r/PoliticalHumor 5d ago All-Seeing Upvote 2 Bravo! 1 Table Slap 1 Narwhal Salute 1 Rocket Like 1 Take My Energy 1 Confetti 1 Wholesome 10 Silver 6 Helpful 6 Yas Queen 1 Masterpiece 1

It was only a matter of time

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92.4k Upvotes

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u/AdkRaine11 5d ago

I saw a sign at my local woman’s march that read “Limp dick is part of God’s plan, too!”

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u/Level69Warlock 5d ago Gold Helpful

One could argue that advances in medicine are also part of God’s plan, including the ability to safely perform an abortion.

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u/voyaging 5d ago

The same thing happened when modern general anesthesia was invented. Hardcore Christians were vehemently opposed.

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u/Pro_Scrub 5d ago

Mother fucking Teresa said pain was a divine blessing and insisted her patients feel pain.

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u/poliscimjr 5d ago

Then she was drugged up to the high heavens when she was dying, what a hypocrite.

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u/ecksboy 5d ago

Yes, she thought other people's pain brought her closer to God.

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u/HeadyBunkShwag 5d ago

Today we learned that mother Theresa was just a cunt who enjoyed seeing other people in pain

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u/sacrificial_blood 5d ago

She most certainly was. There's a documentary about the horrors she was responsible for.

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u/matchosan 5d ago

Worse. She used other people's pain and suffering to elevate her status as a living Saint. She is Satan incarnate.

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u/Stepjamm 5d ago

She’s a Christian then lol

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u/Hoarse_with_No-Name 5d ago

She actually was also a bitch

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u/RealisticElderberry5 5d ago

Being an angry, anti-theist teenager, ive hated that cunt for 15 years and shout her name down whenever anyone I know mentions her in a good light, ive killed the mood a few times but that heinous cunt deserves no praise what so ever.

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u/Gamer_Mommy 5d ago

Probably just to shut her up.

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u/smipypr 5d ago

All the while, Mother Teresa was flying first class, staying in 5 star hotels, getting the best medical care her donors could find for her. Her donors included some of the most corrupt people in the world, like the Duvaliers of Haiti, and many American Republicans. Teresa wouldn't even allow her "patients" to have aspirin. As far as I know her religious order still operates the same way. "Sisters of Mercy".

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u/vocaliser 5d ago

Some of her nuns broke away and formed their own order because they couldn't stand what was happening.

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u/awalktojericho 5d ago

She also did not hesitate to have as many pain killers as it took.

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u/FSchmertz 5d ago

Wow, she must really have been corrupt to accept money from Republicans

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u/TapirOfZelph 5d ago

Fuck Mother Teresa

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u/no_stone_unturned 5d ago

all my homies hate mother Teresa

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u/NetworkSingularity 5d ago

My mom always said growing up that mother Teresa was one of the most evil people to walk the earth. Fuck mother Teresa

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u/Archer007 5d ago

Wait, what? Did they actually have an argument here or were they just in favor of people suffering? Wait, what am I saying, of course they were in favor of people suffering

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u/voyaging 5d ago

Yeah there was a minority of hardcore Christians who opposed anesthesia. More reading here: https://www.general-anaesthesia.com

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u/avdpos 5d ago Facepalm

How most of us (hopefully) normal Christians see Gods plan and blessing of medicin

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u/Y0u_stupid_cunt 5d ago

It's like that old joke about someone one their roof during a storm/ flood. Someone in a car warns them to leave, a boat and helicopter come to rescue them, but each time they turn the people away saying "God has a plan and will save me". They die, ask god why they didn't save them, g-man responds "the fuck did you think the warning and rescuers were?".

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u/Radrezzz 5d ago

A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe.

"Better get in, Preacher. The waters are rising fast."

"No," says the preacher. "I have faith in the Lord. He will save me."

Still the waters rise. Now the preacher is up on the balcony, wringing his hands in supplication, when another guy zips up in a motorboat.

"Come on, Preacher. We need to get you out of here. The levee's gonna break any minute."

Once again, the preacher is unmoved. "I shall remain. The Lord will see me through."

After a while the levee breaks, and the flood rushes over the church until only the steeple remains above water. The preacher is up there, clinging to the cross, when a helicopter descends out of the clouds, and a state trooper calls down to him through a megaphone.

"Grab the ladder, Preacher. This is your last chance."

Once again, the preacher insists the Lord will deliver him.

And, predictably, he drowns.

A pious man, the preacher goes to heaven. After a while he gets an interview with God, and he asks the Almighty, "Lord, I had unwavering faith in you. Why didn't you deliver me from that flood?"

God shakes his head. "What did you want from me? I sent you two boats and a helicopter."

