Just now, I was going to say “well, at least you can just fuck around on your phone until the movie starts. Nobody is going to get mad at you for being on your phone, while they’re showing long-ass ads,” and then I realized something: I have been disgusted with theaters for so long that I literally haven’t been to a movie theater since before I had a smartphone.
Last movie I saw in the theaters was the Star Trek reboot. The first one with Chris Pine, etc. I still had a non-smart phone.
That was in '09. I guess I was waaaaaay late to the smartphone party, too. I was still using one of those where you could slide it out, to access the physical keyboard. I actually didn’t use that keyboard all that often, and would probably appreciate it more now than I did then. Even though the keys were way too small. I’m just saying, the virtual keys are too small on my fucking smartphone screen, now. So it’s not like much has fucking changed.
Basically, I have been an angry old man for quite a while now, and I’m just getting more disgusted by everything. Jesus Christ on a Ritz Cracker, I really shouldn’t have picked “Chill Dude 69” for my screenname. It makes me sound like a chill dude from 1969. “Angry Man 80” makes much more sense.
I use the Bigscreen VR app, with my VR goggles. It’s just me in an empty theater, every time. Fucking bliss.
The app absolutely lets you join rooms with other people…but I have never seen any reason to do so.
Also, you’ve never lived until you’ve beaten your salami to vintage porn gifs, projected onto a 40-foot-tall virtual screen. All of this is why the theaters ain’t ever getting me back. I’m even providing the sitting-in-dried-jizz experience that the cinemas are known for. And I have the added benefit of knowing it’s my OWN jizz.
Oh, and don’t forget Simpsons and Futurama reruns on a virtual theater screen. And YouTube. It gives a grandiose quality to everything.
Just now, I was going to say “well, at least you can just fuck around on your phone until the movie starts. Nobody is going to get mad at you for being on your phone, while they’re showing long-ass ads,” and then I realized something: I have been disgusted with theaters for so long that I literally haven’t been to a movie theater since before I had a smartphone.
Last movie I saw in the theaters was the Star Trek reboot. The first one with Chris Pine, etc. I still had a non-smart phone.
That was in '09. I guess I was waaaaaay late to the smartphone party, too. I was still using one of those where you could slide it out, to access the physical keyboard. I actually didn’t use that keyboard all that often, and would probably appreciate it more now than I did then. Even though the keys were way too small. I’m just saying, the virtual keys are too small on my fucking smartphone screen, now. So it’s not like much has fucking changed.
Basically, I have been an angry old man for quite a while now, and I’m just getting more disgusted by everything. Jesus Christ on a Ritz Cracker, I really shouldn’t have picked “Chill Dude 69” for my screenname. It makes me sound like a chill dude from 1969. “Angry Man 80” makes much more sense.
I knew an even angrier older man who gave up theatres around 2000 because of one Coke advert.
We should just get a projector and do free pirate outdoor movie nights.
I use the Bigscreen VR app, with my VR goggles. It’s just me in an empty theater, every time. Fucking bliss.
The app absolutely lets you join rooms with other people…but I have never seen any reason to do so.
Also, you’ve never lived until you’ve beaten your salami to vintage porn gifs, projected onto a 40-foot-tall virtual screen. All of this is why the theaters ain’t ever getting me back. I’m even providing the sitting-in-dried-jizz experience that the cinemas are known for. And I have the added benefit of knowing it’s my OWN jizz.
Oh, and don’t forget Simpsons and Futurama reruns on a virtual theater screen. And YouTube. It gives a grandiose quality to everything.
You took it to a gross place, but I admire your certitude.
Word.