r/dataisbeautiful OC: 22 Oct 24 '22 Wholesome 4 Tearing Up 1 Dread 1 Wait What? 1 Are You Serious? 1 Silver 3 Gold 1 Helpful 3 Today I Learned 1

USA: Who do we spend time with across our lifetimes? [OC] OC

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u/cheatonstatistics Oct 24 '22

I‘d like to request a data toggle for male and female.

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u/gdddg Oct 24 '22

Also married vs single (or long term partner vs single)

Because the "time with partner" is probably an average of a very bimodal distribution.

I would expect that the yellow and red lines are a lot close together in one case and the yellow line is much lower in the other

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u/NWYUPSIO Oct 24 '22

And people with kids vs those without.

Not all of us want kids, it'd be interesting to know how this graph would play out. If that would end up with more time spend with others and longer-lasting bonds since we're not so focused on kids. Or if it'll be the same regardless.

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u/Optimistic__Elephant Oct 24 '22

Yea, time with partner has to be zero or near zero depending on how you define single and partner.

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u/mrniceguy421 Oct 25 '22

Colorblind mode plz 😧

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u/WiseVibrant Oct 25 '22

I spent the longest time trying to figure out which was coworkers and family. I eventually figured it out from the context but it was frustrating.

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u/Bigbangbeanie Oct 24 '22

Yeah I'm sure the children line would be very different.

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u/DerpyBun Oct 24 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

The drop in partner time after 75 makes my heart ache.

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u/GrandElemental Oct 24 '22

What's more, imagine the graph for someone who doesn't have one to begin with. That's a lot of alone time for older people.

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u/middleupperdog Oct 24 '22

35 no wife or kids: guess I'm just practicing to be 75.

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u/aioncan Oct 24 '22

I’d imagine they’d gotten so used to it decades ago that they cope better than the ones who lose their partner recently

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u/Penis_Bees Oct 24 '22 Take My Energy

As someone who went through being alone early in life (confined to a bed mostly alone maybe 20 minutes with anyone in the room a day at 19 for a year) you do learn to cope but it's not really a good thing. I struggle with forming emotional connections now.

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u/FlowLife69420 Oct 24 '22

I’d imagine they’d gotten so used to it decades ago that they cope better than the ones who lose their partner recently

"I imagine spending their entire life alone prepares them better..."

Imagine if humanity didn't abandon our social groups in favor of living independently in communities that often frown upon support networks.

No wonder suicide rates have always been so high. As a species we've gotten great at abandoning each other.

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u/MilkingBullsForYou Oct 24 '22

Maybe what you mean? But if it was more socially acceptable to simply live with friends until you die that'd be better.

I lived with a few after I left the military.

Honestly would have been the best life if we maintained that relationship. They got married and stayed in. I got out. So obviously everyone got their own place.

Seems like it'd be better for everyone if just one big house. I can keep track of the annoying things that run in circles when need be. We can relax as a big group playing board games or video games.

A large group that supports itself.

But that's not correct in our way of society currently. It'd be perceived as weird. And since we knew each other well enough, yea no I ain't fucking your wife on the side even when ya deploy. I can also keep track to tell ya, yes they are fucking someone. Then it will just be us guys. =| Hah.

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u/millenniumpianist Oct 24 '22

I've thought about this a lot, because as someone in my late 20s who's single, I'm in the specific stage of life where I tend to spend most of my time with my friends, so I've thought about how fun it'd be to just live with a lot of my closest friends.

Based on my experience, I don't think it's a social acceptability thing that stops people from doing this. It seems to me that people tend to want privacy as they get older and especially as they get more serious about a partner. And this is especially true once you have kids (not that any of my friends are at that point yet).

But I might agree with a claim that society tells us that we all need our own private homes etc. instead of living in some kind of multifamily setup.

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u/CharmCityCrab Oct 24 '22

Sometimes friendships work based on there being limits to the amount of time you spend with them and not having to share obligations, responsibilities, and living space day to day. This is especially true when you have a group of friends, where maybe two of the people there dislike each other in a low-key way, but are both friends with the rest of the group, and this sort of works right up until the point where their bedrooms are right next door to each other and they have to share the same bathroom and kitchen every day, and the dislike becomes not as low-key, and might even force the rest of the group to take sides.

It's not really all that different from context changing romantic relationships for some people. I'm sure we all know folks who've had what seem like great dating relationships living separately, but who move in together or get married and move in with each other, and after the honeymoon phase, start to realize they were great grabbing dinner and sometimes spending the night together with separate places of residence, but either can't or need to make some serious mental adjustments to make the concept of also living together work.

On the other side of the equation, I'll bet there are actually some people out there who wouldn't get along as bar buddies, but could share a living space no problem.

Context really changes things in a way that we rarely consciously think about.

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u/millenniumpianist Oct 25 '22

Right, you raise some good points about living incompatibilities even if people are your friends (even best friends). But even if you handwaved that away and assumed that people could thrive as roommates, there are tons of logistical issues with a "close friends house."

At the end of the day, most people live in a unit with their significant other if they have one because there is only one relationship that needs to support this arrangement. If I choose to live with my best friend until our deaths, then they also need to want to live with my partner, and my partner with them, and our partners with each other. Add in more people and you can see how the number of relationships just grow really large, really fast. Children make it harder, to say nothing of aging parents.

So we fragment into the smallest possible configuration. I don't necessarily think it's a good thing but I understand how we arrive at this place.

