They will force you to follow their version of Evangelical Christianity. There’s no way around that. They want to enforce their fascist pedophile religion on all Americans. If you do not follow their religion they will make you or kill you. That will happen. That is their goal. Do not doubt this for a second. There will come a day if they succeed where they put people who do not believe what they believe up against the wall. Atheists up against the wall. Jews up against the wall. Buddhists up against the wall. Eventually even other Christians up against the wall.
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”
He said, “Nobody loves me.”
I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.”
I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”
He said, “A Christian.”
I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”
He said, “Protestant.”
I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”
He said, “Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
They will force you to follow their version of Evangelical Christianity. There’s no way around that. They want to enforce their fascist pedophile religion on all Americans. If you do not follow their religion they will make you or kill you. That will happen. That is their goal. Do not doubt this for a second. There will come a day if they succeed where they put people who do not believe what they believe up against the wall. Atheists up against the wall. Jews up against the wall. Buddhists up against the wall. Eventually even other Christians up against the wall.
Arm yourselves.
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”
He said, “Nobody loves me.”
I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.”
I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”
He said, “A Christian.”
I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”
He said, “Protestant.”
I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”
He said, “Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.
–Emo Phillips