r/MadeMeSmile • u/h0494 • Aug 04 '21
After years of battling anorexia and reaching my lowest weight of 80lbs… I’ve finally reached triple digits again Small Success
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u/Erroneous-Monk421 Aug 04 '21
I’m proud of you. I have a daughter struggling with numbers. I can’t say I’m proud of her without her thinking it might mean something else. I am proud of how she faces and manages her struggles nonetheless. Your pride makes me happy.
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u/h0494 Aug 04 '21
During the beginning of my recovery my partner wasn’t allowed to even mention that I was eating food but now I love it when he is proud of me. A healthy support system is so important and I’m glad she has a parent like you:)
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u/PlutoJones42 Aug 04 '21
I’m so glad you have someone that can understand and help. I wish you the best
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u/3rd-time-lucky Aug 04 '21
Thank you for your sensitivity. As a 60yr old on-off anorexic, nothing turns me off food so much as my dining companions commenting on 'how well' I'm eating. In reality I know they're happy for me, but all I hear is "I'm noticably stuffing my face".
Such a very fine line...but at least they've all learned not to steal any chips until my knife and fork is crossed!!
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u/badassmamabear Aug 04 '21
As a 48 year old on and off bulimic I completely agree, my Dad used to say things like "should I bother making you any dinner because if you're just going to throw it up then it's a waste" and "Looks like you've put on a bit of weight" he had no clue how comments like that were making me worse.
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u/elegantbutter Aug 04 '21
It's helpful to hear and know what sorts of comments are harmful (while some are obvious) and what sorts of comments are helpful! Thank you for providing insight.
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u/badassmamabear Aug 04 '21
Basically the best thing for us is for no one to mention anything about food or weight or going to the bathroom after eating, it's something we have to deal with and so many "encouraging, innocent" comments will do so much damage and will never go away, they're in your head always. Thank you for being interested, I wish more people were like you.
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u/_zorrothecat Aug 04 '21
During my eating disorder recovery and, years later, heroin addiction, when people would watch me eat, say “you look well” or “looking good”. Like bitch I know I looked like I had one fit in the grave and the other 6 ft above on a banana peel.
And I know they meant well; it just sounded like nails on a chalkboard.
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u/sq009 Aug 04 '21
For the non americans here:
OP went from 36kg to 45kg.
Congrats to your health OP! Stay healthy!
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u/Reyes210 Aug 04 '21
If i could give you the helping hands award i would but I'm broke so take my upvote aand gratitude for being so courteous to our non-amercian friends
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u/uncreative123pi4 Aug 04 '21
I just googled myself, but thanks nonetheless!
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u/mr_fantastical Aug 04 '21
and for the brits (who dont live in europe):
OP went from 5st 9lb to 7st 1lb
that's a crazy low starting weight, it's so encouraging and positive to read about the progress OP is making. Well done!!
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u/LaBetaaa Aug 04 '21
Thanks. That is lower than I thought, in my mind it's roughly half
But it's great progress ☺️
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u/Puzzled_Ad2088 Aug 04 '21
Well done. Your beautiful and so is food. Enjoy both in equal measures. Went down that path at 14 - I’m 53 now and am grateful every day I turned that corner. Xxxx
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u/skoree Aug 04 '21
You should continue your healthy journey by seeing a doctor about your feet. Do your big toes ache and feel stiff very often (multiple days per week)? Because it appears that you are developing bunions and/or bone spurs. Please get that looked at cuz you need your feet.
My ex had serious bunions and bone spurs that she ignored for too long and ended up needing surgery and permanent screws. Don't be like her
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u/h0494 Aug 04 '21
TIL my feet look weird! They have always looked like this and I haven’t dealt with any pain. No harm in getting them looked at as I do really enjoy walking. Thanks!