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u/GrayCatbird7 Oct 24 '22

I think a big difficulty is that friends will often drift apart and lose each other through the meanders of life. To stay together in one place you need goals and wants that line up. But sooner or later, in most situations, that isn’t possible and people drift apart—unless you put in place some form of commitment to each other i.e. what we do with a partner.

So to be viable there’d have to be a framework to let new friends in to replace the old. In a way, that’s what a retirement house tries to be. But the fact it’s not an automatic solution to loneliness is perhaps the best indicator that things aren’t so simple.

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u/Ersthelfer Oct 24 '22

As friends time goes down when children times go up (and I can attest to this being true), maybe those spend more time with friends?

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u/HypersonicHarpist Oct 24 '22

That's hard to do when all your friends have kids

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u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

Presumably they're then more likely to become friends with other childless people or parents of older children.

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u/BlueKante Oct 24 '22

Some do but there are also lots of people who are truly alone.

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u/kanst Oct 24 '22

I'm 36, single, and largely work from home. Most days I'm alone for the entire 24 hours

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u/Kewkky Oct 24 '22

Wonder why so many 75 year olds start getting divorced?

/s just in case

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u/Ok-Landscape6995 Oct 24 '22

So they can date a hot young gold digger!

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u/iamaiamscat Oct 24 '22

Settle down there DiCaprio

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u/evilsemaj Oct 24 '22

The drop in partner time after 75 makes my heart ache.

Yeah... that really hurts to see :'( very scary

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u/air-hug-me Oct 25 '22

I’m a 36 year old widow (recently widowed at that) it’s as horrifying as you would imagine

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u/Haz3rd Oct 25 '22

Very sorry to hear. My dad is alone now too and he's having a tough time adjusting, but he's much older

Best of luck to you friend

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u/SneedyK Oct 24 '22

Don’t watch Up

because apparently is a goddamned documentary

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u/Brandon4Real_x Oct 24 '22

How low the friends bar is, is really sad to me.

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u/a_hockey_chick Oct 24 '22

I bet it’s lower these days than just a couple decades back

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u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

I was a social butterfly in college, but then after graduation that just…stopped. I feel busy all the time and work / life demands take up a ton.

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u/queeftenderloin Oct 24 '22

Proximity matters. People settle down and move away due to family or career. A friend lives 5 minutes away from me and it makes a big difference. Its easy to pop in and chat for an hour, even when everyone has life to deal with

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u/OhGodImHerping Oct 24 '22

All of my college and Highschool friends live at a minimum distance of 180 Miles away up to 2,000 miles away

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u/RedditAntiHero Oct 24 '22

Totally.

When we (me, wife, kids) lived in the city I met up with friends every Wednesday night for grilling or just a beer or two for a couple hours. Sometimes a random dinner here or there and usually a weekend or two a month.

We ended up buying a house that is about 45 minutes each way and now we meet up like once month. :/

When getting off work around 6pm and having to get up just before 6am.... not easy to make weekday hangouts with ~2 hours of travel.

Miss living in the city with friends but really wanted the house together with my family.

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u/alphawolf29 Oct 24 '22

I live in a really small town so everyone lives 5 mins away, pretty nice.

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u/AstraNah Oct 24 '22

That's the biggest reason I want to move to a small town

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u/alphawolf29 Oct 24 '22

There are tons of advantages to small town living and only a few major disadvantages. No restaurants or good shopping, very small "used" market. Those are the only things i noticebly miss. No airport either.

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u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

Imo there are many more disadvantages. A really big one is everyone tends to be in everyone’s business. You had a falling out with someone? Half the town might hate you now. It’s like High school drama shit all over again.

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u/blausommer Oct 24 '22

Right out of college I took a job that that started at 30% travel (ended at ~60%). I missed my friends so much. By the time I changed to a job with no travel and had spending money, they all had kids. Taking that job was the worst thing that ever happened to my social life, but I graduated college with ~$14 in my bank account, so I had to take the first offer.

None of this means anything, the graph just made me sad because I miss my old friend group.

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u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22 edited Oct 24 '22

College was the first and last time I was really social and outgoing. It feels bad to go from a vibrant social life back to spending most of my free time at home, although I do enjoy my own company at least.

The busyness is definitely an issue for me as well, but I feel like opportunity is a bigger problem in my case. I had to move back to my home town for financial reasons, and there’s just nowhere good for my demographic to socialize.

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u/Gator1523 Oct 24 '22

Same here. On the rare occasion that I do have a social engagement, I get a sense of dread because I'm so overworked that the friend time is going to come out of my sleep / me time.

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u/Theothercword Oct 24 '22

I heard about this study on the radio that's super interesting data about a decline in friendship numbers recently.

Also a lot of other interesting tidbits that make sense but are interesting to see in data, like how men tend to rely less on emotional support from friends, but women reported losing friends or getting out of touch with more friends during the pandemic than men.

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u/DogBotherer Oct 24 '22

women reported losing friends or getting out of touch with more friends during the pandemic than men.

That's kind of interesting given the stereotype is that men do stuff with their friends and women talk to their friends - you'd imagine that the latter would've been easier to maintain during the pandemic.

Personally speaking, I find friendships harder and more effortful to start as I get older, particularly motivating myself to put in the effort of getting to know someone well realising that a large percentage of times it will reveal incompatibility and maintaining existing ones is hedged by an increasingly busy life. Making time for good friends is critical, but my friends are scattered across the globe and it's never going to work with video chat and telephone, so that means increasingly expensive and unpleasant international trips to spend time together.

