r/HolUp 5d ago Silver 3 Helpful 2 Wholesome 7

What the dog doin?

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43.4k Upvotes

u/QualityVote 5d ago

If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!

If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!


Whilst you're here, /u/hornmelon, why not join our public discord server or play on our public Minecraft server?

4.3k

u/someRndy 5d ago

Number 15 - ground me if you want, nothing will unfuck the Thanksgiving turkey

543

u/IA-HI-CO-IA 5d ago

Extra protein.

107

u/Thick_Bobcat786 5d ago

Don't forget the mayo

79

u/Oneloff 5d ago

Is already inside

71

u/yerdatren 5d ago

Someone call that young republican man with the large head

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u/JackieColeman33 5d ago

I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.

32

u/mtlaw13 5d ago

I mean I guess if I can't taste it* and it* won't make me sick, then I'd begrudgingly agree.

*Boogers and/or cum

24

u/Vlix_Siren 4d ago Take My Energy

Boogers and cum, that's called the Yelper special. Boogers and cum, say what's that on your pretzel? Your online critiques are real useful to some, Now have a good time eating boogers and cum.

Boogers and cum, someone farted on your salad? Boogers and cum, but your decor critiques are valid. You think you're special like you're A-number one, Well, there's a whole lot of special in boogers and cum.

Boogers and cum, how 'bout some feces with your flounder? Boogers and cum, you like that queefy quarter pounder?

4

u/GrumpyKoopa 4d ago

Nice callback XD

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u/mopsyd 5d ago

No thank you, I’m vegan

Oh really? When did that happen?

Today.

Well we’ll be more accommodating next year.

Nope don’t worry, it’s only for today.

57

u/CalmExplanatio 5d ago

"But firrrrst, lemme take a selfie"

87

u/A-purple-bird 5d ago

Lol, i should try this

14

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

17

u/A_RAND0M_J3W 4d ago

I mean, I had a Beagle that would Houdini himself onto the top of the fridge.

3

u/KittyinTheRiver_OhNo 4d ago

..Did he have Beagle wings?

3

u/A_RAND0M_J3W 4d ago

We believe he would push a chair across the kitchen, and then the momentum of his fat ass leaping would shove it back across the kitchen as he jumped onto the counter. Then it was just climbing on things from there.

5

u/KittyinTheRiver_OhNo 4d ago

A total tomb raider at night

9

u/mopsyd 4d ago

We know it’s a joke and so is the reply. Why so serious?

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u/Binarytobis 4d ago

I can’t imagine ever eating at that house again.

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u/yeetskeetleet 5d ago Silver

number 15

Thanksgiving dog turkey

The last thing you want in your thanksgiving turkey is a dog’s dick fungus. But as it turns out, that might be what you get

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u/CurtisLeow 5d ago

This is the thought process behind vampires preferring virgins.

https://youtu.be/DR2rGt_4T4A

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u/MissplacedLandmine 5d ago edited 5d ago

Hello brother

Were commenting this video at nearly the same time 😂

https://youtu.be/bBl3QN2murQ

Seems yours is a more direct cut tho

Edit: yall “what we do in the shadows” is a lit movie it used to be more obscure

Theres also a show thats been running. Shit is hilarious and they try to have as many other vampire actors cameo as they can

4

u/jayden8003 5d ago

that’s some wild animal porn

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u/catmatix 5d ago

Thor really thawing it out

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2.5k

u/WhoThenDevised 5d ago Silver Gold Wholesome Bravo Grande!

It's hard to quit cold turkey.

230

u/winwinnwinnie 5d ago

pack it up everyone, we’re done

36

u/onemanfromaustralia 4d ago

Wow. I laughed hard at this comment. You won the internet for today.

188

u/NeoHenderson 5d ago edited 5d ago

This is the best comment I’ve seen on Reddit in a while.

Edit:

I’ve been thinking of making a new account for the last little while and I’ve decided to retire this account without commenting on anything else. Feels like a good place to call it.

Nice joke 👍 well done

85

u/joe4645 5d ago

My man read the comment and dipped

9

u/cownd 4d ago

On a post like this…

24

u/PorcupineTheory madlad 5d ago

Oof.

17

u/ApeCheeksClapper 5d ago

I was here.

15

u/2SpoonyForkMeat 5d ago

If you're quitting, can you give me all your old stuff?

10

u/SOLE_SIR_VIBER 5d ago

You want that 210k karma don’t you

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u/cownd 4d ago

Stuffing?

13

u/wilburshootme 5d ago

its been real partner🤝

9

u/EuphoricCube78 5d ago

So long partner

5

u/BangBangSpiderGang 4d ago

Joke was so good it made a man retire

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u/IcyAssist 5d ago

By the time it's dinnertime the juices will be cold alright.

