r/MadeMeSmile Jul 19 '22 Facepalm 1 Helpful 8 Wholesome 18 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Take My Energy 2 Wait What? 1 Wholesome Seal of Approval 1 Heartwarming 1 I'm Deceased 1 Silver 15 Doom 1

This dad? GIGA CHAD Very Reddit

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82.7k Upvotes

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u/idyllif Jul 19 '22 edited Jul 19 '22 Wholesome

"She wanted all the men to wear shirt+tie and then women sundresses."

Legit question: Is that a thing? Do you get to decide on your guests' outfit?

edit: I now understand there is a huge cultural difference between countries. I come from a place where hospitality is regarded as one of the highest values. Yes, it's the couple's day, but it's an honour for the couple that the guests attend. They are not required to even bring a gift (although it's the courteous thing to do), let alone dress in such a specific way. The couple's goal is to celebrate with the guests. In that sense, the guests are a priority, and they are certainly above the couple's expectations. It's not even about money. That's just our mindset.

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u/AndroidwithAnxiety Jul 19 '22

Some people get really up their own ass about it. I understand wanting your wedding to have a certain 'look' and having a dress code, but some people get super obsessive about it.

I guess if you're hosting something, you get to set the expectations. It just helps if your expectations are reasonable. If they're not, well, you can decide what you want people to wear, and other people can decide if they want to listen to you, or if they want to turn up.

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u/Manitoberino Jul 19 '22 Heartwarming

Up their own ass totally describes this ex pal of mine. She was yammering about how I HAD to be in her wedding. All I had to do was: grow out my hair for years starting immediately. Dye it a completely different colour. Wear a fancy dress with heels, along with a metric ton of makeup. Oh, and I wasn’t allowed to smile because my teeth aren’t perfect. She said I had to dress “straight” so that the pictures look “normal” and everyone looks the same.

I basically laughed in her face and pointed out that she absolutely does not want me at her wedding.

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u/PyrexPizazz217 Jul 19 '22

As a recent bride, I have never understood this. Our dress code was "clothes," but my partner was like "I don't care if you come naked, just come and have fun." I truly would not have cared if people wore white, or their own damn wedding dresses. Just eat the food, drink the bubbly, dance, and enjoy.

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u/Viper_JB Jul 19 '22

Can see a divorce in her near future if she's that controlling with everything.

1.5k

u/jabbadarth Jul 19 '22 Gold

Ding ding ding.

There was a "study" done insaw a few years back that showed a correlation between divorce rates and amount spent on weddings where the more expensive the wedding the higher the likelihood of divorce.

I put study in quotes because I don't remember where I saw it or the methodology so take this all with a grain of salt. Or believe it whole heartedly and spread it as fact to everyone you know...

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u/gveeh Jul 19 '22

For our wedding we just said to be colorful and wear comfortable shoes for walking on uneven ground and dancing. My sister in law (who has a huge wardrobe) surprised us by finding a dress in the exact colors of the wedding.

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u/Thrud_The_Barbarian Jul 19 '22

Depending on the family...specifying something decent might not be a bad idea. If you think Uncle Cletus is going to show up in a wife beater and cut off shorts, I can see the argument for specifying dress.

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u/GD_Bats Jul 19 '22

Of course you're not telling Uncle Cletus he has to wear a sun dress, and getting pissy about him expressing his sexual identity, if he complies with the dress code.

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u/capt_pantsless Jul 19 '22

I understand wanting your wedding to have a certain 'look' and having a dress code, but some people get super obsessive about it.

It can be kinda cool to have the wedding party to have a matching look. Especially if the venue matches, and the newlyweds' outfits also match. There's usually a boatload of professional photos for the wedding party, so it's reasonable to put the effort into matching outfits.

That said, requiring a dress code for the rest of the guests is a little intense.

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u/Environmental-Car481 Jul 19 '22

This goes beyond dress code. Many weddings will say black tie meaning really formal (tuxedos) or semi-formal (suit). If the couple is hosting you to a $100+ meal, it’s not out of reach to ask guests to dress up some but specifying on what type of dress a woman should wear in over reach.

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u/epicstoicisbackatit Jul 19 '22

TBF "Men in suits, women in dresses" is pretty mild as wedding dresscodes go. It's actually easier for some people to get clear directions like that. But yeah, on the particular case of that trans kid, bride had been warned before. Like, speak up before the big day if it's that big a deal for you? It's not like they were clashing with her instructions.

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u/muszyzm Jul 19 '22

I tend to catergorize people like that with the tag "oppresive assholes - stay away".

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u/TeaBoy24 Jul 19 '22

Never heard of that in Europe, at least not the center and east.