Edit: Perhaps the women losing more friends thing is indicative that the average woman has more friends to lose in the first place?

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u/Theothercword Oct 24 '22

Could be! I also took it to mean women tend to put more maintenance into their friendships and possibly put more value into friendships that have more constant contact so when there was a decline in that contact it meant they considered more friends lost. Contrasted with men who at least in my own experience are more likely to not need regular maintenance to still consider someone a friend. I haven’t seen or spoken to a number of my guy friends in a while but would still say their friends and pick right back up where we were… or at least I think I would.

But yeah for the older thing I think that’s normal but likely heightened by recent generations as we become more and more able to be isolated and function. Friendships are becoming less required to function in society and although they still help with remote work and the online self becoming more and more important and prevalent I can see close friends dwindling for many on top of the usual dwindle we get with age. Though I also wonder if there’s reluctance to say online connections are close friends. I would say I have a group of close-ish friends that I purely know through playing world of Warcraft. But it’s a solid group of 10-20 people I’ve been with for 8 years now, and my wife is part of the friend group too. We shoot the shit on discord no matter what games we each are playing and do game nights together on top of WoW too. But it’s probably still a bit of a faux pas to say they’re my close friends even though it’s kind of true.

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u/vivamii Oct 24 '22

Especially since covid. It would be interesting to see a before and after comparison

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u/Kjc2022 Oct 24 '22

Keep in mind that this is averaged. Not sure exactly how, but if it's over a week, then the average minutes per day works out to ~6 hrs for a given week. Which isn't that bad considering that you might spend 5 days a week working and spending time with spouse/children, and one long day or two short days with friends. Doesn't seem that bad. I love my friends, but I have other shit to do throughout the week

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u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

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u/chux4w Oct 24 '22

I have a number of negative friends.

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u/wisertime07 Oct 24 '22 Wholesome Hugz

Damn - if this isn't the most depressing graph I've ever seen..

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u/AJohnnyTsunami Oct 24 '22

Lmao I was thinking the same thing. Gets worse and worse as you age - out of school so less time with friends, children leaving the house around 55, partner dying when you get old around 75

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u/iamahappyredditor Oct 24 '22

It's interesting that school and work can be comparable environments, but at school we say we make friends, and at work we just have coworkers. What if you're friends with your coworkers? Are classmates kind of like coworkers? At the height of the pandemic we were all just sitting on Zoom calls together eh

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u/AJohnnyTsunami Oct 24 '22

Great point. Personally the team I work with at my job is only like 5 people whereas at school I’d have multiple classes a day, each with like 20-30 kids. So part of it might be just more opportunities to find people you want to be friends with in school.

The other thing is time - at school we’d get out around 2:30 so you’d have time to hang out with friends everyday whether it was through extra circulars so just chilling at someone’s house. Now I work until 5 everyday. I’ll still do stuff with friends occasionally on weekdays but not nearly as much as I used to when I was in school

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u/RealGertle627 Oct 24 '22

Great point. Personally the team I work with at my job is only like 5 people whereas at school I’d have multiple classes a day, each with like 20-30 kids. So part of it might be just more opportunities to find people you want to be friends with in school.

Another part of it can be age. There are 7 other people in my office and about the same number in the warehouse. Only 1 is within 10 years of my age. You tend to have more in common with your peers, so school has another advantage in that respect

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u/WayneKrane Oct 24 '22

This has been my experience as well. Nearly everyone I work with is a solid 10-20+ years older than me. They have grown kids, houses and some are planning retirement. It’s hard to relate because I have basically nothing in common with them.

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u/TSP-FriendlyFire Oct 24 '22

The biggest difference between work and school is with interpersonal dynamics. School has few competitions between students and most of those are at least to a certain extent framed as friendly and with very little at stake. Teenagers can still be awful, but you're all just students.

At work, most people you'll interact with will have a different rank in the power structure and that can be difficult for many. How many people really want to be friends with their boss? How will that friendship be affected when you don't get the promotion you wanted? Reverse that for managers and trying to make friendships with people you manage. Add on top of that that anyone on the same level as you might be competing for the next position up, or just for budget or something else. Plus, downtime is trickier in the workplace, you have lunch time but everything else is technically time you should be spending working and might cause friction with some people if "misused" for talking about non-work things.

Most workplaces aren't setup to allow friendships to flourish. The few that do happen in spite of it.

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u/DeGaRoR Oct 24 '22

While I agree with your analysis, I believe that discouraging friendships at work has been actively pursued by HR departments. A friend of mine who briefly studied the topic explained me the concept of formal and informal relationships and how companies fear that this would detract the hierarchy they put in place. Imagine a group of colleagues also being friends, playing football together. A is the group leader when they hang out, but B is the boss of them all at work. It scares management that it could impact productivity by confusing formal and informal roles. Personnaly, I strongly disagree and I think we far too often put productivity before the well being of people, or just their natural way of functioning. I think this mentality brought a lot of us to increasingly despise corporate environments.

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u/SpaceOwl Oct 24 '22

I think it's common outside of corporate work environments. Most workplaces have supervisors of some sort and people they manage. I think it has more to do with how people view authority figures in general and power dynamics within an organization. It's why people tend not to hang out with their bosses outside of corporate type jobs.

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u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

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u/EchoVast Oct 24 '22

I work in mental health, the elderly are desperate for contact more often than not from whoever will give it to them. This is also a reason they fall for scams easily, because they want to interact with someone even if they’re getting ripped off in the process.

