r/asexuality • u/TealTriangle grey • Jun 21 '21
Finally a post by me which is not about aphobia. Pride
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u/emptybeerb0ttle Jun 21 '21
Ive had a few friends who were so stressed about still being virgins they ended up having sex with some random ppl just to say they did it, some regretted some didnāt. Either way i dont get it.
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u/Mister_Gaming3 asexual Jun 21 '21
This, this right here. Virginity is a fucking social construct and it's one of many I feel like we don't need. If people are coerced into something that could be potentially downright dangerous (especially with abortion rights being stripped in many states), we should absolutely abolish the thing that makes them feel like they have to do that.
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 21 '21
being a virgin to me is better than being a chad.
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u/secretkpopper1998 Jun 21 '21
I'm proud to be a virgin but when i was young I was like omg im the only virgin in class i felt like i wasn't pretty enough or something but then when it came to i realized that i only didn't want to be a virgin because of what people thought and not because I mind it so now i went to the other level where I'm proud to be a virgin š
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u/Artistic_Call asexual Jun 21 '21
I was raped, am I still one?
I often feel bad about it all. It was corrective in nature too.
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u/WonFriendsWithSalad Jun 21 '21
I'm so sorry that happened to you. There should be free services in your country to allow you to talk about it with someone if that's something you'd find helpful.
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u/Artistic_Call asexual Jun 21 '21
I've been in therapy for 6 years... happened 8 years ago. Each therapist tells me, "you're still a virgin because you didn't consent!" Others say, "technically, no... but spiritually, yes."
I'm converting to Judaism and they don't hold what happened to me against me.
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u/[deleted] Jun 21 '21
psst put lead in their drink,wait until their IQ is halved and lock them in a room with a rubik padlock that will only open once they solve it
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u/Artistic_Call asexual Jun 21 '21
He ended up dying. Moved back home and died. Reading the comments on the obit broke my heart even more.
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u/[deleted] Jun 21 '21
Wish you a better life mate.
Shit can go wrong in the past but you should always look at the future to shed the past away.
Hope for the best to you mate.
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u/Artistic_Call asexual Jun 21 '21
Thanks. My future brings me anxiety, so I try to keep present.
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 21 '21
the present state of things is horrible.
while I don't have anxiety and I don't understand the people that do(I was bullied for being logical and almost inhuman and I now hate dealing with irrational, contradictory whims of humans relating to computers more than other people) I think any rational person would as with global warming and the slow degradation of people turning into humans and then degenerates..
try to stay in the present, you'll be happier. if you want to survive and matter more, look to the future. it depends on what you want. but most people just want to be happy in the short term
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u/Artistic_Call asexual Jun 21 '21
I live with a narcissist and going too far in the future, where she can get whim of my plans and foil them... that's why I keep present.
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 21 '21
if you live with a narcissist outsmart her.
besides, plans aren't on paper, a GOOD plan is untraceable.
trust me, at school, being the smartest kid, I formed my own faction, overthrew the "popular dumb kids" from plans, wage wars get rid of teachers who are dumb, and mean to boys and way to kind to girls/little kids...
reminds me of the
nevermind. just do well at school, and get into a good college, and sacrifice maybe some fun for grades. keep an eye on your mental health and then, if you succeed, get a good job, learn your way around the law and then place a restraining order, leave that pig-ignorant vapi-
okay I'm going overboard, as a kid, my advice isn't the best, do whatever you want. I made intricate plans for murder in case the teacher did something really bad and we always had a spotless track record for getting revenge and kept tabs on anyone who might pose a threat, eliminated enemies, and kept records of people's weaknesses paid bribes...
I sometimes worry, that I know way more about how to commit crimes, take over the world and get away with it compared to other people. maybe a life of crime is a good fallback planif I don't become a scientist.→ More replies
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u/DanteLivra Jun 21 '21
Virgin shaming == slut shaming
The rate at which you have sex doesn't indicate your worth as a person
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u/ThrowingKnive Jun 21 '21
It's easier to be a slut though: https://digitalcommons.bard.edu/senproj\_s2017/397/
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u/Independent-Yam-523 asexual | panromantic Jun 21 '21
Reminds me of the time I read a comment about a fictional character who had killed himself. Can't remember exactly how it was expressed, but basically, it was like "If only he had been less shy, he wouldn't have died a virgin!".
