r/HermanCainAward ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22 Wholesome Seal of Approval 1 Helpful 1 Take My Power 1

You wonโ€™t see this at Cracker Barrel Meme / Shitpost (Sundays)

Post image
8.9k Upvotes

185

u/bikingbill Aug 14 '22 edited Aug 14 '22

See Martin Lutherโ€™s writings on plagues.

โ€œOthers sin on the right hand. They are much too rash and reckless, tempting God and disregarding everything which might counteract death and the plague. They disdain the use of medicines; they do not avoid places and persons infected by the plague, but lightheartedly make sport of it and wish to prove how independent they are. They say that it is Godโ€™s punishment; if he wants to protect them he can do so without medicines or our carefulness. That is not trusting God but tempting him. . . .โ€

72

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

Didnโ€™t Jesus say something about donโ€™t test my father?

39

u/Paula_Polestark ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! Aug 14 '22

Matthew 4:7. From what weโ€™ve been seeing, itโ€™s one of the verses fundagelicals arenโ€™t too fond of.

17

u/KitschenWench Aug 14 '22

I don't think they much like Matthew period. Matthew 6:5 and Matthew 18:21-25 and Matthew 19:21-24 probably make them squirm and itch.

14

u/You_Dont_Party If COVID is no joke, why am I laughing? Aug 14 '22

Honestly, they like to ignore all of the gospels. Jesus himself was far too progressive and loving for their tastes.

8

u/BethMD Team Pfizer Aug 14 '22

They'll probably think you're quoting Martin Luther King and muttering, we ain't listenin' to no nigra comm-yoo-nist librul preacher....

4

u/Rucio Aug 14 '22

Source? I'd like to read more

49

u/lionguardant Aug 14 '22

โ€˜Whether One Should Avoid a Deadly Plagueโ€™, 1527. He also wrote โ€˜Therefore I shall ask God to mercifully protect us. Then I shall fumigate, help purify the air, administer medicine and take it.โ€

14

u/Kritical02 Aug 14 '22

It's easy to forget that while humanity as a whole has advanced considerably since then... People are still the same.

Reminds me of the ancient Roman graffiti that is basically the equivelant of shit you see written in bathroom stalls.

12

u/bikingbill Aug 14 '22

Technology has advanced. People? Not much.

7

u/thegirlleastlikelyto Aug 15 '22

Our brains donโ€™t appear to be equipped to handle how we interact with other human beings now. I donโ€™t know if thatโ€™s larger communities, information deluge, or simple powerlessness but our ape brains seem to be breaking.

1

u/jetbent Aug 14 '22

I didnโ€™t realize COVID and the plague were the same picture

3

u/bikingbill Aug 14 '22 edited Aug 15 '22

Edited. Never mind.

6

u/jetbent Aug 14 '22

I meant like the way covidiots treat covid today is the same way plagueidiots treated the plague half a millennium ago

1

u/whoknowsme2001 Aug 16 '22

The literal father of all modern Christianity outside of Catholicism.

144

u/blakjak66 Aug 14 '22

Look at what happens when you start serving plant-based sausage! Theyโ€™re destroying โ€˜Murica! /s

14

u/arcadecarpal Aug 14 '22

Love it! I want it so much

8

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

4

u/ChallyPrime Aug 15 '22

Morning Star is good, but you have to find the right product

5

u/blakjak66 Aug 15 '22

My daughter is vegetarian, swears by Morning Star

3

u/Pretend_Investment42 Aug 15 '22

So does my mom.

If we don't eat animals, they will get uppity.

35

u/Cultural-Answer-321 Deadpilled ๐Ÿ’€ Aug 14 '22 edited Aug 14 '22

And thou shalt smite thy detractors with real world FAFO.

Peer Review 24.12

edit: dang it. wrong word fixed

3

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

I read that as 2112 for a second. I went like โ€œooh Rushโ€

34

u/2OneZebra Aug 14 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

Ahhh lol I'm in stitches.......

75

u/filthyheartbadger ๐ŸดIvermectin Teabagโ˜•๏ธ Aug 14 '22

Thanks I love this.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '22

[removed] โ€” view removed comment

3

u/filthyheartbadger ๐ŸดIvermectin Teabagโ˜•๏ธ Aug 14 '22

Did a very scientific reverse image search and found it!

https://www.etsy.com/listing/815759213/

19

u/squirrellytoday Tickle Me ECMO Aug 14 '22

R'Amen!