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u/TheGothicNeilDiamond Oct 24 '22 Take My Energy

I used to be a property claims adjuster so I'd go out to hundreds of homes every year. Anytime I had a single, elderly person I tried to schedule the appointment a little longer just so I could spend a few extra minutes talking to them. I met some amazing people with incredible stories but I always found it so sad how desperate they were for anyone to talk to. Especially the people who had lost a spouse after an exceptional amount of time together. And off the top of my head I'd say a solid 80-90% heard from their kids or other family once a month or less. They have some pretty amazing life stories too. I wish there was a way we could change that. Before my grandma died, she lived in a senior living center for a few years and her and her friends loved to drink wine and gossip but that option is not cheap at all so many get stuck being alone. I know it probably means nothing from a random internet person but thanks for working in mental health. I know that shit is far from easy, especially with things the last few years, but working in a field that helps people is admirable.

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u/ExistingPosition5742 Oct 24 '22

You're confirming my life choice to live in a state I don't like to be close with parents and grandparents as they age. Thank you.

I'm the only one of my generation in my family here and its lonely sometimes in a way

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u/Nonimbysinmyyard Oct 24 '22

My grandma passed two years ago, but for 2 years prior I stopped by once a week, sometimes twice and spent an hour or two just talking to her.

At her funeral, her sisters and the rest of the people she was close to came up to me and told me how over the last couple years she had consistently told them the highlight of her week was my visits.

I miss her every day. I don't miss the town I was in, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Hug your grandparents for me, you never know when one morning you'll wake up and they won't be there to bake you an apple pie.

Didn't expect this to make me cry, oops.

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u/Etrigone Oct 24 '22

Before my grandma died, she lived in a senior living center for a few years and her and her friends loved to drink wine and gossip but that option is not cheap at all so many get stuck being alone.

My parents were looking into one of those; definitely not cheap. The residents had fairly exceptional life expectancies, which isn't necessarily due to the social aspect but it did mean openings were hard to come by. One friend of my parents, "young" in that she was in her mid 70s, said she hadn't had so much socialization since college. Just one anecdote & very generically, her own health improved substantially while she was there. All the residents joked that you only left in a hearse, but in the meantime the schedules I saw were really something else. Not just "we go for a drive in the country", serious vacation day-trip activities.

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u/PressFforAlderaan Oct 24 '22

I feel like I should be saving a lot more for retirement.

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u/BigBrothSilcVFUCKOFF Oct 24 '22

Yeah man, I've also seen how lonely old people can be when they don't regularly see their kids, friends, family and have no social activities/occupation.

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u/OtherwiseJello Oct 24 '22

Sometimes those elderly don't hear from their kids because they were horrible, abusive parents. It's sad, but it's true. My mother is almost 82 and I haven't spoken to her in ten years (except for a couple of letters in which her words solidified my reason for going no contact). Do I feel guilty? No. She abused me and my sister horribly and if she thinks I've abandoned her then maybe she should do a little self-reflection. But as a narcissist, she'll just blame me as an ungrateful child and I'm okay with that.

I could not allow my child to be exposed to such toxic and abusive behavior.

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u/PressFforAlderaan Oct 24 '22

This makes me want to cry and it’s terrifying to think of spending potentially so many years of my life like this :(

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u/WeinMe Oct 24 '22

I often hear "no effing way i want to end up in a retirement home"

When in reality most elderly tend to have a really good time there. Suddenly there's "forced" social interactions and many, many people to socialise with, who have been through the same as you, share the same interests, have similar life stories etc.

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u/Fig_tree Oct 24 '22

A lot of time people are confusing "retirement home" (a place for elderly folks to live, usually unable to be independent but can still shuffle around and have fun) with "nursing home" (a place for anyone who needs total living assistance from bathing to toileting to eating, often the elderly in the last stages of life).

Retirement homes are for having hot meals and a community after you've otherwise lost some independence.

Nursing homes are unfortunately often full of people who can't provide community for each other and staff who are so overworked and underpaid that neglect and abuse is common.

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u/blazershorts Oct 24 '22

I heard this is how the "having two drinks is good for you" stat happened.

The people in the study had a drink with friends, and that's why they were healthier.

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u/haroldp Oct 24 '22

A lot of people in that study who were in the "0 drinks" cohort weren't teetotalers, they were sick and told not to drink by their doctors.

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u/Canadian_Donairs Oct 24 '22

So, genuine question

Are you American? I've read "teetotaler" a whole bunch but I don't think I've ever heard it used in actual conversation ever, even once. Is it a common phrase in America?

I've heard people say that "they don't drink" or that, the one I most commonly hear, is "they're sober" and it's generally understood that means they don't drink at all be it because of alcoholism or lifestyle choice or whatever.

Is "teetotaler" a verbally used phrase where you're from?

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u/mittenknittin Oct 24 '22

It's kinda contextual - teetotaler comes from the Temperance movement back in the 1800s, it was a group of people morally opposed to all use of alcohol. The meaning has softened somewhat over the years and it's not used much as the actual Temperance movement fell out of fashion. But basically it's not just someone who doesn't drink, it's someone who doesn't drink for moral reasons specifically.

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u/TwilightVulpine Oct 24 '22

Ah, as in "total temperance", T. totaler?

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u/KeenPro Oct 24 '22

Fun fact, the Temperance movement was started in my home town, going there now there seems to be a lot of alcoholics.

