r/self Oct 27 '22

Self is now limiting submissions to two per account in a rolling 24 hour period.

126 Upvotes

Hello all,

There seems to be a higher than normal number of users taking advantage of our previous unlimited submission policy, and for the most part spamming the queue with multiple submissions every day. Some of these are utter nonsense and do not really add much to this community. As a result we are now limiting the total number of submissions per user to 2 submissions during a 24 hour period. This includes deleted posts, so you cannot circumvent the limit.

If you have any questions or concerns, please comment in this thread.


r/self 15h ago

My mum is an "influencer" and I hate it!

140 Upvotes

My mum is quite popular on Instagram and YouTube (11k / 40k). She loves posting pictures and videos of her life which includes me and my dad. She often posts family pictures without asking me and my dad if we are okay with how we look in the pictures. I am insecure of my face and I hate how I look in pictures, yet she still posts pictures to her 11k followers without asking me for consent.

I'm in my late teens and my mother doesn't respect me enough or have the common decency to ask if I'm okay with a picture before posting it.

I keep asking her to delete a pictures of me I don't like and she gets extremely angry. I feel kind of bad but I never agreed to be part of this "influencer lifestyle" and I did not agree to let 11k to 40k people view videos and pictures of me and my private life. I did not agree to all my friends and relatives seeing the absolutely horrible pictures she posts of me.

I'm pretty sure she'll never quit social media and that's okay I guess but I wish she'd quit posting me all over her accounts. These are her accounts and her channels.

I don't need followers and likes to make me feel better about myself. I don't need validation from strangers on the internet to feel good about myself. Anyway that's all. Thanks for reading haha I know this was long af 😭


r/self 7h ago

i hate being a woman sometimes.

19 Upvotes

I know I'm feminine and embrace that. But sometimes it's just so rough. The feeling of being so emotional, vulnerable, having messed up hormones. It has and continues to mess up my life . I've tried suppressing it but that's just not me. I feel the need to cry so often.I feel hurt, sad over the tiniest triggers. I feel lonely all the time. I'm aware it's easy to get people to talk to you as a female, but it never results in anything meaningful. I don't want random men to hit on me or validation. I just wish I could feel alive, wanted, taken care of for once in my life. I don't wanna be known as a crybaby...but I can't help it. Why am I so emotional and vulnerable.


r/self 3h ago

Dreamt of my late father last night

8 Upvotes

He passed in 2018 and anytime I have a dream about him it starts my grief cycle all over again like it just happened yesterday. I guess today is going to be a bummer.


r/self 7h ago

I'm planning my own funeral, and I wanna put the fun in funerals.

8 Upvotes

Before anything, no, I (18) am NOT depressed or anything. I'm writing down my last will (I need it for legal stuff), and I decided to dedicate a chunk of it on my funeral. If this is the last thing that I'd ever need, I might as well be thorough with it. I'm planning a non-religious and fun funeral. I wanna put the fun in funeral. Casual clothes are expected, no sad music, a decent buffet, a dramatic will reading to the style of a telenovela (complete with lotto style cheques for the lucky heirs), and a dance party. I don't want eulogies and have decided to replace it with a viewing of selected Golden Girls episodes.

I'll allow the burial to be somber, but no sad music. I've made my playlists. I'll be laid to rest with the Golden Girls theme tune in the background. I wanted Cher and Carly Rae Jepsen to be playing at the procession. I know I can't force people to be happy when I die, but I can at least try.

I just find this a little ironic. I spent most of my teenage years wanting to die, was horribly depressed and didn't care anymore. I did a really good job hiding it though. I have since gotten therapy, and I'm now doing rather well. I now don't want to die. I'm not scared of death, but I wouldn't want it now. I currently have a few not-super-serious diseases, but I know when I hit my 20s, they'll get worse. I'm saving up and working towards a job enough to retire well, if by some odd reason that I live past 30. I spent so much of my prime years wanting to die, and now I don't.

