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Cake day: June 24th, 2023

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  • She never did it unguided. And the way the therapist did it was different than what I’ve seen online. She would lay down and the therapist had her hold two paddles. One in each hand. The paddles would vibrate or lightly shock her, alternating between left and right. She did this while she was reliving old traumatic moments from her childhood. It was supposed to help process the information differently or something along those lines.


  • For my wife it was mainly a good therapist she saw weekly. I think what helped her improve that most was a form of radical acceptance .

    • Intrusive thoughts don’t define me
    • Intrusive thoughts do not last forever
    • I’m not alone

    Or something like:

    • I am not my thoughts. They are not my authentic self.
    • I am just an observer of my thoughts. I simply watch as they pass through.

    Often the reaction to the thoughts is what gives intrusive thoughts power. Accepting the thoughts for what they are takes the power from them. This is hard since often intrusive thoughts are ingrained into your most moral values, so to take that power is difficult.

    One thing she had me do at the start of her therapy was to ask her a question when ever she had an intrusive thought: what if? What if you killed that person? What if you said that racial slur? For her it would be the end of the world, bringing it into reality would often ground the thoughts. For the driving example, “What if I hit a child?”

    Well, then there would be a loud thump. We would get out and check on the child. We would call for help while we did what we could. We would probably go to the hospital. The cops would try and determine if it was accidental or not. You might be in jail. You might not. That is out of our hands.

    Just follow the thoughts to the logical conclusion. That aspect of her work stopped shortly after we started, though.

    She also did some trauma therapy. OCD can be rooted in childhood trauma. My wife had a sister with bi-polar, and owho ften got violent. Her parents wouldn’t speak to the kids about it. So my wife’s childhood was filled with this constant unacknowledged stress and tension, because she knew something was wrong but everyone pretended it was all okay. Coupled with her autistic hyper empathy, this sent her into a anxiety driven downward spiral.

    Another thing she said that helped was EMDR. It’s sort of a pseudoscience but my wife swears it helped a ton. So, anicdotal but worth a shot.

    Anyways, thats all I can think of. I would recommend trying to find a therapist who specializes in neurodivergent people and go from there.


  • My wife has severe OCD. She has gotten to the point she has basically 0 symptoms now. Where before she couldn’t drive or leave the house. Here is what I’ve learned through our journey.

    • The repetitive actions are often caused by intrusive thoughts. My wife’s stemmed from actions that were tied to her morality, and her memory. Such as, she would drive around the block 5 times because she would have this thought, “What if you ran over a kid but you don’t remember it?” Which was the worse thing she could have done.
    • 90% percent of people with OCD are also neurodivergent, namely autistic. My wife wasn’t diagnosed with Autism until after her OCD diagnosis.

  • As Llamapacolypse said, it has it’s dark moments. What I wrote above is some of the darkest. It never goes into too much detail when it involves some of the more triggering things. Just a fade to black.

    That said it’s such an intensely human series. So much love and compassion litered throughout the whole thing.

    It’s also such a unique experience. Most fantasy books have huge massive reveals that shock and take you by surprise. Malazan has these things. But it also does it in reverse. You’ll read something and then a book or two later it changes context entirely, completely blowing your mind.


  • The Crippled God from Mazalan Book of the Fallen. I should probably spoiler this. And trigger warning.

    spoiler

    The High King Kallor once ruled an empire. And he did so with a cold hard iron fist. Some Elder Gods decided that he was to be dethroned, and set off to confront the High King. Kallor had gotten wind of this before the confrontation and so had all his mages begin a ritual. One that would summon an alien force from beyond the known universe. They were successful and pulled an entity of such power that it destroyed Kallor’s entire empire. As the Gods approached the High Kings throne they found him there, emporer of only ash.

    The power Kallor summoned was so alien and anthemic to the universe it needed to be destroyed. But they found it couldn’t be done. So instead they crippled and chained the power. This power came to be know as the Crippled God.

    It’s hard to pinpoint exactly the cruelty that the Crippled God did himself. See, the crippled god worked in the shadows from his tent on the beach. He lifted others up to enact his broken visions. Granted them slivers of his alien power, and whispered promises of power or revenge into their ears. One such figure was the Pannion Seer.

    The Seer was a holy figure who led an massive army, the Pannion Domin, on a crusade against the world. This was a holy war and such his followers where blindly devoted. His most devoted where called Tenescowri. The Tenescowri where purposely starved. Given no rations, no water, no food. They had to subsist on what they were able to find. And what is the most common thing found after a battle? Dead bodies. The Tenescowri was an army of forced cannibalism.

    It gets a bit darker. The most powerful of the Tenescowri where the Children of the Dead Seed. During battle the fervent women would take dying men, and force them to copulate. Filling their wombs with the seed of a dead man. These children would grow up to be unholy warriors.

    I think it was said the Tenescowri were 100,000 strong led by Anaster the Fist Born of the Dead Seed.