I don't think something/someone ever made me so mad so quickly.
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u/your-moms-slippers Jun 21 '21
The amount of times I've heard something along the lines of "Yeah Newton was a genius and all, but he died as a virgin so he obviously wasn't that great"
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u/Independent-Yam-523 asexual | panromantic Jun 21 '21
Oh my... makes me want to scream in a pillow out of sheer frustration. Like: who cares if Newton was a virgin or not? The man cracked some secrets of the universe!
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u/dinanysos Jun 21 '21
Imagine down talking one of the most important scientists of the past because he didn't shoved his genitals into enough orifices.
Also to be honest, looking at what we know about the hygiene of the last centuries I am still surprised people had sex at all. Why would you ever do that to yourself, naked and sweaty and both parties couldn't properly shower in a month.
Newton just had a functioning sense of smell, that's why he didn't bother with coitus.
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 21 '21
when someone told me that on the playground a year ago, I punched him in the face. look at my bio and other comments and you might understand.
isaccs mom told him he was useless, as he never got married or ever became a farmer like she wanted him to. those who only spend time on the present happiness are like cattle, worthless and they will never matter. those who pioneer and make a difference, whether an activist, a doctor, or a scientist: they matter, they made a positive difference in this world. this is why I hate almost everyone. and most people. I see drug addicts and the homeless, the poor who waste their money on futile desires while the poor who need help don't get any. the greed the lust and nasty things humans do. THE BASIC INABILITY FOR HUMANS TO RATIONAL AND MAKE SENSE
this seems strange to other people and I get that, but I wouldn't blame robots for wanting to eradicate humans, and it's hard to relate to me, someone who acts on logic alone and feels few emotions.
I can't see how someone could look at all the pain, death, and cruelty in this world and say, life is short make it sweet, or don't waste your life in a lab or stay so willfully ignorant in their own puny little lives.
this may not be the right place to vent but I've been here long enough for this to feel like a safe place(my old account got deleted) and I've gotten thrown out in other places when I said something about how aI feel. based on who I am it feels every day I have to live life where almost everyone is out to get me. because they sort of are. my parents don't care, I can't practice my math because my family has ruined my focus and sense of time. everything is unfair and it goes in everyone else's favor. and this isn't irrational, I can look at it even though an optimistic lens and see how nasty it is.
maybe this is a breaking point. I'm a tough and hard person, but I'm tired of this and maybe that's why I punched that older kid so hard. why I beat him up in anger. maybe that's why I'm banging my head on the table muttering.
if this isn't a place where I should be good bye
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u/NielleHasIt aroace Jun 21 '21
I prefer not to use the term virgin since is denotes that everyone has to have sex at least once and I'm holding onto the idea that it's optional, which it is, but it's something that you don't feel like you are required to do.
Anyone relate or at least understand what I'm trying to say? Because I can be confusing at times.
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u/WonFriendsWithSalad Jun 21 '21
I get what you're saying, you're trying to make having sex more of an "opt in" thing rather than an expected part of life.
In some ways it would make more sense to have a term for someone who has had sex (although obviously virginity is a bullshit patriarchal social construct so whatever).
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u/dracomageat Jun 21 '21
It's also weird that it's such a binary thing. As if allos don't care about the hundreds of times they do it after that.