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u/blazershorts Oct 24 '22

Its rare and a bit fancy, but its a perfectly cromulent word.

Its better than sober, which has come to strong imply that the person has alcoholism. You could also say abstinent, but nowadays people would assume you're talking about sexual abstinence.

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u/JohnGalt123456789 Oct 24 '22

Bonus for the use of the word “cromulent”.

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u/double_shadow Oct 24 '22

It's a super old fashioned word, but fact is...we just don't have a better word for "voluntary non-drinker"

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u/LukaCola Oct 24 '22 edited Oct 24 '22

It is and it isn't. I'd say older/educated groups might use it more, I don't think it's especially common in most vernacular English.

It's just an accurate term to describe someone who isn't just sober, they avoid recreational drugs entirely

Sometimes the term "straight edge" is also used, but that carries further implications regarding sex and other stigmatized behaviors. "Straight edge" definitely has its hooks in the vernacular by comparison. I personally haven't heard many people say someone is "sober" but it is used and I know its meaning changes based on context. IME it's mostly used in a temporary sense, or qualifiers are added like "They're sober now."

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u/adambjorn Oct 24 '22

I'll add that I've mostly heard someone is "sober" in the context where they are a recovered addict/alcoholic. But sober in the literal sense of the word is common too. Never heard teatotaler before

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u/SixOnTheBeach Oct 24 '22

Yeah teetotalers are often not recovered alcoholics, they're people like my mom who never felt the need to try drugs and hated being drunk and has been drunk maybe twice in her life.

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u/facktoetum Oct 24 '22 edited Oct 24 '22

I would add, regarding the difference between teetotaller and straight edge, that as well as regarding sex and other stigmatized behavior, straight edge is also sort of a subcultural group (often related to punk), whereas someone who's a teetotaller is not necessarily part of a similar grouping.

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u/toasterb Oct 24 '22

I'm a dual US/Canadian citizen (grew up in the US until my 30s, moved to Canada after) and I've heard it in the following contexts:

  • the prohibition movement

  • in UK news/media

In general, I think of "teetotaler" as someone who abstains for drinking completely by choice -- rather than someone who has stopped drinking because they're a recovering alcoholic or other medical reasons.

I've also never heard anyone self-identify that way, just "I don't drink".

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u/WessideMD Oct 24 '22

This doesn't surprise me. We are a social species and being secluded from other people is as unhealthy to us as a small cage is to a tiger.

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u/TheButtsNutts Oct 24 '22

Jesus. Link?

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u/Internet_Adventurer Oct 24 '22

Ghandi. Zelda?

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u/SHIT-PISSER Oct 24 '22

Abraham. Impa?

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u/Zouden Oct 24 '22

Zoroaster. Ganondorf?!

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u/detcadeR_emaN Oct 24 '22

Xenu. Tingle?

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u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

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u/Foetsy Oct 24 '22

That's even more depressing. Anyone who's life is improved gets kicked out.

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u/Box-o-bees Oct 24 '22

It may sound really dumb, but I'm super thankful for the tech my generation is going to have at that age. Being able to get online and interact with other people is going to make a big difference in quality of life at that age.

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u/videogames5life Oct 24 '22

if we get lonely at 80 we will just engage in a parasocial relationship with a streamer probably lol. We have so many options! Fr though the internet will make it so that we could just meet online. I am imagining a VR chat old folks home lol.

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u/gabriell1024 Oct 24 '22

I watched recently a documentary about a jungle tribe.

It was a tradition for elder people to get one or multiple pets.

Same problem, a solution from a different culture.

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u/hache-moncour Oct 24 '22

Apparently it's still just 500 minutes a day alone, so the other 940 minutes are with... ?

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u/vkapadia Oct 24 '22

I think they excluded sleep time. If you take 8 hours for that, gives you 960 minutes. About 500 alone, 200 with partner, the other 260 spread over the other lines. Looks like it's works.

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u/Shesalabmix Oct 24 '22 Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

Well that is when there was just one set of footprints…

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u/iamahappyredditor Oct 24 '22

Hahaha this got me

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u/Shesalabmix Oct 24 '22

I was worried no one would get it. Thanks for making my day!

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u/pickstar97a Oct 24 '22

People sleep for 8 hours (480 minutes). Then it’s a mix between all the other groups

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u/beruon Oct 24 '22

I first misinterpreted, and mixed up "coworkers" and "alone". So I was looking at 75+, almost no time alone, nice, probably because of retirement homes etc... then I saw the coworkers being high, got confused, found the mixup and now I'm sad....

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u/AnybodyZ Oct 24 '22

I was more worried about having to spend so much time with coworkers so it came as a relief to me

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u/RIPSunnydale Oct 24 '22

EXACTLY!! Before I un-mixed-up the orange & red lines, I was horrified that so many seniors were having to deal with coworkers ' nonsense in their golden years!

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u/augenvogel Oct 24 '22

Ouh thanks for pointing out. I‘ve misinterpreted this as well.

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u/joshul Oct 24 '22

Same here. Why are old people spending so much time with their coworkers is what I thought 😂

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u/TheBrain85 Oct 24 '22

It's the most depressing aspect of this graph, that someone can put two colours so similar, and still think this is "dataisbeautiful" material...

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u/Seegtease Oct 24 '22

I just keep looking at different parts and it just keeps getting worse. Since I'm in the middle, I just see where I've been and where I'm going and neither is encouraging.

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u/Phillipinsocal Oct 24 '22

The most jarring is the friends aspect IMHO. For fuck sakes, where do our friends go. Teenagers on this site should treasure these friendships while they last. This shit sucks.

