My favorite is the time god smites a dude because he was an asshole.
But then, like, his brother needed to get the wife preggo* and didn’t so he could inherite all of his dad’s shit, so he kept up with some awesome pull out game**… so god smites him, too.
So she goes off without a son cuz the daddy ain’t doing his thing either… until he goes to war… then she becomes a camp follower (aka prostitute.) seduces him, gets preggo, takes his banner as proof; or something… and the. Comes back with a son…
*levitate marriage. Widows without children where basically not taken care of… so, the idea is the brother gives his son an heir, the widow can take care of the son’s inheritance, blah blah blah)
**that never works irl. It’s almost like god just wanted to smite another asshole…helped him out a little.
But then, like, his brother needed to get the wife preggo* and didn’t so he could inherite all of his dad’s shit, so he kept up with some awesome pull out game**… so god smites him, too.
And that’s why you’ll go to hell if you touch yourself down there, Billy.
Like seriously. Because a guy one time pulled out because he was an asshole and wanted the inheritance that would otherwise go to his “nephew”… which would have (and did) cause his brother’s widow go into destitution, so god smote him.
Also… side note… that’s the kind of world they view as ideal.
I’ll take my chances with the sky fairy rather than the courts. One has a track record of being wrong a lot and causing grievous financial harm, and the other is imaginary.
I can top that with scripture. In 2 Kings 2:23-25 Elisha goes to Bethel and a bunch of children make fun of him for being bald. So Elisha prays to God to handle it and God sends two bears out of the woods to maul all 42 of the children to death.
My favorite is the time god smites a dude because he was an asshole.
But then, like, his brother needed to get the wife preggo* and didn’t so he could inherite all of his dad’s shit, so he kept up with some awesome pull out game**… so god smites him, too.
So she goes off without a son cuz the daddy ain’t doing his thing either… until he goes to war… then she becomes a camp follower (aka prostitute.) seduces him, gets preggo, takes his banner as proof; or something… and the. Comes back with a son…
*levitate marriage. Widows without children where basically not taken care of… so, the idea is the brother gives his son an heir, the widow can take care of the son’s inheritance, blah blah blah)
**that never works irl. It’s almost like god just wanted to smite another asshole…helped him out a little.
And that’s why you’ll go to hell if you touch yourself down there, Billy.
Actually? That’s why contraceptives are bad,
Like seriously. Because a guy one time pulled out because he was an asshole and wanted the inheritance that would otherwise go to his “nephew”… which would have (and did) cause his brother’s widow go into destitution, so god smote him.
Also… side note… that’s the kind of world they view as ideal.
I know, but they also claim that’s why you aren’t supposed to masturbate. That’s why another word for masturbation is ‘onanism.’
I’ll take my chances with the sky fairy rather than the courts. One has a track record of being wrong a lot and causing grievous financial harm, and the other is imaginary.
I can top that with scripture. In 2 Kings 2:23-25 Elisha goes to Bethel and a bunch of children make fun of him for being bald. So Elisha prays to God to handle it and God sends two bears out of the woods to maul all 42 of the children to death.
I mean… you know. Being bald is hard. totally understandable. killing 42 kids, over baldie jokes.