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u/Environmental-Car481 Jul 19 '22

I work for a high end on-site catering company and have worked plenty of weddings in many different venues. I doubt many were under 100 grand and some multi million dollars. I have never seen any that had every woman in a specific type of dress, let alone in all dresses. Men generally wear suits or tuxes but women can be in any length dress, pantsuit or even romper. Some wear mens dress suits. 🤷‍♀️

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u/Thediamondhandedlad Jul 19 '22

At my wedding we just asked the guests to wear cocktail attire. My oldest Brother came in cargo shorts and a T-shirt. I didn’t give a fuck. he looks out of place and silly in the photos but that’s on him. The rest of us looked really nice though.

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u/HippyDM Jul 19 '22

People do it. Not at any wedding I'd attend, but I've heard of it.

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u/arie700 Jul 19 '22

That’s pretty standard affair for weddings afaik, at least here in the States. You don’t hand pick everyone’s outfits but you can specify dress standard and certain colors.

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u/schoolpsych2005 Jul 19 '22

I’ve only been to one wedding with a specific dress code, and it was also the most expensive wedding/party I’ve ever attended. There is probably a correlation there.

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u/originalmango Jul 19 '22

The best wedding I ever attended had a dress code. Men were requested to wear Hawaiian shirts, women were requested to wear anything they felt matched the theme.

It was the most relaxed and enjoyable event I’ve been to.

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u/MissLyss29 Jul 19 '22

Requesting and demanding are two very different things!!

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u/peter-forward Jul 19 '22

Agreed. Also, you could expect guests to be able to find a Hawaiian shirt they like and choose how much they want to spend on it.

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u/sobrique Jul 19 '22

Yup.

Most people will be on board with a request. Not everyone will be able to for various reasons, but most people will make an honest attempt.

We went to a lovely Steampunk wedding (it helped that there was 'critical mass' with people who had the right sort of gear already), and another that was 'please wear the outfits you love but don't get to wear - they don't need to be wedding-y'.

Demanding a dress code implies they've a 'matchy-matchy' fantasy wedding ideal going on, especially if you're expected to supply your own specific attire.

And the latter is almost invariably a trainwreck.

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u/pyro264 Jul 19 '22

That’s dress coordination, not dress code

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u/boostmechallenjour Jul 19 '22

Well suggesting the guests dresscode is just part of their meticulously planned dream wedding and those are mostly very fancy and very expensive.

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u/Broad_Word_1690 Jul 19 '22

From the States here. It must be regional or something because I have never seen anything other than the usual "casual" "cocktail attire" or "black tie" for a wedding dress code. "Sundresses" would be a totally weird thing to ask of the guests let alone a color. I know a lot of women who would not want to wear a sundress. For the wedding party, yes that is chosen by the couple but not the guests. Maybe I am just lucky I don't have anyone this fussy in my life!

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u/RideThatBridge Jul 19 '22

A dress code to fit a venue’s requirement is totally different than mega controlling the exact outfit a guest wears. No-it’s not a thing in the US unless you know a bridezilla who has some false ass impression that her pictures will be ruined if everyone doesn’t look like a carbon copy of each other.

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u/VoidWalker4Lyfe Jul 19 '22

Usually it's only the wedding party that wears matching outfits. The guests wear what they want.

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u/runningraleigh Jul 19 '22 edited Jul 19 '22

We told everyone our dress code was "smart formal" and we explained that meant suits or dresses, whatever each guest was most comfortable with. We had some women choose suits but no male-presenting guests wore a dress (though they would have been more than welcome to). It wasn't about us forcing people to wear clothes they are emotionally uncomfortable in, it's about creating an elevated atmosphere appropriate to the importance of the celebration.

Edit: But as far as physical uncomfortability, particularly with average men and wearing a suit, suck it up buttercup. You only have to wait until after the ceremony and then you can take the tie off and unbutton the shirt.

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u/MissLyss29 Jul 19 '22

I live in Ohio and never been to a wedding that specifically told guests what to wear, I have been to a few fancier weddings and usually you can tell dress standards by what venue the wedding is at.

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u/YawnTractor_1756 Jul 19 '22

I haven't been to many weddings in US but the ones I have been to didn't have this nonsense.

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u/ikeashill Jul 19 '22

It's common to decide a dresscode yes, but you usually don't decide to mix dress codes between genders like this person has.

Sundresses are very casual while Ties are worn at more formal events (with a jacket), if you want the women to go in sundresses then the men should be allowed more casual attire.

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u/Mekonotwannasay Jul 19 '22

I’ve been to a wedding where they asked the guests to wear bright colors and their most fun clothes. The bride and groom were artist who’ve worked for circuses over the years and wanted everyone to dress as their most playful selves.

I found myself making an effort not to dress in my safe, dull, conservative go-to dress. It was the best wedding I’ve ever been to.

