r/cursedcomments Aug 17 '22 Silver 3 Wholesome 5 Helpful 2

cursed_coffee Instagram

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35.3k Upvotes

312

u/McMythic156 Aug 17 '22

"Your warm juice filled up my belly uuugggghhhh"

167

u/Phakeperson69 Aug 17 '22

I feel it sliding down my throat 🥵

79

u/BluntTruthGentleman Aug 18 '22

Put some cream in me Tom hnnng

34

u/Murky_Ad_280 Aug 18 '22

I'm coming in your mouth

40

u/Inside_Cupcake2528 Aug 18 '22

Are you sure you want to burn your throat

36

u/ThisIsYourMormont Aug 18 '22

I’m going to keep you up al night Tom.

119

u/cleverist_bane Aug 17 '22

"Do that thing you do with your tongue."

51

u/CaffeineSippingMan Aug 18 '22

Put the cream in me, now suck it out.

19

u/Inside_Cupcake2528 Aug 18 '22

Wait how does that really work

16

u/CaffeineSippingMan Aug 18 '22 Helpful

The cream mixes with the brown to form santorum.

6

u/snuffles_c147 Aug 18 '22

Username checks out? r/Beetlejuicing?

5

u/PyroNinjaGinger Aug 18 '22

You know nothing.

344

u/katamari619 Aug 17 '22

This is so cursed lol

140

u/Atthatpurglekid Aug 17 '22

I feel like I see things that are way more cursed usually but this is deeply uncomfortable

18

u/look_a_wolf Aug 18 '22

At least it wasn't Joe Mamma

14

u/Funkyt0m467 Aug 18 '22

As my username suggest, i'm named Tom. This made it even worse for me to read!

37

u/Usidore_ Aug 17 '22

There’s a short story that is basically this, with a machine that will make any food/drink that you want, but not out of “nothing”, and, well, one guy learns not to use colloquial terms with it

32

u/DMercenary Aug 17 '22

SCP-294 Anomalous liquid dispensing machine.

0

u/budding-enthusiast Aug 18 '22

I have lost too many nights to count scrolling SCP animations.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '22

[deleted]

2

u/Negative_Pineapple25 Aug 18 '22 edited Aug 19 '22

It's a machine if you know what is scp is basicaly it can produce any liquid do it can produce tea

55

u/IamREBELoe Aug 17 '22

Tom likes the Big Black Coffee.

27

u/drunk98 Aug 18 '22

The only BBC I've ever let enter me

10

u/Shit_Posts_For_Karma Aug 18 '22

You should consider the other one. It was surprisingly aggressive.

13

u/drunk98 Aug 18 '22

Thanks for the tip, the most surprising thing was that they both made me need to take a shit.

3

u/IamREBELoe Aug 18 '22

Bravo. That was good.

29

u/OnlyOfficers Aug 17 '22

Joe who?

39

u/grayrains79 Aug 17 '22

Joe MAMMA!!

Also I dunno about the other guy. I'm shaking my head at him as well.

22

u/Crazyracer2006 Aug 17 '22

Damn so good I swallowed twice

112

u/Legokiller13 Aug 17 '22

Not my proudest fap…

58

u/Analog0 Aug 17 '22

This guy creams his Joe.

6

u/Iam_The_Giver Aug 18 '22

New achievement unlocked

18

u/Legokiller13 Aug 17 '22 I'll Drink to That

I do indeed cream in the drink I don’t drink

79

u/Spielburger_witFries Aug 17 '22

“I can’t wait to slip out your other end Tom. An intimate moment on the toilet for the two of us.

21

u/grayrains79 Aug 17 '22

I knew Reddit would 1up the other comments, and I wasn't disappointed.

14

u/RedwoodShores Aug 17 '22

Joe's been a little bitter since we broke up.

41

u/Velocityraptor28 Aug 17 '22 Helpful

scp 294

15

u/ClockworkDinosaurs Aug 17 '22

Came here to say that

9

u/intrusiereatschicken Aug 18 '22

yup, was thinking the exact same thing

9

u/Jfuentes6 Aug 17 '22

I like my Joe black

-3

u/MrRobotTacos Aug 17 '22

Well I am white so deal with it

7

u/bigfatbod Aug 17 '22

“I’m gonna keep you awake alllllll night”

8

u/ShadowMario01 Aug 17 '22

Getting real SCP-294 vibes.

Poor Joe.

4

u/themanwhomfall Aug 17 '22

Soylent coffee is people!

4

u/notCRAZYenough Aug 17 '22

Why is it called joe btw? Is that a brand? I have heard it often but I never really heard why

2

u/ryuStack Aug 18 '22

Fun fact: It's not the coffee that's called Joe, it's the drinker. When you're drinking a coffee, you're drinking a "Joe's cup", or a cup of Joe.