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u/raaxon 5d ago

Then God is fucking stupid and so is their plan. Based on all knowledge about the guy, he could have just created the universe or human body so that medicine and abortions weren't needed. Why would an intelligent being make such a back assward design and then say "in 6k years you'll figure out some shit that helps" and don't say mysterious ways cus that's a load of horse shot. He either is BAD at his job and abandoned it around the middle ages, or never existed and humanity got hit by the world's best Roman Jewish conman

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u/GrimMagic0801 5d ago Helpful

This is the biggest thing stopping me from even considering Christianity as a possible reasoning for the world being the way that it is. God is supposed to be a benevolent, omnipotent, omnipresent, and chronologically implacable being of such immense power that he created the entirety of the universe and apparently held human beings as his perfect creation, despite the fact that the human body is so incredibly flawed in so many ways that many diseases can leave people dead in a slow and painful fashion, a single cut in a wrong place can kill them really fast, and that we can do things that are irreversibly bad to ourselves. This doesn't sound like a perfect creation, it sounds like a poorly thought out evolution that eventually by some miracle became able to think in exceptional depth, but was physically weak and unable to survive except in warm environments without any sort of clothing. A mutation gone wrong, if you look at it from a purely natural standpoint. Every creature has a defineable and definite purpose through physical design alone, because they were what was able to survive the best in a wild environment, but humans have no such features. The only thing that I could think of is our flexible digestive tracts, which over time have become much more specialized as humans became more and more modern.

If God is so benevolent, why would he inflict suffering on his favorite creation to such a severe degree? Why would he abandon said creation and have them live without a true person of God's will? What is even the purpose of emissaries when they can twist the message in slight ways that become far more pronounced over time? If he's all powerful and so incredibly omnipresent, why wouldn't he just constantly speak to every human present as to what his will is? It doesn't make any sense no matter how you slice it. Hell, why does his will change at all over time if he sees everything that has been, is, and will be? Why instill humans with free will, if his plan is all preordained?

The simple answer, he doesn't exist. A guy made him up in order to gain a following and challenge the will of kings because it was easier to swindle the hopeless common folk with tales of an all benevolent, all powerful being, than it was to obtain funds because all the wealth was held by traders and merchants. Then had a scribe write the religious text from the prophet's words, which would explain why said text has so many inconsistencies. Because it was nothing more than the will of a man, not the will of a God.

And still to this day, people are willingly being swindled for promises of an exceptional life after death, rather than just accepting the reality that it is exceptionally likely we just die and fade away into the aether. Just stop existing. Any other explanation just seems like a fairy tale, made to allow people to cope with the terrifying reality of death.

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u/pcs3rd 5d ago

I mean, ya gotta add some conflict to the longest running multi-dimensional TV show to make it worthwhile /s

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u/[deleted] 5d ago Wholesome

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u/TecumsehSherman 5d ago edited 5d ago Silver Gold Starry Ally

Deadbeat parents*

I'm a father raising 3 kids by myself.

She doesn't pay anything that she owes, and the state doesn't care.

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u/easily_rekt 5d ago

Hi comrade 👋 Single father of 11 years here. She hasn’t paid a dime. Currently $70k in arrears and the state won’t do anything.

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u/KinkyKitty24 5d ago

Only about 40% of child support is paid on average in the US, most states do little to nothing to enforce court-ordered child support.

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u/Plasibeau 5d ago

I’m three months from the finish and have been paying for ten years without fail. This information angers me.

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u/TecumsehSherman 5d ago

My brother!

Keep doing what you're doing. The kids will know how awesome you are even if society doesn't.

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u/beeglowbot 5d ago Gold

y'all should get together and be broparents!

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u/GAKBAG 5d ago

Okay, I know you're kinda joking but that sounds fucking awesome. Like a social club for single parents helping each other out.

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u/rpungello 5d ago

Sounds communist /s

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u/Flyingostriche 5d ago

This used to be done all the time in MANY societies. Kids where raised by the village or the community not just by the parants. Yeah mom and dad, an usualy grandparents where the main caregivers, but everyone else helped, babysat, fed, taught, and so on. Public schools are litteraly an extension of that, just specialized.

I grew up outside of the US, and spent most summers as a kid with my grandparents in the village. I spent as much time with the neighbors as I did with them. It was basicly one big family.

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u/rpungello 5d ago

Sounds like a dream! I'd be interested how something like that would affect crime. I'd imagine it'd be significantly less as people would be far less likely to target someone that's been like family to them. Well, I'd hope so at least.

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u/Bruised_Penguin 5d ago

YES COMRADE, SOUNDS GLORIOUS

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u/_clash_recruit_ 5d ago

It could also be unisex. As a single mom of a 2.5 year-old boy, I really want a strong, consistent male role model in his life, but I have absolutely zero interest in dating.