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u/Mrsnappingqueen Jul 19 '22

I have been invited to a wedding in Columbia that required a dress code. Oh and an American birthday party for someone obsessed with insta-worthy photos. But as a Canadian, I’ve never been to a wedding with an explicit dress code.

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u/CaucasianHumus Jul 19 '22

It can be, brideszilla/groomzillas can be fuggin nuts.

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u/TheDalaiFarmar Jul 19 '22

I think it’s common to set a dress code

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u/RideThatBridge Jul 19 '22

A dress code is a guideline, from which adults can make their own choice of appropriate attire. Setting the exact outfit every guest must wear is bridezilla BS.

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u/Blahblahnownow Jul 19 '22

Not to a point where you require ties and sundresses. That’s controlling as duck 🦆

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u/AltDogBarkBarkBark Jul 19 '22

It's pretty standard though? But lil dude complied with the dress code and wore a tie, so I don't get her upset.

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u/Mysterious_Eggplant1 Jul 19 '22

I'm pretty sure the only reason for her upset is that she's uncomfortable and disapproves of Connor's status as a trans man. She dead-named him on the place setting card - that's a deliberate slight.

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u/Wolfy4226 Jul 19 '22

She's upset because he doesn't fit into her limited world view.

"It's my special day, so your little phase can be put on hold."

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u/Iambecomedrunk1 Jul 19 '22

I've never been to a wedding where the men aren't wearing ties and the women aren't wearing dresses, sounds pretty standard to me.

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u/ProfessorPetrus Jul 19 '22

Redditors come from different economic backgrounds seems to be the answer to this disagreement.

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u/TeaBoy24 Jul 19 '22

And I've never been to a wedding where it's a dress code.

It's usually just labeled as a black tie event and that it. That would be the highest formality level for an average person as white tie events are Extreme luxury and even the White House has only about 1/2 a year.

I've been to weddings where there barely was any dress code. You would just go Smart or Smart Casual - usually In the summer.

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u/guynamedjames Jul 19 '22

Sundresses are a bit specific but requiring ties isn't unusual. I've been to weddings where half the men attend in suits, and some men show up in jeans and a polo. It can change the mood of a party a bit when some guests are significantly under dressed or over dressed compared to others.

You don't have to wear what's requested, but it's a bit rude to be invited to an event and ignore a simple request

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u/Viperbunny Jul 19 '22

Some bridezilla's think they can dictate everything. I don't get it. I wanted people to be comfortable at my wedding.

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u/BearsBullsCubsPhish Jul 19 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Rocket Like

Not all families need to be close. Families are determined by a weird biological lottery system. If a strong bond, or at very least a mutual respect, doesn't exist it is ok to part ways.

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u/sambailey27 Jul 19 '22

Agreed.

I regard my best friend as the sister I never had.

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u/--bedevil-- Jul 19 '22

I regard my brother as somebody that I used to know.

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u/aodum Jul 19 '22

Did he cut you Up?

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u/Ok_Cauliflower_5124 Jul 19 '22

Nah he just made out like it never happened

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u/An_Ant2710 Jul 19 '22 Silver Take My Energy

Ah I gotye point

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '22

'But you didn't have to cut me up' would've mare it a very a different kinda song...

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u/--bedevil-- Jul 19 '22

More accurate in this case, the bastard stabbed me.

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u/aodum Jul 19 '22

Lol. Now i feel like it is probably cut me out🤣

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u/aimless_archer92 Jul 19 '22

Isn’t the lyric, “cut me off”?

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u/flickthis5 Jul 19 '22

A lot of people have a hard time coming to terms with this but it is so true.

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u/CisForCondom Jul 19 '22 Silver

Agreed. I stopped speaking with my clinically narcissistic mother 8 years ago. When people learn that they're often dumbfounded or keep insisting that I just call her and make up.

My one friend said it finally clicked for her when I explained that I didn't lose anything when I cut my mother off because there was no relationship to lose. My mother and I never shared a bond. Just years of suffering, abuse and resentment. So what was I missing out on?

People with healthy relationships aren't able to imagine what it's like to not have them. They think about how they'd feel and can't imagine you wouldn't feel the same.

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u/TaliyahP Jul 19 '22

Yep. Normalize cancelling toxic family. You don't owe them anyway just because of random chance.

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u/RoboticKittenMeow Jul 19 '22

Growing up with an addict taught me a very important lesson... blood doesn't make you family and not all family is your blood.

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u/seesaw4640 Jul 19 '22

I wish this were were recognized and acceptable. I have a hell of a time dating because I am not close with much of my family and its always so much explaining. But why? Why can’t it be because they are toxic and I want to live a healthier happier life than i can have if i am close with them? Why am i less desirable for that?