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u/Hugs_for_Thugs Oct 24 '22

Friends line goes down exactly when coworkers, partner, and kids are trending up. Only so many hours in the day.

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u/blazershorts Oct 24 '22

When you get older its harder to meet friends. That's why I recommend taking an art class, going to prison, joining the Army or a gang, or trying an adult softball league.

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u/gcwyodave Oct 24 '22

Well I'm bad at softball... Prison it is I guess

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u/Gusdai Oct 24 '22

If you don't make efforts to keep friends, you just drift away. Plus some of them just move out of state or get too busy, so if you don't make continuous efforts to make new friends eventually you have no friends anymore.

I think the US is quite particular in that regards, because people move away from each other more often (it's easier to move from Ohio to Wyoming than from Spain to Germany), and because friendship seems to be less of a part of normal life.

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u/imisstheyoop Oct 24 '22

The most jarring is the friends aspect IMHO. For fuck sakes, where do our friends go. Teenagers on this site should treasure these friendships while they last. This shit sucks.

One of the things that gives away folks age and reddit demographics for me is hearing people talk about doing things with their friends every weekend or worrying about what their friends think.

I'm not saying it's a law, or inevitable, but as somebody over the 35 mark on this chart I can confirm that on average time spent with your friends is going to plummet as you exit your 20s.

Being a remote worker also puts you in an interesting spot with regards to spending time with coworkers. Do I count remote meetings? If so I suppose this tracks.

No children so as far as the real world it's largely just my wife and I. The occasional parental/sibling/friend visits a few hours a month.

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u/redditshy Oct 24 '22

Right? The word that came to mind, "Grim."

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u/TA_faq43 Oct 24 '22

Unless you like alone time…

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u/TaliesinMerlin Oct 24 '22

Spouse dead, children and family all work in other states, friends all busy or dead, coworkers dead or dead to me, but I get alone time. Swell!

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u/STUPIDVlPGUY Oct 24 '22

Maybe alone time is only nice when it's a choice...

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u/TaliesinMerlin Oct 24 '22

Yeah. As an introvert, after a certain point, I'm not alone to recover from contact but I'm just alone.

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u/ErikCavey Oct 24 '22

Exactly. I’m an introvert. I love my alone time, but it was 24/7 and I had no other choice it would be devastating.

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u/i_lack_imagination Oct 24 '22

Yeah, and if anything happens to you, you might just end up laying on the floor for weeks before anyone finds you. And if it didn't take you quick, you might have died slowly on that floor.

I'm in my thirties but don't have much interaction with people and sort of had an experience like that recently, where I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible chest/stomach pains and felt completely sick (pretty sure I had food poisoning as I was on my 2nd attempt at cooking my own meals after a lifetime of frozen prepared meals) and basically I was like, shit if I somehow were to become unable to move or something, not a soul would know. Probably wouldn't get found until I didn't show up for work, and if I wasn't working anymore, it'd be even longer.

That realization was a little startling. I purposely don't put my bills on auto-pay, so all else fails, at the very least someone will end up finding me when they don't get paid.

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u/FerrousFacade Oct 24 '22

"Boy I'm sure glad my partner's dead now and I can spend all my time alone!"

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u/BrattyBookworm Oct 24 '22

Oh…yeah I was thinking that more alone time as I got older sounded very nice. Then I saw the “partner” rapidly drop after 75 and 😢

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u/that1prince Oct 24 '22

This is in line with some boomer humor I've heard.

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u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22 edited Oct 25 '22

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u/FoundationFamous39 Oct 24 '22

You'll probably enjoy your current level of alone time, but not like so much more of it later

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u/moviemadnessmami Oct 24 '22

This is me!

I adore my close family, my friends and believe it or not, my coworkers but I’m just one of those people who genuinely prefers to be alone. I’m not depressed or sad, I just honestly love my own company.

Lockdown 2020 was pure bliss to me, I had the time of my M’fkn life (outside of Covid scares, of course)

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u/icehawk2 Oct 24 '22 edited Oct 24 '22

Interesting that 15 year-olds spend more time with their children than their coworkers, thanks.

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u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

[deleted]

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u/SpiritFingersKitty Oct 24 '22

Dating as a teen is a few hours a week. Being a mom as a teen is full time

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u/MashPotatoQuant Oct 24 '22 edited Oct 24 '22

This! It's more time spent on average, but doesn't mean there are more teen moms( and dads! ) than teens dating.

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u/Tentin_Majeans Oct 24 '22

There are probably many more teens dating than teen moms, but if you're dating while in highschool and living with your parents then you mostly only see your bf/gf between classes, in evenings, on weekends, etc. Presumably time spent texting/talking on the phone doesn't count.

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u/jmlinden7 OC: 1 Oct 24 '22

Most states have hours restrictions for 15 year olds to work, which limits the number of hours they can spend with coworkers.

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u/RedPeppermint__ Oct 24 '22

Is it specifically their children or children in general? Could be younger siblings

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u/DEDZET Oct 24 '22

Wouldn't that count as family?
The labels need more clarification honestly

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u/hatramroany Oct 24 '22

I’m assuming “family” means parents and siblings but it should probably be labeled that way. I doubt someone in that 25-45 range who spends so much time with their children and partner wouldn’t classify that as spending time with their family

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u/2xOPisANidiot Oct 24 '22

That would be family.

