I always get the super mega maxi alpha cosmic size and finish it off in spite of my own common sense. When the lights come on, I get to see myself covered in popcorn with a greasy hand, but I’m too tired and sick to sob, so just shuffle out under a cloud of shame and prepare to deal with removing kernels from my teeth for the next four hours. Sometimes my wife sees the regret coming and tries to take the bucket off me, but it’s like trying to take a bone from a dog.