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u/Middle-Midnight-3815 Jul 19 '22

Dude(or dudette) blood may be thicker than water, but if it's toxic, it's not good for you to remain in that environment. My family is very much the same way for my autism. I realized that and cut the ones that were that way out of my life. I still miss them, but if they want to change, I would let them back in my life. So far though, it may be awhile......

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u/Jasquirtin Jul 19 '22

Idk man. I’m only close with my mom the rest nope aunts no grandmas cousins the lot are all very close except my mom and me are not. I married someone that does have a close extended family. She tries to play peacekeeper but I think she understands to stay out of it. Just find your a woman with a family that will accept you and you’ll be happier for it

Edit: holidays are easier cause we just always do it with hers and include my ma. Don’t have to worry about both sides

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u/seesaw4640 Jul 19 '22 edited Jul 19 '22

I’m female but the message still hits the same. I am seeing someone who is extremely close with their still married parents and siblings and i think it’s an issue they just don’t want to bring up as to my not being real close with mine. I still am in decent contact with a couple siblings one whom i see often and my mom and i have always been close, and some cousins, but my family is huge and just a lot. My ex and i grew up similarly with similar family dysfunction and i didnt have to explain things to him he got it. Family is a tough barrier for me in the intimacy realm.

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u/loveisgod97 Jul 19 '22

So much this. I would cut someone out of my life at the speed of light if they pulled the shit the sister pulled, blood relative or not

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u/AceJohnny Jul 19 '22

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"

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u/Stay-Thirsty Jul 19 '22

I’m at this stage.

My sister has crossed a line. Nothing awful, but I won’t deal with that particular narcissist in the future. I’ll deal with her, minimal contact, until my father passes. After that, I’ll never reach out to her again.

And she think’s I’m the sole problem. Granted I could have been nicer given the recent issues with my father we were attempting to work out together. But, there’s a time to push back.

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '22

Yeah agree

Fuck loyalty to randoms who happen to be family and think they can dictate my life

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u/ironwheatiez Jul 19 '22

This. This. THIS. I have had basically no contact with one of my sisters and little contact with another because they have never welcomed or even accepted my wife into the family. They expect us to treat them like royalty while they haven't given us an ounce of respect.

My parents want us to just all get along so at family gatherings, we will make nice when possible but we have to set our own boundaries, including walking out when necessary to ensure those boundaries as OP did.

This is tough for my parents and has been labeled as holding a relationship hostage by my siblings. We continue to stand our ground but damn it's tough not to fold to old habits. Before my wife, I didn't have much of a standard for how I should be treated by my family. Now that shes been treated so horribly, I finally see how they are is largely toxic.

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u/MpMeowMeow Jul 19 '22

Correct! Family is a privilege, not an obligation.

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u/Kisame-hoshigakii Jul 19 '22

There's so many people that never come to this conclusion and it's sad, I understand it's not always easy to go at it a lone but it will always be worth it in the long run!

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u/noflagsnogods Jul 19 '22

Everyone has two families: their birth family, and their chosen family.

The saying actually goes "the blood of the bond is thicker than the water of the womb." Meaning, the relationships we forge in life often tend to be stronger than the ones we were simply born into.

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u/-_Eclipse-_ Jul 19 '22

People like that ruin their own events by demanding everything be just as they want it without any consideration for who they are inviting. Respect goes both ways.

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u/QueenOfTheBlazingSun Jul 19 '22 edited Jul 19 '22

She chose to bring drama to her wedding. The dad did what was right. Even if Connor wasn't trans some women HATE dresses. They shouldn't be forced to wear them if they don't want to. Lol. Also if she has a problem with their son's choices perhaps her wedding was not the day to pick that fight if her wedding going nicely was that important? 😂

Edit: fixed name from Colin to Connor.

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u/Coyote__Jones Jul 19 '22

Exactly! She made a huge ordeal out of the dress code. Then she went overboard with insisting on calling Conner by his former name. Which, I just don't understand. It harms no one to call someone as they prefer to be called. For instance, I knew a guy who's first name was Ashley. Dude hated being called Ashley and went by his middle name, Martin. Marty was just Marty, and we all called him that. Why is it so different for people who happen to be trans?

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u/MissShayla Jul 19 '22

My husband has seen me in a dress once. It was in a dressing room and it was a pirate costume. Saw the price of it and noped out. We eloped and plan to have a ceremony and reception in the future. But until then, he got two minutes of me in a dress.

He's never complained or asked me to wear one. I would honestly do it on occasion if asked to. Like seeing me all dolled up or something. When left up to me though, pants all the way.

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u/pengouin85 Jul 19 '22

Colin Robinson !

