r/tifu 5d ago Hugz Wholesome Helpful

M TIFU by telling me zookeeper girlfriend (22f) not to worry so much about her hygiene...

20.4k Upvotes

I (25M) have been dating this woman for a few months now, and honestly we get along really well.

About a month ago, I met her for dinner one night at a semi-fancy restaurant around 6pm. She arrived a little bit late, and was really apologetic saying "Oh gosh sorry, I probably smell so funky right now, I tried by best to wash and scrub but I know it wasn't enough."

She was pretty stinky. She works as an animal caretaker at the zoo and had to stay late that night, so I understood. That night was the first night I really noticed her stinking of animals.

It was strong at the same table (something between old fish and a ferret cage, yuck) and rather unappetizing, but not the sort of thing you could smell across the room, so I saw no reason it should ruin the dinner.

So I tried to reassure her and said "aw no you don't." She said "Oh don't lie, there's no way I smell ok right now."

So I said "I mean I guess there's a slight smell, but it just shows you worked hard...I've never been one of those weak-stomached guys who's going to complain about that, I really don't mind, honest, I'm used to animal smells anyway."

To my surprise her eyes lit up and she said "Wow, really, you're serious? That's so reassuring to hear," and starting opening up about how hard it was to make sure she always smelled good. That she'd often have to scrub for half an hour after work to even be somewhat presentable and sometimes even that wasn't enough, changes of clothes and boots, that she had to sometimes pick which days to schedule dates with me or run errands based around her off-days, or which animals she'd be working with that day, to make sure the stink wasn't too bad...

I said "wow, I had no idea it was that tough." I asked how other keepers dealt with it and she said most were single or dated within the profession and it was rare to find someone like me who genuinely didn't mind! So I reassured her that yeah, she doesn't need to be overly concerned about that with me. I could tell it meant a lot to her.

But I think this turned out to be a big mistake...

Over the past month, we've seen each other more often, and she's usually smelled okay, but there have been 4 or 5 occasions where she's smelled horrible. 10-20x worse than that night in the restaurant. These have been house dates and not at restaurants/etc. I have to breathe lightly to even try to stomach it, and it really kills my mood and leaves my house reeking.

tl;dr Told my girlfriend she didn't have to worry about her smell so much, she took it as a major green flag due to her line of work, now I either have to really let her down or resign myself to living in olfactory hell

r/tifu 14d ago Platinum Hugz Helpful Silver Wholesome Take My Energy

M TIFU by hospitalising my 9 y/o brother

19.4k Upvotes

Typing this out from the waiting room; I feel so guilty and my mum won't even look me in the eye.

Today, My (17M) brother (9M) wanted to play on my Xbox in my room, which I (reluctantly) said yes to, but since we moved in last week, my room (which is small anyway) is still mostly full of boxes so there really isnt much room to move at all.

He was sitting on the floor playing Minecraft and I was sat on my bed doing a Superman puzzle when my mum called me into the kitchen to help her reach something. This is when I fucked up.

So, as I said, there isn't much space in my room, especially at the end of my bed where the tv is right next to my door, and as I tried to squeeze past to leave to go to my mum in the kitchen, I accidentally bumped into the tv stand and the worst thing possible happened - the TV fell onto my brother.

He started screaming and everything up until now was one big blur. My mum came running in, shouting, asking what happened, and calling for my dad, while I just stood there, watching it all happen from outside my room. It was like I was frozen. My mum screamed at my dad to phone an ambulance, but I couldn't see my brother, so I took a step forward and saw that his head was bleeding and at this point I was really panicking. My dad told me to go downstairs and let anyone who knocks on the door inside, so I did. I waited by the door, and a few minutes later, Paramedics knocked on the door, so I let them in.

My mum went in the ambulance with him, while my dad and I followed in a car. We got there about 15 minutes after my mum did and I heard her tell my dad that my brother will be okay, but she still refuses to speak to me, even after I asked her what's going on with my brother, and I haven't heard anything from a doctor yet and its been about half an hour now.

Sorry if this is difficult to read, I just feel so guilty and anxious for hurting my brother.

TL;DR: My brother was playing games in my room and I accidentally dropped a TV on his head, putting him in hospital.

UPDATE 1: My dad and I are home now, my brother's going to be fine, but possibly staying overnight at hospital just to be safe and my mum's going to stay with him. My dad has told me my mum's not angry, she was just scared for my brother and I've spoken to her on the phone, it's all good. I've tidied up my room and moved the TV so it's safe now and I bought some snacks for him when he gets back. Thanks everyone for the kind words, I will update when he's home again!

UPDATE 2: He's home!! My brother is going to be absolutely fine! I gave him some of the snacks and loads of hugs, he's doing great. :)

Here are some details I've seen people ask about in the comments: Yes, the TV still works (miraculously) as it landed on carpet. The TV was just a small flat-screen (I don't know the right terminology for it but it's really tiny as I dont have the space for a bigger one). The reason my brother's head was bleeding was because the plastic in the corner of the TV is what hit his head, which i think scraped his head, leaving a (small) cut. Seeing blood (even a small amount) made everyone panic, which is why he went to hospital and my mum gave me the silent treatment. It was scary.

r/tifu 23d ago Silver Gold Wholesome Helpful

M TIFU after leaving my date alone with my roommate

14.1k Upvotes

I didn't come home alone last night. I had a girl with me. She was confident and cute, and to be honest, I didn't expect someone like her to be interested in spending the night at my place considering how socially awkward I was during our entire date. My roommate was in the living room when we entered the apartment. I introduced the two of them before excusing myself to use the bathroom. I poop whenever I'm extremely nervous. I don't know why, but it's been like that since I was a kid.

For most people, the possibility of sex is usually a source of excitement. For an inexperienced, introverted and socially inept person like me, it's often a source of anxiety. Hence, the pooping. I decided to have a quick shower afterwards. Wash away whatever traces there were of my nervous reaction on the toilet. I must have been in the bathroom for more or less 30 minutes. I knew it was weird to disappear like that and I was totally prepared to awkwardly explain my absence.

However, when I returned to the living room, I realized no explanation was necessary. My date was sound asleep in my roommate's arms while he was still wide awake. As soon as he saw me, he did the finger in front of the lips shush thing. I had no idea what the two of them did in the short time I was gone, but I smelled weed and I noticed glow in the dark yoyo toys and hula hoops, which explained why the living room was darker than before.

My roommate suggested I smoke some weed to pass the time. I ended up smoking too much weed and eventually fell asleep on the couch. This morning when I woke up my roommate and my date were no longer in the living room. My first instinct was to check my roommate's room. There they were, literally sleeping together. Most of their clothes were on the floor, except underwear. I tiptoed to my roommate's side of the bed and woke him the fuck up.

The two of us whispered back and forth like we were discussing highly classified information. I accused him of fucking my date behind my back whereas he denied that anything sexual happened and reminded me that he's gay as fuck. Towards the end of our whisper war, I didn't know what to believe anymore. I was too upset to think clearly. By the time my date woke up, my roommate and I were in the kitchen, preparing breakfast in complete silence.

Long story short, my date backed up everything my roommate said. Nothing happened between them. Sleeping on the couch was uncomfortable and my roommate's bed was not. The end. I was outnumbered and desperate to defuse the tension, so I accepted whatever they said. Call me paranoid, but I'm convinced they fucked, which means even a gay guy has more success sleeping with girls than I do.

TL:DR I brought a girl home, left her alone with my roommate to use the bathroom and found her sleeping with him.

r/tifu 15h ago

M TIFU by knocking on my gf(F20) parents door without them knowing me

3.4k Upvotes

OK, so I've been dating this girl for quite a while now, and things got really slow since she's in the military and has no time to meet up quite often which is fine, i work. later on our relationship our connection had been going down slow because her phone broke and she's broke so she'd dm on ig once a day from her semi-broken without sim spare phone she got from her friend which she uses their internet. So a week before the holidays in my country, I've visited her in her camp and we'd agreed to meet up in the holidays since we haven't had a proper chill time together. So things went on and she haven't contacted to me at all all the week and I got worried, that's where it went down and because that i had urge to meet her since we agreed meeting in holidays, so I came up with the idea to visit her, check on her if she's ok. and so on i dialed my one of my best friends(F24) and I asked her advice, my friend advice was: "Im not sure if shes into this kind of stuff but since she likes surprises and presents as you said, i dont think there should be any problems." So I came to her place with some chocolate and roses and knocked on the door and her father answered after few knocks and did sound kinda pissed and did not even opened the door to me, he asked who I am and told him my name, then he replied: E*** is not here, does she even know you? I replied with my name and left my gift near the door.

