r/TooAfraidToAsk May 26 '22

Why am I always fine when someone asks? Meta

[deleted]

3 Upvotes

3

u/[deleted] May 26 '22

[deleted]

3

u/sadchillaxation May 26 '22

Happy belated birthday! I hope you'll find a job that more comfortably pays your bills.

Both potential answers are fuckin horrifying to me. Its technically the matter that I can, but choose not to, because again, its not like im disabled in any way or unwell. We all have free will. Though it feels like im stuck in a neverending loop of bad choices that I cant stop making. Its like I have 100 tasks to do first, in an order, and if I mess up any part it ruins me and/my day(? Which is dumb!). I so desperately want to study 24/7, be a social butterfly, and excel, but its like I cant for some reason. Which is weird because I Should Be Able To, like just about everyone else. I blank out, my brain gets foggy, or it takes a whole hour of me yelling at myself to get up, just to get up. Or eat. Or drink. Or breathe.

Sometimes, I just cant convince myself to get up. Like youre in a screaming, brawling match for the 5th day in a row. Like im driving a car that needs me to continuously lift a 100kg barbel just for it to drive. Which is stupid and dramatic, what the fuck, right??

I dont know why im such a piece of shit. Again, if anyone were to ask me though, I dont know why everything is so hard for me. When asked, I would immediatly think, hey, actually, things arent hard at all. Im deathly afraid thats what my true core is. A waste of space and money that contributes nothing to society.

I know what I say aint worth any penny, but w you being friendless too, I gotta say I found called Meetup where you can find groups based off whatever interest and/or age group who plan events/outings you can join to meet folks. Just thought id share. I joined a group in a rare burst of courage. I have yet to attend one of their events/outings, or message anyone, but I have fingers crossed for another day I can be courageous again.

2

u/woahwoahwoah28 May 26 '22

I’m going to preface this as an opinion. And obviously I’m a stranger on the internet so I can’t diagnose you.

But it sounds like anxiety and depression. The hormones and neuro receptors in your brain likely aren’t firing the way they should. It’s not necessarily just a lack of motivation—it sounds more likely a chemical imbalance.

The lack of motivation is a hallmark sign of depression. The social anxiety is indicative of anxiety. I’ve been there and have seen many people walk through it. Honestly I’ve found that a mix of medication and therapy as a check in on how you’re doing on the medication is most helpful. It can rid you of that sense of apathy. I hope this helps.

1

u/sadchillaxation May 26 '22

That might be it... or I may be jumping at an excuse... thank you 🙏

2

u/vhs03 May 26 '22

This was my biggest problem in quarantine. There were less rules and less things to do so I would put off anything productive and scroll through tiktok or do something else that wastes time. I always blamed it on my anxiety which is something you might be able to relate to. I think it was the fear of “if i do this thing that’s so important and fail i would have wasted my time AND made myself sad.” Now what i do is give myself breaks and tell myself it’s ok to not be productive all the time. I also try to get at least 1 or 2 important things done (i do everyday but if could be every other day, every week, etc.) so I can feel accomplished. The important things don’t have to be big also, it could literally be just reading something or getting an assignment done.

I hope this helps.

1

u/sadchillaxation May 26 '22

I recently realized I may have, as dumb as it sounds, a fear of studying and assignments. Is that what you felt? IIm not sure if it would count as a "fear of" since its me knowing I wont be able to understand or know what it is I need to know, or be able to do the assignment. Which often turns out to be true. I still try, but my attempts means nothing with no results, really.

I do love studying. I want to know everything about everything, try solve whatever questions, figure out what im not understanding/doing wrong. I just, cant do what I need to do, for some reason(??)

Also, sorry, what do you mean by "the important things dont have to be big"?

2

u/vhs03 May 26 '22

I was trying to say that I try to do at least one productive thing a day so I don’t feel like i wasted my time. And that productive thing doesn’t have to be something huge like doing ALL your work. It could be answering one question or saying hi to a classmate.

2

u/After_Occasion May 26 '22

You may want to talk to a psychologist about either ADHD or Autism it's hard to tell because both of them significantly lap each other. I have autism and your symptoms sound a whole lot like autism burnout.