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u/H-Cages Jul 19 '22

Connor* I agree with the rest 😉

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u/overannaliese Jul 19 '22

Sidenamed

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u/ComfortableSherbert8 Jul 19 '22

The ultimate validation of having your chosen name be perceived casually and automatically is when other people mix it up with a similar one. Every time it happens with me I’m like “Pal, don’t apologize, there could be a far worse mixup”

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u/QueenOfTheBlazingSun Jul 19 '22

Haha sorry. Thank you for the correction!

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u/wezz537 Jul 19 '22

I don't understand being forced to buy a piece of clothing specifically for someone else's wedding. I'm a man and simply don't own a suit, you bet I wouldn't want to buy an expensive suit just for one occasion.

Why not just have a colour code like red+black? Whatever people wear will still feel like part of a theme regardless of clothes or gender

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u/olionajudah Jul 19 '22

Imagine needing to bully your nephew publicly at your own wedding, and then get mad at your bro for being a super dad

Sister karen needed to “ruin” her own wedding

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u/GrainneSiobhan Jul 19 '22 All-Seeing Upvote Heartwarming Bravo Grande!

She ruined her wedding

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u/Bstempinski Jul 19 '22

Don’t worry, she can be a bride any other day.

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u/dmann1978 Jul 19 '22 Gold

She probably will be

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u/nihilist_buttmuncher Jul 19 '22

That sounds like a threat.

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u/Demon-Hunter457 Jul 19 '22

She's coming for your wedding next

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u/Jasquirtin Jul 19 '22

No it’s a foreshadowing event based on her actions

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u/zuzg Jul 19 '22

"Third time is the charm"

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u/SuperIllegalSalvager Jul 19 '22

At what age did she transition into a bith?

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u/Depressedpotatoowo Jul 19 '22

This comment gives Lily vs Sal vibes lmao

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u/jaymole Jul 19 '22

maybe her second wedding will go a little smoother. cuz we know this one aint gonna last

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u/dichiejr Jul 19 '22

we don't know that. the story says nothing of her husband. there's a chance he's equally as bigoted or was the one to push her from "indifferent" to "transphobic"

they could be a happy bigoted awful couple together, with no one else wanting to associate with them!

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u/Altruistic_Profit_15 Jul 19 '22

Or maybe her third will

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u/IceColdBlueHeart Jul 19 '22

Can we not drag some other poor souls into this? One is most certainly enough to put through this ringer!

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u/Responsible-Sea-1912 Jul 19 '22

Third time's the charm

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u/reclusiveronin Jul 19 '22

Her husband is in for a shitshow.

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u/urkldajrkl Jul 19 '22

Honeydo list comes with a whip

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u/TheSolidSnivy Jul 19 '22

Play shitty games, win shitty prizes.

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u/paddenice Jul 19 '22

She fucked around & found out.

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u/finc Jul 19 '22

She deserved what she got

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u/zuzg Jul 19 '22

It would have cost her nothing to hit deadname Connor but she decided to be rather a transphobic PoS

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u/Bag_of_Rocks Jul 19 '22

She knew well in advance and chose to cause trouble. Definitely the sister's fault.

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u/ADHD-Gamer03 Jul 19 '22

she ruined her family

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u/DoctorMelvinMirby Jul 19 '22

I’m sure she’ll get another chance at her dream wedding, don’t worry.

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u/Anon5054 Jul 19 '22

surprised pikachu

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u/Existing_Row5733 Jul 19 '22

Well worth ruining her wedding to stand up for your kid and your principles.

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u/Fabulous_Attempt6590 Jul 19 '22

Right? His son will remember this day, and the support and love he felt. That’s all that matters.

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u/zoinkability Jul 19 '22

100% this. That dad's relationship with his son is worth a thousand times his relationship with his sister. His son absolutely needs his father's support and love, and he got it. His sister has shown she doesn't deserve it.

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u/KING_JELLYB3AN Jul 19 '22

The other sons probably wanted to go to, what kid likes to go to weddings wearing uncomfortable clothes?

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u/nsjr Jul 19 '22

Exactly.

Using the name that is in the documents is only justificable in something that is government related or security (like airplane tickets, selling properties). Forcing using a name that a person hates is just being asshole for nothing

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u/Dank_Toastey Jul 19 '22

Tbh she ruined her own wedding by starting the drama

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u/BattleHardened Jul 19 '22

Agreed. Connor will appreciate this for their entire life. OP told the sister what's up even beforehand. Sister got what's coming to her. Hopefully all her kids turn out trans and she'll live with it for years... but I kinda feel like the sister is on the path of the abusive Karen mom.

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u/gar1baldi Jul 19 '22

I wouldn’t want to burden kids with her as a mother!