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u/ferchalurch Oct 24 '22

Depending on the survey sample, there very well could be 15 year olds with a child, which I would hope they get to spend more time with than their part time job depending on which state they’re in where it is also legal to work a certain number of hours

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u/TSJR_ Oct 24 '22

My mother gave birth to me within a month of turning 15, it happens.

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u/Harsimaja Oct 24 '22 edited Oct 24 '22

Both numbers are very small.

But some significant fraction of 1% of 15 year olds in the US have kids: hard to find figures, but in 2008, 0.7% of 13-14 year olds in the US had been pregnant. It’s slightly declined since then (down), and many get abortions (down), but the communities where they happen most also have higher pro-life leanings (up), and the jump from 13-14 to 15 is huge for this and while we’re including all 13-14 year olds who don’t get abortions in the numerator we aren’t including all those 13 and 14 year olds in the denominator (way up), so we’d probably be talking a similar order of magnitude.

But we multiply that large fraction of a percent by the hours spent parenting, which is a full time job.

Only a pretty small fraction of 15 year olds have actual jobs. It will be a much higher fraction than those with kids, but when we multiply that by hours with coworkers we note that many don’t involve much or even any coworker time at all, they are part time by law and in practice on average very part time, so the average number of hours with coworkers for those who do work will be tiny by comparison.

So we have “very small rate x large #hours” for time with children vs. “small rate x small # hours” for time with coworkers. It’s more than plausible that they’re comparable and the time with kids is longer. I’m inclined to believe the graph has some reasonable data behind it so, yes, it’s interesting.

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u/slackboulder Oct 24 '22

Peak friendship time is last 2 years of high school and early college.

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u/pinniped1 Oct 24 '22

Yep, those are the ones you stay in contact with decades later. Includes earlier childhood friends, the subset that you stuck with through those last 2 years of high school.

I was lucky to get my first real job at a firm that hired a shitload of new college grads. So I also have a bunch of friends from those years...people where we went to each other's weddings and still connect whenever our travels cross paths. But I have lots of friends who just went to a big company where there weren't many people just out of school, and "work friends" were always more transactional, fading quickly when they no longer worked together.

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u/iAmTheHYPE- Oct 24 '22

Yep, those are the ones you stay in contact with decades later. Includes earlier childhood friends, the subset that you stuck with through those last 2 years of high school.

That's anecdotal. I've had several friends I grew up with, that ghosted me after we graduated high school. While I have a handful of friends from the college days, it's not the same. The point is, the friends I knew the longest, were the first to leave me behind.

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u/Spard1e Oct 24 '22

It's all anecdotal, but one of my best work buddies is 15 years older than me and I do consider him a friend.

When I, him or both of us move away to other jobs I don't doubt that we'll stay in contact... Well I am not helping by moving continent for an unknown amount of time, but shared interests is more important in keeping a friendship than almost anything else

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u/D_Tripper Oct 24 '22

Can confirm, this is where I made most of my permanent, long-lasting friendships. I graduated high school right at the end of the 2000s, and when I was in college, I got back into Yugioh. During the first few years of the 2010s, I made a number of friends through YGO that I still associate with. One of them we still get together to visit every week or so for anime, and another ended up becoming my husband. None of us play the physical card game anymore, but we like to stay up with the anime/game news/play Master Duel. And our friendships have grown beyond simply YGO, it's just one facet of our relationships.

With a few exceptions, the majority of my current IRL friendships were forged while I was in my early 20s in college.

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u/Prestigious_Carob745 Oct 24 '22

Not sure why, but this hit me hard. Poor everyone.

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u/potted_petunias Oct 24 '22

I try not to think about the fact that 5 out of 7 days a week, my child who I love more than anyone else in this world and is growing up too fast, spends more waking hours with their teachers than me. Shouldn't be that way. But I have bills to pay, and I can't find a job with <40hrs/week that also provides good wages and health insurance.

It would be a bit better if we didn't all live in single-family homes and I could know that kiddo was spending time with other family; or I could socialize while at home with extended family. We really shot ourselves in the feet with single family suburbia.

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u/Rare-Branch-8503 Oct 24 '22 Wholesome

Such a simple and powerful visualization. Many stories being told here. Great job!

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u/Rare-Branch-8503 Oct 24 '22

Also you should change the right axis to % of time spent. Minutes makes viewers have to convert to hours and then convert to percent of the day in their head.

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u/vlsdo Oct 24 '22

It really seems like people over 40 should spend more time with their friends.

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u/UnexpectedAmy Oct 24 '22

It seems to be most people prefer to wait until they are on their deathbed, then die in regret.

Even with this information they prefer to wait. Maybe people think they have forever, then reality hits when it's waaayy too late.

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u/loop_spiral Oct 24 '22 Gold

Their friends are too busy with their kids to do that.

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u/PageSide84 Oct 24 '22

Gotta fix those colors. I thought people were spending a ridiculous amount of time with co-workers. Hell, I'm not even sure the coworkers graph color is the same as the legend.

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u/SOwED OC: 1 Oct 24 '22

Same, and increasing over time even into old age. I was so confused.

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u/smileedude Oct 24 '22

Same, as a non-american I was "I know American working conditions are rough but to keep them working into their 80s more than everything seems rough".

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u/PM_ME_CATS_OR_BOOBS Oct 24 '22

Same, I was going to say that those old timers are working harder than ever seeing that they apparently sleep on the job.