2 days Afterwards she dm that her Instagram account has been blocked and she had no contact with anyone for the past week and she is really pissed and it's was inappropriate and she said that it was kinda creepy and obsessive since she, as she claims that we spoke about that kind sort of things and she did expect me to wait till she text back.(I am not denying it since im more aware now) She did say that she got yelled by her father and it made the situation very uncomfortable for both of us since her intimate peaceful relationship with her parents got provoked. I did indeed apologized and told her it was a one time mistake, she did accept the apologize but she did ask for some space to "restart"

After awhile of thinking a remembering the things we spoke about i got to a conclusion that I need to stop overthink, overreact and relax more often. Because those things can effect your mental health and relationships . I never knew that thing like this will happen and my motives were very pure. I did not consider her legitimate privacy space and I just let my instrutive thoughts win and I did things without thinking twice.

Edit: you guys seem to doubt some information regarding my post, well we did in fact have FaceTime and whatsupp connections through out the first 3-2 months TL;DR I went to my gf parents home and my gf got yelled at because of me

r/tifu Aug 18 '22 Silver Helpful Tearing Up Snek Gold Bravo! Press F Heartwarming Facepalm Hugz Table Slap Wholesome Take My Power

M TIFU by opening my fiancé's dms

26.4k Upvotes

The wound is still fresh so bear with me.

The Discovery

I had a rough day and my fiancé's algorithms are top notch, so I was scrolling through his apps to entertain myself hoping for a pick me up. He went to take a shower. I opened his Instagram (got bored with Reddit, so sorry) and noticed he had a couple new dms. We don't snoop through each other's phones, but we don't hide anything either (or so I thought) so I clicked on them just to see if they were important because he doesn't check Insta that often.

WELL. I see the dms are from a deleted account???, thus sparking my interest. So I click, and I scroll. Messages go years back--maybe twenty to thirty messages total. Some winky faces, some slightly sexual memes, and a few photos of lingerie. Nothing outright incriminating but... who is this bitch? My heart dropped. We're getting married in less than five months. These messages aren't okay. He's not a cheater??? Never once have I questioned that, nor has he given me any reason to. I start to see red.

The Confrontation

I put on my big girl pants, wipe my tears, and storm into the bathroom. Rip open the shower curtain, revealing this idiot's (albeit glorious) naked body. He, though quite startled, raises his eyebrows and smirks. "Looking to join?" He says. Wrong move buddy.

I go off. You know, like a badass.

He denies it. You know, like a liar.

I hold his towel hostage and toss him his phone so he can see for himself. He scrolls and pulls off this wildly confused demeanor. I literally see the blood leave his face. He just kinda says stuttering "...baby I don't know?"

We go back and forth. He swears up and down he has no idea who this could be. "I'm just as surprised as you are!!!" He claims, criminally. So, I take his phone so I can quote this "other woman" for emphasis.

The Reveal

I ready my best valley girl voice and scroll to the most recent received messages. I notice for the first time, inconveniently so, a picture she sent of a Guinea pig. I think, "Aw hell, I love Guinea pigs." Then I remember... I have seen this Guinea pig before.

Then I realize. She is me.

I deleted all my social media almost a year ago. Neither of us remembered any of the messages we sent. I start laughing and happy crying. My fiancé looks as if he just won the lottery and received the death penalty simultaneously.

The Aftermath

Now we sit, both recently showered, debating whether or not we should welcome a Guinea pig into our family. I am so embarrassed. He is so relieved. We are crazy, stupid, and so in love.

TLDR; Found cheating-indicating messages on my fiancé's phone. Turns out it was my old deleted account. I'm an idiot. He's a keeper.

Edit: Didn’t wanna edit because I didn’t wanna make the hate worse. My fiancé commented somewhere in here a few minutes ago, I just picked up my phone & WOW was not expecting all this. I did apologize to him fully, and I’m sorry I didn’t know I should’ve included that. Most posts I read on here don’t usually include a full resolution. I wrote this quickly not expecting it to blow up. Looking back I would’ve changed a lot of my wording. I could defend myself for a lot of things but that likely wouldn’t help. All of this story is true, it was so odd which is what prompted me to post it. He’s not leaving me, there’s so much more to our lives than this. I didn’t assault him. We are naked at home more than we’re clothed. You’re all not in my relationship, but I can tell you that him being in the shower was not a violating aspect. He was annoyed, but not hurt or degraded. I’ve never blown up like this & intend never to again. I’ve also never worried or accused him before of cheating. This was my first experience and I didn’t know how to handle it. I understand concern for him but there’s no reason to say I deserve xyz. Not sure how to prove this story is true? But think what you will. I didn’t mean to sound so cavalier; I wasn’t very conscious of my tone of voice. I always write dramatically but understand that if you don’t know me it’s different. Wasn’t expecting to be called psychotic. Lastly thanks to the few commenters who left Guinea pig info.

Final edit only for clarity bc it got worse after my first: His comment said this but it’s lost. He handed me his phone. He goes on Instagram maybe once or twice a year? We have an open phone policy. I didn’t snoop because our boundaries are: I don’t look at texts with his mom, brother, or therapist. He doesn’t look at my texts with my sister, brother, therapist, or best friend. I don’t have social media besides Reddit & he’s rarely active on his. To my knowledge, the boundaries we set have never been broken by either of us. The lingerie pics weren’t of me. They were pics he sent to me that he thought I’d like. I wrote this using the exact language of my thoughts in the moment. Sorry if it’s cringy but it’s accurate for what I was feeling/thinking. I’m not a creative writer & I’m not trying to be.

And disclaimer: if you keep stigmatizing mental illness like you are I’m going to delete this if I can. I’m not here for karma I’m here cause today I fucked up. It’s absolutely horrible to use illnesses to describe behavior in such hateful ways, please think about the people you could hurt, besides me, who might read your hate & feel shame because of it.

r/tifu 4d ago Silver Wholesome Gold I'm Deceased

M TIFU by accidentally introducing my neighbours’ 7-year-old daughter to Cradle of Filth

3.9k Upvotes

First of all, for the younger users among us or anyone who may not be familiar with Cradle of Filth, they’re an extreme metal band who were popular in the 1990s among certain sects of the metal community.

Now, let me set the scene. This afternoon I was settling down in my flat here in Swindon, England after a long and exhausting morning spent helping my brother with some painting and decorating at his new house. I decided to put on one of my favourite albums of all time which happens to be by Cradle of Filth. Not feeling like wearing headphones, I decided to instead connect my phone to my bluetooth speaker. With bluetooth successfully connected, I went to Spotify and put on the album.

The opening track, a particularly brutal composition of dark, growling, scary, good old fashioned extreme metal, began to play. “Strange” I thought… I noticed the sound seemed to be particularly quiet and muffled in spite of my speaker being turned all the way up. So I ramped the volume on my phone all the way up to maximum, and finally the music was of reasonable volume. Still pretty muffled though, so I began to suspect my speaker was starting to wear out and in need of replacement.

I laid back on my sofa and cracked open a drink. I was knackered from my busy morning and in dire need of some rest.

About two minutes or so into the song, it suddenly cut out and I heard a loud wailing coming from my next door neighbours’ flat, followed by “MUMMY! DADDY!“ and some panicked cries. Worried, I put my ear to the wall to try to hear what was going on, and although I couldn’t make out every word, I heard the little girl telling her parents that some “scary noises“ suddenly started coming out of her speaker and that she couldn’t turn it off. My heart immediately sank as I realised what had happened. Turns out when connecting my phone to bluetooth I hadn’t selected my speaker at all, but somehow accidentally connected to the speaker belonging to my neighbours’ sweet, innocent seven-year-old daughter.

The crying and wailing continued for a good twenty minutes afterwards, as her parents desperately tried to console her. Eventually, by the sounds of it, they were successful in doing so.

Am I going to go next door to explain and apologise? Maybe someday. But that day certainly isn’t today. Today will be dedicated to digging myself a hole in which to hide in shame for the next ten years.

If anyone‘s curious as to what the offending song was, here it is: https://youtu.be/9nKuXPDtlLU Now just imagine this song suddenly and completely unexpectedly blasting out in a seven-year-old girl‘s bedroom at an almost deafening volume. Oh man, I’m never living this one down.