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u/GAKBAG 5d ago

Like for real. Kids need positive role models of all genders but for some a stable same-gender role model can really really help them navigate any issues they may have.

Terry Crews said something to the effect that sometimes opposite gender parents are not as equipped to handle certain issues that may arise, and I kind of ageee. Young men, women, and enbys need good men, women, and enbys to look up to.

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u/Karmanoid 5d ago

And sadly things like boy scouts and churches are rife with predators so it's a crap shoot of your kid getting diddled to have a chance at a role model.

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u/raven2474life 5d ago

I smell a new age sitcom! Coming to NBC this Fall:

Deadbeat Alivebeat Dads!

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u/shayetheleo 5d ago

They did it and it was called Single Parents and fucking ABC cancelled it after two seasons. It was good and I’m still angry.

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u/Dimeskis 5d ago

And the teachers. My son's elementary/middle school teachers always knew. I used to love parent/teacher conferences, I always left those feeling like an absolute champion.

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u/docwyoming 5d ago

Single father from NJ, but my daughter is an adult now. Mother defrauded the state (long story) and no one cared. I didn’t even bother asking for support, was just glad she left us alone!

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u/FlaxenArt 5d ago

I’m an adult daughter raised by a single dad. He’s my absolute fucking hero. You guys did good.

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u/docwyoming 5d ago

Thank you for telling me he is your hero!

I can tell you, when it comes to our choice, we wouldn’t of had it any other way!

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u/DarthRoacho 5d ago

Single father of a 17yr old checking in. Custody for 10 years. Not even a dime payed. Fuck the state.

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u/robbimj 5d ago

It's odd that the IRS will easily garnish your wages for taxes but the same isn't done in this situation.

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u/Inner_Art482 5d ago

Over $90,000. Will never see a dime. But it's Worth the asshole staying far away.

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u/Impossible-Pepper-51 5d ago

My dad was a single parent of 3 as well, mother left when I was only 6mo. Never paid a dime for us, just kept getting her license suspended, thrown in jail while having her new man pay for everything because she could not work… It sucked watching my dad struggle, at 15 I got my own job and started helping out, there needs to be more support for children that grew up in my situation. But no child support should absolutely not start at conception, my dad would have been paying for my mother to get more drugs and able her addiction. Which is one of the reasons I never saw my mother, she was ordered by the court as an unfit parent because she did drugs when she was pregnant and after I was born she left me at a drug dealers house and disappeared for DAYS, no food, only a couple of diapers… it took days for my father to find where i was. I couldn’t even imagine what would have happened if my father was handing her money on top of that, knowing he was going to be supporting 3 kids.

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u/parada69 5d ago

Hey there! Single dad of a 10 Year old. Full court order custody. Mom pays $200 a month on court order child support which is being garnished automatically. She's on her 5th kid with 5th baby daddy.

Saved my son from an unstable home.

Hang in there!

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u/TecumsehSherman 5d ago

You are a hero!

$200/mo is a joke.

But, your son is in good hands that that's what matters.

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u/pro-phaniti 5d ago

I was just going to say this. 16 years and not one child support payment because she doesn't work.

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u/PerceptiveAxion 5d ago

Is she court ordered to pay child support? Once you go through the circuit court in my state if they don’t pay child support they get their license suspended and they throw them in jail.

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u/TecumsehSherman 5d ago

She is ordered, yes. $165/wk for 3 kids, which is a joke.

We do have a mechanism in the state to prevent license renewal, but since her hobby is collecting DUIs, that's now a moot point.

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u/MrDude_1 5d ago

Get the bar she goes to to release the amount spent by her at the bar.

Use as evidence of undeclared income.

Get further judgement.

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u/TecumsehSherman 5d ago

The amount is so low that it isn't worth any of my effort (or attorney costs) anymore.

I never want to deal with her in any capacity ever again.

She hasn't lived here for 6 years, but the cops were here a couple of months looking for her. Sounds like she's up to her old tricks.

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u/DangerousRoyal4168 5d ago

Sometimes the deadbeat parent just being out of your life and that of their child is sadly, the best of all bad options.

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u/Farazod 5d ago

You may wish to look into identity protection and locking new lines of credit for you and your children.

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u/anotherhawaiianshirt 5d ago

While deadbeat parents are a problem, throwing them in jail and/or removing their ability to earn money is a terrible solution to the problem.

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u/pimppapy 5d ago

Spend thousands of dollars a month housing an inmate, when they could maybe give the struggling parent $2,000 and that would suffice. Then black list the other parent from any tax refunds, stimulus checks, cash aid etc.

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u/splashbruhs 5d ago

Deadbeat parents*

Thank you for adding that. Love your username!