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '22

I like this take. He stood up for his kid which is awesome, and also an admission of ruining someone’s wedding. All levels are acknowledged.

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u/nate_oh84 Jul 19 '22

Damn right.

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u/KuzcoGoGuy Jul 19 '22

Absolutely, I grew with a conservative family and have struggled standing up for my values especially because they are my family. This did in fact "made me smile" because of standing up for what is right in your family, not the one she's marrying into.

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u/burntbudbro Jul 19 '22 Gold

1 dad in the world

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u/burntbudbro Jul 19 '22

I didnt realise putting the number sign # is a code to increase font size lol

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u/skeleleleleletons Jul 19 '22

Is that a threat?

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u/iWillNeverBeSpecial Jul 19 '22

"[Dead Name] can be a guy any other day"

Wooooow she had no respect for her nephew and just thought he had been pretending or dabbling or whatever for the last 5 years. That is so telling right there

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u/mackelnuts Jul 19 '22

Until this, I was giving the bride the benefit of the doubt, as ignorant, or making mistakes without understanding how important it is to support trans people. But the whole, "can be a guy any other day" line shows me that nope, she was just a selfish bigot.

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u/Hunted2018 Jul 19 '22 Wholesome

She ruined her own wedding. It wasn’t hard to be a good person. Nice work standing up for your kid. I wish your sister a miserable marriage.

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u/donaldsw2ls Jul 19 '22

Damn right! Its easy to be nice. Its not hard. She ruined her own wedding. She knew it would be an issue. She chose to plan that issue in her wedding.

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u/phazedoubt Jul 19 '22

Your sister is a grown woman. Your child is still learning. You taught your child that you value them more than you value not making a fuss because it makes others uncomfortable. That is an AMAZING job as a parent.

I had a situation where my parents made others comfortable at my expense and, in my 40's, i still remember it like it was yesterday. Props to you dad, your kids will grow up knowing they are important enough to you not just in word but in action.

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u/Phyr8642 Jul 19 '22

Not all heros wear capes. That Dad is awesome.

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u/Canadien_ Jul 19 '22

Not all heroes wear capes, this dad wears a crown

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u/Sir-Farsell-M-the3rd Jul 19 '22

this dad wears something far more honourable then a crown, he wears the same thing as his sons; a shirt and tie.

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u/Jasquirtin Jul 19 '22

Wish he was my dad. Im not transgender but hell I would like this dude going to bat for me

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u/woodworkerdan Jul 19 '22

This is how to handle such a situation. The wedding was hosted by the couple being married, therefore, it’s on them to treat their guests with respect, and deadnaming a family member who is otherwise trying to participate respectfully is disrespecting them and their immediate family. It’s almost akin to using the maiden name of any other married woman there, but with the added slight of calling them by pronouns they don’t identify as.

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u/Viperbunny Jul 19 '22

She knew it would cause an issue and purposely did it to force them to comply. OP was clear that wasn't going to happen. The sister set it up the be a dramatic scene. She is a bigot and I hope she gets exposed for what she is!

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u/Coyote__Jones Jul 19 '22

She's totally power tripping and it's super weird. Let the kid be a kid, weddings generally aren't fun for kids anyway. Heck I'd let the kids at my wedding wear superhero costumes and princess dresses if that's what made them happy and kept them there to celebrate with me. Most of the guests probably wouldn't even notice anything if she hadn't have made a scene.

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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 Jul 19 '22

Yup she figured the dad wouldn’t want to ‘cause a scene’ so he’d just tell Connor to put up with it. She was wrong lol.

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u/CheapCulture Jul 19 '22

Sounds like Connor has the perfect male role model to look up to.

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u/ThirdSpectator Jul 19 '22

And this is how you dad. Well fucking done!

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u/Poptob Jul 19 '22

Ruined her wedding? lmao , she ruined her own wedding.

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u/dalstrum1 Jul 19 '22

So I don’t understand anything about the trans community but I support my kids and would do the same damn thing if I needed to. Great father imo

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u/randomredditguy999 Jul 19 '22

Yeah she ruined her own wedding. Why does it matter for her if he wears a shirt instead of a dress. I am also assuming he has more of a male haircut now? Wouldn't that look a little odd with the dress and "ruin" her wedding even more in her own eyes? Dad is for sure a GIGADAD.

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u/thompsonir Jul 19 '22

I don’t think that you should pander to narrow-minded bigots. The dad is a superstar

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u/jaimih Jul 19 '22

No she ruined her wedding by being a asshat

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u/Kiki_is_a_Ghost Jul 19 '22

Congrats to the father. I wish more parents would stand up for their kids like this. His son is very lucky. Also to the people freaking out about him socially transitioning like it's a major life choice, it isn't. It just means that Conner has started going by a male name and dressing male. There's absolutely no medication or surgery involved with it. He literally just wears boy clothes and probably has short hair.

