Lifetime Achievement Award Update: 7 months after his fatal brush with covid that left him on ECMO, Red still has a few more hurdles to jump through. Link in comments
Lifetime Achievement Award Story of my next-door neighbor who threw pool parties during lockdown, and almost won the HCA
(Note: I don’t know of her socials, if she even has any. I’ve got enough to tell to make up for it tho.)
Meet my next-door neighbor, “Poolie”. An elderly aged woman who is a staunch Republican courthouse employee, a Trump voter, and as her nickname applies, owns a pool where obnoxious screaming crotch goblins run rampant like Covid itself. Poolie, as expected, believed that “Covid is a bio-weapon created by the Chinese!” and other baseless conspiracy theories perpetuated by Fox and Friends in her own words. During lockdown, she never socially distanced herself or wore masks near her eardrum piercing party guests, and the vaccine wasn’t around quite yet.
Draining the swamp: Of course, no nasty jab from Dr. Fraudcci will ever get her to care, so Covid decided to give Poolie some immunity, personally. The parties finally stopped for awhile, at last, no more horrific shrilling of tiny children damaging my sensitive ears…Why? Poolie‘s health had gone south, what we first thought to be a mild case of pneumonia. Then, it gradually worsened to one fateful night, where she was transported by Ambulance to the hospital for catching Covid. Oh, the sinister smirk streaking across my face as she also caught a terminal case of Karma.
(Almost) Deadpool: Her family kept in touch with the neighborhood, reporting on her deteriorating condition as it only worsened every week or so. The news broke out that she was intubated, and the difference between life and death fell into the plug of life support. Luckily for Poolie, her family refused to pull, and kept her alive to annoy us all with more pool parties of her screaming crotch goblins. In short, don’t do parties during global Heath crises, kids!