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u/P-eh-triot 5d ago

I mean, this is true regardless of abortion rights.

Similarly for tax benefits.

The costs of having a child do not start at birth.

Although, they do arguably start at the decision to carry a child to term. Reasonably, both child support and tax benefits should start at, say, past 3 months.

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u/LizLemon_015 5d ago

Georgia now allows a fetus to be listed as dependent on tax returns.

https://www.npr.org/2022/08/02/1115204443/georgia-fetus-pregnant-dependent-taxes

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u/Ironbeers 5d ago

At least this position has more internal logic...

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u/LizLemon_015 5d ago

I think it's a deflection to keep women from pushing for child support during pregnancy.

Paternity can be established by DNA during the pregnancy.

women in states with these forced birthing laws, should be calling for child support during pregnancy.

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u/HoneydewOk7559 5d ago

And to make the government aware of pregnancy

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u/LizLemon_015 5d ago

bingo.

I had forgot about that part. but that was a thought I had too when I first heard about this when it passed.

yes. they want women on the books as being pregnant. they are definitely collecting data.

someone has also brought up, what would happen if a woman claims the fetus, then miscarries? this just has red flags all around for me.

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u/chakan2 5d ago

IMHO... If she miscarries, she still gets the deduction. Legally, by their definition, it was indeed a person for a couple to several months.

Now when they start calling that murder, shit will get very interesting.

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u/notjustanotherbot 5d ago

How long till fetal life insurance is a thing?

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u/Margatron 5d ago Rocket Like

Should I fill out tax returns for all 30k of my eggs? Or is it just the fertilized ones?

/s

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u/alizarik_thegoblin 5d ago

Yes, the government would like a detailed record of your full incubatory capacity, please.

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u/greg19735 5d ago

this is literally an extension of that "joke"

The guy doesn't want to get rid of limp dick pills. He's pointing out hypocrisy

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u/No_Higgins 5d ago Take My Energy

And God said “Why are you removing that tumor I put in there?” “But I gave you cancer, why are you fighting it? It is my will”.

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u/stephruvy 5d ago

Boom. Cancer research funding slashed. Dangerous game.

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u/rooftopfilth 5d ago

The rich get cancer too - it won’t get totally destroyed since it affects them.

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u/KamikazeKitten916 5d ago

And the rich get pregnant too, they'll just have their abortions in the privacy of their mansions with the doctors on thier payroll.

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u/Terrible-Paramedic35 5d ago

The wealthy have a long tradition of sending their women to “spas” in Europe, Canada or Mexico for “weight loss” and “cleansing”. They do that to avoid scandal whether abortion is available locally or not.

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u/doge_gobrrt 5d ago

yah know how their trying to ban pregnant women from traveling

bet they find a way to make that only apply to lower and middle class

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u/KamikazeKitten916 5d ago

If I'm not mistaken, Biden did an executive order to protect traveling between states for an abortion?

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u/Paulpoleon 5d ago

Until the next GQP candidate wins the White House and un-executive orders the executive order.

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u/tinyj316 5d ago

Probably something like, they can't fly commercial or some stupid shit like that.

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u/hillza87 5d ago

That would be a massive violation of the Interstate Commerce clause, massive enough that even a bitterly divided Congress would deny its legality.

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u/tinyj316 5d ago Ally

TL;DR: Oh, it wouldn't be an outright ban right away. This would be a years long process...

They'd lean into policies a number airlines already have about flying in the last trimester. A number of airlines don't let pregnant women travel after 30-36 weeks as it stands. They'd push for some wide-spread adoption of that first.

Seems innocent enough. The policies are already there and with the industry already dealing with cancelations and delays out the ass, they can use it as a way to say it prevents these by keeping emergency landings for airborn labor to a bare minimum. That wouldn't really meet much of a resistance short term, at least, I don't think it would. Most OB/GYN recommend not traveling by air anyway that late anyway, so that's backed by "science" too.

The real ban would start with some pseudoscientific bullshit about "oxygen deficiency" in the late-second/early-third trimester causing autism or some other massive long-term health issue. There would be a massive split down the middle, as with most issues, but this would be the tipping point.

Almost assuredly legislation would be drafted by that point to enact a 2nd trimester ban on flying. Obviously this would be attacked in the courts, which being an interstate commerce issue, would make it to the Supreme Court faster than most other cases.

Well, we all know that the current Supreme Court is a GOP sponsored kangaroo court, so it would really boil down to them at this point to decide which is more important... the life/safety of an unborn fetus, or interstate commerce.

Since pregnancy is a temporary condition, the commerce itself isn't banned, just postponed. Further, its not banned since they can still drive or take a bus/train there (realistically or not). That will be the reasoning to allow for the law to stand. That, or they'll make it a states right issue to pass this legislation, since by this point, a number of states will have either adopted or have similar bills waiting to be voted on, and since the justification of the commerce not being banned, it becomes a states rights issue.