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u/Zubriel Oct 24 '22

Yea idk why they decided to use two shades of red and a reddish orange in there. Maybe im partially colorblind but I'm 100% certain there would be better colors to use to understand it easier without zooming in and squinting.

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u/risseless Oct 24 '22

Yeah, r/colorblind would definitely like a word. My color deficient eyes can't tell the difference between the two blues, or between the three yellow/greens. The color choices are horrendous for me.

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u/holsomvr6 Oct 24 '22

Oh shit, that's not what the graph was signifying? Damn I'm a little less depressed now.

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u/ipostalotforalurker Oct 24 '22

Aren't your partner and your children also your family? Or does family here mean extended family?

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u/UnchartedQuasar Oct 24 '22

It’s means parents & siblings

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u/minastepes Oct 24 '22

Partner decrease past 75 is depressing :(

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u/ErikKing12 Oct 24 '22

This feels like would be significantly different in 30 years. A lot of people 40 and under socialize over games and online now.

I know a lot of 70+ individuals who are always on Facebook just chatting. What constitutes as “alone” is my real question.

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u/stefjack1000 Oct 24 '22

Psychologically there is a big difference in socialization that occurs in person vs over the internet.

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u/WenIsThis Oct 24 '22

I just want to have deeper, closer friendships. (TT_TT)

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u/Amag140696 Oct 24 '22

I feel ya. During Covid I realized how few people I still considered friends. Once vaccinations rolled out and lockdowns ended I found this Meetup app that has tons of groups and events to join and I've made a bunch of cool friends in the last year and a half. Definitely recommend if you're in an urban area where lots of people use it, lots of variety from bar crawls to gaming meetups.

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u/kindofcrunchy22 Oct 24 '22

I met my significant other in a Meetup group even though that's not what either of us were there for. We just wanted to go hiking with other people instead of by ourselves and now I have a hiking partner for life!

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u/RightBear Oct 24 '22

Well that’s depressing.

First you lose your parents, then your kids, then your coworkers, and finally (if you’re healthy) you lose your spouse.

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u/Mida_Multi_Tool Oct 24 '22

This is the most depressing shit I have ever seen in my life

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u/Legalise_Gay_Weed Oct 24 '22

Everyone dies alone, in chart form.

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u/MyFriendMaryJ Oct 24 '22

Its sad to see ppl lose their partners ): but if i make it to 75 with my girl id say we fuckin made it❤️

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u/marriedacarrot Oct 24 '22

My mom is approaching 70, and suddenly 75 and 80 don't seem that old to me anymore.

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u/MyFriendMaryJ Oct 24 '22

Yea its all relative

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u/thatchers_pussy_pump Oct 24 '22

I just hope it isn’t me who’s left behind.

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u/MyFriendMaryJ Oct 24 '22

I hope we crash a helicopter together on the run from the law at 75

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u/uspsenis Oct 24 '22

I hate thinking about it so much, because I do hope that it is me who’s left behind. She’s an incredibly sweet and innocent person who probably wouldn’t be able to make it alone, especially after losing me. I can’t bear the thought of leaving her to fend for herself in this awful world.

This is the one thought that always manages to creep its way into my head when I’m otherwise happy and fulfilled in life.

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u/wsdog Oct 24 '22

60 to 75 is the best time

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u/Oscar-Wilde-1854 Oct 24 '22

Other than your body hating you and being unable to do 90% of what you easily could earlier in life.

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u/FabianFox Oct 24 '22

Idk, based on what I’ve seen and read, if you take care of your body and manage to avoid major injuries/Illnesses (I realize a lot of that second category is luck), you can still be physically active and have a decent amount of energy when you hit retirement age. Plenty of people are still hiking up mountains and traveling into their 70’s. Gives me hope for my retirement (I’m only 30 and would love to travel more).

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u/ukelele_pancakes Oct 24 '22

All those 15 year olds telling their parents, "Just leave me alone!!!" will get their wish soon enough.

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u/Turtley13 Oct 24 '22

Label your damn x and y axis... basic rules to this.

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u/Koennraad Oct 24 '22

The number of 500-year-old loners is sad to see.

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u/well___duh Oct 24 '22

Axes not labeled, uses two similar shades of orange, no clear distinction on the difference between "family" and "children/partner". This graph needs some heavy refinement

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u/RocktheRebellious Oct 24 '22

X is age, Y is number of garden gnomes

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u/Dramatic_Sweet4695 Oct 24 '22

Where is the line for my dog?

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u/GeneralMe21 Oct 24 '22 edited Oct 24 '22

Can someone explain the coworker growth after retirement age? Wouldn’t they fall into the friend category then?

Edit: got the colors mixed up

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u/wisertime07 Oct 24 '22

I believe that is "alone" - they have similar colors

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u/GeneralMe21 Oct 24 '22

I stand corrected. Thanks

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u/restore_democracy Oct 24 '22

Confusing color scheme. That’s the “alone” line.

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u/GeneralMe21 Oct 24 '22

So not beautiful data?

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u/pinniped1 Oct 24 '22

Profoundly depressing and a bit terrifying. Makes me wonder if Gen X and millennials will have any luck reshaping what old age looks like or if we're all doomed to this fate forever.

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u/cepegma Oct 24 '22

One conclusion of this chart might be: "we are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone as well. "

The yellow line inflection after 75 might is interesting. I might say that one of the partners passes away. So, it isn't possible to spend more time with him/her. Still, stats say that most of the time men pass away first than women.

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u/unlikelypisces Oct 24 '22

That kids line doesn't peak high enough in my experience

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