Title says it all
A duck walks into a bar wearing one shoe. The bartender says “hey buddy, you lost a shoe” and the duck says “nah, I found one!”
Okay, now that’s good.
The dumbest joke I know is a knock knock Joke and goes like this. You first have to make the person you’re telling the joke to start saying “knock knock”, then you you say, “who’s there?”.
Proceed to watch the other person confused about what to do next 😅
Usually, the most effective way is to say, “Wanna hear a knock knock joke?”
“Sure!”
“Okay, you start.”
Has about a 90% success rate.
I asked my North Korean friend how things are back at home.
He said he can’t complain.
Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What’s brown and sticky?
- A stick
What’s blue and sticky?
The same stick when it holds its breath.
What’s brown and rymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre
An underage weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says “sorry, I can’t serve you alcohol, you’re too young”. The weasel replies that’s ok, I’ll drink something else. The bartender says “well I have water, soda pop, and cranberry juice, what’ll it be?”
“Pop!” goes the weasel
What do you call an elephant that can only be accessed remotely?
Telephant
Yes, I’m a dad, how did you know?
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
If it had four doors it’s be a chicken sedan.
Why do chicken lay eggs?
The eggs would break if they threw them.
Extremely nerdy:
- I accidentally gave a guy a BLJ instead of a BJ and he got launched up the fucking stairs
Slightly less nerdy:
- Hey did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? It’s a Pretty Nuts Story!
What do you call a pirate’s finger stuck to the bottom of a sailing ship by a metal rod through the joint? A Barrr-knuckle!
What’s the most common type of owl in the UK?
The Teat-owl
This joke was passed on to me from my mom:
What is black, hides in a tree, and is extremely dangerous?
Answer:
A crow with a machine gun.
Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
He was too far out, man.
Two fish in a tank.
One turned to the other and asked; “How do we drive this thing?”