So then, you have an effective ban of 2nd-3rd trimester travel by plane. Getting 1st trimester banned would be extremely difficult, especially since many women don't know they're pregnant at that point or aren't showing...but I'm sure they'd find a way.

That's basically how they did it with regular abortion bans... start at the 1-yard line and consistently move the goalposts until you have a touchdown without forward progress.

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u/beer_demon 5d ago

At prices only they can afford

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u/MarlinMr 5d ago

Flip it. You prayed for God to cure you? He gave you doctors to do so.

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u/Michael_Blurry 5d ago

Tell them to put their money where their mouth is if they are “pro-life”. Reduce the defense budget and reallocate funding to cancer research, social services, etc. I know if will never happen but they need to be called out on it so maybe at least the people who are consistent in their beliefs will see the hypocrisy.

Edit: Eh, who am I kidding.

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u/Broken_Petite 5d ago

I think a lot of us point this out regularly and they don’t care.

They don’t want their tax dollars going to help other people. Simple as that.

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u/ultrachrome 5d ago

I too point this out regularly. I modify the message every time trying to find a combination that works. And... every once in a while I'm met with a thoughtful pause. Don't give up.

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u/OneFreamon 5d ago

Maybe America imploding is gods will too 🤷‍♂️

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u/ModelGunner 5d ago

Cancer cells are a living thing! Can’t kill them to live if it’s God’s will!

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u/PointlessParable 5d ago

After removing a harmful tumor every measure possible must be taken to keep it alive outside the body. Can't go killing god's creations against his/ its(?) will.

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u/MyBoyBernard 5d ago

Yea. This is my problem. I don't know how they decided to draw the line with just abortion

  1. Why ever study for an exam? If god wills it, you will pass
  2. Seat belts?
  3. Helmets?
  4. Why water your crops?
  5. Why waste time cooking chicken?
  6. Why eat anything?
  7. Why work?

All of these things should be left up to "god's will". Why is the line drawn as if the only thing on the planet that is god's will is having a child, everything else is open for human interference and decisions.

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u/GiantSquidd 5d ago

Anyone who wears eyeglasses is going against “god’s will” too.

I swear, theists need to emotionally mature enough to realize why all the bullshit they say about their gods are always so half-baked and incomplete. Just about everything they claim can be reasonably refuted with two seconds of critical thought. It’s no wonder that critical race theory scares them so much, it’s critical thinking, which is the antidote to religious dogmatic brainwashing.

Sooner or later, I hope society is mature enough to admit that we made that shit all up, and we can be a better society if we just jettison that Bronze Age myth already. Sure, it’s important to remember in a historical context, but letting insane people make up laws based on what this imaginary character wants is just childish and stupid.

I’m sorry if I’ve offended any theists, but sooner or later you’re going to have to deal with the fact that you guys have gotten away with pushing that crap on people for too long, and we’re not going to humour yourself shit anymore. Children with imaginary friends must grow out of them eventually, and so must you. Growing pains hurt, but they’re a necessary part of growing up. Grow up.

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u/Broken_Petite 5d ago

This isn’t entirely far off. I’ve heard people say something very similar to this about helmets and seat belts …

“Nah, I don’t use those. If it’s my time to go, God’s gonna take me no matter what anyway.”

They say the same thing about the COVID vaccine.

Yet if they get in a car accident while not wearing a seatbelt and survive but are severely injured, or get COVID and can’t breathe, their ass heads to the hospital to get treatment for something that was easily avoidable.

Somehow it’s not “God’s will” at that point anymore. 🙄

Also, most of those people probably wear glasses, take medication, etc., but somehow those conditions aren’t “God’s will” either …

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u/reverendsteveii 5d ago

I'm a carcinoma, not a choice

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u/TheMagnuson 5d ago

I mean there are already people who think that disease happens to you as a manifestation of your sins, so I could easily believe some religious nut actually saying this.

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u/pschell 5d ago edited 5d ago

It perplexes me that “god” gets all the credit, but no blame. So he helped you get that job, but definitely had nothing to do with a 4 year old getting cancer. Got it.

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u/--master-of-none-- 5d ago

My grandfather's wife literally thought this way. It's God's will and if it be his will, I will live.

The cancer won. Guess God wanted her to miss out on a loving husband and watching her daughter grow up.

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u/amp200123 5d ago

You say this like it's a joke but I know multiple anti-vax types who ridicule those who go through chemo or literally any attempt to fight cancer other than nonsense "natural" cures.

