I feel like I'd actually be IN my potential rather than have people telling me I have a lot of potential. I feel lost and totally misguided.

If I wasn't RBB, I don't think I'd have half the mental health and career issues I have today.

My mother herself absolutely missed the mark, direct quote: "The truth is that if I supported you in response to your negative, hostile behavior from an early age.. you would not be in the place you are now. And I caution you to think very hard about who actually did what for you and when..."

My "negative, hostile behavior" as a 6 year old child was a literal cry for help from an unstable environment caused by my parents divorcing and my mother raising me. Yes, I went to therapy, but it was for the wrong reasons: I didn't need therapy over the divorce (even back then, my memories of the divorce were nothing but sheer and utter RELIEF), I needed the therapy for the events leading up to the divorce.

At every turn, I was invalidated and forced to keep my emotions in. I developed depression in high school and got written off as that "moody angsty teen."

God, what I would give to see the type of me that wasn't RBB. I have an idea of who I'd be, because that "true me" is on standby in the shadows and man - she's incredible. I can only imagine if I had a parent that saw the true me and encouraged her to grow, not this shriveled form developed to survive being RBB and now having no idea to come back.

Basically, I know I'd be in a completely different professional field. I'd have less debt. I wouldn't have borderline myself. I'd have a bigger network. I'd have a fully developed sense of self (unlike how I used to mimic everyone because I had no foundation to be myself).

Divorce.

Much appreciated, Dan. I'm trying to get out from $57k without resorting to getting licensed - I'm not going to be around accounting long enough (maybe less than 4 years, already have 3 years under my belt plus a gap year) to justify going back to school for the 150 and getting the license, but I do want to aim higher while transitioning to a new career

I suppose you have your CPA? I'm in accounting too but don't think I'm driven enough to get licensed...yet I'm not sure i can make 6 figs without it :/

I'd take the cash (especially if it were tax free). It would be enough to pay off my debt and make me feel financially secure.

I don't want to start over, and I am flabbergasted to see myself say that. I've been struggling with depression and hating life since I was 15.

But really, being 18 again won't undo the mistakes I've made, especially surrounding men between then and now. Shit, I don't WANT to deal with the hazards of being that young again.

To the teenaged lurkers, I promise you that focusing on anyone other than yourself is a fat fucking waste of time, ESPECIALLY relationships. I wish I understood that sooner.

And I'm still young, turning 26 soon. Some may argue that 8 years makes a helluva difference in earning potential but honestly? Life is so much fucking more than your earning potential, and I can still use the next 8 years to implement what I've learned. No need to turn back the clock to keep going.

They probably have a much higher savings rate than 10%

Dang okay! I was worried I overwatered them (see my main comment) and have been trying to let them dry out but the overwatering/underwatering symptoms look the same to me 😭

Edit: I also bottom water and rarely see the top part of soil get wet. I'm gonna give both a nice long soak in the watering tray ASAP

About 4 weeks ago I repotted my triostar into a plastic 6 inch pot with drainage holes using a homemade potting mixture of peat moss, perlite, coffee grounds, crushed eggshells, and fertilizer. I'm pretty sure I got the ratio wrong because the soil was still moist after a week and a half and I noticed its leaves curling and shriveling.

I emergency dumped out the soil and replaced it with pre-made potting mixes - 2 parts Miracle Gro potting soil, 1 part orchid potting soil, and 1 part perlite.

The new-old soil was soaking wet and super compacted.

The new soil I replaced with with I realized my mistake is lighter and drains a lot better.

The new pots are 6 inch Terracotta pots with a drainage hole at the bottom and I've switched to bottom watering because of a fungus gnat problem. The plant was made of multiple "shoots" and I separated them from 1 pot to 2.

I'm new enough that the signs of overwatering and underwatering look exactly the same to me and at this point I don't know what to do to revive her.

She's survived overeatering before so I'm optimistic she can pull through but I'm super lost this time around.

Lighting: bright and indirect from a south facing window

Temperature: unknown- house is set to 68 F but I know the room is a little colder than that

Sometimes I run a humidifier during the day when I remember.

It's a toss up between Pleasures by Estee Lauder or Daisy by Marc Jacobs. I'm obsessed with both and can't stop smelling myself when I wear them 😅

We broke up a few months ago. Moral of the story: never settle

I used to be really sad and bitter about it - "that could have been us" - for the LONGEST time, from about my childhood years til 23.

But now (25ish) I'm just really happy to see that THAT daughter won't have to deal with the decision of going no contact, trauma, and a whole host of other mommy issues that come with having a shitty mother figure.

The shift happened when I accepted that I was given the short end of the stick and it's a reality in my life that I have to process, rather than make a personality trait (think: "oh, you and your mom are close? You're soooooo lucky, my mom and I never were!" Chip on the shoulder attitude). I realized that being bitter about my terrible relationship with my mother a) is not a personality trait, b) turned people off, and c) made ME feel even worse about the situation overall.

