To those of you with sensory issues (I believe this is pretty common, right?) have you noticed them changing as you grow older? Have they gotten easier to handle, harder, or stayed the same? In fact, if you feel like “going there” and sharing - please feel free to even express what they feel like.
No need to share what they are, if you don’t feel like it. Share what you’d like.
The older I get, the more loud noises bother me. That might be normal though? Hearing loss is pretty common among the elders in my family. 🤷🏻♂️
That doesn’t make sense to me lol. Wouldn’t hearing loss make loud noises less bothersome?
Woah, your name. Is a whole thing. Of space and time =O! It is a bug zapper, for my mind. Also, hey - you azn? Whatsup!
you azn?
No I’m a filthy gwailou 😔
Hahaha, you cracked me up! Hahaha! I legit typically see only Asians taking the time to select the light-skinned emojis. So I thought maybe “hey brother!” Hahaha! Hey either way, hahahaha~! Hahahaha. I am still laughing. Hahaha!
They’ve gotten worse. I became a parent, and that’s stressful. and Stress makes my sensory issues worse. and Kids are a sensory nightmare.
No lie, and I mean no disrespect - but I thought the other day “Thank god I am not a parent, because I have no idea how people can hold down their own shit while trying to pretend everything is okay and taking care of at least one living, breathing thing with their own wants/needs/personalities.” I feel like that would be my hell. But I know there’s got to be some really wonderful trade offs that I can’t see because I am on the outside. I hope you have some kind of sacred space or time to decompress from it all.
I feel no disrespect. Having become a parent, I understand why people don’t want to be one. It taught me more empathy and is why I’ve doubled down on abortion rights since becoming a parent. It’s scary, it’s super difficult, and I understand people’s decision. I can’t imagine being a single woman, alone, pregnant. And watching my ex wife struggle with birth to ultimately have an emergency C section opened my eyes to why women don’t want to go through that. They inflate a balloon in you!
Yo, you’re a really cool person. Sorry it didn’t work out with your wife. Idk what led to what, but I am thankful every damn day that my partner and I have pretty-identical disorders. Because I’ve been with a lot of people, but I don’t think any of them ever quite got me like she does. Or vice versa, I think there’s a lot of stuff we do left of center that neither of us give a hoot about but would be considered “weird” or “annoying” in other situations. I mean, I got alright. But it really does feel different to be understood and not just accepted I guess…is what I mean =P!
I used to call myself nature’s birth-control. Because while all the little girls around my age growing up were naming their children and planning their marriages (like at six, legitimately) I was sitting around with the boys and drawing obsessively. I love my pets like they’re kids, but I also understand they’re still pets at the end of the day (I say this because I think a lot of people are more prone to the plight of animals than people - and I know it sounds anthropocentric but people will spend tons on carting animals around the states for adoption but won’t bat an eye that there’s tons of humans starving all over the world. Don’t dig factory farming though!) << aside!! But I don’t believe I have ever had the urge to have children in my life. And I am rounding the end of my ovulation-cycle (I guess it’s called? Idk. I am just pulling that out my ass) so I don’t think it’s gunna hit but who knows? Either way, I think a lot of women (like my mother) followed traditionalist logic. But I don’t think she ever was particularly driven to have children (I think the autism comes from her tbh), nor was particularly enthralled after having them. I mean, I was okay, but I think my other sibling pushed her over the edge to be honest. She for sure changed after they were born, but equally as I became less of what she expected and more of who I actually am she clearly felt a strong distaste for my being =P!
We’re okay now, but I think because we’ve reached a mutual space of love and respect. But for sure, I am still convinced my mother never wanted to be a parent. And for sure I believe this is actually more common than people want to admit. But I used to think it was a gay thing, but I’ve met a ton of gays who want babies. So idk, seems to be more of a personal thing.