TL;DR: I accidentally connected to my neighbours‘ bluetooth speaker instead of my own, and scared the life out of their seven-year-old daughter with an extreme metal song.

r/tifu 17d ago Wholesome Silver

M TIFU by taking random doordash orders on my porch

6.5k Upvotes

So for context, me (18) M and my family have been having an issue where we get random Doordash orders on our porch. The first time it happened I assumed it was a mistake, and after no one claiming it for 2 hours, we just decided to take it. Then randomly every month, another would appear. After the second meal we called doordash, they told us it was most likely a glitch and not to worry about it, ever since we've just taken the orders as a stroke of luck, until today.

Now out my window I see someone deliver some food, same thing happens. I go ahead grab it, my brother starts to eat a cheeseburger and fries, and right as I'm about to dig in we hear a knock on the front door. Of course we panic and throw everything back in, and I see a short, about 25 year old guy, he's nice and says that their house number is the same as ours, and that our addresses get mixed up, saying how he even brings us our packages.

We both apologize and he leaves saying "Enjoy your night!" So I hand him back all the food with the exception of the fries and burger, he leaves and I thought that was the end of it. About 5 minutes later comes another knock, I answer the door and a woman about the same age and stature as the other guy shows up. Visually upset, she asks about the burger and fries that were inside the bag, my mom shouts a no as she walks upstairs, and my brother shrugs it off. I step outs ide with her and apologize saying that he ate it and that they didn't want to fess up, I asked if she would want us to pay her back and she tells me no. She then points to her house and tell me we get her orders. I tell her sorry, and that we thought that the orders were random, she then says I don't believe you in an angry tone and walks off.

Now I'm watching a movie feeling like shit for taking their food, I'm wondering if there's anything I can even do to make it up to them but I'm guessing there isn't. TL;DR I kept taking doordash orders I thought were a glitch, and got confronted by the people who were ordering.

Edit: Thanks for all the advice and help guys, I figure if it escalates I'll buy them a gift card, but it seems that I should just report it and go about my day

Edit edit: To answer some more comments, they have the same number, but not same street. We moved here about a year ago, to my best knowledge, I have never known that they have brought any packages over or have we received any of theirs. We have never known or expected their to be a house with the same number nearby or even exist.

The first order I received I left out, two hours went by and it was sitting outside so that's when I called dd support, who told me "it's most likely a glitch, we'll refund them the full amount, enjoy the mixup!"

Finally the recipt does not come with an adress or name, in my experience. I don't wanna just put all this new context here to avoid accountability, but I thank everyone as I understand the situation a lot better now, thank you all!

r/tifu 7d ago Wholesome

M TIFU by playing Musical Statues with my daughter and her friends

6.2k Upvotes

So my daughter (3) is starting to make friends in the new area we've moved to (we've been here about a year, but she's not really been old enough to go out and play on the street yet). They're a great group of kids, and they mostly get on great (minus the usual childhood based tantrums).

The one she sees the most is Sarah (name changed, 5). Sarah lives just a couple of doors down, and they are constantly in and out of each others houses. My daughter met a lot of kids on the street through Sarah, so it's been a bountiful friendship for her.

Today, a bunch of about 6 of them was playing in our garden. They were doing the usual stuff - playing on the trampoline, playing football, chasing each other etc. Eventually I suggested a game of musical statues (where you dance whole the music plays, and freeze when it stops). Everything was going ok, and I started letting the kids pick their favourite songs to play. 

We got the usual fare of Disney song demands , nothing that unexpected. Until Sarah - she asked for "Let's get down to Business", which YouTube had clarified for me as "Tiësto - The Business". To be honest, I hadn't heard the song before, and because I was starting and stopping it, I didn't really pay any attention to the lyrics.

Later I walked the girls round the block and took them home - when I got to Sarah's house, her parents asked me in for a coffee and a chat about what they'd got up to. I filled them in, and told them about Musical Statues as well. I asked Sarah "Sarah, how did you know that song? I haven't heard it before." Before anyone else could talk, she said without skipping a beat: "Mummy and Daddy play it in their room when they lock their door, it's loud!"

It took a minute for the penny to drop for me, bur Sarah's mum's face going red sped the process along quickly! I hurriedly bundled my daughter out, and when I told my wife about it, she laughed her ass off at my misfortune as I laugh/despaired into my hands.

TLDR - A game of musical statues with the kids revealed the music that my neighbours like to fuck to.

EDIT - Saw all those CBAT comments, had no idea what that was until I clicked one of the links. Holy shit, that is ear cancer.

r/tifu 9d ago Wholesome Hugz Take My Energy Gold

M TIFU by being a coward and not being truthful to my parents about dropping out of uni

6.7k Upvotes

Since my grandma died in fall last year I ( F25) have been on a continuous downwards spiral due to my mental health failing me hence why i also dropped out of uni earlier this year. But instead of actually getting help i just festered in my misery in hopes i can find a way to resolve everything without getting anyone else involved and becoming a burden on someone else. Obviously i didn't find a way because that's not how this shit works and instead it just got worse and worse and i just withdrew from all my social circles that could have helped me out.

The thing is I am the child of very strict parents that pride themselves on having such a well performing and absolutely not mentally ill self sustaining daughter ( i wish). We actual got into huge fights in the past when ever i didn't perform that well in school so in my delusional mind I thought if i just ride the depressive phase out and just re-enroll everything would be alright and my parents would still be proud of me and never be the wiser .

Well that didn't happen either and since my parents are claiming some financial benefits because of me being a university student they asked for a certificate of enrollment a few weeks back to keep on getting those benefits. I always talked myself out of having to present it (like blaming some server issues on not having it already) despite those moments being the perfect opportunities where i could have come clean. However today is the deadline of my lies working. And anxiety , my delusional mind and a good chunk of cowardice kept me from cleaning up my mess while also robbing me of sleep. I actually haven't slept in a few days . And what happens if your mental health is already shit and you don't get any sleep ? Exactly you do something very very stupid .

And the stupid thing i did was actually sitting down with a brain fueled by pure fear of owning up, started up photoshop an committing forgery actually sending it to my father's email.
Yhea i committed a crime just bc i am too afraid to tell my parents that I am actually not okay .
Anyway my only hope now is that my father doesn't read his emails before the evening so that i can numb myself enough to actually get to them to confess everything

Tl:Dr Went into a downwards spiral regarding my mental health. dropped out of uni without telling my parents , didn't get help in hope i could just ride it out and re-enroll and instead of just fessing up i committed forgery in a depressed no-sleep delusional stupor.

r/tifu 1d ago

M TIFU by not knowing what a gallbladder attack was and thinking it was back pain for 10 years, and my not managing my care better.

2.4k Upvotes

EDIT: Today I apparently also fucked up the title. Sorry.

A number of years ago, I was at a red light and a woman texting and driving broke by neck and back in four places when she rear ended me. I'm only alive because I was in my SUV and not on the Harley. (I also can't ride anymore as a result, but whatever.)

Since then, I've had horrible back pain. It comes and goes, and is managed with regular massage, a TENS unit and some medication. Sometimes the pain would hit me right in my lower to mid back, but it felt deeper than that. I'd be unable to sit, stand or lie down - everything hurt. I'd be reduced to tears most of the time. I had one at work and had to be taken home in a wheelchair to the car and a co-worker drove me home. This happened 3-6 times a year, sometimes in the morning, sometimes at night.

I'm not sure I can describe how bad these attacks were - it felt like someone beat my lower to mid back with a baseball bat. They were literally debilitating and I would often fall asleep sobbing from the pain. Even the heavy duty opiods the VA had me on like Morphine barely touched the pain.

Along with all that, the 13 different drugs the VA used to have me on really messed up my stomach, and I had a bunch of issues with loose stool alternating with constipation and cramps. I always had diarrhea around these attacks but never put two and two together, because I didn't really understand what a gallbladder does. That was the first part of my fuck up - not knowing that.

If you don't know, it stores bile so you can digest fat. Without it, the fat just goes right through you, giving you loose stool or worse. Just like in your kidney, you can get gallstones. Those stones can block the duct, causing a buildup of bile. This entire time, I was experiencing a gallbladder attack, where it was having trouble doing its job because of the gallstones, so it was becoming severely inflammed, triggering the back pain.