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u/Narsku1001 Jul 19 '22

Here before the comments get locked

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u/justaguy10007 Jul 19 '22

This guy is a legend lol XD

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u/spongebobama Jul 19 '22

You are not the asswhole. If I were your son, I would remember you stood for me for eternity. I have 3 kids and today I look up to you my dear sir! Edit: just saw later its a repost, it overwelmed me and i got emotional

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u/DoveEvalyn Jul 19 '22

What an amazing dad. Yeah she purposefully ruined her own wedding.

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u/North_Leg2806 Jul 19 '22

Never doubt yourself for protecting your children. Ever. Connor's wellbeing is a million times more important than any fucking wedding.

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u/Coldfreeze-Zero Jul 19 '22 Silver Helpful

How difficult is it to call someone by what they want to be. How difficult is it for some to be open minded.

Being trans isn't a fad or a choice. It's not a phase. If anything they'd wish to be who they actually are. Imagine being stuck in the wrong biological body.

The very fucking least we can do is to call them by their name and by the gender they identify as.

Connor has an amazing dad, a man who above all, wants to see his son happy.

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u/overkill373 Jul 19 '22

Weddings are the freakin worst

Big ones especially

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u/WEEGEMAN Jul 19 '22

Why is it always a wedding?

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u/titanup1993 Jul 19 '22 Gold

All I read was “chad dad has problem buying pants with his massive balls”

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u/kingmidas916 Jul 19 '22

What does deadnamed mean?

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u/Away-Quote-408 Jul 19 '22

When you use a trans person’s name from before they came out/name given at birth or name before transitioning. It means you completely deny, reject, and disrespect their chosen identity and you are saying they don’t exist to you like they are now, they are nothing, they are ridiculous. But their old identity does not exist anymore and is “dead” and most importantly probably their old identity felt wrong for a long time/forever and they were unhappy, and everything that goes with that… Deadnaming is extremely harmful and this woman did so after being asked not to. Once you can maybe overlook it but if someone tells you and you do it again you completely lack empathy. If she didn’t know why it’s harmful she should have looked it up after the first time. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. And yes kids can know they’re in the “wrong” body from a young age just like they can know they’re attracted to same gender.

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u/kingmidas916 Jul 19 '22

Ah ok thanks. Ya sounds like she was doing this intentially so fuck her

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u/Equal-Butterfly-8147 Jul 19 '22

Glad you left, sister sounds like an asshole.

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u/Socialist_Nerd Jul 19 '22

"Nia can be a guy any other day."

No, he can't. Can you be a guy any day you want?

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u/Acrobatic-Isopod7716 Jul 19 '22

Ruin it again, louder next time. I'm assuming this one won't work out and there will be more opportunities.

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u/wooyea02 Jul 19 '22

He’s a fucking king, not an asshole

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u/Sclewit Jul 19 '22

Red fucking flag. New Husband please take note.

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u/Maybeyouhavetopoop Jul 19 '22

NTA. Your sister was disrespectful to your child. No tolerance for that

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u/BoomerJ3T Jul 19 '22

It takes zero effort to put “Connor” instead of “Nia”. It’s not like this was just sprung on them. Ridiculous

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u/Fuzzy_Bet2647 Jul 19 '22

My son is 8 month old. Whatever journey he makes his life be I want to be a part of it. Hope I’ll be a dad that great one day :)

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u/North_Leg2806 Jul 19 '22

Sounds like you already are.

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u/Chasman1965 Jul 19 '22

I gotta admit, I'm not really comfortable with the whole trans thing, it's just a matter of conditioning and lack of real knowledge on my part. That said, use the name people want to be called by and let people wear what they want to wear. It's not worth hurting feelings. The only person that ruined this was the bridezilla sister who didn't follow her nephew's wishes.

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u/rocker73y Jul 19 '22

Is it just me who thought until the end that Connor was trans and his new name was Nia and was confused

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u/Eligreengamer01 Jul 19 '22

His sister can go fuck herself for doing those things

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u/overnightchef Jul 19 '22

What does "socially transition" mean?

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u/Ihaveasmallwang Jul 19 '22

It means to tell everyone else you are going by the opposite gender and then proceeding to live as the opposite gender but without going through any surgeries or hormone therapy.

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u/Kiki_is_a_Ghost Jul 19 '22

It means that the individual has simply started dressing and presenting as their preferred gender. There's nothing medical involved. So no puberty blockers or hormones yet. The son just dresses and acts like a boy now. Social transition is completely harmless and changes nothing about a person or their body past their choice of clothing, name and maybe their preferred length and style of hair. A lot of people seem to think that it's this whole big thing, but it really isn't. If a person freaks out about a person messing up their body by socially transitioning, it's a sure sign that they no nothing about the subject. For some people this level of transition is enough and it never goes forward from there like in my case. Once I was able to simply present as a woman, my dysphoria went away and now I'm much more at peace with the way that I look and feel inside.