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u/Norman_Bixby 5d ago

this is the best comment of 2022

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3.2k

u/username6963 5d ago Helpful

Mf THE DOG IS LITERALLY FUCKING THE TURKEY AND YOU'RE TAKING A PHOTO 💀💀

570

u/TheCockAndWomble 5d ago

He’s just basting it.

Masturbasting.

150

u/Spencer94 5d ago

This isn't the stuffing they thought was gonna be in the turkey

7

u/ILS_APL_99 4d ago

It's the secret ingredient.

41

u/BigPackHater 5d ago

Back off I'm bastin' here!

4

u/Lost_Traveler88 5d ago

A MasterBaster

4

u/MegaGrimer 4d ago

He's a Master Baster!

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u/poonmangler 5d ago

I mean it's already fucked. You want them to unfuck the turkey??

50

u/deliciousprisms 5d ago

Go ahead. Unfuck your dinner.

11

u/Cascadiandoper 4d ago

Exactly. Dog needs to learn how to share, it's been my turn for a while now, he's been beating up dem guts far too long. At least he's tenderized it ahead of time.

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u/Equal-Bus-557 4d ago

Ground me if you want, nothing will unfuck the Thanksgiving turkey

3

u/Jafaris79 4d ago

Might as well join in

346

u/deadsoulinside 5d ago

This was my thought

303

u/CatJBou 5d ago

Same. Quickly followed by the fact that if you're not strong enough to lift that dog off the turkey or take the turkey away from the dog, you deserve neither turkeys nor dogs.

26

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

26

u/Lambolover-17 5d ago

I got humped by a dog when I was 12. Dog sleep on the floor kids, you might wake up to a face fucking from a black lab.

31

u/oasinocean 5d ago

After reading your comment I misread your username as lablover

11

u/noiwontpickaname 5d ago

Colby no!

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u/bigoomp 5d ago

Well that's a bit harsh. You deserve turkeys and dogs, no matter how tiny you are. Even 1 centimeter

38

u/fozzyboy 5d ago

Call me lengthist, but I disagree. 1cm people aren't capable of handling the responsibility of dog care. They're also a choke hazard.

10

u/LittlePurr76 5d ago

But they can joust the fleas, so there's that...

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u/CatJBou 5d ago

I said nothing of size. Smaller people can have turkeys and dogs, but we should live within our turkey-dog means. I had a dog that weighed as much as me, but I made sure to keep up my strength training. You never know when your doggo will need a lift.

33

u/Urizel 5d ago

You never know when your doggo will need a lift.

Or whom it will try to hump next.

25

u/ChocolateUnlucky1214 5d ago

"Doggy help, I'm stuck in the washing machine!"

13

u/SenseiTizi 5d ago

*Step doggy

30

u/Ameteur_Professional 5d ago

One time I was at the dog park and a fight broke out between a couple of dogs. Mostly medium sized dogs are trying to mess with a Cane Corso.

Well, the people who were supposed to be handling those medium sized dogs were absolutely helpless. 0 control over their dogs and couldn't physically interfere if they wanted to. Meanwhile this absolute giant of a man comes up, bear hugs what's probably 120 lbs of Corso, and just walks away with his dog like it's nothing.

5

u/TzamachTavlool 5d ago

That was Uomo Corso

7

u/Consistent-River4229 5d ago

This is apparently her mum's devil dog. My mum would have told me you can wash it off when he's finished.

3

u/Zealousideal-Box5367 5d ago

Sir I'll have you know that after owning two dogs I can confidently tell you that we in fact do not deserve dogs.

...11 years of marriage and Samwise taught me what love is.

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u/mark636199 5d ago

But he was snarling at them obviously they can't do anything after that /s

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u/Ethan0pia 5d ago

Have you ever tried to interupt an angry and horny chihuahua? I'd probably just take a picture, too.

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u/jaytrade21 5d ago

I was doing some Amazon delivery for a while after a Covid layoff. I rarely had an issue with a larger dog. The only time I was attacked was due to a chihuahua. They are the devil incarnate.

21

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

8

u/Minuku 5d ago

Same experience. My uncle has a chihuahua and it couldn't be better behaved. It is all about training and a Labrador or German Shepard would also act in a similar way if "trained" like some people train their chihuahua.

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u/ShebaWasTalking 5d ago

Shoot, I've been straight up attacked by chihuahuas. They are evil, punted two those little demons for attacking my German Shepherds given the fact that chihuahuas have been known to kill German Shepherds.

6

u/therealscottenorman 5d ago

Only Chihuahua owners have ever met a Chihuahua that didn't want to bite them

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u/CALIFORNIUMMAN 5d ago

To be fair, you can't UN fuck the turkey at that point.