Why wasn't this discovered sooner? My GP at the VA was treating my pain, and the specialist was treating my stomach issues. Guess who didn't talk to each other often enough? The revolving door of doctors at the VA kept me from having docs who talk to each other. That was the second part of my fuck up - I should have been on the different newly hired GP who I saw twice a year to read back through my notes and get caught up. Instead it was take vitals, renew meds, referral to specialist, out the door until six months later to meet a new GP when I came back for my bi-annual check up.

They removed the galbladder several years ago. When I woke up in recovery and the doc came to check on me, he told me that mine was the worst gallbladder he had seen in years. He described it as "riddled" with gallstones and said he was amazed I wasn't having more attacks.

I can't even tell you what a relief it is to not have the attacks anymore. It was well worth the change in diet and having to give up some foods. It also causes you to need the bathroom more than before but again, to hell with back pain.

EDIT: If y'all enjoyed this little tale, I'll put in a shameless plug for /r/militarystories, where I also write.

TL;DR: Thought my back pain was just back pain - it was gallbladder attacks caused by fatty foods and I didn't put two and two together or manage my revolving door of doctors correctly to diagnose this.

r/tifu 6d ago

M TIFU parking my girlfriend's car

3.6k Upvotes

TIFU parking my girlfriend's car

I'm not quite sure if this is the best place to post it, but I'm feeling guilty enough that it seemed fitting. My girlfriend (25) lives about an hour away in a small town. She was going out of state for the weekend for her friend's bachelorette party and had to use the airport that's only a few minutes away from my apartment. We figured she would just pick me up from my apartment and I would just drive her car back.

All was going perfect, I had made her some coffee since she had to drive an hour to be at my place by 5:30AM, I dropped her off, then drove back to my apartment complex. Well about a week ago they had sent out a notice about guest parking and that fines would be handed out to anyone parked in the complex who wasn't a tenant. They specifically said the road in front of the complex was the only area for guests to park. So of course that's exactly what I did, i went out of my way to make sure her car was parked on the right side of the road even.

She was having such a great time over the weekend, and we really opened up a lot to each other emotionally and talked about how excited we were to see each other at the airport. On her last full day of the trip, I had gone to run an errand, and driving back I saw she had a green paper tucked under her windshield wiper. Initially I was annoyed thinking it was a warning to move the car because they specifically said it was guest parking. I went to check it out and someone had hit her car. The paper was an incident report. Without even thinking about it, I sent her a picture of the damage and the papers on who to call and I feel like I really just ruined her weekend.

She's already so stressed about money and now she's worried her rate will go up and I feel absolutely terrible. What's even worse is the incident happened the day she left and I didn't leave my apartment until two days later. I don't even understand how it happened because it's a wide street, wide enough for at least 4 cars I'd say. They hit the front of her car, so they had to have been literally all over the road, but her car was the only one parked there and it feels like had I just moved it forward a few feet this would have never happened.

She's been acting a little distant since I told her about it and I really feel like I ruined the good time she was having. I go to pick her up in a few hours and the anxiety is eating away at me. I was really looking forward to rushing out to hug and kiss her when I saw her but now I'm afraid she won't want to even talk on the drive back to her car. Honestly any advice on how to make it up for her would be helpful. I already told her I could pay for repairs, but with her rates going up, I don't know how much it will help.

Update: I picked her up from the airport and I could tell she was exhausted. The ride over to my apartment was a little quiet, but I really think she's just tired, she had to wake up at 3AM to get to her flight today. But we looked at her car and she looked at the debris and laughed saying that it seems like the other car got more damage. We loaded up her car with her bags and next thing I knew two hours had passed with us just standing by her car while she told me about a terrible book she read on the flight, how regretful she is that she let her friend paint her nails blue (she's the more butch-esque one out of the two of us, it's definitely a look 😅😂) and it was like everything was just fine! She even said herself that she had intended to see the damage and go because she was so exhausted, but it's like as soon as we started talking she woke right up 😁 I definitely got myself worked up over nothing, but I thank everyone for their advice!

TL ; DR My girlfriend was going away for the weekend on a trip. I parked her car on the road where guests are supposed to park and saw someone had hit it. I think I ruined her weekend by telling her what happened on the last day of the trip. But everything turned out just fine when she saw the damage and I think seeing it in person reassured her that it wasn't as bad as she was thinking.

r/tifu 20d ago Silver Helpful

M TIFU / I realised I am deeply in love with a co worker, But I have slept with his married cousin in the past.

2.1k Upvotes

false name used for story purposes

Bit of a background. I Female (19) Jess work for a big corporation. when I started working there I became quite close to a male co worker call him Tom, Male (28), we always flirted at work and I eventually got his number and we spoke privately and occasionally hung out outside of work, I later found out that he was soon to be married, we had an argument and lost contact but still remained civil due to work reasons. We eventually became friends with eachother again and attended a work event ( drinks) together which is where I was introduced to his cousin, jake, Male (27) We all were having a good time and remained at the venue for multiple hours, eventually my friend Tom becomes upset with me due to me speaking to other male colleagues and leaves, we speak about this privately later and agreed to discontinue our friendship and whatever else was going on.

over a course of some time I become quite close to Tom’s cousin, Jake, we spend a lot of time out of work alone and there was a heavy attraction there but I never thought it would become anything beyond that point, At this stage because I became close with Jake I ended up becoming friends with Tom again. One thing led to another and we ended up hooking up on two occasions (Myself and Tom) I eventually ended things with him as it was against my morals. (Too late)

A few weeks later I ended up hooking up with jake and it became a regular thing (fwb), Now I have been spending nearly every day with Jake and I care for him deeply and we have decided to become exclusive but not official (at his request). Though he is very close to his cousin and since things are starting to get serious I can’t help but but feel guilty I haven’t told him about my experiences with his cousin Tom, and I don’t think I would be able to progress things without telling him.

I want to tell jake because it’s the right thing to do, and I know Tom would never tell jake of this as he has a soon to be wife and it would be ruined if jake found out, But if this ended up being long term I couldn’t live with that secret

Now the guilt is getting to me and I want to tell jake so we could potentially be in a healthy relationship, but I know if I tell him about Tom I could potentially destroy a marriage and also my relationship with jake. Though I think I might be falling for him so I’m in a really tricky position, I’m fairly young still so I don’t have much experience with these type of things and never expected that I would fall for him.

today when I was lying in his bed gazing into his eyes I felt horrified that I may Love this man that I have done this to, sleeping with a friend is bad but sleeping with someone who they are family with is even worse. not to mention this guy is married ( the original guy Tom not Jake) so will be shock horror to him (Jake) if I ever brought the past up.

EDIT:: I thought I might add this for a bit of further backstory. The marriage of Tom’s is arranged via family. though I genuinely think they may be falling in love now

EDIT: country is Australia and the cousins are originally from a foreign country… I also do not have any contact with Tom anymore, Only Jake

EDIT: Jake, whom is the only one I am sleeping with currently sees a future with myself and has asked me if I would be interested in being official. I NEVER had feelings for Tom. unfortunately Jake 100% does not know that Tom has slept with me as our workplace community is very close, therefore everyone would have found out, He also adores Tom’s wife so they likely would be already separated if he knew..

EDIT marriage explanation: Tom and his wife are legally married, Though due to their religion the actually ceremony hasn’t taken place though it is very soon to happen

FINAL EDIT;conclusion: here is the long awaited resolution to this story but I can assure you it wasn’t as interesting as some may have expected. I Told Jake everything, he was a bit annoyed that I had waited so long to tell him and had lots of questions, we talked everything through, it was rough but we are still seeing eachother and both are happy :) He is pretty upset with his cousin but I think things will work out. Thank you for everyone’s help

tl;dr : I slept with two cousins, both of whom are my co workers and one being married, Now I don’t know what to do about my feelings towards one of them and have realised I made some pretty bad life choices

r/tifu 19d ago Helpful Silver Wholesome

M TIFU by leaving the door open while masturbating.

3.2k Upvotes

I 17m was on my PC late at night like I usually am, and my cat scratches at the door to get in. I my cat in and keep the door open a little so she can get out. At the time I think that I will just close it later. Time goes by and I forget about the door and I start masturbating to porn. I start getting into it and all of a sudden right as I am about to climax I hear screams from my Mom. She woke up to go to the bathroom and saw my door was open so she came inside my room. She could see the porn, my dick, and everything. After she screams I panic and close the porn and cover my dick all while she is still yelling at me. She kept saying stuff like "I didn't raise you like that" "What the hell is wrong with you" "What you are doing is disgusting". All the yelling wakes my Dad up and he convinces her to go to sleep and let it go until tomorrow.