Also, for those wondering- I don’t wear high heels or pointy shoes, my shoes are usually big bc finding shoes for wide small feet is hard, I’m not a dancer or an athlete, and my feet have always looked like this
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u/flora-poste Aug 04 '21 edited Aug 04 '21
I’m going out on a limb here, but I want to share in case there’s a chance this will help you. I’m so happy you are feeling better than you were. Bunions (like you have) are a sign of some genetic disorders. In my case, I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. I didn’t live in heels, and I was very thin, so it wasn’t my “fault” that I developed bunions. I had them since I was a teen. I finally had surgery to repair them, and I’m SO relieved. Honestly I had no concept of how much pain they caused my whole body. Getting them repaired was life-changing. Along with bunions, I had a bunch of other strange symptoms, which contributed to depression and anxiety throughout my life. Now that I know the cause, it’s given me self-awareness and motivation to keep getting better. Many people with Ehlers-Danlos have neurological co-morbidities (accompanying conditions) such as Asperger’s, ADHD, or OCD. There was a JAMA article in December on a study that confirmed that. Neurological challenges such as OCD contribute to anorexia. Again, I’m not trying to diagnose you, but in your journey to wellness you may find this information useful. If you have any questions, DM me. If not, just know that you have an internet big sister who is really proud of you!
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u/cutebleeder Aug 04 '21
Keep up the good work! Do you have a goal range?
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u/Thomas00404 Aug 04 '21
This is awesome! My wife was anorexic. She would eat and then throw it up to the point that the enamel on her teeth had eroded. She's now at 112 lbs, she's 5'4", and she's healthy. I'm so happy for you. I pray you find happiness.
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u/oujiasshole Aug 04 '21
its bulimia not anorexia, anorexia is just food restricting , bulimia is eating/binging then restricting
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u/Demighosty Aug 04 '21
That's amazing! I'm with you too, just hit 100lb after being underweight for years :D
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u/Floor-tank Aug 04 '21
Nice, way to go! Also I love love love the tattoos on your feet!
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u/h0494 Aug 04 '21
Thank you! The ‘I love you’s are my grandparents handwriting from my old postcards :’)
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u/restyourbreasts Aug 04 '21
That is beautiful. What a lovely way to remember them!! Also this post should be BIG success. Congratulations. Keep up the good work.
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u/PlutoJones42 Aug 04 '21
You’re a bad ass, and I’d absolutely fucking love a link for those pants. Look comfy af. If you’re ever in a bad spot, please feel free to message me, I’d love to talk. I always took food as a way to escape the world, and it’s lead to some weight issues along the years. Please don’t ever feel sad about where you’re at. If you are trying to improve, you’re a bad ass mother fucker for doing it. My line’s always open, and I know you’ll kick the shit out of this situation. Go get ‘em!!!
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u/Senquility Aug 04 '21
bruh why do so many people put it as SMALL SUCCESS
BRUH ITS FRIGGIN ANOREXIA
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u/Reyes210 Aug 04 '21
I hope you are proud of yourself! Look at you over coming one of the biggest mountains and you are ROCKING it! (Get the pun? I hope it made you smile) anyways im done being a dork about it. Congrats you deserve to not only reach your goal but to strive and have a happy life. Way to go you!
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u/h0494 Aug 04 '21
I’m such a pun fan and have the biggest smile! I really appreciate people like you
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u/rurounick Aug 04 '21
Come to Texas, we'll double that by next quarter.
Also, congrats. That's one hell of a demon you're battling.
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u/h0494 Aug 04 '21
I have been craving TexMex queso…
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u/momwouldnotbeproud Aug 04 '21
Philadelphia would also like to extend its support. Good sandwiches make us thick and happy. Congratulations on your work so far, wishing you even more success. It’s hard but you’ve got this
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u/jaybrother1 Aug 04 '21
You're beautiful and thank you for sharing! You are a testament to the battle and how you can still persevere. Wishing you mindful health and wellness. 💛
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u/MirelaAlcaz Aug 04 '21
Gaining weight sure isn’t an easy thing to do! good job on overcoming everything that you have so far☀️
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u/roy20050 Aug 04 '21 edited Aug 04 '21
Did you used to do ballet? Also good for you on the progress.
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u/Brilliant-Welder8572 Aug 04 '21
I am battling it too. I am 32 kgs/70 lbs right now.
I'm working on it.
I don't know how I will get out of it but I will.
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u/pooponapee Aug 04 '21
Massively diagree with the tag on this post. This is in no way a small success. This is a huge success and takes an enormous amount of effort!
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u/Seraphim9120 Aug 04 '21
Wrong sub, didn't make me smile, made me cry.
