aug 08 '22

I don’t get it. He got prayers and he still died?!

4

u/RedSpartan3227 Team Pfizer Aug 08 '22

Boo hoo. Whatever.

4

u/MagazineNo6910 Aug 08 '22

Way to own the libs Bud….