I didn't get much sleep that night being worried about what she was going to do tomorrow. I woke up and went downstairs to see my Parents, grandparents, and uncle all sitting in the living room, they asked me to come sit down and that they wanted to talk. My mom told them all about what she saw and asked them all to come over to do this. They started talking about how it's not healthy, my grandparents kept talking about how it's a sin and that I will go to hell for it. My grandma even started crying. They kept asking me about the porn too, what type of porn it was, I guess they were worried that it was something illegal? I explained to them that it was just normal porn and nothing bad, they said that porn is going to rot my brain. The talk lasted about 40 minutes before they finally left, I kept quiet during most of it except when I was forced to talk. After they left I didn't say anything to my Mom and just went straight to my room. It's been about 2 hours and I still haven't come out or spoken to anyone. I will never trust my Mom again after this.

TL;DR My Mom caught me masturbating and told my grandparents and uncle about it and made them come over to tell me how it's unhealthy and a sin and that I'm going to hell.

r/tifu Aug 09 '22 Helpful Silver Gold Wholesome Take My Energy Timeless Beauty Hugz Faith In Humanity Restored

M TIFU by buying my wife a bra

25.1k Upvotes

Yes I FU again. I really actually don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong, my wife disagrees.

All summer she has been complaining about her sweaty tits. How she’s ruining all her good bras with cheb sweat. She’s paranoid about under boob sweat lines, etc, etc.

Now this isn’t my first rodeo, so I stuck to just sympathetically listening and nodding at appropriate times. No comments that could be misconstrued as me criticising her breasts or her sweatiness or anything like it. (She’s not even any more sweaty than the average person and her breasts are incredible, but I digress). And absolutely NO way in hell was I going to try to “solve” her problem. Only a husband who is an idiotic masochist would do that, right?

But then last week I got an email from the company she buys her period pants from (each newsletter sign up gets money off their order, so a while back she had also signed up using my email address to get an extra promo code. I don’t have a menstrual product fetish or anything, I swear).

Anyway, the subject line caught my eye. “The Sweat-Proof Bra. A match made in leak proof heaven”. Obviously any sane person would delete the email, but as I said, I’m an idiotic masochist. Plus, the email said this bra would be my wife’s “new breast friend”. Who was I to keep her from her breast friend?

So I checked out the sizes of her other bras and then placed an order. It arrived an hour or so ago. I knew what it would be, so handed it to her unopened.

“Here babe, this is for you”

“Ooh what is it??!!”

“It’s a bra”

At this point I see the glint in her eyes and realise my mistake. Sure enough, instead of the sexy lingerie she was hoping for, she pulls out her large, beige, utilitarian looking “sweat-proof bra”.

Well I’m sure you can imagine how it went from there, and my foolish muttering of “bu.. but the ad said it would be your new breast friend” didn’t help matters. Because apparentlyI’m the only sweaty tit here. I don’t find her sexy anymore. I’ll have you know that those sweaty breasts fed and nourished our children. And just what, exactly, am I getting at anyway? Am I trying to say she has saggy boobs? That she needs a new bra? A more supportive one, for her ageing sagbags. This is just like me, to try to solve a problem, rather than letting her vent.

So yeah, that went well. She has taken the kids to their swimming lesson and then for ice cream, so I have 2 hours or so to try to salvage things, somehow. Crotchless pants?

Four fucking sisters and not one of them is free to answer the phone. Four iterations of “sorry I’m busy, is it an emergency?” texts. So I’m on my own with this one. I think she’ll be more willing to listen to my apology when she returns. She knows I am a well-meaning idiot. And I think she is beautiful and sexy and deserving of lingerie, not beige, sweat-eating monstrosities.

TL;DR - Please, take heed of my lesson - no matter how much she complains about her tit sweat, do NOTHING.

Edit - they’re just back. She has ice cream for me and a sheepish grin, lol. I imagine we will be laughing about this after the kids go to bed. Like someone said, possibly my delivery, as if it was going to be a great present, contributed to her reaction. As did the fact I haven’t bought her sexy underwear in a long time. And she may well be going through the perimenopause. We have an incredible relationship, she is so funny, kind, caring, laid back, witty and a million other good things. Her reaction was baffling, it was so out of character. Anyway, I’m going to read the kids their stories and put them to bed. They always sleep incredibly well after swimming, so hopefully we can both enjoy her sweaty breasts soon enough, lol.

Ps, please don’t call her a “bitch”, “twat” or any other derogatory term that she has been called here. She is amazing and I love her more than anything.

Edit 2 - Jesus Christ, how long were we shagging for, this really gained traction whilst I was gone. She now knows about the post and finds the whole thing hilarious. Thank you for the funny comments and eff you for the hurtful ones (thankfully this is in the minority).

I didn’t include the company, cos it might seem like some weird ad campaign (although maybe they wouldn’t describe their own products as looking “utilitarian”, lol), but seeing as so many people asked, the brand is Modi Bodi. Not sure about the bras (as yet untried), but my wife thoroughly recommends their period pants

r/tifu Aug 11 '22 Silver Wholesome Masterpiece Helpful Star Quality Gold Shocked

M TIFU by not cleaning the depths of my belly button

15.3k Upvotes

TLDR: didn't realize how deep my belly button was and never cleaned it fully, it sealed up and I cracked it open like a cold beer

This happened 3 days ago and I'm still a bit traumatized. I was taking a shower and cleaning my belly. I do clean my belly button, but I only ever really swabbed the entrance and thought that was good enough. On this fateful day, I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing. My soapy washcloth slipped and plunged deep into the depths of my navel. I felt a brief but intense pain--almost like I had just poked myself hard in the belly button.

After a quietly muttered "ow" and a cursory check for blood or viscera, I finished my shower and went about my day. I foolishly believed that my belly button problems were behind me. Little did I know...

I spent the rest of the day with a growing pain in my navel region. I felt discomfort when I bent down, or even laid on my belly. I brushed off the pain, assuming that I had simply bruised my belly with my inadvertent poke. However, the next day I was still in pain so I took a look at the offending area.

As a quick aside, I've always had a deep belly button. Like, the innies of innies. I could plunge my finger in up to my proximal phalanx with no issues. But when I looked at my belly button now, it seemed deeper and.... wider than before. And what's worse, a layer of gunk had accumulated around the entrance to my old mouth. (Think of the kind of gunk that builds up around ear piercings; it's mainly sebum, dirt, and old skin). My belly button had never been obviously dirty before, so I knew something was afoot (or abelly?).

After a quietly muttered "wtf, ew", I fetched a tissue and wiped away the offending schmutz. I considered where this muck may have come from, and realized that it must have originated from my belly depths. I grabbed a q-tip and gingerly inserted it into my belly button.

Four q-tips later and my horror was mounting rapidly. My belly button was so dirty. And so, so deep. And so, so, so stinky. I swabbed the decks as best I could, then just sat and stared into the middle distance for a bit.

Have you ever had a moment when your perception of yourself as a functional adult human being is completely shattered? When you realize that there is a fundamental aspect of self-care that you've just... never done? When you wonder how you've made it this far as a person in society? This...this was my moment.

I texted my mom (a retired nurse) to confirm my fears. I believe that my navel neglect resulted in a build up of gunk that slowly filled up my belly button. At some point, I think the gunk sort of... sealed my belly button together like some sort of disgusting letter. When my washcloth slipped, I broke the seal of my decades-old missive and freed the contents.

To date, this is the silliest and most embarrassing injury I've ever inflicted upon myself. My mom joked that I could try carbon dating my layers (I'm a geologist), and said that the pain I'm feeling is probably because the gunk in my belly was stretching out that area and affecting my pain receptors. Now I'm leaving my belly button alone for a few days to see if it heals up and feels better. If not, I'm headed to the doctor.

Moral of this story: remember to brush your old mouth, or you'll end up like me--fundamentally and irrevocably changed, with a sore belly and a mind full of regrets.