Watched a dear friend of mine battle with anorexia for the past year and it's finally lookong up for her too. Lowest weight was somewhere around yours and she's up to 100 pounds as well.
You go! Go on, rock your life and kick that disorder in the butt!
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u/lunapuff Aug 04 '21
Yay that's awesome! Side note- maybe look into some barefoot shoe brands with room for your toes to spread? It looks like you could be on track for some painful bunions later in life if you keep wearing pointy-toed shoes
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u/LaCaptainFluffy Aug 04 '21
Good job getting the number up. Ima try get it just bellow 200 for myself. Different battles same goal. Lots of love and healing.
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u/mathbread Aug 04 '21
I could be wrong but it looks like uou need to wear larger shoes
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u/PhairynRose Aug 04 '21
It is a common misconception that bunions are caused by small shoes and high heels. In reality those things just exacerbate the pain. Bunions are genetic. I had to have surgery on all four of my bunions at age 16 due to the pain of them. I was not a runner, I did not wear too-small shoes, and I did not wear high heels. It was simply bad genetics.
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u/Weyland223 Aug 04 '21 edited Aug 04 '21
Yea that's what I was thinking, as a runner myself, their toes are my worst nightmare.. I hope they gets a professional to look at it.
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u/ScarletBaron0105 Aug 04 '21
It could also be genetic. It looks like hallux valgus. I have that too and it’s really hard to find good shoes
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u/KitsuneHaara Aug 04 '21
100 pounds is much? Sorry i only know the european mesures
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u/WildShichi Aug 04 '21
No idea why people downvote you for this.
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u/Beitlejoose Aug 04 '21
Downvoters probably assuming he meant that her weight gain was still low/insignificant rather than him having English as a second language.
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u/Bbiron01 Aug 04 '21
A effing men. Congrats to you. Remember that we are always our greatest and most insidious critic. Stay happy, stay healthy.
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u/WEABOOJONES3 Aug 04 '21
Nice!! I’m proud of you!!!! Keep it up, you’re doing good, I believe in you!!!! :)
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u/MotherBathroom666 Aug 04 '21
Great job!!! I hope you feel better with a more healthy weight. Keep up the good work.
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u/mysoulbelongstoyou Aug 04 '21
I am so so proud of you. I can imagine how much courage and stamina it takes to keep going and don’t let yourself be pushed down by the waves. This is so admirable. You deserve everything. You can do this! I send you all the love I have in my heart. I hope that you are able to achieve everything you wish for<3
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u/QQmenos Aug 04 '21
I understand exactly what your going through! I struggle from compulsive eating for comfort and the struggle is real. Keep up the good work.
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u/[deleted] Aug 04 '21
I'm so happy for you! I fell into anorexia pretty hard. I'm 5'8 and hit 92 at my lowest weigh in. I remember when I hit triple digits and how excited I was! You are badass and I'm proud of you for staying strong
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u/Warphim Aug 04 '21
Honestly, I'm really proud of reddit on this one for there not being a ton of (needed to be) removed comments.
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u/Asquared1 Aug 04 '21
That’s amazing keep up the great work! I saw this recently this quote recently and it’s inspired me and hope it does the same for you.
“Addiction Is Giving Up Everything For One Thing. Recovery Is Giving Up One Thing For Everything.”
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u/CLONIAN Aug 04 '21
Me using the metric system: Same! :')
All things aside, great progress bro, hope you reach your goal soon. :D
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u/sewcrazy4cats Aug 04 '21
Yay. Nice going! How are your energy levels these days? Are you able to do more things now that you didn't before? I was on the other end of things but remembered how just doing a little bit healthier lifestyle with even modest weight changes had a big impact on how much better I felt. I could go up the stairs to my apartment without being completely worn out. My depression got better since the proper lifestyle helped my medicine work better. I was wondering if it is similar on the other end.
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u/ShaykerMaker Aug 04 '21
Congrats! It's a proud moment and worth celebrating!
Edir: deleted part of post because it just sounded odd. Lol sorry about that.
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u/Complex-Puzzleheaded Aug 04 '21
Everytime someone posts about a new disease , I've to google about it
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u/Cazmaniandevil Aug 04 '21
I am so excited for you! Congratulations :)
And there’s something to be said about you posting to r/mademesmile because it says a lot about how you are feeling right now.