I really do believe that society needs to be more death sensitive. Anyone can die at any time, and people should be better prepared and know what will happen to them after they die. I also believe in more fun funerals. Funerals should be more of a celebration.


r/self 20h ago

My disabled puppy is dying

81 Upvotes

I adopted a dog from another country who was very young with no motor function- at all. I had surgeries and rehab done for years, he is very mobile with his front legs but due to a tumor on his spine can’t cognitively access his back despite having sensation there.

He’s happy, healthy, a straight up athlete in his wheelchair ( and moves around the house totally fine on two legs too) that allows him to be front legs only.

But then the tumor turned cancerous. I was away on a trip for work and came home to him emaciated ( my sitter is the best, my other dog is in perfect shape, I love her, it’s not her fault).

I truly want to die. I feel I failed him. He tried so hard just to regain motor function and despite back leg paralysis he’s in solid shape ( seriously- this boy hikes mountains in his dog wheelchair), and I’m about to lose him.

He’s only 3

I wish I knew where to post, but I needed to say it somewhere

I’m truly weeping ( and I’m not a crier) as I write this. He’s sleeping on my lap right now and I’m devastated. He tried so hard.

Edit: for the record, the vet surgeon thought he could walk 4 legged again and live a normal life before surgery. They found the tumor in process and called me mid operation. I had the resources so I took my shot at letting him live happily, normally. It was tested during surgery, and came back benign, 2 years ago.


r/self 11h ago

Wassup

9 Upvotes

Im so aware of shit and whenever im around some ppl I can like completely feel the judgement coming from them and that makes me get super anxious when they try to talk to me


r/self 15h ago

Feeling left out by my roomates

20 Upvotes

(20F)moved recently with those 2 girls( 19, 20 F)for almost 2 weeks. im currently in university. they knew each other from high-school, they are doing everything together: cook, shower etc. i really don't mind that. they are pretty talkative with me, they initiate conversation as same as i do. i noticed they want to do some certain activities and it feels like they would feel obligated to invite me. like they are talking about watching a movie and at first they invited me but after they planned with each other or in a morning i heard this conversation last week while half-woke up" lets do a live but without X( my name)." today they hang out alone in park to talk and they did that live but not for long. we moved recently because we needed to move flat in this school-board; and they needed a roomate in order for them to not be split apart so not sure if i was used. i knew one of them before moving but small talk and was nice. i don't want to whine about it to them and i know that i have no kind of privilege for them to stay with me and i have no idea what kind of answer do i expect but here i am.


r/self 3h ago

I had a mental breakdown.

2 Upvotes

It's only just occured to me that the slow motion train wreck that is my life derailed enough to be actually called a 'mental breakdown'. I did stupid things. I drank too much, engaged in risky behaviour, was a dick to my friends, quit my job, ended up in hospital.

I was just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and I'm like, hrm, yes, I guess that makes sense. I know it's not, but I think of it like the 'asshole disorder'. And now I'm like: am I ever going to be a better person or am I just doomed to be a screwup and hurt all those around me all the time?

I feel like I can feel myself teetering on the rails again. I just wanna be a stable person.

I shout this into the aether to get it off my chest.


r/self 24m ago

Just a note to someone I love.

Upvotes

Hey friend, I see you've gone right back to your old ways. I see, like in all your past relationships, the promise to be better fell short in a few days from a lifetime.

I've realize, through you, that I need to help myself before I can help anyone else. I hope everyday you live helps you grow, I hope you find God the way I have, I hope you never forget every word I said to you... Yes, even the cold truths.

Don't forget that I loved you more than I had ever loved a stranger. I'll always be rooting for you and hoping for the day I see you fall into grace.

