This stuff always makes me mad. I know people mean well but when it's hypothetical and on videos it's all support and love. But when it comes to real life problems and actual suicide none gives a shit about you. And noone cares or wants to do anything to help.
It feels like it's all for show.
I fucking wish I was never born and that I was dead
I have a friend who is suicidal and has had suicidal thoughts for a long time. Although she has never attempted suicide, she has threatened to twice. She was abused by her parents since the day she was born and bullied throughout her high school. She ended up with severe depression and an eating disorder that has given her all kinds of health complications.
But let me tell you I love her so goddamn much. And its not just me, she has so many friends who love her and care for her. When we were in college our group of friends had a chat without her so we could tell each other if she was having a bad day so one of us who was available could take time to go hang out with her or get coffee or just chat on the phone because we love her and she is a dear friend. The problem is that she doesn't believe that anyone loves her. She is constantly surrounded by friends who care so deeply about her but because of her past abuse and general mental health she literally does not believe it.
Since she moved away for a new job I call her almost every day. Shes going to be my maid of honor in my wedding next month. And let me tell you she still has some pretty bad days, but it makes my heart sick that she can't see how many people care about her and how wonderful she it. That's it, it's right infront of her but she can't manage to see it and I wish so badly I could help her more. I wish I could climb into her brain and fix what's making her so miserable, I wish I could let her borrow some magic glasses so she could see what an amazing person she is.. but all I can do is be a good friend to her.
What makes me MAD is constant remarks like this. When someone is suicidal and there ARE people who love them, remarks like "well some people just don't matter to others" only makes them feel worse, it makes them feel like it's true.
I sincerely hope that you find the help that you need and that you can start to see all the wonderful things about yourself. And more often then not, there is someone who loves you. It's not just toxic optimism, it's not just for show. it's a person saying please reconsider because it is so painful to watch someone you love and are so loved by others not believe any of it.
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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '21
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