Keep doing what you are doing. You are doing well. One day at a time.
You made me smile 😊
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u/Fijoemin1962 Aug 04 '21
Bravo, it’s a very long and difficult journey. You are brave, resilient and a WINNER. Congratulations!! Hugs from Aussie
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u/SmileyMcTrashbag Aug 04 '21
Good for you OP :). I'm struggling myself with one rn, and your post gives me hope. <3
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u/impossible-daisy Aug 04 '21
Congratulations! This made me smile so much. I know how hard eating disorders can be, and I'm always happy to see people getting better. <3
Also, I know this was not the point of the picture, but I love the tattoos on your feet!
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u/Fluffy_Town Aug 04 '21
I'm so proud of you, you've put in a lot of hard work to keep your mind and body healthy. Keep up the good work!
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u/thatguy_76_lolz Aug 04 '21
Congrats I'm proud of you. I'm very skinny for my size and it's weird but I feel like making fun of skinny people is more accepted when it shouldn't be. Anyways i wish you well.
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u/ira_finn Aug 04 '21
For anybody out there struggling with disordered eating, please be careful and watch your electrolytes! Keep something like Pedialyte on hand if you have to! I recently had a relative with bulimia experience heart trouble because her potassium got too low. Very scary! We see you, and you are loved 💙
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u/Cadet_Carrot Aug 04 '21
I don’t even have anorexia (just underweight with a really fast metabolism), yet I still struggle to gain weight even to this day. Same with losing weight, gaining weight is very difficult to do for some people. Yet here you are, taking care of yourself, getting that weight up. Super proud of you OP, keep kicking anorexia’s ass ❤️
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u/big-blue-balls Aug 04 '21
Happy for you. Take your scale off the carpet. You’re likely heavier than you think :)
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u/huskers2468 Aug 04 '21
Congratulations!!! That's amazing that you reached a personal goal. It always feels good and keeps me going to hit an achievement I set for myself to work for.
Good luck with what ever comes next :)
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u/TotallyCryptoo Aug 04 '21
It's crazy to think your own mind can almost starve you to death. Good to see you've made a recovery, hope it stays that way!!
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u/Ever_Impetuous Aug 04 '21
Foot tattooes are a really crative way to remind anyone with a body image disorder the positive things they want to remember when they step on the scale!
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u/W4nJie Aug 04 '21
Seeing people like this who's fighting a hard battle really gives me a chills and motivation for my daily living.
Congratulations to you! Keep Up 😇
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u/Dbag85 Aug 04 '21
I do not know you but am still really happy about it. This is Why I am on Reddit - to read posts like yours🙂
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u/TheSockDestroyer Aug 04 '21
Onederland goes the other way too!
Well done, that's a big deal. I hope you are well and will always be proud of conquering this.
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u/AkimboMajestic Aug 04 '21
You should be so proud of yourself OP. You will be so grateful to yourself in the years to come
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u/LilBoo2019TR Aug 04 '21
Good for you!!! Congratulations! Many do not realize how big of a milestone this is for anyone who has battled anorexia. Keep up the good work and know that being healthy is what is important!
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u/PresentPotato7536 Aug 04 '21
Awesome! Keep up the good work. I bet your already feeling stronger, roll with that. Strength is such a great feeling and motivator
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u/The-Eggster Aug 04 '21
Way to go!!! I have a precursor to anorexia that I'm trying to get under control but am struggling with, so I can certainly how difficult and life changing it would be once it sets in completely. I'm so glad to see you're making progress, and no matter how many pounds you put on it's a huge step in the right direction.
Be proud of what you've accomplished, that's a big and impressive feat! 🙂
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u/dreamy-pizza Aug 04 '21
So fucking proud of you! Can’t imagine how much hard work you’ve put in! Also, your feet look just like mine so thanks for posting! Your tattoos are awesome. Onwards and upwards 💜
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u/nodustspeck Aug 04 '21
I’ve seen a few documentaries on this very serious condition, how frightening it is and how incredibly difficult it is to overcome. Congratulations to you for winning the battle. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.