I even remember the moment I heard. My husband came to me and our baby, we were playing on the bed, it was a Thursday. He asked if I had heard yet. I asked what, and he told me that Russia attacked Ukraine. It felt so surreal. It felt like being held at gunpoint to r*pe your sibling.

We don’t live in Russia or Ukraine, but we have close friends and relatives in both countries. For about a week I couldn’t concentrate on our daughter. My head was somewhere else which felt awful, but was also the first time I had allowed myself to think about something else and not give her 100% of my attention. We went to demonstrations (well who cares) and kept doom scrolling, which felt more urgent, more necessary to stay in touch with what is happening. We realized how we didn’t see the obvious for years. Which was very painful, since my husband was always interested in politics, also back when he lived in Russia, and got me into being more political myself. We were way too naive about it.

We kept asking our friends and family how they were, what they planned to do. Some fled immediately. Some a bit later. Most stayed. With time, the imminent feeling of threat and impending doom numbs down to low key anxiety. So many years down the drain. So many futures waisted. They stole their futures.

I remember I kept telling my daughter “one day we will tell you about a war between our countries that lasted for 1 day when you were a baby”. 2 days. 10 days. 30 days. I stopped counting at 100.

Now I just hope we will have time to go there. Will my grandparents be able to see their great granddaughter? Will she meet her grandpa in Russia? Will she ever be able to play with her cousins in rural Ukraine? I had planned to spend summers there, to get to know this side of my spouse’s family, and hoped she would get to learn some snippets of Ukrainian there. That’s how he knows the language. And now I just hope that his cousins will not die. The fat one lost about 2/3 of his body weight so far. I’m not surprised being in the military does this to you.

Damn I even remember the pigeons. That stupid pigeons. We had pigeon problems on the balcony and in March 2022 they built a nest and it had eggs in it. But the day prior they bombed an orphanage. Or a children’s hospital? Or a maternity ward? God these assholes bomb everything, don’t they. And I cried and we couldn’t do it, we couldn’t bring ourselves to remove the eggs. We had freaking pigeon babies with incredibly proud pigeon parents who were, btw, super progressive, crazy emancipated pigeons, both were looking for the eggs and babies equally. We gave them names when they hatched and watched them grow older. And then fuck nature, about two weeks before they would have left the nest, a fucking crow ate Hittin first, and poor Putler was so, so scared, and we tried to shelter him and even lifted the rule of no feeding no water, but then the next day, he was dead as well. The parents were devastated. We were devastated. We were powerless. We still are. We couldn’t protect them. We couldn’t make a change even when we tried. We were powerless.

The universe stood still, and then it started going with a different pace and in another direction than before.

Not sure where I am going with this, I think I’m just grateful someone else found this moment… Majorly significant.

Well that’s a low bar

Here in Germany, we will have a conservative government at best and a fascist one at worst. AFD is at 20% at national levels, and locally they are winning in the East, which I, naive and wrongly motivated as I was, moved to from merry Bavaria.

Oh then try falafels. Jesus I can’t bring myself to make falafels or something similar at home because you literally fry it in oil and you need to do that in order for the raw legumes to be not toxic.

Legumes like beans, lentils, peas, hummus, chickpeas,

Oats, quinoa, amaranth, buckwheat, whole wheat products,

Tofu in its various forms, including silk tofu as egg replacement in pancakes,

Other “meat substitutes” like seitan or sunflower seed mince,

Nuts, nut butters, nut flour,

Dairy products such as cottage cheese, joghurt,

Soy milk

I mean for real, eggs are super unnecessary for a protein rich or healthy diet. I would argue that unless you literally want to treat yourself with a sunny side up or an omelette you shouldn’t be using eggs at all. I like eggs, but a dozen lasts us (family of 3) a month easily.

I’m pretty sure there is enough research that supports the idea of paternity leave increasing parental involvement and connection with your child and leading to more gender equality/more balanced responsibilities in families.

My husband and I went the very conservative route with him being off for 2 months and me being off for 3 years (German classic). Let me tell you I would have not survived the newborn stage, having no help from outside, without him. At the same time, for him it was so hard - although I am not sure that work was easier, he after all still came home to a little baby. Parental leave doesn’t mean you get to chill, it means you have no excuse for not doing half of the night shift, half of everything except breast feeding. When he went back to work, he would do the night shifts on the weekends, and I would do all the night shifts on workdays.