E: to clarify--I'm taking care of my belly button and will wash it out with hydrogen peroxide and isopropyl alcohol. Also, I'm a woman with tiny baby hands and smol fingies, but I'm learning that my belly button may be abnormally deep. Maybe I'm in the running for a new Guinness World Record, where do I go to submit an application?

r/tifu Aug 24 '22 Helpful Mind Blown

M tifu: drinking water gave me kidney stones

8.7k Upvotes

I gave myself kidney stones drinking water

So. I'm 35, i go on a health kick. Trying to slim down my dad bod.. I drink a lot of water because I do HVAC, outside. Of late I've been drinking the high alkali water. PH 9+ stuff. Smart water, 7-11 water, etc. Usually because I'm lazy, and also because I lack ice, and the space necessary to cart around a barrel of fun (80's throwback)

So I noticed some pain in my lower back, on Sunday, I thought it was muscles, the whole, new workout, get fit. End of the day I was in excruciating pain from mid back around to the front and all down my left side, then the right side started hurting. I also noticed I hadn't been peeing much.

Went to the docs on monday, it's kidney stones. They assume it's calcium oxalate, the common type. Weird I haven't been upping my calcium intake aside from a 1 a day vitamin.

Proceeded to drink 3 gallons of water and 2 gallons of limeade in a day.

Still hardly peeing given the MASSIVE fluid intake.

Wakeup this morning with a bursting bladder. Sprint to the bathroom.

It's a firehose, but not just a regular firehose, it's pouring out me with force, splashing against the toilet so hard it's spraying back against my legs.

Then the pain hits. With emphasis. I regret my life choices. I feel the stream lessen, and what feels like gravel start tearing through my urethra. #Ohno. Oh yes. Out comes what feels like gravel tearing through my shaft and tip. Ever wondered what peeing gravel feels like? It's gross. And not fun. Try and catch them with strainer. Success, drop off to lab.

But hey, my kidneys don't hurt, and my back isn't in agony from just existing.

Go to gas station for my coffee, breakfast, and waters, look at the ingredients on the ph 9+ stuff. Water, calcium carbonate. FML. I've been drinking this stuff for like 3+ months straight, there's my extra calcium intake.

Call doc's office, explain to nurse I won't need any extra procedures for stone breaking. Explain what happened, she laughs, says it's good news, stick to regular water.

DOH

Here's your PSA: don't drink the koolaid and by that I mean the mineral laden water, for months on end.

TL;DR: Drank ph 9 water for 3 months. Gave myself kidney stones. They increase PH via calcium carbonate that leads to calcium oxalate stones.

****update: Yes, I borrowed my dad's strainer, he gets calcium oxalate stones, from too much calcium in his diet, he's been getting them for 20 years. You get to learn a lot when family has already gone through it.

After I get my stones back from the doc, we'll know for sure what mine are. I'm currently logbooking everything for the doctor, so that they can identify precisely what it is. There were a half dozen 3-4mm-ish stones from imaging. So just a little wider than the ureter, causing just enough blockage to cause problems.

It's more than likely a combination of factors, and not just water, I'm aware, but hey, I thought it was funny, and it has been my only real calcium intake.

r/tifu 11d ago

M TIFU By Putting Anime Stickers In My Phonecase

3.4k Upvotes

For reference, my friends last year came into school with a lot of... how do I say this... provocative anime girl stickers. We all laughed our asses off while shuffling through all of them, each one of us stealing a couple from the pile. Now, I didn't want my family or any teachers to see my new stash, so I slipped off my phone case, put the stickers in along with a drawing a friend has made of me and a sweet note from another friend I had in there, and closed my phone back up.

Fast forward a year or two to today. This morning I was a bit frazzled due to other school obligations, causing me to be pretty careless with my phone, leaving it behind. I only realized this halfway through my fourth period after I had some time kill, wanting to pull out my phone and mindlessly scroll as I waited to be dismissed. Of course, I couldn't find it in the typical pouch I leave it in, or anywhere in my bag after dumping everything out.

Confused, I went back onto my laptop and used Google's, "Find My Phone" feature to try and figure out if I maybe left it on the bus or in a previous class. After realizing it was in the same building as my locker, I sighed out of relief as I had been at my locker that morning. I would just go to my locker quickly before heading to the cafeteria. I only had another period after this one, not too bad of a wait.

I was only about 30 minutes into my class period before lunch when I received a very omnious email from my school's dean. "I believe I have located your phone. Please come to [dean's room number] to retrieve it.".

Of course I sort of started to panic, as I thought it was in my locker. Apparently it wasn't, and now our school's dean had it. My mind kept jumping to the same question; how did they know this was my phone? I have a pretty generic lockscreen with a pass code, and nothing on my case indicates who's phone this is.

After retrieving my phone, I turned it on to check any new notifications I had. I then turned my phone over, noticing a change. That drawing my friend had drew of me typically poked out of the camera hole a bit, leaving a white strip of paper just under the camera. Confused, I popped of my phone case and noticed the trinkets inside had been mixed around... including those nifty anime stickers. The dean had seen those stickers. Those nifty ol' stickers.

TL;DR: My dean saw the NSFW anime stickers I had in my phonecase after I lost my phone.

r/tifu Aug 12 '22 Helpful Gold Silver Platinum LOVE! Wholesome

M TIFU my entire night

19.4k Upvotes

First throwaway account I've ever created. Never thought I'd need one until now.

I'm a 19 year old guy and what I'm about to share happened two nights ago.

I'm not good at writing stories like most of the people who share their experiences on this sub, so I've taken a page out of the greentext handbook and listed the events:

  1. Girl on Tinder invited me to her house.
  2. Sex was implied.
  3. I've never had sex.
  4. I asked my roommate for advice.
  5. Roommate suggested I smoke weed before meeting Tinder Girl.
  6. I said okay.
  7. Roommate realized he was out of weed and made a new suggestion: shrooms.
  8. I said I've never had shrooms and asked if it was safe.
  9. Roommate said: "safe as long as you're not chronically depressed or some shit" and advised me to eat the shrooms with a chocolate bar to mask the bad taste.
  10. I said I didn't think I was depressed, but that might change once the night was over.
  11. Roommate supplied me with 2 grams of shrooms, which was mild according to him.
  12. I ate the shrooms with an orange and booked an Uber to take me to Tinder Girl's house.
  13. Uber driver's head was bigger than any human head I've ever seen, but it was too soon to confirm if I was experiencing shroom vision or meeting an Uber driver who happened to have a really big head.
  14. Uber driver's massive head was even bigger by time we got to my destination.
  15. It was indeed shroom vision.
  16. The moment I saw Tinder Girl in person, I noticed she was pregnant, 6 months and 22 days pregnant based on the details she provided before inviting me into her house.
  17. Tinder Girl apologized for not telling me about the pregnancy, but assured me the dad was no longer in the picture and sex was "suuuuuuper healthy" for unborn babies.
  18. I said I always wanted to have a threesome and laughed hysterically.
  19. I didn't understand what was so funny, but I was unable to stop laughing.
  20. Tinder Girl gave me a glass of water and asked if I wanted to sit down.
  21. I sat down on the carpet and noticed a handbag with a bird on it.
  22. I realized that if I concentrated on the bird, I could see it moving in slow motion towards the corner of the handbag.
  23. I have no idea how long I was staring at the bird, but at some point Tinder Girl managed to contact one of her neighbors, without me knowing, to come and escort me out of her house because my presence was making her uncomfortable.
  24. I walked home in the middle of the night because I was afraid I would end up with another big headed Uber driver.
  25. I got home with my virginity still intact, wondering what would've happened if that bird made it to the end of the handbag.

Next time, no drugs lol.