9

u/Cruz1fy Aug 17 '22

This post is absolutely dripping with r/imsorryjon vibes.

3

u/sashikku Aug 17 '22

This meme cracks me up because those are my boyfriend and roommates names lmao

3

u/Tropesn Aug 17 '22

That's why I drink Tea. She's not so weird like Tom, Sheila is cool.

3

u/thepumpkinking92 Aug 17 '22

"I want to be inside you, tom"

3

u/WulfricTheSwift Aug 17 '22

When you want something hot and black in you

3

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '22

SCP

3

u/IEatCatz4Fun Aug 18 '22

Anyone else have a soft soothing manly voice while reading Joe's part's or was that just me?

2

u/Exciting-Sympathy646 Aug 17 '22

Proceeds to gargle

2

u/UFOdriver7 Aug 17 '22

Love the way Joe looks at Tom,so hot

2

u/VeneMage Aug 17 '22

Nothing like Joe to stimulate you in the morning.

2

u/asianabsinthe Aug 17 '22

Coffee enema anyone?

2

u/BashfulSunflower Aug 17 '22

I think 'sips aggressively' is one of the most fantastic responses I've ever considered. Thank you.

2

u/Psihozen Aug 17 '22

You absorb liquids faster and they bypass the liver through the anus, I'm just saying..... heard it from a friend....

2

u/FBWSRD Aug 17 '22

Is it just me that read the coffee cup in joe bidens voice

2

u/Aerotactics Aug 17 '22

Heya Tom, it's Bob, from the office down the hall.

Good to see you buddy, how you been?

1

u/borisdidnothingwrong Aug 17 '22

Things have been okay for me, except that I'm a zombie now.

2

u/n-w87 Aug 17 '22

Pull that up Jamie

2

u/Your_mom_feet_pics Aug 17 '22

This is literally SCP type shit, like literally.

1

u/StrawberryBlite Aug 17 '22

That's actually one of my favorite SCPs! So gross.

1

u/Your_mom_feet_pics Aug 18 '22

The picture that turns you into a cat is kinda funny

1

u/Adorable_Cause3155 Aug 17 '22

So did he stick his dick in the coffee?

1

u/whoknowsme2001 Aug 18 '22

She’s 5 so you can probably ask her what she’s supposed to do and set an expectation of accountability. She’ll have some time but when that time is up she’ll need to go to bed. If this doesn’t happen then there are consequences. Make bed time fun, fun bath, dressing herself, a lot of positivity. Reinforce those expectations. She’s not going to get it the first try but after a while and some consequences she should get it.

0

u/mikeyc4021 Aug 17 '22

Is there a sub for when commenters think they are funnier than the content and end up ruining the joke? This should be the top post in that sub

1

u/the_big_man- Aug 17 '22

I want a latte with...

1

u/CriminalMacabre Aug 17 '22

The ol kuso miso but it's coffee

1

u/MyNameIsVoodoo Aug 17 '22

Joe is eternal. Joe is Legion.

1

u/Donquixote_D0ffy Aug 17 '22

The only way I drink my coffee

1

u/hibisan Aug 17 '22

I need you inside me joe

1

u/grapeythespoon Aug 17 '22

Tom enjoys the backwash

1

u/Minnesota_Nice_87 Aug 17 '22

Drink the cream from me Tom

1

u/lucassilvas1 Aug 17 '22

* sticks tongue out *

1

u/HollowCat95 Aug 17 '22

I like my coffee like I my men?

1

u/maxtraxv3 Aug 17 '22

yeah alright *drinks all coffee in one go* fuck joes such a bitch.

1

u/VargDolboebnes Aug 17 '22

What concerns me more is the amount of likes on these comments

1

u/MehDiosBizarreNut Aug 17 '22

Something something better call saul toilet

1

u/BlueKing7642 Aug 17 '22

Sips Aggressively

Joe: Easy, easy there Tom. I don’t want you to hurt self. Slow down and enjoy.

1

u/GravitasFree Aug 17 '22

The artist could have made it a yaranaika face tho.

1

u/thestonedbandit Aug 17 '22

Deep in my bones, straight from inside...

1

u/ChishNFips87 Aug 17 '22

1 man 1 cup

1

u/ArboristGuitarist Aug 17 '22

Why did read this like Joe was an old guy from Brooklyn with a raspy voice?

1

u/ApplesTeamFort2 Aug 17 '22

i’m sorry tom

1

u/smilingkar Aug 17 '22

Oh god, put your cream on me

Grab me by my handle

Fondle my round body

1

u/redditsukscok Aug 18 '22

From 2002. Hilarious!