I love you friend, good-bye for now.


r/self 32m ago

I need help with TikTok

Upvotes

is there any way for me to get Unbanned on TikTok?? I had a meme page by the username of @stupidplane on TikTok and it was going viral because I was posting funny videos and it was catching traction I believe it could've been one of the best meme pages on TikTok in my opinion but I only had the account for like a week because I was trying to utilize that to promote my music basically but i got banned (smart idea right) so five months later trying to bounce back on TikTok after I got banned I made another account call @dumbplane mind you it took me five months to bounce back so I say around December of last year when I made the account I just start randomly posting videos and hoping it catch traction and I'll say around February when I posted two videos I noticed that they were kind of going viral so it kind of gave me hope and it made me start being consistent with me posting at least five times a day and then when I did that whichever video was catching the most traction I delete the other videos and basically leave that video that's blowing up on everybody's fyp to make my page look like it's doing numbers so as I kept posting on TikTok I noticed that some of my videos would be taken down and as you know you can be able to appeal those community guidelines violations as I try to appeal some of them were approved and some was not so I had four violations on my page and as you know when you get a lot of video violations on TikTok you get an account warning sign on your page so this happened last week right I had got banned last week for a video violation but luckily last week in that same day I got a banned I was able to appeal it and restore my account so I was able to keep posting and try to utilize my TikTok to promote my music so as I kept going fast forward to today I had posted a video yesterday and it was catching traction on everybody's fyp I didn't really think that much of it I didn't i would get a video violation but literally yesterday morning as I was celebrating how i was hitting 5K followers and as soon as my video that went viral was getting traction my page got taken down and I got banned so now I'm confused on how can I be able to utilize anything to promote my music and not just my music my friends music as well so how can I be able to build a career off of it and help others around me in my circle??? I had the only thing to give me ambition and motivation to push my career my question is this to keep it short and simple is there anyway that I can be able to bounce back??? because I don't want to have to keep doing the same thing and getting the same results because that's just insanity


r/self 12h ago

I have lost interest in everything and I don’t know why

10 Upvotes

I (F20) want to say that this has been happening gradually since I turned 19, maybe even before. I’ve just lost interest in everything that I used to do. I don’t play games anymore, watch TV, eat certain foods, or enjoy any other hobbies that I used to like.

I’m also in college and, at this point, don’t even feel like I’m enjoying the degree that I’m pursuing either. But I honestly couldn’t see myself doing anything else.

I just don’t know what’s wrong. Even my little sister has noticed and has been making the comment that I “don’t like anything anymore.” It honestly makes me feel kind of bad.

I try and buy new things to reignite the flame, but nothing changes. I just get upset I wasted money.

I just feel like my life is so boring now, not that it was ever exciting, but now it’s really just plain.

Has anyone else felt this way? How do I overcome this?


r/self 10h ago

My need for external validation

4 Upvotes

I realized today that that is very important to me. I want to talk about serious things on my mind and things I’m discovering, so I make secret second accounts on social media for people who will listen to me. But once a family member or friend that is close to me is interested in what I have to say and believes me I want to delete the account cause I feel like I don’t need it.


r/self 8h ago

Ex gf is getting married and I don’t understand what I’m feeling

3 Upvotes

Well let me start off with some context. I’m young man, 22 years old. I have had only 4 serious relationships throughout my life and my last gf I can honestly say was my first love. She made me feel special, and I would jump through a hoop a fire just to see her smile. She was the only thing on my mind at every second of the day and it took a lot out of me to stop thinking about her after she left me like I mean it probably took me several years to finally say I moved on. I haven’t ever opened up to anybody like I have her.

Well its been about 5 years since we broke up and I’ve seen her move on into 3 different relations (social media and mutual friends) but as for me I have been alone for most of the time. I have not dated anybody in these past 5 years its very hard to meet girls even in college, I have had some opportunity’s but it just never worked out and I’ve accepted it I’m not upset. I also haven’t had sex in over a year so that drives me a little crazy but anyways I was okay with all this and even better than ever, I starting going to the gym about a year ago and I love my self I’m so confident in my body now. Everything was going well up until recently… I saw her make an instagram post and out of curiosity I checked only to see that my ex gf got proposed to.