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u/BobEBoucher Jul 19 '22

Is your sister's name by any chance Karen?

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u/TheZag90 Jul 19 '22

When I see situations like this, I always wonder to myself "why did they bother making a fuss?" (they in this scenario being the PoS sister).

It would have cost her absolutely nothing to just write the name the son as the name he preferred. Nothing. And it would have made that person feel much more comfortable at her wedding, which should ultimately be her goal as that's what really makes weddings fun - everyone being relaxed and enjoying themselves.

I'm probably not the most 'woke', up-to-date person by modern standards (the bar seems to be moving faster than I can keep up with) but it's really not hard to avoid offending people. Just show a little respect and if someone explicitly asks you to refer to them in a certain way, just do it. Costs you nothing.

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u/That_Phony_King Jul 19 '22

Arrives. Sees son’s name is wrong. Calls douchebag sister a bigot. Refused to elaborate and doesn’t care what family thinks. Leaves.

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u/kvanz43 Jul 19 '22

She ruined her wedding

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u/Then_Calligrapher591 Jul 19 '22

As a religious person, I think the sister was a doosh nozzle. Talk about walking right into this one.

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u/tmworland Jul 19 '22

Your sister ruined her own wedding and the relationships she could have had with your children.

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u/Historian_Nearby Jul 19 '22

Wow. Imagine being so transphobic that you ruin your own wedding. How embarrassing for her.

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u/TheParaphilists Jul 19 '22

I think you are all awesome for standing up for your son!

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u/TheParaphilists Jul 19 '22

She ruined her wedding by being an a-hole.

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u/marygpt Jul 19 '22

On some level the Bride is happy, what they wanted is the drama

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u/2020hatesyou Jul 19 '22

probably. They haven't been the victim in quite some time. I'm somewhat sure this is a kink or fetish with these types of people. They are pathologically incapable of "live and let live" to the level of basic respect.

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u/Difficult-Kale-702 Jul 19 '22

Nope. Not the a. The sister is a huge a. If she knew she was going to make a big deal about it on the day, she should have just said so and given him the option of not going. If he wasn't there he couldn't'ruin' anything

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u/BlueMoon5k Jul 19 '22

NTA. She ruined her own wedding

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u/TheFire_Eagle Jul 19 '22

Sounds like she ruined her own wedding being a bigot

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u/BIG_SeanS Jul 19 '22

You set a boundary and your sister crossed it. You’re not the asshole.

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u/minimalist_coach Jul 19 '22

Nope. If your sister's wedding was ruined, she did it herself. You made it clear before the event that she was not addressing your son properly, she didn't bother to fix her mistake. This is 100% on her.

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u/DG04511 Jul 19 '22

What a great dad. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for Connor, but I know the love and support from his dad will help carry him through all the adversity this shitty world throws at him.

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u/serraangel826 Jul 19 '22

You are NOT the asshole, she is. Connor is who he is. You are a great dad for standing up to your sister and protecting your son. The job of a parent is to love and nurture our children, that includes protecting them.

If your family doesn't understand then shit on them.

Besides, she's the one that caused the scene. It's her problem not yours or Connor's if she refused to deal with reality.

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u/motixor Jul 19 '22

guys AITA for saving 16 puppies, 12 infants and 5 elderly people from a burning building and feeding the entire homeless community of Michigan? I really dont know if im in the wrong here guys....

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u/Sampoline Jul 19 '22

The dress code thing isn't abnormal. Brides have been dreaming about their wedding since they were little kids. I completely understand a woman who has meticulously planned every detail of their wedding. It may be a little controlling but I totally get it. But I don't understand the reason for why she couldn't respect her nephew's decision to transition to a male. Being born a female and coming in a suit and tie was still coming in the dress code she wanted, so how does this affect the bride if a female wants to be a male? Stuck up her own ass for sure. A bigot and possibly transphobic.

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u/Cohiba_Robusto Jul 19 '22

What a great dad, and what a shitty sister...

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u/Popular-Leg5084 Jul 19 '22

Trans person here, the dad is awesome and the sister is a transphobic bitch, I'm glad there are great people like the dad out there

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u/CaptKanadzuchi Jul 19 '22

I understand you feeling bad about your sisters wedding but you did do the right thing. Standing up for your kid because you believe it’s right is noble and you should be congratulated for it. You were in the right, not them. Good job. :)

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u/marivisse Jul 19 '22

Nope. You were being a fabulous dad.