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u/HereIGoGrillingAgain 5d ago

That's always bothered me as a non religious person. If you REALLY believe, then prove it. Don't go to the doctor, hospital, etc. The pope has an armored golf cart. That's enough proof for me to know they don't really believe.

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u/ObligatoryOption 5d ago

Why stop at such half measures? Diseases in general, as well as accidents, must all be acts of gods, so they may as well shut down all hospitals. :P

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u/zxcoblex 5d ago

A lot of dipshits made this claim as to why they shouldn’t get vaccinated.

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u/mooocowmooo 5d ago

And yet, very very few of them actually stayed home when they got ill. All happy to receive modern medicine when their lives were the ones on the line.

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u/zxcoblex 5d ago

Yup. And a bunch that, while laying on their death bed in the hospital, asked if they could get the vaccine.

If you don’t trust modern medicine when they tell you to get vaccinated, you shouldn’t turn to it when you get sick.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/zxcoblex 5d ago

Hopefully also earned their Darwin Award as well.

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u/PM-ME-YOUR-HANDBRA 5d ago

The Herman Cain award is granted to someone who dies of a disease after specifically refusing to take any recommended precautions to avoid contracting said disease.

Unfortunately many of those who earned said award have already reproduced and are therefore ineligible for the Darwin award.

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u/MtnMaiden 5d ago

Weee...i get to go to Heaven faster

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u/Madler 5d ago

I’d rather go to Valhalla. Stupid pancreas death due to god!

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u/sektor477 5d ago

Better to be a wolf of Odin, than a lamb of god.

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u/SHOWTIME316 5d ago

May you die with a sword in your hand.

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u/Sinthetick 5d ago

Only one option left. Come at me.

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u/sicilian504 5d ago

Statistically speaking, I've got some bad news for you 😂

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u/Islero47 5d ago

How can a car accident be God’s will if cars don’t grow on trees?

Only horse accidents are God’s will, eliminate all machines.

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u/Iamusingmyworkalt 5d ago

I didn't know horses grew on trees!

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u/turdferguson3891 5d ago

If God had wanted us to ride horses they would have been born with saddles.

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u/Squallypie 5d ago

But the first thing he did was ban something grown on trees.

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u/FrostyD7 5d ago

We really need a government branch dedicated to interpreting the word of God and the bible. If were going to make all of our policy based on religion going forward we might as well do it right.

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u/Broken_Petite 5d ago

Do not give them ideas. We already watch them twist themselves into a pretzel trying to biblically justify hating poor people and immigrants. You put a conservative over something like that, they can conjure up a word salad to justify anything.

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u/Dazzling-Volume9811 5d ago edited 5d ago

God wanted you to have yellow teeth and age naturally. No more Botox and teeth bleach!

Looking at you, Joel Olsteen.

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u/Svenderman 5d ago

But then who will keep the poor people out of their "church" during a hurricane if we don't have Joel?!

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u/Highwaters78217 5d ago Helpful Starry

Before we start acknowledging "acts of god", let's first prove there is a god legally in court according to the constitutional laws of the united states

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u/FictionVent 5d ago

And then bring a class action civil suit against god for criminal negligence. Sue every church!

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u/Griffon2112 5d ago

I think there was a film featuring Billy Connolly called The Man Who Sued God who did just that after his boat (?) burnt and sank.

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u/ThatIsMyJohnson 5d ago

A tree falling on my car is an "act of god" but my car being dragged away in a flood is not.

Okay fine, then show me the superman-tier psychopath capable of flooding a city on a whim. God only matters when it benefits someone and hurts someone else.

Edit: (Generally) Nothing but a scapegoat to justify actions from people with the worst of intentions.

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u/augustusleonus 5d ago

Ban fertility treatments too

If i can’t get an abortion because you are a Christian, then you can’t have babies because you are a Christian

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u/crazymaddhatter 5d ago edited 5d ago

As someone who works at a fertility clinic, believe me pretty much all companies I'm aware of are either are shutting down or will be shutting down all IVF treatments in anti-abortion states soon, I know my company is pulling out their clinic in Texas as fast as they can. It's to much of a liability for both the patient and the company, also immoral and unethical to help someone with high risk pregnancy to get pregnant and not have a way to stop it if something goes wrong.

Edit: minor spelling mistake

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u/augustusleonus 5d ago

That’s really interesting

Terrible and dystopian, but interesting

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u/BigBoogati 5d ago

I mean the US is very dystopian right now, honestly. I was walking through Walgreens last night and all of a sudden, “The pandemic has ruined all of our lives…” blah blah blah.

Not saying the fact that Covid is real, is dystopian, it’s the response. The advertising around it. It’s so fucking weird.

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u/Aibbie 5d ago

Pretty much sums up my human experience so far.