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u/numbernumber99 5d ago

Right? Contact has already been made. Another 5 seconds won't make much difference, and you might as well get a funny pic out of it.

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u/PainStorm14 5d ago

Just wash it no problem

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u/RAYMBO 5d ago

I know! Get that dog a cigarette and a ham sandwich for God's sake. Don't just sit there taking sexy photos.

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u/NeedsMoreBunGuns 5d ago

That dog didn't get up there unassisted. Shit is staged in a fucked up kind of way.

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u/Key-Ad525 5d ago

"But firrrrst, lemme take a selfie"

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u/Herasy_enthusiast 5d ago

3

u/randomly-what 5d ago

It’s from the crazy Jewish mom Instagram account from several years ago

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u/EuroPolice madlad 5d ago

No one said it was an extra virgin turkey

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u/buffinator2 5d ago

The damage has already been done.

2

u/LivingImpairedd 5d ago

The dog was placed on the counter for the photo though

2

u/chillmntn 5d ago

That’s just fowl!

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u/SenorJeffer 5d ago

Memes are more important than turkey

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u/Zanemob_ 5d ago

So this is that “Horndog” everyone keeps talking about?

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u/Smaptastic 5d ago

No it’s a turdogcum.

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u/AdAdvanced1313 5d ago

Do we call it doggy style or turkey style ? 😐

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u/Psychofischi 5d ago

Dogkey style

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u/Opposite-Garbage-869 5d ago

Insanity, yesterday I saw a rottweiler humping a feeble elderly lady.😂

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u/vibribbonloregiver 5d ago

Did you do anything to intervene?

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u/SaltedScimitar 5d ago

He posted about it on reddit

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u/CantFeelMyLegs78 5d ago

Did you take pictures and ask other what to do about it? Just wash her off, she'll be fine

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u/AdAdvanced1313 5d ago

Turd style ? 😐

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u/AvoidMySnipes 5d ago

Turdog

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u/sbrick89 5d ago

Yup, dog definitely be turdogging it

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u/oliver-hart 5d ago

you mean durkey?

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u/NRMusicProject 5d ago

Dogkey punch

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u/Wooden_Spell_778 5d ago

Donkey style

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u/Hegemon_Smith 5d ago

Turfucken

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u/bikedaybaby 5d ago

Turkish delight?

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u/Ballytis 5d ago

Stuffing that turkey i see

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u/pm_me_your_gentiles 5d ago

Basting it too hopefully

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u/ChompyChomp 5d ago

Turfucken

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u/max210893 4d ago

Weirdest gravy ever

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u/LahamaDutta006 5d ago

My baby's in love! 🥺🥰

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u/PainStorm14 5d ago

He is pumping hot gravy into that turkey

42

u/King-Andy 5d ago

He’s spewing his broth all over that plump turkey.

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u/ImpossibleAdz 5d ago

Basting those hard to reach spots.

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u/Ron_Way 5d ago

Can't wait more Thanksgiving day posts in relationship subs

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u/fire_born 5d ago

This why you can’t eat at everyone’s house

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u/brightlyagreeable13 5d ago

If I were there I'll immediately leave the house w/out even questioning or asking what's going on'

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u/FlyingDragoon 5d ago

Finally, some privacy with the Turkey...

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u/stunamogus 5d ago

Better question WHAT THE MOM DOING

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u/painstaking_poster 5d ago

That's the BEST QUESTIONS

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Tidalsky114 5d ago

Getting stuffed

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u/UbicaBL 5d ago

mommies' secret sauce 🤤

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u/KaffY- 5d ago

i mean it's obviously fake

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u/HomoFlaccidus 5d ago

Dinner is at six? Yeah, fuck that! I'm showing up in the morning to watch y'all cook. Don't mind me, I'll just be sitting quietly over there.

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u/Just-a-cat-lady 5d ago

Replying to this comment at 8:30 a.m. watching my aunt cooking dinner lol

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u/parchedlitre99 5d ago

Why does the Mom reply like she's had to do it before and it worked? Mom, what the heck?

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u/wonkey_monkey 5d ago

Why did someone take a photo and text mom instead of just yelling

And who lifted Thor onto the counter

This and other questions I can't be bothered to answer

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u/[deleted] 5d ago edited 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/PapaFormigasDeBoxers 5d ago

"Man this turkey is really moist on the inside... Also tastes lemony! Yum!"

🤮

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u/Devinalh 5d ago

Lemony??? Where on earth cum tastes like lemon?

93

u/Penyrolewen1970 5d ago

Dogs’, apparently…

25

u/mythrowawaynotyers 5d ago

and that's enough reddit for today.

