Bro is going to sit in a computer for half a year to prepare for the role

Capitalism is when cryptobro scammer defrauds dozens of families and pays methlab oompa loompa in shitcoin

Agreed, special education should be a lot better

People downvoting this thread because they’re not getting that this is satire by the onion makes this post infinitely funnier. Well played OP

*Proceeds to order 30k spare parts for “warranty replacement” to build my own car over a span of 3 years *

I want that shirt

Probability of precipitation

Btw never do that. You’re supposed to put vinegar on it, that way the jellyfish tastes way better.

Was this about the cop who went full schizo, did two barrel rolls and magdumped the back of his police car?

Confucius says “women belong in the chicken”… Apparently?

Cmon, Doom doesn’t count? You’re literally killing Satan

Not on my christian Minecraft server

You’re just underscoring my argument. If the British were about to tear down Stonehenge for building a shopping mall and out of nowhere the Black Panther’s stealth jet materialized to take the entire thing to the Wakanda national museum, I’d be absolutely fine with it.

In so many cases that exact sentiment just turned out to be true though. How many ancient artifacts have been destroyed by political/religions extremists? How many more were lost due to neglect or because people tore them apart to use them as building materials? It probably wasn’t right to take them at the time but man, am I glad they took them.

Hot take but it’s good that the British museum “stole” so much stuff. To quote everyone’s favorite archeologist: ‘This belongs in a museum.’

Japanese is whacky… Like why not just pick one alphabet instead of using 3 different ones? Are they stupid?

Must’ve been related to pyrocynical

Agnes ist tot… Gut so

Removed by mod

Not really but no offense, you seem to be a bit lost in the sauce. If you are this caught up in these kinds of thought patterns you probably radiate some very strange energy to the people around you. I may or may not read too much into that but you seem like the kind of person who would trauma dump a decade of issues onto someone who’s showing even the slightest bit of interest in you. It’s exhausting for people to perform this kind of emotional labor which is why the “liberal” types as you put it may avoid you.

If you can afford it, get professional help if you don’t do therapy yet. But don’t mistake your friends or your date for a therapist.