TL:DR Girl on Tinder invited me to her house to have sex. Being a virgin, I asked my roommate for guidance. He suggested shrooms. I ate the shrooms. Got high on the way to the girl's house. Found out the girl was 6 months pregnant when we met in person, which was a massive red flag that I ignored due to the condition I was in. Pregnant girl realized something was wrong with me and became so uncomfortable she called her neighbor to kick me out of her house and leave me on the street in the middle of the night.

r/tifu 23d ago

M tifu by making a CBAT reference

6.2k Upvotes

for context, i live in a rural area, and for the time am saving money by going to a local community college before transferring to a much larger university.

since this is my first year in college, i don't really have too many friends yet, the caveat being a handful of just above acquaintances.

the average class size is relatively small, nearing around 30 for a 'lecture' and 10-15 for your run of the mill courses.

for one of these classes, psychology, my professor likes to use an app for attendance. the app asks whatever questions she assigns, none so far being related to the topic at hand. some previous attendance questions have been "what is your favorite animal" or "if you could go anywhere, where would you go?". rather benign questions that you cant really fuck up. it is also important to note that all of the answers are displayed on the board for everyone to see.

here is where the real story starts.

i walk into class as usual and pull out my phone for the daily attendance question, which was as follows:

"What song would you like to walk into or out of every room to? (Intro or outro)"

Me, being who i am and a rather comedic person, see my chance to make a reference to something taking the internet by storm.

in all my genius glory, i respond with "'cbat', by Hudson Mohawke" and watch as its plastered on the board for everyone to see. only to my disappointment that nobody seemed to notice, or understand the reference. since these submissions are anonymous, i wasn't ashamed at all that nobody got the joke, and enjoyed it for myself.

that is until i noticed what the professor was doing

i watched as she wrote down the name of every song, and added them to our daily playlist, which she plays when we walk into the classroom and until everyone answers the attendance questions. meaning that starting tomorrow, our class will have a personalized playlist each morning to walk into. i feel an immense amount of guilt, as now we will all be walking into this classroom and playing Russian roulette with our ears, and im the one to have loaded the gun.

tl;dr

i fucked up and added cbat to the daily class playlist as a joke

r/tifu Aug 23 '22 GOAT Gold Wholesome Starstruck Masterpiece Helpful Evil Cackle I'm Deceased Silver

M TIFU when I convinced my parents to do an intervention

8.2k Upvotes

Throwaway account.

What I'm about to share happened more than a month ago and at the time there was nothing funny about it. Now it cracks me up and makes me cringe whenever I think about it.

I (18m) still live with my parents and Christianity plays a big role in my family. I'm not sure if I believe what they believe, but one thing was certain, my brother (25) believed there was only one God. Drugs. At some point in his life, getting high was no longer about having fun, it was about feeding an addiction. When he started stealing from my family to support his drug habit, that's when my dad called the cops and had him arrested.

My dad's plan was not to send my brother to prison, he was just buying time to come up with another solution. He called a family meeting and we brainstormed. Besides praying and hoping that a higher power magically makes my brother stop using drugs, rehab was the next best thing. My dad wanted to literally drag my brother to the nearest rehab center and force him to check in. I suggested that we try an intervention just like the ones on TV where the loved ones confronted the drug addict with letters they wrote to show how much they care and hopefully inspire the addict to seek professional help.

My family agreed to do the intervention based on my passionate pitch. We wrote our letters and waited until my brother got released from jail the following day. When my brother entered the house, the living room was occupied by family members, church members, a few of my brother's friends, and one of his ex girlfriends. I never expected my parents to basically invite the whole town, but there they all were. My mom explained to my brother what was happening before volunteering to be the first person to read a letter.

My brother was not about that life. He told my mom to stop reading and allow him to go upstairs or he was gonna get upset and say some shit he can't take back. My mom kept reading, which prompted my brother to roast the shit out of all of us. He made fun of my mom for being addicted to botox and always running on the treadmill with her arms straight down. He asked my dad what God thinks about him paying for porn. He accused me of sucking another guy's dick and literally pointed to the person who owned that dick (he was right). He advised my uncle to lose 200 pounds before trying to save anyone else's life. He said his ex girlfriend's belly button looked like a butthole, which was the real reason he broke up with her.

It went on and on until an argument broke out between my brother and everyone else. If my brother was not the tallest person in the room, my guess is someone would've punched him in the face long ago. Luckily it didn't go that far. My brother eventually went upstairs and didn't come down until there was no one left but my parents and I. It was awkward between all of us. My dad and I were unable to look at each other for the rest of that week and what made it even worse was the fact that neither us denied what my brother said about us. It was never mentioned again.

Since then, my brother agreed to go for rehab. He's been clean for 22 days and it seems like he's doing better. My mom stopped using the treadmill and is now running in the park early in the mornings when none of us are awake to see if she's actually moving her arms or not. It's still unclear if my dad watches porn, let alone pays for it. I'm dating a girl and she knows I've sucked a dick. I can't provide updates for the rest of the people my brother insulted. I think they're all done with the drama in my family because I don't see much of them anymore lol.

TL:DR I convinced my parents to have an intervention for my drug addicted brother. The intervention went sideways when my brother got angry and roasted everyone.

r/tifu Aug 03 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome

M TIFU by going on a date with a girl from Tinder who seemed way too good to be true and not seeing the red flags.

29.7k Upvotes

I (23M) was talking to this girl (23F) for a week on Tinder and Instagram. She was gorgeous and she seemed very fun and outgoing but she did have a investment girl boss vibe to her (and that's ok but I should've seen it coming).

I asked her for a coffee date and she says yes, we meet up and she looks good but not exactly like her photos, no problem there let's see if we connect I thought.

The first 10mins goes great, conversation is flowing and I ask her if she wants some coffee (after all we're at a coffee shop on a coffee date), she says no, because she had some earlier (first red flag, I mean who goes on a coffee date but drinks some just before the actual date?)

A tells me to go and get one for myself if I want. Alright no problem, I go and get my coffee and when I come back, there's another girl at our table.

She says, hey this is my partner (we'll call her B), I was working with her earlier. That's when it hit me that this wasn't a date lol.

B starts asking me questions about my job, my studies and asks me If I would listen to their business plan so that I could make more money each month (lmao).

So she takes out a notepad and starts explaining me their business model and how much money I would make If I would find 3 other persons who would find 3 other people themselves, etc.

I straight up tell her : "So this is like a pyramid scheme right? This ain't no date?" To which A responds : "Oh it is a date but you seemed like a cool person to become our partner (lmao what) and this isn't a pyramid scheme, it's multi-level-marketing (MLM)". Okay so exactly the same thing. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me.

Oh boy, so I sat there for legit 15 more mins and listened to them explain to me how I could make up to 5k a month if I were to get 100 people to join this business.

I told them I had to leave to go to the vet with my dog. They didn't seem happy that I wasn't interested in their MLM lmao. I laughed so much on the way home that I was crying.

TLDR : Went on a coffee date with a gorgeous girl from Tinder and when I went to get my coffee she texted her business partner to come and pitch me their pyramid scheme business model for 30mins.

Edit 1 : Thank you so much for the awards, upvotes and comments! I did report A's profile on Tinder as spam as soon as I got home. The product they were trying to sell were some vitamins, proteins, Omega-3 tablets and some "very good collagen" lol.

r/tifu Jul 18 '22 Silver Wholesome

M TIFU by telling my pregnant Catholic wife that I don't want to force our child into Catholicism

12.3k Upvotes

This happened minutes ago, as I sit in the bedroom with my tail between my legs. My wife and I have been happily married for 2 1/2 years, together for almost 5. I am agnostic (believe in a God/higher power, don't necessarily believe in any religion, but also don't discredit any religion). She was raised Catholic by both parents. (I apologize in advance if anyone finds these coming words insulting; that is not my intention). I would say she's not one that eats, breaths, and sleeps her religion; she stands strongly by her faith but allows room for her own thinking, e.g. pro-birth control, premarital sex, the possibility of life outside Earth, stuff like that.

We almost never talk about religion because we respect each other's beliefs and that's that. Therefore, it's never been a point of contention. However, she's three months pregnant which is bringing up the religion conversations. (I'm referring to the baby as "it" because we don't know the sex yet). "I'm taking our child to mass, getting it baptized, it's going to Catholic school, I'm raising it Catholic " etc. are things that she's said so far. I generally have a "meh, whatever" attitude toward these things because its not my realm of expertise, but lately its been bothering me more and more. Again I don't have a problem with religion, but to force one upon a child seems like abuse and selfishness to me. I do love the guidance it provides people, but its not for everyone.

Today during dinner, she brought up how she wants to get a children's Bible and read it to our baby/child each night. In response, I said I'd also like to read something like a children's "book of all religions" so it gets a chance to expand its horizons and think for itself. A bit of mommy's beliefs and a bit of daddy's mindset, that couldn't be harmful, right? I'd like for our child to make it's OWN decision at some point on which religion it would like to follow. Nope. All Hell broke loose. I did my best by using a die as an example. I put the die in my hand and covered all sides except for the number one. I said, "this is what you want for our child. You want to show it this one side, but it doesn't know that the other sides exist. Through life experiences they'll learn of the other five numbers, but its now become so partial to the number one that it doesn't care what the other numbers have to offer. All I want to do is expose our child to all SIX sides, and let it pick its favorite number." Nope, not happening. "The child WILL be raised Catholic until its a teenager and can make it's own decision on religion/faith. I wish I were never pregnant. Don't talk to me about religion again, ever."