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u/augustusleonus 5d ago

Shoulda thought about that before you were born, life is all about choices

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u/terivia 5d ago

Unfortunately that won't stop them, it's practically by design. Just as republicans intend to go visit other states or countries to get their abortions, they will also go out of state or country to receive their fertility treatments. Rules for the poor that the rich are unimpaired by.

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u/Salbyy 5d ago

They’ve got a point

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u/Punkinprincess 5d ago

Republicans are pretty close to doing that with how strict their anti-abortion laws are getting. Everyone I know that has had IVF was a religious conservative.

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u/cC2Panda 5d ago

Yep in certain states fertilizing embryos for IVF could be a felony.

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u/zippercreatemy 5d ago

What happens to the unused embryos? At 5 days fertilisation wouldn’t that be equivalent to an abortion for those whack jobs who think that others peoples personal choice is any of their business?

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u/cC2Panda 5d ago

Yes. They don't implant all the embryos and some of these laws are so broad that discarding them after any fertilization is criminal.

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u/cip43r 5d ago

Let me guess. When it finally happened, it was a "miracle"

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u/iambetterthabu 5d ago

Friend of mine is evangelical etc, they did it 'after a lot of soul searching'... I asked them what will they do with the eggs under these new abortion bans. They were steadfast in that they did nothing wrong since MN doesn't have anti abortion bill. While still being in full support of the bill in the state they live which would make it illegal... It's insane the mental gymnastics they go through

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u/Vaticancameos221 5d ago

Rules for thee and all that

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u/stYOUpidASSumptions 5d ago

Funny, you'd think those would be the ones adopting. You know, if they cared about children.

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u/charichuu 5d ago

Bro, who wants a used baby? I am all for recycling but that thing could bring diseases or Something in my House! /s

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u/Rumblepuff 5d ago

I had a former friend of mine while in the presence of my daughter tell me that all children born through IVF were aberrations and not part of god‘s plan. It took everything I had to not punch him in the [email protected]&$ing throat, the only thing that stopped me was knowing his b&[email protected] [email protected]& would press charges and I wouldn’t be able to see my daughter.

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u/augustusleonus 5d ago

It really seems like a whole lot of self proclaimed Christians behave in an opposite fashion of how their so called perfect god seemed to suggest

They take “cast the first stone” as an invitation, not a call to self reflection

They take the golden rule as “do unto others as you wish”

They ignore the actual meaning of Jesus’s parables and miracles

It’s almost like it’s not about emulating Christ, but about being better than those who don’t claim to try

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u/Rumblepuff 5d ago

I call American Christianity, because Christ’s teaching always come behind something else more important. There’s also supply side Jesus, the son of God who loves capitalism and raising money, that’s their new God.

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u/augustusleonus 5d ago

Supply side Jesus is legit tho

Supply side Jesus blessed me when Best Buy mis managed their inventory software and wound up giving me a free tv

So…obviously that was divine intervention and not some kids trying to get off work asap and making a mistake

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u/Rumblepuff 5d ago

Oh that wasn’t supply side Jesus that blessed you, supply-side Jesus would’ve fired the person that made the mistake for hurting the profits. Supply side Jesus is a job creator not someone who gives away things like a socialist.

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u/augustusleonus 5d ago

Maybe supply side jesus had a plan to teach that clerk a lesson in inventory humility

And being fired was the push to get their MBA so they can someday fire the manager

Supply side Jesus works in mysterious ways, almost as mysterious as HR

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u/trippy_grapes 5d ago

IVF were aberrations and not part of god‘s plan.

God literally IVF'd Jesus into Mary lmao.

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u/pjr032 5d ago

My favorite part about this is that IVF uses so many more clumps of cells they claim to be trying to protect…. But when gods will magically aligns with how you’re feeling that day it’s not surprising whatsoever

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u/aclick1999 5d ago

They are slowly. My friend in Georgia is moving back to Canada because her fertility office is phasing out IVF due to concerns about abortion accessibility in case of unviable fetuses.
Unfortunately it'll cost her more up here, but she's got better support and family here.

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u/koensch57 5d ago edited 5d ago

forbid airbags and safety belts.... if it's gods will you are in an accident, you shall not resist his will for you to suffer from it. Carry your mistake full term.

why wear hathats? god gave you a skull and you must be ungrateful for his gift and you shall not show that you find his gift not good enough.

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u/stephruvy 5d ago

But.... But but... What if I believe in physics and science and trust the experts in those fields. Do I still have to fallow the same rules as the Jesus freaks?

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u/KamikazeKitten916 5d ago

Only if you live in America

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u/stephruvy 5d ago

Fuck. I can't even get a splinter here.

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u/bipolarnotsober 5d ago

Splinter is from wood, wood is organic and therefore it is god's will.