11

u/anonymity_is_bliss Wasted and Horse-Pasted ๐Ÿด Aug 14 '22

Fun fact: Cracker Barrel is the name of a cheese brand in Canada, and there aren't any Cracker Barrel restaurants, so everytime I see a meme about it, I have a short moment of "why the fuck would a cheese brand have x item"

For those with more XP: what do they actually serve at Cracker Barrel?

12

u/Lehock Aug 14 '22

It's kind of like a southern-breakfast spin on an Applebee's, but with an enormous gift shop filled with candy that's as big as the seating area.

13

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

And rickety ass homemade chairs for 80 fucking bucks

7

u/C59B95G48 Aug 14 '22

80? Thatโ€™s a STEAL compared to some. I guess the pricing varies store to store. Some of those PAINFUL ASS ROCKING CHAIRS go for 200 dollars. Wtf

3

u/thejuh Aug 14 '22

And much better food.

2

u/FloppyTwatWaffle Team Mix & Match Aug 15 '22

Oh, yes, food is good. I plan road trip routes based on Cracker Barrel locations. Good bacon too, I have about 20lbs of it in my freezer.

5

u/GrunchWeefer Aug 14 '22

We have the cheese brand down here as well, which has always confused me. They seem to be unrelated.

7

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

Lots of fried foods. Fried chicken country fried steak gravy biscuits eggs bacon club sandwiches fried green tomatoes fried okra green beans lima beans steak and eggs omelettes meatloaf fried steak strips chicken and dumplings etc. normally you should be salivating but the food there is scary bad.

https://www.crackerbarrel.com/menu#

6

u/sarbah77 Covid jokes have no taste Aug 14 '22

Don't forget the rage-inducing vegan options!

4

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

Fried in pig fat?

1

u/sarbah77 Covid jokes have no taste Aug 14 '22

5

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

Itโ€™s no longer enough to just like eating meat, you have to murder all the vegetarians.

4

u/KitschenWench Aug 14 '22

Oh, don't be so hard on the poor things. Their safe space is being violated! /s (and maybe an extra /s for emphasis)

4

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

Itโ€™s true, they are the real snowflakes

4

u/BethMD Team Pfizer Aug 14 '22

Off-topic: I traveled to Iowa last week just because it was the 50th state on my bucket list. While there, I stopped at a Burger King for lunch. I ordered my usual (Impossible Burger meal with cheese, onion rings, diet soda) and the nice girl behind the counter said, "You know that's veggie, right?" Like she was warning me! I replied, "That's why I'm ordering it!" and her response was to make an ugh face at me. It was like this place didn't want to offer veg options, but Corporate made them do it so they did so without a smile. I bet she'll have stories for the family later ("Did I tell you about the weird lady that came in and didn't want beef?!!").

2

u/Pretend_Investment42 Aug 15 '22

My mom loves those things.

1

u/thejuh Aug 14 '22 edited Aug 14 '22

Their kale salad was banging. Seriously.

3

u/Cultural-Answer-321 Deadpilled ๐Ÿ’€ Aug 14 '22

Heart attacks. They serve heart attacks. :)

2

u/moisheah Laughing giraffe ๐Ÿฆ’ Aug 14 '22

With a big side helping of jeebus

1

u/BethMD Team Pfizer Aug 14 '22

Treyf.

7

u/nearly-evil Aug 14 '22

I know who I hope gets me for secret Santa

8

u/TrememphisStremph Aug 14 '22

Praise be unto Evidence-Based Best Practice ๐Ÿ™Œ

20

u/M3L0NM4N Team Mix & Match Aug 14 '22

I'm more of a peer review 4:20 guy myself.

4

u/sexymcluvin Aug 14 '22

Iโ€™ll take 8!

7

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

5

u/DiamondplateDave Aug 14 '22

Circumpolar logic?

5

u/enjoloras Aug 14 '22

Omfg I want this pattern so badly

3

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

2

u/phoenix762 Aug 14 '22

Iโ€™d love one, too๐Ÿ˜„

8

u/Hour_Dog_4781 Funny, you don't look Newish Aug 14 '22

Quality shitpost. ๐Ÿ‘Œ

4

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

Thank you. We try

10

u/cyanideclipse Aug 14 '22

For anyone who doesn't know this is a parody on the Bible verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

3

u/StrawberryPincushion Aug 14 '22

I like the alternate saying "I can do all things through a misapplied Bible verse".

3

u/Content-Method9889 Aug 14 '22

Love it! I want it so much

3

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

3

u/Cole-Rex Aug 14 '22

I would buy this as a throw pillow

3

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

When I posted this I had no idea that I was possibly setting up a Crosstitch hobby for many many people. Please PM me if you decided to take up Crosstitch because of this post.

