r/HolUp 26d ago

Happier cows Shitpost - Removed

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132k Upvotes

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3k

u/NoNameNoWerries 26d ago

The Mootrix

1k

u/Evacipate628 26d ago

"I know kung-moo"

577

u/R2CX 26d ago

Come on! Stop trying to milk me and milk me!

270

u/complexityspeculator 26d ago

Do you think that’s milk you’re drinking now? Hmm?

123

u/GrimmFox13 26d ago edited 26d ago

Do you believe that my being faster and stronger has anything to do with your udders in this place?

Edit: spelling. Thanks for the spellcheck fellow redditors

33

u/Vik0BG 26d ago

Do you like the cow in the red dress?

19

u/gliitch0xFF 26d ago

You moo'd like they do. I've never seen anyone moo that fast.

2

u/Jpl3k 25d ago

underrated comment *claps*

2

u/Bd0llar 21d ago

What good is a phone call if you’re unable to milk?

8

u/flip1999- 26d ago

Follow the white heifer

27

u/verbosehuman 26d ago

*udders

-3

u/stiggiebird 26d ago

Are you sure that’s the right spelling?

9

u/verbosehuman 26d ago

Utters has other meanings.

8

u/doejinn 26d ago

Can confirm this one has the right spelling and not the udder one.

1

u/beariel_ 11d ago

Please be joking

19

u/Fineus 26d ago

You're empty.

So are you.

6

u/gliitch0xFF 26d ago edited 26d ago

I can see this scene play out. It is equal parts entertaining as it is disturbing.

4

u/Renguezzerini 26d ago

This is the best one

39

u/you-have-efd-up-now 26d ago

coweanu reeves - "mwhoa"

20

u/jaxonya 26d ago edited 26d ago

Were you paying attention or were you looking at the heifer in the red cowhide?

16

u/you-have-efd-up-now 26d ago

what are you trying to tell me? that i can dodge steak knives ?

I'm saying that when you're ready. you won't have moo

48

u/woodscradle 26d ago

Do you take the red milk or the blue milk? Milk milk milk? Moo milk matrix moo

12

u/DreamWithinAMatrix 26d ago

Would you like your steak red or well done?

26

u/POB_42 26d ago

"I know this steak doesnt exist"

17

u/Fineus 26d ago

Ignorance is bliss.

3

u/BrandX3k 26d ago

"I know this 1000$ prostitute doesn't exist!"

2

u/a_vitor 26d ago

„Just dehorn it, wipe its ass, and bring it to the table“

2

u/Adrasos 26d ago

This might be my favourite thread on Reddit so far. Godspeed.

24

u/Originalstickers 26d ago

It's the dung, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.

21

u/BALONYPONY 26d ago

Never send a human to do a moochines job...

26

u/Fineus 26d ago

Mooster Anderson, we've milked you.

3

u/WolframFE 26d ago

Wake up Moo... Follow the white cow.

27

u/ZenkaiZ 26d ago

I normally browse reddit 100% stone faced no matter how much "funny" stuff I see, but this one got me legit belly laughing.

14

u/[deleted] 26d ago

[deleted]

9

u/booba_facka 26d ago

Who are you trying to hide from

11

u/VariableVeritas 26d ago

Sssshhh. You’re going to spook them and then my cover is blown.

3

u/anyearl 26d ago

and it will be udderly cowtastrophic

10

u/DreamWithinAMatrix 26d ago edited 26d ago

Shit, this made me spit out my milk

5

u/3ntropy303 26d ago

Same, and I haven’t had milk in years as I lack toast and tolerance

3

u/DreamWithinAMatrix 26d ago

Try to realize the truth: there is no milk

1

u/3ntropy303 26d ago

It just burns SO much coming out of my nose

1

u/Jmatusew 25d ago

Don’t cry over it!

1

u/Lolkimbo 26d ago edited 26d ago

Do not try to milk the udders, that's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth… there is no milk...

1

u/doejinn 26d ago

Got ...no milk?

1

u/Jmatusew 26d ago

Great, the digital pimp at work

1

u/createdforsmut 26d ago

Sounds like a bratty sub :D

1

u/flip1999- 26d ago

No...not like this

0

u/GarciaJones 26d ago

“I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?”

Shit sorry, wrong movie.

1

u/doejinn 26d ago

Caaan you Milk it? yes you can! sorry, wrong movie.

40

u/goddamnaged 26d ago

Agh, i thought i was pretty clever coming up with this, but you beat me by 6 minutes. Upvote!

44

u/ThorTheDoor 26d ago

Great job mooorpheus. Give them the horns.

19

u/andrewpz10 26d ago

He's beginning to beefieve.

23

u/I_Stole_Ur_Cat 26d ago

You take the short grass, the story ends, you wake up in the pasture and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the long grass, you stay in wonderland and I show you how deep the human hole goes.

6

u/BranchPredictor 26d ago

Red pill or a hormone pill??

2

u/Mujokan 26d ago

Here you will normally get beaten to the punch but that's the price you pay for the flip side of infinite morons.

2

u/GamsusDesign 26d ago

Deja moó.

2

u/goddamnaged 26d ago

You. Are. The. Best. I laughed all the wayout loud in public.

7

u/Accujack 26d ago

3

u/you-have-efd-up-now 26d ago

i can't believe this exists

3

u/Accujack 26d ago

It's an awesome movie, actually. Same guy who made "thumbtanic", a version of the movie Titanic acted out entirely by thumbs.

1

u/Iohet 26d ago

Though the animator for this fight scene was the guy who did Killer Bean, Jeff Lew

1

u/-GrnDZer0- 25d ago

Love this movie so much. Weeeeeuu we youweuyuyuy

1

u/-strangeluv- 25d ago

You should watch the whole thing. It's a cult classic.

-1

u/Bromisto 26d ago

Ah, you got it.

This is what the person is thinking of.

The plot of the Matrix was not, "literally" about putting VR on cows to make them happier.

Idiotic.

1

u/me3zzyy 26d ago

R u gay

2

u/Bromisto 25d ago

I'm whatever you want me to be.

Are you one of the 107k moronic people that upvote somebody using the word, "literally" for emphasis?

1

u/me3zzyy 25d ago

Yes. I see funny. I upvote funny. Not trying to take english classes here.

0

u/Bromisto 24d ago

You don't have to, "take an english class" to not talk like a moron or support morons.

1

u/me3zzyy 24d ago

I guess you use reddit to vent the frustration of your shitty life. Well, you do you buddy.

0

u/Bromisto 24d ago edited 22d ago

No, that has nothing to do with what we are talking about, but then again, English is probably your first language and you can barely speak it, so I shouldn't expect anything remotely intelligent come from your user account.

edit: and of course, you're so butt-hurt you have to downvote comments, because you're an emotional child.

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5

u/Drackzgull 26d ago

"Show moo"

8

u/DamnYouVodka 26d ago

I am not a-moo-sed

2

u/SerchnSukyoor 26d ago

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist?

They had a scene with a cow and a Matrix parody.

1

u/tanafras 26d ago

https://youtu.be/LxXjsQbCZR8

Remember. Avoid. The Meadow.

1

u/Siddharth_Ranjan Stop banning me ok? 26d ago

freezes bullets in the air

1

u/Katakros 26d ago

Cuds, we need lots of cuds.

1

u/Drunk_Sorting_Hat 26d ago

Starring Keamoo Reeves

1

u/BlueKnight273 26d ago

I wanna learn Moo-Jitsu