Hailing from Booger Hole, West Virginia…in the very skimpy silk briefs he’s chosen to wrestle in…

Humans don’t have mouse titties.

This should be my official Linkedin portrait.

, but not to bake buns with Ted Cruz?

What’s the coolest-looking sound?

They’ve already responded to both of you, you just can’t see it. Now you see the problem.

They had fire by the dark ages, so there was really no excuse.

Nobody ever talks about the downside of being unable to just have a normal glass of water. It always turns into fucking wine.

What did you think it was all this time, silly goose!?

Anne Frankly you should have.

Let’s get to the red meat! Time to dish!

I wish. They’re never glad I came. :(

I still remember the one time I braved making a homemade lasagna years ago. It took all day. I would have gone on a spree had it been ruined. I’m sorry for your loss.

Jerry Seinfeld making someone laugh themselves to death is rich.

I used Jergens body lotion for my wedding and my skin felt nice and moist all night.

I think they’re just new boot goofin’.

Just be patient, it’ll come!

Whoa, whoa, there are people who don’t like Windows? I thought Windows was like the king of operating systems?

He’s just Don now.