It's a conscious decision I had to make, but I'm much happier choosing joy and positivity when I see a mom/daughter pair having a moment. Like seriously, good for them. They deserve the world of each other.

It's the "I suffered and don't want others to deal with it" mentality. I'm really happy to see them happy, and I'm forging my own happiness without my mother. Being bitter about it does nothing but make me feel worse

I totally understand- it killed my motivation to actively do anything about my debt because what was the point if I was yoyo-ing like that?

After a few times I learned my lesson, set a realistic budget, and now I'm super hellbent on NOT using savings as a tool to get ahead on debt.

Definitely not fun to be in that situation and not fun to get out of. But rewarding once you achieve that milestone all the same :)

If this were my money, I would hold the $10k in a high yield savings account - that would be my emergency fund.

Then, the $1k/month you say you're putting into savings, I'd redirect towards the highest interest debt first: the student loan.

Nothing will hurt your financial goals more than having to take out even more debt in an emergency while trying to pay off existing debt. The buffer will give you a solid peace of mind and allow you to maybe even pause on your savings game to go after your debt a little more aggressively.

I don't know how many times I've wiped out my meager savings to take off a chunk of debt - only to need that money a couple weeks later on a popped tire or emergency vet visit.

Has anyone changed career industries during their journey?

I'm an accountant, got a degree in it a few years ago. Really not a fan of it and absolutely don't want my CPA.

I've been interested in real estate for a LONG time, but I don't know how viable of an option that would be.

Any advice for career switchers?

Oof! My apologies, I'll have to check my settings later - sending you a DM :)

May I visit?

There's nothing to feel sorry for

Hey, I've been in your exact shoes (25F). I think a lot of people feel the same way.

I became hypersexual and turned to sex as a coping mechanism when I felt that way, at your exact age, too. It lasted up until about a year and a half ago, so for me, this is still pretty fresh.

I didn't realize it at the time, but hindsight is 20/20 - what I was doing made me feel even worse about myself. I went for some really crappy guys (constantly) and hung out with people that made me feel worse about myself.

It obviously took me a few years to realize what I was doing.

If I had a chance to start over, I would have invested a lot more time and money into therapy and my mental health. Because the minute I stopped the self hate train, the constant "I'm not good enough" cycle in my head, I realized that I was enough. I AM enough.

It's taken therapy, self help books, and removing toxic people from my life to see changes. I wish I'd known and done that sooner.

You almost have to train your subconscious to stop feeling like you're not enough. It's hard to describe because I'm not a psychologist, but here's some things that helped:

1. Take a moment for TRUE self reflection. If you feel like everyone in your life is leaving you, the common denominator in all of those relationships is you. It put me in for a rude awakening, but it was much needed.

2. Let go of the things you can't control. Easier said than done, I know. But if you're getting worked up about something you can't control, you're ASKING to go into a negative spiral. Redirect your thoughts.

3. Catch yourself in negative self talk. Even the silliest things like if you forgot your keys - instead of "haha I'm stupid," redirect it: "nah I'm not stupid, I'm just silly! Silly forgetful me! Now what can I do to stop forgetting things if this is bothering me so much?" (Yes, i realize how ridiculous this sounds. Trust me though, this was the cause of the biggest changes I've noticed in myself)

4. Using a journal. I don't write regularly AT ALL. But let me tell you, there are days when it gets stuck in a loop - and writing it all out practically removes those thoughts.

5. Therapy. Cannot stress this enough.

6. ANY time you're feeling down on yourself, you sit your booty down and write out 10 things you adore about you. Or think them out. Then do something you love doing.

7. Focus on yourself. Become more selfish. Learn, set, and enforce your boundaries.

There's so much more. But these are the ones that stick out most to me.

You are incredibly brave for opening up on the internet and sharing your insecurities. It says a lot about you for the type of person you are and who you want to be.

And, I do want to say, you really are still young. At your age, you're likely still influenced a lot by how you were raised and who you went to school with. I wouldn't be surprised if you're even struggling a little bit with your identity right now on top of all of this - because the true you is begging to break through and shine, which may be VERY different from who you were taught to be.

Let the true you shine. Accept who you are. Realize that if you're feeling this way, it's because you're holding yourself back from the person you really are. And that it's okay to be scared. We all are, honestly

I can't even say it's the meanest because it was said so often - but I cannot tell you how many times my advances were rejected because of my height (5'11ish)

"You're too tall for me" "I want to date someone smaller" "I prefer women half my height and you're AT my height" "You're a great person, but I really don't like tall women"

I wish I could make this stuff up. Men aren't the only ones rejected for their height.

A few weeks after the school shooting at Virginia Tech, my own school went on a lockdown at the end of my gym class and all of the girls where forced to sit in the locker room while teachers would walk in and out to pull a girl for questioning.

We had no idea what was going on, and we were soon released like nothing happened.

Turns out some girl got the bright idea to write a note with the words "VT will happen today" and stick it in another girl's gym locker.

And this was a gym class full of 6th graders.