2

u/iamaunikont Aug 14 '22

I love this!

2

u/Esquilax21 Aug 14 '22

Brad wife would make sure we wouldn't see them

2

u/GardenStateGuru Aug 14 '22

Well I need this on a shirt

1

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

2

u/Chatwoman Aug 14 '22

I'd buy this in a heartbeat

3

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

1

u/Chatwoman Aug 15 '22

You're the best

2

u/sarbah77 Covid jokes have no taste Aug 14 '22

I was hoping for a link to the pattern. I guess I'll have to be less lazy and see if someone is selling it so I can make my own.

4

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

2

u/sarbah77 Covid jokes have no taste Aug 14 '22

Thank you for indulging in my laziness, kind poster!

2

u/Br0cephous Aug 14 '22

Praise the maker!

3

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

โ€ฆand his Water. Bless the coming and going of Him.
May His passage cleanse the world.
May He keep the world for His people.

I couldnโ€™t resist

2

u/MageMasher_Online Aug 15 '22

If you ever meet a Bible Thumper just ask them this single question:

Using the Bible, give me the chapter and verse that says which books belong in the Bible

2

u/nikki1234567891011 Aug 14 '22

I want this!

2

u/phoenix762 Aug 14 '22

Iโ€™d love a print out so I can do one๐Ÿ˜„

2

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

1

u/MandyKCraig Aug 14 '22

โ™ฅ๏ธ The lack of comments says so much โ€ฆ. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ

2

u/olgreasysteve Aug 14 '22

What does it say?

1

u/ChildishPerspective Aug 14 '22

Probably not a Cracker Barrel, but bet you could find a few major food and beverage industries whoโ€™d absolutely love it. A nice memento of the food pyramid.

0

u/djloid2010 Aug 14 '22

Cracker Barrel is literally the worst. It's the only place I've ever walked out on a meal (I paid but wouldn't eat). When the food came out it was all grey and beige and flavorless. I don't know how Americans eat there. I took two bits and decided I couldn't eat that garbage. It was the one in Madison, Wisconsin.

2

u/PoliticalECMOChamber Super Shedder Aug 14 '22

I don't know how Americans eat there.

Most of us don't.

1

u/Cultural-Answer-321 Deadpilled ๐Ÿ’€ Aug 14 '22

I don't get the downvotes. The food really is bad and just bland on a good day.

1

u/FloppyTwatWaffle Team Mix & Match Aug 15 '22

Every one I have been to has been good.

1

u/FloppyTwatWaffle Team Mix & Match Aug 15 '22

Every Cracker Barrel I've been to has been great. I have eaten at the Ritz and other fine establishments and it's -not- the Ritz, but for basic comfort food I think it's pretty damn good.

Edit: All the bad spelling I keep seeing here is rubbing off.

1

u/econtrariety Aug 14 '22

This is a thing of beauty.

1

u/FlippingPossum If your seatbelts work, why do you care about mine? Aug 14 '22

Love this!

1

u/Polydactyly233 Aug 14 '22

The OP clearly has never had to deal with Reviewer #2.

1

u/Suckmyflats Aug 14 '22

I'd buy this

1

u/BethMD Team Pfizer Aug 14 '22

You're right. I won't see that in a Cracker Barrel...because ever since their anti-LGBT discrimination of the 90's, I wouldn't sent foot in a Cracker Barrel for one billion tax-free dollars. Fuck them.

1

u/buzzcut_lizzy Hungry Hungry HIPPA Aug 14 '22

Truly, this is the word of many years experience and practice.

1

u/NkhukuWaMadzi Aug 14 '22

Cracker's Barrel?

1

u/Cucker_Tarlson_666 Aug 15 '22

Okay. I need this. Is there an ETSY shop?

1

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 17 '22

You. An get the pattern for free

The url is all over the comments

1

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 17 '22

1

u/Pretend_Investment42 Aug 15 '22

I'll take up needlepoint just to have that.

1

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 17 '22

Judging by the comments you will not be alone

1

u/supaswag69 Aug 17 '22

This is some pure /r/atheism cringe

-4

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '22

[removed] โ€” view removed comment

5

u/Sidvicioushartha ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ’€ โ˜ ๏ธ Space Jews โ˜ ๏ธ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ Aug 14 '22

Have you never been to a Cracker Barrel? They have Jesus needlepoint shit all over the place.

0

u/dgillz Aug 14 '22

How is this related to cracker barrel?

1

u/Cultural-Answer-321 Deadpilled ๐Ÿ’€ Aug 14 '22

Needlepoint is the type of kitsch sold at Cracker Barrel gift shops.