Title says it all
A duck walks into a bar wearing one shoe. The bartender says “hey buddy, you lost a shoe” and the duck says “nah, I found one!”
Okay, now that’s good.
I asked my North Korean friend how things are back at home.
He said he can’t complain.
The dumbest joke I know is a knock knock Joke and goes like this. You first have to make the person you’re telling the joke to start saying “knock knock”, then you you say, “who’s there?”.
Proceed to watch the other person confused about what to do next 😅
Usually, the most effective way is to say, “Wanna hear a knock knock joke?”
“Sure!”
“Okay, you start.”
Has about a 90% success rate.
- What’s brown and sticky?
- A stick
What’s brown and rymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre
An underage weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says “sorry, I can’t serve you alcohol, you’re too young”. The weasel replies that’s ok, I’ll drink something else. The bartender says “well I have water, soda pop, and cranberry juice, what’ll it be?”
“Pop!” goes the weasel
Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call an elephant that can only be accessed remotely?
Telephant
Yes, I’m a dad, how did you know?
Extremely nerdy:
- I accidentally gave a guy a BLJ instead of a BJ and he got launched up the fucking stairs
Slightly less nerdy:
- Hey did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? It’s a Pretty Nuts Story!
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says: “Did you know you have a steering belt attached to your crotch?” The pirate answers: “Yarr, it be driving me nuts!”
Why did the orchestra get struck by lightning?
It was because they had an excellent conductor.
When my passwords are insecure, I offer them a few encouraging words.
I was Caesarean born. Can’t really tell… Although, whenever I leave a house I go through the window.
Two nuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work