Thanks for reading/listening. I feel so trapped and helpless regarding my child's development. As an agnostic, it really feels like shit being looked down upon and not taken seriously by someone (especially my wife) that has comfort in their belief system. Apparently I can't talk to my wife about it, so, here we are, venting to a bunch of strangers. Apologies for any spelling and formatting errors.

TL;DR: Wife has endless ideas of instilling Catholicism into our child, but how dare I (agnostic) teach it about other religions simultaneously.

Edit: Formatting

Edit for update: You guys are awesome and provided some great insight on my situation. I'd love to respond and thank each of you individually, but she's been in close proximity since shortly after the post. If she saw this I'd be writing another TIFU tomorrow and most likely be single.

I wrote her a letter better explaining myself and my intentions for our child. It basically went over the respect of beliefs and how we're both going to give our child a part of ourselves in that aspect. I've agreed to do the Catholic thing and she's agreed that I expose it to the array of other religions. She's also agreed that once it's a teen, it has all the power to decide to continue following that faith or find its own (apparently that is standard - didn't know). What I later learned that made her extremely upset is she interpreted it as I wanted our child to worship a being other than God, which is not true.

She found peace in and reliance on religion growing up due to circumstances during her childhood life that I'd rather not share. It's given me a clearer picture as to why it adheres so strongly to her core.

Again, thank you all unconditionally. Lesson has been learned, and to anyone else reading that's not married yet, definitely fire up that conversation. It's worth it.

r/tifu Aug 04 '22 Silver Heartwarming LOVE! Take My Energy Timeless Beauty Wholesome Helpful Gold All-Seeing Upvote

M TIFU I thought a cute guy was ghosting me....only to find out I was actually ghosting him.

34.7k Upvotes

I was at a party two weeks ago, where I only knew two people. when in walks this guy who immediately gave me this really big smile and I thought he was so gorgeous. We ended up talking in the same circle and he introduces himself. We start chatting and quickly find the circle around us has disappeared and it is just us.

He is so smart, his smile is outrageously cute, and I love how he seems laser focused on me instead of one of the many attractive women that have now joined the party and are talking about their cool Raya dates.

As the night wore on, I found myself talking to various different groups, but, each time this guy would appear again and we'd end up just talking to each other again. Someone who neither of us knew came up and said we made an attractive couple, and I realized somehow in the span of two hours we were already acting like a couple. It wasn't just being sexually attracted to him, I felt so comfortable around him and he was so attentive to my needs.

I told him offhand I had allergies to the dog at the party. Hours later when I started sneezing he immediately knew why and moved us outside. His smile was the thing that immediately caught my attention but it was the thoughtfulness that made it so at the end of the night, we catch an Uber home together and end up kissing. Before the Uber drops him off I give him my number.

Sunday comes, don't hear from him. Ok, ok, I get it, we both got home at 4am and I too just want to sleep the day away.

Monday comes. Silence.

Tuesday, even more silence. I know I've read how it is "uncool" to text a girl immediately because you want to seem super cool and wanted, but we're both in our mid-thirties and, I hoped, realized these mind games are bullshit. If you like someone, text them when you can. Life is too short to be with people half-interested in you.

Wednesday comes and I'm a mixture of angry and over it and insecure all at the same time. How dare he lead me on like this! ...Well, I guess I'm glad I only wasted one night on this asshole....was I not pretty enough? All these thoughts raced through my head and coalesced into me typing his name and work place into Google to see if I can find him.

Turns out, he was incredibly easy to find. I was planning on just looking at him because I missed his face, but I accidentally clicked the link that brought me to his LinkedIn page. Yikes! Now he'll know that I stalked him which made me feel even worse. >.< I probably looked crazy.

Welp, since I was already on his page I guess I'd look at where he had worked. Maybe he wasn't really interesting and I'd feel better about him ghosting me.

Nope, turns out he is not only very smart but also humble because his resume listed a dozen different cool jobs, impressive schools he's attended, things he's worked on. Great, I probably wasn't impressive enough for him. -_-

Not thirty minutes later he friends me on LinkedIn, but seems surprised that I was reaching out. He had evidently texted me that night, and again the next day, only to not hear anything back. I had ghosted him.

And this is how we found out my fuck up. When I gave him my number, turns out I was off by a digit. Turns out, tipsy me isn't so great at typing or proofreading.

If I hadn't been a creepy LinkedIn stalker, it could have been months, if ever, before we would have seen each other again. Right now we're laughing about it and setting up our first real date. Wish me luck Reddit!

TL;DR Thought a cute guy was ghosting me. Turns out, I gave him the wrong number. Fixed my fuck up by using my cyber stalking skills, and now we're going on a date!

r/tifu 23d ago Silver Wholesome

M TIFU by hacking the school computer without knowing how to unhack it.

1.6k Upvotes

I am 13M in middle school in America where they gave every kid a shitty chrome books for school. When the pandemic started they let us use our own computer for school but some kids didn't have one, some couldn't afford a computer, and most of us where just playing games. So they gave everyone a shitty Chromebook that you weren't initially required to use until they installed something called Go Guardian which lets the teachers see what tabs you are on and tabs you were previously on. It also shows how long you stayed on each tab. Go Guardian is a Chrome Web Store extension which you can usually remove in like two seconds, but there is an admin account on every computer that forces you to have it installed. You usually can't even attempt to log into the admin account. But if you power wash (factory reset) your chrome book it gives you an option to disable the admin account on the Chromebook, if you know the password. So me and some friend started inputting random passwords. I typed in some random numbers I don't remember what they were. Somehow it worked I had removed the admin account . I thought I was a genius for about 15 seconds until I realized that if the school found out they would put me suspend or even expel me. ( I had already previously gotten in trouble because of the computers from me putting Nintendo SNES emulators that go guardian couldn't see on my computer and from me teaching other kids how to hide YouTube from go guardian. ) I tried desperately to reenable the admin account which ultimately did nothing but delay my end. In the class I was in the teacher didn't use go guardian but my next class was Innovation and Design which is basically technology class. So I went to tech class and turns out the teacher was doing one of her fun little random computer checks where she checks for video games, vpns, secondary browsers, just any kind of shit that the kids did that the teachers know about. She noticed that when she went to the extensions tab that Go Guardian was available to be deleted and so she took my Chromebook back to her desk to "investigate" she called the I.T guy and he figured out that the admin account removed from the Chromebook and rightly assumed that I did it. He then called the principle who after giving me a lecture about how the Chromebook is the schools property and how hacking is a cyber crime I was giver 1 month of lunch detention. Also I am writing this from my pc at home he forgot to call my parents.

TL;DR

Kid guesses school admin account's password doesn't know what he typed as the password gets 1 months of lunch detention.

Update 1: a lot of people where telling me to just drop it or pour water on it and pretend it broke. I could have done that but if I did I would have to pay for it.

r/tifu Aug 11 '22 Faith In Humanity Restored Facepalm Wholesome Helpful Silver Helpful (Pro)

M Tifu by calling the police to my friends house thinking they were in danger

8.2k Upvotes

This happened a few hours ago a little before midnight.

I was texting my friend for awhile leading up to when I called the police.

My friend and I were messaging each other until all of a sudden they send a text saying “My lights keeps flickering...CALL THE COPS”. No context whatsoever. At this point I think its an emergency and something is actually happening and I call them. No response. I text them. Still no response. I proceed to try and call them 2 more times and text them once more but they still don’t pick up or answer. At this point I’m worried that something has already happened and I proceed to call them police.

As I’m on the phone with the police I finally get an answer but at that point the I had already told the officer the address and the individuals name along with the other people who resided with them. I get off the phone with the police and the friend tells me that it there was nothing wrong. And I explain that I thought they were in danger because they weren’t picking up the phone and wasn’t responding to the texts I sent.

After that, I call emergency services again hoping that I can tell them that the individual I called to check on is alright and they responded to me after a few minutes.

A few minutes later I receive a phone call from the individuals phone and it’s their mother. I already know that I’m gonna get chewed out and I try to explain what happened about the text and how I thought the household was in danger. Long story short I’m to never call the cops to their house and I believe something is happening to call the mother first.

At that point I just decided to call it quits cause I ended up being the bad guy in the situation and went to bed only to wake up to a text from my friend saying “You’re really a piece of shit for what you did and you know exactly what you were doing” and I don’t know what to do.

TL;DR called the cops thinking there was an emergency and got chewed out by their mom for bringing the police to her home.