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u/sonofodin9900 Jun 21 '21
If I had a dollar for every time I said I'm virgin I'd now have a DOLLAR STORE š„²
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u/Ataletta Jun 21 '21
If I had a dollar for every time I said I'm virgin I would never shut up about it even though I'm not :D Virginity is a social construct anyway
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u/Fearless-Molasses732 Jun 21 '21
Iām not a virgin. My high school/early college boyfriend and I had sex (we havenāt spoken in years and I donāt want to assume anyones sexuality but when I think about that relationship now, that guy had to be asexual or demi-sexual) and people are usually shocked to learn Iām not a virgin because I seem āinnocentā and āold fashionedā
I have a friend that calls any guy thatās shy or reserved, a virgin and Iām always one nerve away from losing my shit when she does it
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u/mcheeto Jun 21 '21
My ex-friend used to call me and my aro friend "super virgins" lol
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 21 '21
how do I get to the rank,
HYPER VIRGINS?
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u/mcheeto Jun 21 '21
You have to dedicate your life to the grind, im getting there tho, one day we might finally evolve legs and become the frogs we always wanted to be. (Do not question)
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 21 '21
wait, what?
Nah, I think we turn into the feathered intelligent monsters known as tyrannosaurs and terrorize everyone
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u/Emergency_Aide633 Jun 21 '21
Virginity was labelled as something to shame people for very recently in history, as even just 50 years ago, it was widely considered a symbol of purity and innocence. Being a virgin, whether male or female, was an honourable thing. I don't want to point fingers, but considering the world of marketing is a "sex sells" mindset, I think I have an idea whose idea it was that having sex is a status symbol.
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u/dinanysos Jun 21 '21
I'm not a virgin and lost my virginity when I was 14 yet ppl still thought I was a loser and called me virgin until I finished school and got new friends, so based on those very scientific studies I'd say what makes ppl get called a loser is being surrounded by assholes who base their worth on sexual intercourse and like to judge and bring others down. Not Really something you have control over.
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u/dragon-storyteller PM me dragon ace puns Jun 21 '21 edited Jun 21 '21
Honestly this gets me a lot. Even otherwise really progressive and accepting people often default to virgin shaming whenever they deal with toxicly masculine people, or make and share the "virgin vs Chad" memes. I do my best not to hold it against anyone, but goodness seeing allonormativity reinforced by allies like this is incrediby tiring
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u/EatingSugarYesPapa Jun 21 '21
Yeah. And I also see people default to body shaming as well, saying āsmall dick energyā and shaming people for their height or weight or overall appearance. Itās mainly a thing I see on Twitter but itās honestly so frustrating.
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 21 '21
to me, the more dick energy, the less brain energy
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u/melancholymetanoia Jun 21 '21
True. and I feel like most of the people who do think that refer to involuntary virgins... but yeah people shouldn't judge each other based on their sexual activity/choices
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u/kurenai_yume Jun 21 '21
The tv and media examples and the extreme examples but made the stereotype. Being a virgin is not something to be ashamed of. It wasnāt until recently that virginity was something prized. People can remain virgins by choice, not because there is something wrong with them. Iām a celibate asexual, and honestly if I had better asexuality examples when I was younger I would have remained a virgin instead of forcing myself to date and do all the things societal pressure expects. I was never truly interested in dating. I grew to to love people but I wasnāt āin loveā, and while I was and still am able to have sex, honestly Iād rather not.
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u/bubbles2360 yes allos, i photosynthesize Jun 22 '21
If I had a nickel for every time I had to explain that I plan on dying a virginā¦better watch it bill gates cuz imma be rich AF in my senior years if this is something I gotta keep explaining to people lmao
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u/roahir Jun 21 '21
I know of a loser in Swedish cinema history that always got the girl in the end. Like he literally acted like the loser everyone should bully but always ended up with the girl over the pretty boy. So yeah, being sexually active can't show what type of person you are.
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u/alway7sometimesnever Jun 21 '21
Is that perhaps Stig-Helmer Olsson?
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u/roahir Jun 21 '21
Oh you know it.
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u/alway7sometimesnever Jun 21 '21
Cool. A bit of a fan of those movies actually, however silly they may be. Always fun to see an unexpected reference!
