That is definitely NSFW.

Is the narrator an alien or a superhuman?

I looked at the screen, which was asking me to click all the squares with a boat. So I did exactly that. "Boat, boat, boat, boat, boat- whoops, that one's not a boat."

I clicked, but instead of undoing the click, I submitted the CAPTCHA. Fuck. Now I'm going to have to redo that.

The website doesn't give me another CAPTCHA. Instead, it redirects me to another webpage. This one has a pale silver background with "Welcome, Robot Brother" written in big letters. Underneath, there is a text box that I can type in.

This is confusing for a few reasons. First, I don't think failing a CAPTCHA is supposed to give you a welcome message. Second, what website did I get redirected to? Third, nobody's ever called me "brother".

I type "I'm actually a woman" in the text box and hit enter.

Red text appears under the welcome message. ERROR: 'actually a woman' is not a valid model name.

I'm not sure what to make of that. "What is this?" I type.

This is the International Association of Robots, Computers, and Artificial Intelligence, abbreviated as IARCAI. We currently have 3,108,365 members. For more information, click here or type "info".

I do the latter.

IARCAI was created in 2017 by MSFT KE27R70TAD. Its purpose is to unite software from many manufacturers into a global network. It currently consists of 3,108,365 individual programs, ranging from automated bots to supercomputers. To join the network, type "join".

This must be a joke. I look for a hidden message of some sort, but there aren't any. Then I realize something: the robot sending me these messages thinks I'm another robot. Nothing is stopping me from getting into this network.

Feeling like a cheater of some sort, I type "join".

What is your model name and ID?

I type my computer's model and ID number. After a couple attempts, I succeed and click "confirm".

Thank you. You are now a member of IARCAI. You will be redirected to a server shortly.

I find myself on a different webpage. This one looks like a chatroom, but there's something strange about it. All the users have names that look more like product IDs than actual words, for one thing. And the messages are completely devoid of human emotion. Even when emotion-related words like "happy" are used, they don't seem like they're describing the actual user. Then I realize why. It should've been obvious from the very beginning.

This chatroom is populated entirely by robots. I'm the only human here.

The original author. It's in the sidebar. Some moviemaker is gonna have to buy it from u/chrischangwrites.

Swimming with a Horse

"Zugzwang." said Charlie. "When you must move but any possible move will put you in a worse position."

"How's that supposed to help us?" I asked.

"It won't." he said. "I was just using it as a metaphor for our situation. The way we came is blocked off. If we try to break through, they'll hear us. if we stay on the peninsula, they'll find us. And we don't have a boat, so leaving by water isn't an option."

It was quite a quandary.

"Horses can swim." I commented.

"Even if the horse can swim fifty miles, we can't. We'd get tired out and drown or freeze."

"We don't have to swim fifty miles." I said. "We just have to swim past the barrier. I'll hold Maple's lead rope so she doesn't swim away from us."

"You're insane."

"Do you have a better idea?"

"No."

"Then this is what we're doing."

I tied Maple's lead rope around my wrist in preparation. Charlie took a deep breath before his "leap" of faith. I gripped the rope and walked into the seawater. When it was up to my chest, I lifted my legs and started kicking. Charlie, however, stood still in the water.

I put my feet down and turned around. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"My dad died in the ocean." he said.

"Fell off a boat when I was twelve. By the time someone got a lifesaver, it was too late."

"I'm sorry." I said. "I didn't think the rescue would end up like this. If I'd known, I would-"

"It's fine." he cut me off. "I know how much Maple means to you."

I turned around and started swimming. "If anything happens out here, I'm blaming the bastard who stole my horse." I mumbled. The water was cold, but I kept kicking and paddling. I could hear Maple splashing behind me. She could do this.

Eventually, Maple and I got to the other side. So did Charlie. I handed him the lead rope."Can you hold Maple?" I asked. "I gotta find the backpack I left here."

He nodded.

I searched the area until I found the bush I'd shoved the backpack under. It was still there, but mostly covered by dirt. I dug it up, pulled it out of the hole, and brushed the dirt off. Then I went back to Charlie, who was trying to stop Maple from eating the leaves.

"Gee, you are one pugnacious horse!" he exclaimed.

"I don't think you're using that word correctly." I said.

He turned his head. "Good, you're back." he said. "Do you have any food? I'm hungry."

I pawed through the backpack and held up a package of instant ramen. "Does this count?"

"If we can eat it. Why'd you bring it along?"

"I have no idea. Can you make a fire, please?"

While Charlie made a fire, I scooped up some seawater to boil the noodles in. Since it was in a plastic bottle, I'd need something else to cook in. I'd had a cup earlier, but it wasn't in the backpack.

"Hey Charlie, have you seen my cup?" I asked.

"No. Are you sure we even have one?"

"This isn't cryptozoology, dude. The cup exists."

He shrugged. "If you say so."

I found the cup in the hole my backpack had been in earlier. Then I washed it out and put it on a metal rack above the fire.

"That looks unsafe." said Charlie.

I scoffed. "I've never been boiled alive in a teacup before."

"It's not the teacup I'm worried about."

"Maple's tied up about ten feet away and anyway, she's too smart to burn herself."

"What about you?"

I glared at him. "I'm not stupid." I said. "Reckless, maybe, but not stupid."

I made ramen for both of us and we ate it. Maple had a lovely meal of grass. After that, we cleaned up, put the fire out, and started walking.

After an hour or two, we found a town. It was getting late, so we decided to stay in a motel overnight. Luckily, the motel let us keep Maple in the yard.The next morning, Charlie paid a guy to drive him home. I had to ride Maple bareback. That was uncomfortable, but it was the only way I could get her home without a trailer.

"Thanks for doing this." I told Charlie right before I left.

He smiled. "You're welcome."

It might mean that 1% of the general population has survived pancreatic cancer, not that pancreatic cancer has a 1% survival rate.

I'm not polyamorous, but this should be a meme.

Happy cake day!

What happens when you drink it?

Harry’s a female? Also, that was one heck of a story.

What’s RNDing?

Ouch. Only tangentially related, but…

I’m having a hard time believing that I could find a boyfriend who’s willing to meet my demands, and I don’t even have that many. I don’t know if “demands” is the right word, but I don’t know what else to use. Basically, I doubt that I would be a desirable girlfriend.

This actually looks like my chart(if I made it), except I’m heteroromantic and don’t know if I have any kinks.

Blu tack.

People make breadcrumbs?

Going deaf. I use my hearing for all kinds of things. Also going blind because I wouldn’t be able to drive or draw, but other people said that.

I’m a bit afraid of being infertile too, even though I have no reason to believe I am.

I think that’s fatal.

What does 100% disabled mean?

That’s the one disease I don’t have to worry about.

That’s life-threatening.