I only purchased this toothbrush because that was the only way to get the water-resistant Entertainment Center/Speaker/Corporate Surveillance Device for the one room in my house that is the least comfortable, has the worst acoustics, and has the strongest expectation of privacy, and also I can’t just put a regular Alexa in like a plastic bag or something because I blew my plastic bag budget on a fucking app-controlled toothbrush or whatever the fuck this is supposed to be, jesus christ

“My Rival” is my favorite jaunty funk-rock ditty about a guy stalking the man that stole his wife, cornering him in the middle of the desert, and kicking him to death in a strip mall parking lot. And that’s not even in the 'Dan Top 10.

And you can’t listen to “Godwhacker” and tell me that isn’t the basic plot of half a dozen death metal songs, just with more jive and a sicker bassline.

nah, that’s how they named Johnson & Johnson

I hear that’s the same way they came up with Goldman Sachs, Johnson & Johnson, and Microsoft

I’ve experienced this, or at least something that very closely fits its description, a couple times in the past, and it varies on a case-by-case basis. One time it was almost like the sound of glass breaking, I think one time might’ve been closer to a door slamming. Weird shit.

And, same deal as the other fella, hard to remember the specifics 'cause you’re sorta half-asleep when it happens.

Shit, an emulator getting taken down for… actual copyright infringement? You don’t see that every day.

Well your corp don’t dance and if it don’t dance then it’s no friend of mine

Of course… I’ve been collecting treasured works of art and culture, when I should have been hoarding authentic screen-used Hollywood memorabilia and officially-licensed tie-in merchandise - the true paragons of human invention! Damn you! Damn you, and your citadel of props!

You’re all fools! You should just be hoarding the screenplays on trusty ink and paper, or perhaps etched into clay tablets to deter silverfish and parchment mites. When the great solar-amberic conjunction erases all earth’s digital media simultaneously and nothing else, me and my travelling theater troupe are going to make post-apocalyptic bank with live re-enactments of all of cinema’s greatest moments, just you wait!

“Djinn”, specifically, being the correct word choice. We’re way past fun-loving blue cartoon Robin Williams genies granting wishes, doing impressions of Jack Nicholson and getting into madcap hijinks. We’re back into fuckin’… shapeshifting cobras woven of fire and dust by the archdevil Iblis, hiding in caves and slithering out into the desert at night to tempt mortal men to sin. That mythologically-accurate shit.

And why do we bake cookies but cook bacon?

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