• Aceticon@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    Because being adult in age isn’t at all the same thing as being adult in maturity plus often people derive different benefits in different kinds of relationships so they want to keep both going (for example, somebody in his or her 40s happilly married with kids and yet getting excitement and sexual pleasure with a younger lover).

    Also there are often huge social and financial implications to breaking up certain types of relationships or under certain conditions, but people might still be irresistibly drawn to something else, so they play a game to both sides not wanting the costs nor willing to run the risk of losing one to get the other.

    It’s a mix of selfishness, immaturity, cowardice and people changing over time and discovering that the stable relationship they’re in doesn’t fit them (either anymore or they get to a point were they figure out it never trully did)

  • Stovetop@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    Because even though they feel the need to seek physical intimacy from someone else, they still want the stability and safety a relationship brings.

  • Vilian@lemmy.ca
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    3 months ago

    because someone can get stuck in a toxic relationship, not because the person was bad, but was suicidal and had so much issues that you’re afraid that ending it could make them kill themselfs, and you don’t want to hurt them because isn’t their fault, but you don’t want a relatioship anymore

    • meliaesc@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      Being cheated on won’t improve their mental health. Surely you realize there must be some other way of handling that situation? You’re never responsible for what someone does to themselves btw.

      • Vilian@lemmy.ca
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        3 months ago

        of course, i totally agree with you, but only after the end and a lot of therapy, i came to the conclusion that my mental health were already bad before everything, and continuing it fucked in a level that i needed antidepressants and anti-anxiety to get out of bed

        You’re never responsible for what someone does to themselves btw.

        i totally agree too, but as i said, i didn’t want that to happen, i liked them, maybe not as a partner but as a friend, and I didn’t think that were fair to them, “it was because of their toxic parents not their fault”, the classic “I can fix them” in the end I couldn’t, they were using me as a step ladder, and in the end I was worse mentally than them and they were the one to end the relationship to date others and let me alone

        Surely you realize there must be some other way of handling that situation

        Yes, lesson learned, don’t let yourself go that low, you’re going to get depressed and anxious, and do things that is going to make yourself even more depressed and anxious and you can only go one day per week to a psychologist for a reason, when you need tobe someone psychologist 24/7 something isn’t right

  • JPSound@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    Someone should have told my exwife this handy life hack. Would have saved me untold grief and depression. However, life can throw you a beautiful little surprise after a nightmare. If it wasn’t for that godawful woman, I never would have met the love of my life, the woman who I spent my whole life waiting for and now enjoying what it means to be happily married to my biggest crush, my best friend and waking up right next to her and our little family every morning. I can safely say it was all worth it. It could have been easier to get here but I’d do it again on legendary difficulty if I had to.

  • ynthrepic@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    People aren’t honest enough with each other and their own needs. Meanwhile we build other dependencies in long term relationships that have nothing to do with physical attraction, but are in most cases more important for all kinds of reasons.

    Monogamy is the basis of a lot of unnecessary suffering because it’s resisting a very real need we continue to have even when our relationships become romantically stagnant. If we could all just be honest about it with our SOs without fear, and work together as we do anyway to maintain other commitments to each other, we could have a culture where there’s a lot more freedom to seek more intimacy and love in a way that isn’t dishonest, that isn’t “cheating”.

    • mechoman444@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      I’ve never understood the concept of cheating in general. Basically what a person says is that they don’t want their significant other to experience any kind of intimacy or sexual relationships with any other person except for them for the rest of their lives.

      I’ve always seen that as kinda unfair.

      On the other hand if I’m in a relationship I typically don’t feel the need or desire to have relations with any other person even when the opportunity presents itself.

      I have a friend though that is hopelessly in love with his girlfriend but regularly engages in sexual relations with other women. For him, it’s not an emotional activity, it’s just a physical one.

      But you’re absolutely right open honest communication is absolutely key.

      • gearheart@lemm.ee
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        3 months ago

        Wonder how it would work out if his gf reularly engaged in sex with anyone she wanted for a physical activity.

        I don’t think the relationship would continue “working”.

        • mechoman444@lemmy.world
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          3 months ago

          You’re absolutely right. He would be devastated and react very negatively to his girlfriend “cheating” on him.

          The double standard is the size of Texas.

  • gmtom@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    I have an baseless theory that people that first has sexual experience when they were young or in strict households and had to sneak around and hide their relationships are more likely to want to chest because the “thrill” of hiding the relationship and tabbooness of it reminds them of their formative sexaul experiences.

      • SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world
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        3 months ago

        Yeah that’s because many Gen-Zers and late millennials have grown up in blended families. I bet many of them have fantasized about bangin an older step sister or step mom and even stepdads fantasize about banging an adult step daughter. Then they look up that kind of porn on the web. The algorithms will push that genre up in the rankings and then producer will follow the trend to appear at the top of those rankings.