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u/roahir Jun 21 '21
I grew up watching those movies lol
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u/alway7sometimesnever Jun 21 '21
Yeah same. They're a big deal in my family for some reason. Are you Swedish maybe? If that's okay to ask
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u/Jamie5279752 asexual Jun 21 '21
This is good but why do you use light mode
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u/TealTriangle grey Jun 21 '21
Because I prefer it. I also have vs studio in light mode, even though dark is default.
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u/ApocalyptoSoldier AAA! Jun 21 '21
You monster!
It could be worse though, you could've used Blue.
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 21 '21
I use light mode, IDK why people use dark mode.
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u/ApocalyptoSoldier AAA! Jun 21 '21
For me it's migraines.
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u/TealTriangle grey Jun 21 '21
I've studied good working conditions and intense light or light mode does not cause migraines on their own.
Actually it's healthier to read black text on white backgrounds.
The problem is when you have a light screen in a dark room and vice versa, as your pupils need to increase and decrease in size very often, which strains the muscles and causes migranes.
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 22 '21
yes a man of science I see
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u/TealTriangle grey Jun 22 '21
A man of intelligence I see.
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 22 '21
ohhhhhhh
but i am also a man of science
a man of intelligence too I see
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u/ApocalyptoSoldier AAA! Jun 22 '21
I'm not so sure, I don't spend much time in dark rooms.
Before covid I worked in an open plan office with large windows and got migranes every other day.
The more things that added dark mode the less often I got migranes.
I've been using dark mode for everything on my computer and phone and primarily been in bright environments and can go months without migranes, and even those seldom happen while or shortly after looking at a screen.
I think your studies missed a factot or two
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u/TealTriangle grey Jun 22 '21
It's not my studies, it has been proven and it makes sense.
What was the direction of your screen relative to the windows?
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u/ApocalyptoSoldier AAA! Jun 22 '21
In the office there were continuous floor to ceiling windows on who sides and I directly faced one of those sides, where I live now there's a large window to my side.
There are lots of windows on the busses and trains.
The study could have proven the correlation between eye strain and migranes and missed other factors that might be causing migranes.
And I might be overly sensitive this morning, but invalidating my lived experiences on an ace sub is kinda not cool.
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u/TealTriangle grey Jun 22 '21
Scientificaly proven > opinion.
It is one of multiple factors and I never denied anything else.
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 22 '21
I've never had any.
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u/ApocalyptoSoldier AAA! Jun 22 '21
It's different for everyone.
I've also heard of people whp get migraines or eye strain from dark mode.
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 22 '21
wait what...
oh I think it might be from the color contrast.
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u/WickedAdept aego/grey-aro Jun 21 '21
Because you are weak and they are strong. /s
P.S. :P
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u/ApocalyptoSoldier AAA! Jun 21 '21
Checks out, I use dark mode everywhere because I get migraines way less often this way.
I am too weak to survive the light.
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u/WickedAdept aego/grey-aro Jun 21 '21 edited Jun 21 '21
Damn.
It is interesting though, that monitors started at light letters on dark screen, then went into the age of full color graphics, light/white-dominant, but the monitors themselves were a bit dim, things brightened over time and by today we gradually spiraled into new Dark mode Age...
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u/64intelligent_person asexual be ace, lay waste perverts will burn Jun 21 '21
in my books, vampires either,
- burn like candles in sunlight
- crumble away.
the first ones are good for bonfires and their screams keep other vampires away.
but vampires are weak.
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u/T1_Spork heavily sex repulsed flying ace Jun 22 '21
I just absolutely hate the concept of 'virginity' in general. It's only ever used to shame people and I dunno, it just makes me extremely uncomfortable when people start talking about their 'state' of virginity. And 'losing' it or shit like that too, that shit makes me extremely uncomfortable too.
People shouldn't be judging others for what they do (or don't do) in their private lives anyways.
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u/FD4L Jun 21 '21
I'm not ace but I've never noticed much of a correlation between mutual general contact and overall success.
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u/romanator25 Sex-Indiff Ace, Aceš© Jun 21 '21
If I had a nickel for every time someone was surprised that Iām a virgin