Your co-workers are morons. They miss out on helping their baby mamas, connecting with their kids, and going through a unique experience. Even if your pay was much lower, it’s worth it. It’s hard and stressful and awful and it is the best thing you’ll ever do.

They weren’t literally standing in poop. It’s just the playground’s nickname thanks to all the dogshit.

I’m not so sure what cardboard/paper you mean? If you mean something like the paper cups that coffee comes in, they also contain plastic. Dirty paper/cardboard can also not be recycled, so your pizza carton ends up in a landfill or burned. And what do you mean by foil? Genuinely curious.

In my area a lot of takeout places now offer reusable options for a deposit. Usually it is a cardboard with plastic lining container if it is one way. Except the Asian takeout places, they are all over the place from classic black plastic to aluminum containers to styropor to - circling back - the plastic carton stuff.

I meet mostly moms. So I save them with their name and their kid’s name and sometimes the location we’ve met (usually a playground nickname) on my phone. Sarah Noah Locomotive, Madlene Jacob Crown, Vitali Pasha Poop.

Damn we have similar goals but different reasons. I want to have been on all continents and I am obsessed with going to Antarctica. If I had the money, I would want to stand on the planet’s axis. And have the whole world actually revolve around me. Doing this on the North Pole too would be great, but it’s not a continent and therefore has second place.

And now, can you elaborate the weird stuff the sun does at the poles? Besides polar night and polar day?

When my husband moved to Germany from Russia, he had no idea whether he was vaccinated as a child or not (he very likely was, but there weren’t records he was aware of and his mom died early). So he went to the doctor’s to ask for titers. They said they could test that but he would have to pay out of pocket, and offered to just vaccinate him again for free. He went through all the children’s vaccines - including chicken pox, which wasn’t around when we were kids (90s). It is the simpler, more accessible, and cheaper alternative to titers.

I see Pluto and Charon as Irish twins. Or at least 2 under 2. I somehow always imagine two siblings spinning around each other. Maybe Pluto is showing a 🫶 to his little sister.

I gotta say the cybertruck one is so hilarious and desperate I’d spare it my rage

Yeah now try being absolutely unknowledgeable when it comes to tech and very much into makeup, skincare, 90 day fiance and parenting content. Lemmy, it’s been nice, but after one and a half years I started lurking to Reddit every once in a while again.

My guess would be Moldova or another round at Georgia

As someone who loves to sing and make music, as someone who loves to dance and to be crafty, and as someone who inherently sucks at it - especially the music part, I can’t tell or hold a rhythm, let alone a note - this post really got me. I often feel like I am not allowed to sing or join or like I have to hide that I used to play guitar and write songs for hours when I was a teen and young adult. Because I was never good at it. Because the chords were just strummed. The chords didn’t fit the melody in my head and I could not sing the melody as it was in my head. And I just suck at it. And still, it brought me so much joy. It was such a big part of my life. I loved it.

I now sing songs to my daughter when we are in public. I pretend it is because she wants to hear them. It’s a great alibi. (She often doesn’t like my singing.) Sometimes she joins in. This is the best. There is no better sound in the world.

I’m ok at writing. But even this - I am a biomedic, not a writer. I didn’t study linguistics or literature or politics or journalism, I am absolutely not in the writing world. I can’t write professionally, so why should I even write. There are tons of more talented people who actually learned how to write out there. I leaned out of the window and got a side gig while I was on mat leave and wrote for a blog 2-4 times a month for a year. It was the best. I was paid peanuts but these were the tastiest lil’ peanuts I’ve ever devoured.

Zelenskyy would probably get more support from his people if he told trump to get fucked

Oh how I wish this was true but a lot of Ukrainians are so weary they really just want the war to end and are frustrated with Zelensky. Believe me not everyone has the moral high ground or integrity, many, many just want him to make any kind of deal, no matter how big the insult and humiliation are.

(“Moral high ground” and “integrity” are very heavy words in this context. Right now, after just watching the argument, I am a bit speechless and can’t find better words. But please know that I do not want to refer to these people as having no integrity, morals, ideals, etc. They are desperate and have lost so much I can’t even put it in words.)