I know I said I was fine but seeing her with that ring for some reason just made me feel like a storm of emotions that I don’t even understand my self. If I was never able to make to her happy it makes me happy knowing she was able to find it. But at the same time it felt like my heart was crushing into pieces. Is it because I’m lonely? Am I just jealous that its not me? I’m not in love with her but do I still have love for her?

What the hell is wrong with me ☹️.


r/self 6h ago

I want to go back into dating but the reality of dating is just so off putting

1 Upvotes

I’ve never had a relationship and I’m 22, I’ve gone on a handful of dates and have “seen” guys before but just never works out.

I started dating in college when I first got dating apps but it was just flakiness and more flakiness and leading me on. Sometimes I’d be the one to reject.

Too bad it’s not easy, and too bad it’s hard to find someone in person organically (no actually, it’s super hard, and I only feel confident in myself when I have dating apps bc I have that consistent validation of my looks)


r/self 15h ago

I'm a major depressed dopamine driven coward and I fucked up big times

9 Upvotes

I'm in a relationship with a girl that lives about 4 hours away from me. We'll call her Judy. Judy has a job and an apartment where she lives, but share a hobby with me here where I live. In this hobby she is needed at least every second Saturday in person, so obviously she comes to me and sleeps at my place and all that.

I had a good friend for about 6 months. We'll call her Mary. I say I had a good friend because just three weeks ago she told me she had a major crush on me. Mary doesn't know about Judy, not because I tried to keep her a secret or anything, but because I am probably borderline clinically stupid and my adhd makes me forget stuff like that. I told her nothing could happen between us, but not why. She was in similar situations before and I did not want to hurt her in the same manner other guys did. Especially because I never intended to cheat on anyone or do anything alike and I always told her that she was too good for people like that etc etc.

Now two weeks later I catch myself flirting with Mary over text. Full blown flirting and to be honest, I don't even know why. I can't tell her the truth because I'm a teacher in a short camp about team and project management in this aforementioned hobby. And guess what she's one of the students (sounds bad with the teacher student wording but we're both barely older than 19) so I'll have to spend a whole week non stop with her.

I haven't felt in love with Judy for a while, but then again I haven't felt joy in anything in a few months now (I'm in therapy and all that, this part is somewhat covered) but I could never break up with her. 1. Huge parts of her life are my life and without me and my friends she has basically nothing left except work. 2. She suffers from bpd and would probably react really bad and maybe even do something dangerously stupid.

I don't even know what else to write here I'm extremely numb and yet can't hurt anyone. I seriously do not see a good way out of this. I can't break up with up with Judy, I can't tell Mary the truth, at least not before this camp week is over in the end of april and I don't want to know where this whole flirting thing goes in the next 5 weeks.

I have become a huge asshole and I can't even stop myself because my depression just numbs everything to the perfect point of "idc".

I know I have to hurt one of them but I just don't see how or which one.


r/self 11h ago

I was reminded how tired of being alone I am today

4 Upvotes

Honestly, I don’t think i’m lonely, im just tired of being alone. This is in a romantic sense. I have wonderful best friends and i feel complete in that area.

I’m 21 years old. I’ve only ever had one night stands in my romantic life. I don’t like that about myself, but i don’t beat myself up over it. I made a choice to not do that again. I’m not religious or anything but i believe but life is full of meaning, so why waste it on meaningless sex.

To keep it in the most simplest way possible, my work has a break room with a couch and tv, and we had to wait for something in order to begin our job so we had a few hours to kill. We all packed on the couch and i happened just to be next to one of my co workers. I don’t necessarily find her all that attractive but due to the limited area, physical contact was there. The lights were off, and a movie was playing, and i fell asleep. It was the most comforting feeling ever. I’ve don’t remember the last time i felt that at peace with someone else’s physical touch. When the moment came to its end, i was sad. It made me realize kinda how tired of being alone I am.

it kinda hurts.


r/self 10h ago

Food shows are so popular why isnt there hairstyling shows?