50

u/TruthPlenty 5d ago

I think it would be from the washing it with dish soap.

30

u/Etherius 5d ago

I interpret this as them using lemon scented soap to wash it off

20

u/-Badger2- 5d ago

You’ve never been to a lemon party?

9

u/Negative_reason5898 5d ago

What does it taste like? Asking for a school group project.

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u/Russian-8ias 4d ago

Group project? Damn you guys have it good.

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u/Micasa5000 5d ago

Throwing out the turkey and cooking the dog at this point

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u/zshah99 5d ago

Thor about to release his lightening on that turkey

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u/smut_butler 5d ago

Someone put that dog on the counter specifically for a photo like this.

7

u/borgax 5d ago

Scrolled a loooong way to find someone talking about a dog that small on the counter. Either it was put up there or you somehow have a setup that lets a dog like that get up on the counter.

If the latter, you deserve to get your turkey fucked.

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u/BigBlackSeaCucumber 5d ago

High in protein

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u/DKIPurple 5d ago

Gym bros love will this turkey 💪

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u/avwitcher 5d ago

Actually there's only about .8 grams of protein per 25 grams of dog cum

5

u/Skatchbro 5d ago

I would love to the grant application that funded the study that researched this.

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u/checkyourguns 5d ago

"ohhh, you can't eat at everybody's house"

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u/mtempissmith 5d ago

When I was a teenager I went to Thanksgiving at a friend's. While the turkey was cooling down a bit her cats stole it and dragged it out into the backyard and tore it apart and ate off it.

We ate the sides, desserts and pizza...

😂😂😂

8

u/The_Last_Snow-Elf 5d ago

The turkey is a little salty

8

u/parchedfuddyduddy 4d ago

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u/Haunt12_34 4d ago

It’s feeling like Facebook here.

5

u/waiver 5d ago

"You didn't notice the extra flavor last year"

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u/Endorkend 5d ago

What's a turducken called if a dog stuffed it first?

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u/JimmyB_52 5d ago

TurGokkun

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u/showmeschnauzers 5d ago

🎶 you can't eat at everybody's house 🎶

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u/Snoo35470 5d ago

See this is why you can't be eating at everybody's house

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u/kwazimot0 5d ago

This is why I don’t trust other peoples cooking, you never know what they are and aren’t okay with

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u/SmokeyDaReaper 5d ago

Throw that little ass dog off the turkey? Wtf kind've stupid shit..

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u/baodeptraitocxoan69 5d ago

too bad you cant unfuck the thanksgiving turkey now

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u/SnoopingStuff 5d ago

Yeet! Splat! Yipe, yipe , yipe . No photograph evidence. Water running. Mumbling.. ! “ mf ugly dog”

5

u/n0th1ngspecial 5d ago

U can't eat at everyone house

4

u/PotatoesMcLaughlin 5d ago

The jizz adds flavor.

9

u/gulcerensert 5d ago

Fuck man necropholia

3

u/smleires 5d ago

Call Alucard. Someone finally fucked the fear turkey.

3

u/benderling1550 5d ago

Turdogin. It's a dog inside a turkey.

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u/Think_Aspect4639 5d ago

Mane hell nah. Gotta throw the whole thing away. But even more importantly. Why the fuckin dog on the counter in the first place

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u/Upstairs-Minimum5404 5d ago

Reason #47291 why I don't trust the food at other people's house

3

u/New_Roll_3101 4d ago

Ground me all you want, nothing will un-fuck the Thanksgiving turkey!

6

u/Elder_god_of_blood 5d ago

Just like Thor, always fucking things

2

u/SemiCircleSquare 5d ago

Is that how giblet gravy is made?

2

u/Comf0rtableAnxiety 5d ago

The secret ingredient

2

u/Diels_Alder 5d ago

Can we talk about how that dog is covered in raw turkey?

3

u/SnoopingStuff 5d ago

Salmonella can’t kill a chihuahua. They are cockroaches of dogs

3

u/wonkey_monkey 5d ago

Can we talk about how that turkey is covered in raw dog?

2

u/WeebPansy 5d ago

That dog getting that Salmonella

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u/VinSmokesOnDiesel 5d ago

Well someone had to stuff the turkey

2

u/Bloo-shadow 5d ago

I mean…as gross as that is cooking the turkey probably would make it safe to eat considering how hot it would be. The real question here though is how the fuck did a dog that size get up on the counter

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u/ranoutofbacon 5d ago

Every family has their little secret ingredient for the turkey.

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u/DrizzleD1229 5d ago

That’s nasty

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u/kanoteardrops 5d ago

Holy shit I wish I was blind

2

u/waltzing_sloth 5d ago

HIAWATHA!