I would honestly be interested in meeting him.

Oh I remember flying Frankfurt to Chicago with American Airlines! I mean we were 23 hours late because we had two emergency landings in Canada since our turbine caught fire twice and somehow had to stand in line for 6-7 hours for passport control in Canada to change the plane eventually - but they did have warm and nice food as well as beverages and even provided us with snacks and beverages while we were waiting inside the plane during the inspections! I mean we would have appreciated it if they had informed our relatives that we didn’t die since there was apparently no information on our flight passed on whatsoever on either side of the atlantic and everyone thought we were dead (this was 2008, we were all teenagers and no one had any cell phone connection in Goose Bay), but the food was indeed nice. Pros and cons.

I cut ties with a friend my age (early to mid 30s) who grew up in Germany but had Ukrainian roots, and family in Ukraine next to the border. He also didn’t believe what “Western media” said and only what his family on the border is telling him and “they know who is bombing whom”. He has a Master’s degree in psychology. It completely fucked me up.

My parents also have friends living in Krim who were super happy about the takeover in 2014, and they are there, so they must know better, right?

And there is some truth to that: We are also not immune to propaganda and of course Western media has its biases. I am confident that we too are being fooled here and there. You can see this in a very one sided media coverage of Gaza in German news. Most Ukrainian refugees I’ve met do indeed just want the war to end and some openly don’t care whether their land will belong to Russia afterwards. They just want their relatives not to die. Zelensky is being heavily criticized and he is also not immune to corruption, while the internet thinks he is some god like hero with unquestionable integrity and balls of steel. He is also just a human and a politician. Ukraine is no moral safe haven and we have to remember that. My husband’s cousin should not have been drafted, but he was drafted right away, because obviously someone bought themselves out and the place had to be replaced. Not everyone wants to fight for their country, but some were forced to, still. His second cousin was only drafted a year later, although he should have been in the first or second wave.

That “evil NATO, nobody got jailed” theme of your parents sounds very much like what my family would say, all of it. And it is hard to counter and admittedly it was a narrative I believed until I went to Russia in 2016 for a semester, met people, saw the country, talked to locals, met my husband. My strongest tip for you is therefore - don’t get sucked into it. First and foremost be sure in what you believe in. Be sure that there are indeed people who oppose the regime and the war. Be sure they do exist. I know this sounds trivial, but sometimes it is easy to start questioning yourself when your own knowledge doesn’t come from local sources. After all, your parents probably have more ties to Russia and Russian media, so they have an “insight”, while you might actually really be manipulated by second hand Western media, right? …

I’ve been thinking a lot whether I can give you any resources on how to counter pro Putin or pro AfD arguments. I’ll start with the latter: Geld für die Welt is a youtube channel I stumbled across shortly before the election, and it has some great videos exposing illogical arguments (there is a great one about money as mentioned in my previous comment that I can link if you want).

As for Putin’s propaganda: I’m not sure I know many good first hand sources. Obviously Ekaterina Schulman’s podcast Status (статус) has great insights, and I recommend listening to her speech как это пережить that came out three years ago. It gives you some kind of comfort. OVD Info - which you can support via Global Giving btw, strongly recommend that - has stats and information on political imprisonments and therelike. Most information I get is actually from telegram channels, which I started following about a year ago. There are also groups of the Russian opposition (Idk where you live, but here in Leipzig there is a great one, and the chat often posts links to articles, videos and other resources). As someone who only recently got into Russian oppositional media and activities (and having limited reading/understanding abilities), I cherish these kinds of insights by people who are much more in touch with what is happening. Most have been political activists for years and many have fled from political persecution. Basically, I know I can trust their sources. Maybe it is worth asking for resources there. There is also Team Navalny in Germany and Demokratie-Ja. Medusa etc is also a classic news source.

But then again, I would not try to “debunk” or “show facts”, I don’t think this works well in general. It reminds me of a John Oliver episode - was it on UFOs, conspiracy theories, or vaccines? - where he has a great bit on how to talk to people who believe in such things without being condescending or just showing them “facts”. They are not dumb. They believe what they believe because of subconscious fears, experiences, manipulation. No one is immune to this and it is important to meet the people where they stand and with respect and understanding and an open ear.