1

u/wlshminer78 Aug 18 '22

U picked me out u carried me all this way tom now enjoy like u should

1

u/millenialfalcon-_- Aug 18 '22

I can feel your warmth inside of me. The throbbing is like a heart beat

1

u/Chonckensandwich Aug 18 '22

That is a little bit SUS

1

u/SkollFenrirson Aug 18 '22

Yaranaikoffee

1

u/JamesJax Aug 18 '22

“I’ll make you poop, Tom.”

1

u/soundtribekitty94 Aug 18 '22

This just made me laugh out loud

1

u/thebreakcharmer Aug 18 '22

More cream Tom, more cream...

1

u/togashi_joe Aug 18 '22

This comic speaks volumes to me 😉

1

u/SpammingMoon Aug 18 '22

Cream in me Tom

1

u/son_of_noah Aug 18 '22

Take a sip Tom, or do you want to pour some cream me in first?

1

u/sambooka Aug 18 '22

I like it my coffee like I like my men… Hot, black, and on the kitchen table.

1

u/TheCubicalGuy Aug 18 '22

“I’m so hot for you” is cursed and genius.

1

u/Gobal_Outcast02 Aug 18 '22

Somone been watching a little too much vore

1

u/Shit_Posts_For_Karma Aug 18 '22

Now I need coffee

1

u/YANDERE_DALEK Aug 18 '22

Time for a coffee enema!

1

u/chananaman Aug 18 '22

I can only hear this with a Mickey Mouse voice.

1

u/PrincessDie123 Aug 18 '22

Heya Tom, it’s Bob from the office down the hall. It’s good to see ya buddy how’ve you been?

1

u/Romminous Aug 18 '22

I was taking a sip of coffee when i saw this....

1

u/sapsaterdu Aug 18 '22

Instructions unclear. Now my rear end is burnt.

1

u/Vanilla_Milk_Sheikh Aug 18 '22

That's not the only brown thing I'm putting in my body

1

u/UltraHulkster Aug 18 '22

Put your cream inside me, Tom, and slurp me dry.

1

u/PyroNinjaGinger Aug 18 '22

And it goes right through.

1

u/BFAMBountyHunter Aug 18 '22

Good mornin Julia, it's me Joe

1

u/EuphoricLavender Aug 18 '22

Wait, I thought a cup of Joe is just an SCP reference? Or is this some kind of idiom I am unaware of?

1

u/thegiftofpeace Aug 18 '22

“I’ll make you poop.”

1

u/TruculentGremlin5 Aug 18 '22

I know another old joe who is this creepy

1

u/lDeathWlshl Aug 18 '22

Seems like a MeatCanyon premise

1

u/MalcomNotInTheMiddle Aug 18 '22

Wait til you hear about how he comes out

1

u/im_seo Aug 18 '22

What in the holy fuck?

1

u/Triials Aug 18 '22

“You won’t be able to shit by the time I’m done with you, Tom”

1

u/rangpire Aug 18 '22

I thought this was r/comedycemetary

1

u/Painwheel99 Aug 18 '22

“You’re so warm inside Tom, it feels so gooddd”

1

u/sexy_adolf69 Aug 18 '22

Put your dick in that and make some latte art by turning him into Joe mama.

1

u/lucifierislonely Aug 18 '22

When you frds make your mrng coffee 😂😂😂

1

u/Federal_Jeweler_4142 Aug 18 '22

Plot twist its his uncle

1

u/NovaScuti Aug 18 '22

Well, that's basically vore i guess-

1

u/The_Toymaster_ Aug 18 '22

Y did I read this in Biden’s voice

1

u/Touhou_Fever Aug 18 '22

Can’t start the day without something hot and black in me

1

u/Revolutionary-Bed-95 Aug 18 '22

Reminds me of meat canyon videos

1

u/MoldovaBall Aug 18 '22

Please explode my face off like this dude because i regret seeing this

1

u/C0w0kie Aug 18 '22

"Take it slow Tom, I'm a hot one."

1

u/sp1ke365 Aug 18 '22

Hey Peter… drink me

1

u/kryzlt009 Aug 18 '22

This changes everything my after sip gusto and those little "this is sooo good".

1

u/Weekly-Bluebird-4768 Aug 18 '22

Gotta love vore.

1

u/XenophonSoulis Aug 18 '22

Wait, who's Joe?

0

u/OnlyUsernameLeft123 Aug 17 '22

Reverse digestion with a funnel and tube for the finisher.

0

u/BooKnQuiL Aug 17 '22

which way is he going in...

0

u/ShuanTRG Aug 17 '22

"You look like a good joe"

0

u/Impeachcordial Aug 17 '22

I’m wet, brown and I’ll slip right down your teeth throat