3 Upvotes

r/self 4h ago

can you help me find out if the guy lost the bet?

0 Upvotes

its importan for me to know.

Lets say that someone is outside of a building in which his aparment is located. He makes a bet with someone and points to the direction of the building and says that he will NOT return home in order to get caramels. (he has a pack of caramels in his kitchen left).

1 month later, that guy is living in a different neighborhood, in a different building, in a different apartment. While going home after a visit to the super market, he enters the building and before entering the elevator, he finds a pack of caramel left in a desk that is placed on the common corridor. He takes the caramels with him, enters the elevator, goes to the fourth floor and enters his aparment to stay for the rest of the day.

Did that guy lost the bet? His words when he made the bet was that he will not return home to get caramels and when he made the bet he was pointing to his old aparment building.

1) is the bet valid ONLY for his old aparment or for every aparment that he will stay, no matter the country/city/area?

2) what exactly "home" means? does the common corridor (stairs and elevator) of the building in which his aparment is located count as home or not?


r/self 16h ago

Someone kindly asked if I’m on the autism spectrum. A lot of things make sense now. What do I do?

10 Upvotes

So I was walking a very new work-friend to the subway station after a work-related social gathering. We were just talking about whatever when she mentioned that she’s on the autism spectrum, and asked me if I’m on it too. I said I’d never really thought of it (which is true) and she said that she’d noticed some signs that led her to think that I might be on the spectrum.

To make things clear, I didn’t take any offence from it, I’m not opposed to being on the spectrum. I feel like I (23M) generally socialize well, though that was not true when I was a young kid. I feel like it took a while for me to really ‘understand’ other people. I also had (and still have) an extremely vivid imagination and I generally preferred to play pretend on my own as a kid. Looking back, I was, um, kinda of a weird kid, and a lot of the ‘social symptoms’ of ASD apply to my childhood. I think I’m at the point now, though, where I’ve built ways to manage these signs today.

Some other symptoms I REALLY relate with are the repetitions (I have a tendency to replay video games, re-read books, rewatch videos, repeat words phrases or songs to myself), stimulations (especially as a kid, I would pick my fingernails, flip words back and forth in my head, ‘type’ words out with my fingertips, etc) and noise sensitivity (loud music and loud parties definitely make me uncomfortable). On the topic of hypersensitivity, I also am a very smell-based person, maybe that’s weird but I sometimes obsessively feel compelled to smell my hands. I’m also a habit-based person, and I get very comfortable with routines. I struggle with starting new things.

It’s tricky cuz not all of it applies. I’ve never had trouble understanding figures of speech, I don’t speak robotically, and I prefer fiction over non-fiction (though I do have a tendency to obsess over, and learn every detail of, some fictional stories). Currently, today, I don’t really struggle with body language or eye contact or showing interest in other people, though that was different when I was a kid.

And I don’t know, dudes, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.

My question is, haha, what do I do now? Obviously this isn’t a diagnosis, this is just me theorizing. Should I do something about it? Do I get a diagnosis or is that unnecessary? Would it be shitty of me to start identifying myself as someone with ASD without a diagnosis? Just curious what you guys have to say. Don’t have too many people in my life I can really talk to about this, haha.


r/self 5h ago

I didn't reply to my friend in a year

1 Upvotes

I feel really bad, that friend i meet with for the first time while my mental health was bad, the next day of we meeting she sent message and i didn't reply to her in a yesr and half, to be honest i really don't know why i didn't reply, i wasn't feeling good for few days ,but when i stsrted to feel better i felt anxious to explain why i didn't reply for few days and i didn't want to say my mental health was bad so i avoided replying for months , now i don't know what to say to her i sound likd a crazy story snd crazy person if i told her the truth, i need help?