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u/Islero47 5d ago

Why would you eliminate air bags and seat belts and not eliminate cars? You see a lot of car herds traveling the plains?

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u/vickyizbeast 5d ago

What’s a “hathat”? 🤔

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u/puppysmilez 5d ago

I think they meant hardhat but I like to think it's a smaller hat that goes on top of your regular hat 🤠

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u/Vlad-the-Inhailer 5d ago

From memes to legislation, as it should be.

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u/GhettoChemist 5d ago edited 5d ago

Not a fan of the "act of Gawd" argument, but the logic checks out

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u/Ronin_Jedi66 5d ago

Me either, but in this case I think it was meant as a sarcastic dig at the right

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u/demalo 5d ago

Unfortunately that’s a dangerous game. Proponents to “gawds will” will drag everyone down with it in the hopes they will gain their desired outcomes.

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u/Arrasor 5d ago

Yeah following that logic, healthcare as a whole should be abolished.

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u/sargsauce 5d ago

Anything cosmetic, too. Gray hair is an act of God. And acne and bad hair days.

Glasses, too. Canes. Comfy insoles. Air conditioning. God wanted us to be hot, so that's why he's turning up the global temperatures!

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u/HaYuFlyDisTang 5d ago

Bible says Jesus was a carpenter but theres not a single page in the bible on how to build a proper house. We can only reasonably conclude God doesnt want us to live in man-made houses.

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u/Splash_ 5d ago

Air conditioning

If only Jesus got into HVAC instead of carpentry

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u/wingedespeon 5d ago

There are some christian sects that would uironically love that...

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u/PrecisePigeon 5d ago

I prefer to follow Dog's will, but cats end up getting shafted.

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u/KamikazeKitten916 5d ago

Only Dog can judge me.

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u/thisismysffpcaccount 5d ago

He did say “if”

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u/empyrealone 5d ago

He's using it as a "you can't have it both ways" argument. He's saying if you say that's an act of god, then so must this be.

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u/Templar388z 5d ago

Following the same logic, we can also say that IVF is against God. If you’re barren then that’s your plan. No children.

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u/Steelrules75 5d ago

I would pay for CSPAN to watch the arguments from both sides

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u/CascadianWanderer 5d ago

Not all heroes wear capes, some wear dapper suits.

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u/badmonkey247 5d ago

Eyeglasses and contacts. Hearing aids.

Orthotics.

Prosthetics except in the case of loss of limb due to a non-Christian's action.

Pharmaceuticals, surgical intervention, and all forms of physical therapy. Exercise or mindful dietary approach for the purpose of alteration of one's muscular structure, body fat composition, heart health, or any other marker or state bestowed by God at the time of conception.

/s

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u/GotWilk73 5d ago

Surprisingly, fighting bullshit with bullshit can be VERY effective. Can’t wait to see how this plays out

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u/smacattack3 5d ago

Not surprisingly, it did not play out. Didn’t get an official roll call, just an informal vote. But it was beautiful to watch him propose it!

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u/Realistic_Degree_773 5d ago

This whole "act of God" thing, it makes me laugh. A being all mighty and powerful that has the ability to stop these things or cause other things to happen. Idk man seems like a fairytale to me. You put in the work to make things happen in your own life. No matter the outcome you deal with the consequences of your choices and actions.

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u/Repulsive-Purple-133 5d ago

Hail Satan. Hail thyself

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u/Hona007 5d ago

I have no idea how true or legitimate the tweet is.

But if "god" can be thrown around as a reason to introduce a bill. The USA becomes a theocracy... So yea. The USA's democracy experiment failed.

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u/oceansofmyancestors 5d ago

Absolutely agree, tie these two things together forever

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u/smackedjesus 5d ago

Personally, I think life ends at the heart beat too. Sorry but I’d you need open heart surgery, that’s just God trying to call you home. So arrogant of humans to defy Gods will by keeping people alive.

/S

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u/thinkB4WeSpeak 5d ago

Child support should start at conception and states should fund more aggressive means to catch deadbeat fathers.

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u/Broken_Petite 5d ago

I think it’s Georgia that recently said pregnant women can claim the fetus as a dependent

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u/snakesssssss22 5d ago

Yes they did - I wonder what happens when you claim a fetus, get paid & then miscarry….

Probably go to jail.

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u/Thisbymaster 5d ago

What we need is for these laws to only affect Christians. If you go to church you can't see a doctor as your disease is an act of God and you should pray about it instead.

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u/Sparticuse 5d ago

The problem is this actually happens and it affects their children too.

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u/azwethinkkweism 5d ago

HOLLA!!!! 🙌 too bad rich white dudes ru(i)n everything and it will not likely pass, imo.

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u/tyen0 5d ago

Isn't that the point? To poison the anti-abortion bill?

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