I think it’s super cool that you support women’s rights though. Let alone people’s rights. I was watching The Cut (I think it is? Nope it was Vice) or something like that once upon a time on Youtube. There was a guy on there who was a former Marine, who talked about how he was really angry. Just so angry all the time. But then ended up having two daughters, and in his love for them and his wife he found a way to become more empathetic and it really touched me. I know people kept making fun of people “not realizing women are humans until they had a daughter” but I think it speaks levels to how toxically men are raised. I mean it literally seemed that up until now (where it’s 50/50 on what side you get) all roads led to you being “gay” and being “gay” was the worst thing you could be if you were a guy. And it stopped people from being able to enjoy the things they liked, or express themselves in ways other than being funny/angry/silent. And that’s pretty fucked up.
Not saying women have it better, but that in general it’s pretty crazy how we’ve let extremist really run our society ragged. And as a little aside, on the c-section thing, a loved one lost their sister recently due to a botched c-section. She complained in the hospital that she felt unwell, but nobody listened until it was too late. And in my own health journey (which has been incredibly tumultuous until I finally started getting heard only recently) I know the medical system tends to operate off of high-speculation (esp. with women). And lord knows it’s racist as hell too =P! I just uhh, cringe when I think about it all.
Either way - cheers and you keep being you =)! Even if you and your kids don’t exactly fit into one another’s worlds right now. Maybe in the future at least one of your kids will find a really sweet way to connect with you and you’ll end up falling in love (all over again?) and it’ll be super great =)!
Much better, but then again, leaving my parents house and finding myself on a safe environment for the first time in my life made a lot of things better I did not expect.
This might be an experience that more autistic people have
ND here, with autistic spectrum trails.
For me it’s getting worse.
But my sensory issues started around puberty.Major issues. I can’t work in noisy environment, like excessive talking, loud music, machine buzz.
I started using earphones when I’m outside (walking or riding a bike) or do shopping.
I hate sunny days in the summer.
Can’t stand blinding car headlights at night.
Room temperature comfort, looks like the range is shrinking.Mine are also much worse and I suspect it’s because I’m I’m a near constant state of burnout.
I hope you find some way to start taking time and space for yourself through out the day. Cause you can get really sick staying in this constant state of >o
Do you mean burnout from the overstimulation or just everyday feels like a groundhog day?
My burnout is a bit more complicated. The elements you described are involved but there’s also an element of being trapped or out of control.
Yeah, these run the gamut. What’s the other side of the fence? ADHD? Know the two are solid bedfellows =P!
Diagnosed as SzPD 👀
I don’t use the term anymore cause I heard it was some jam to separate the “feasibly usable” autist from the “useless” ones. I mean, I read about it a couple years back so that’s a summary - but here’s the article if you’re interested. But like, yeah it’s a spectrum and yeah there’s still “tiers” but every one of us has their own strengths/weaknesses and wants/needs and it sucks to think about there being “good autistic” people and “bad.” And I am catching a touch of the itis after lunch but I think that it’s the same thing eugenicist proposed. If I remember correctly it was something akin to there being two types of people those of higher intelligence and will who are destined to forge society and promote growth and degenerates who are feeble-minded and cannot care for themselves so thus should be sterilized and quartered away for the greater good of man. That was one terrible run on sentence, but here’s the wiki if you’re interested.
Better, but I suspect that’s largely due to the fact that im way more economically secure now. Thus I can afford, literally, to avoid situations and sensations I can’t handle.
Aww man, I was thinking about like…splashing cash for comfy clothing and just like comfy everything. Like never having another material that ever feels to “scratchy” or too “trappy” again. Hot damn, man you just lit up my brain like a Christmas tree. Hehehe!
I know you’re talking big picture, but that’s where my brain went with it =P
That’s a great example of what I was talking about.
It’s also about the situations: regarding clothing, I avoid working for uptight companies that do the whole “serious business” suit and tie thing and instead work for ones where the dress code is wearing jeans and t shirt every day. But I can only do that now that I’m more economically secure and have the CV power to actually get to make that choice.
So I’m never in a situation day to day where I have to wear a stupid scratchy collared shirt. (Ever seen Falling Down? The opening scene was sooooo hard to watch cos it reminded me of that shit)
Falling down? You know I think I know of it (it’s the one about going postal right?) but I actually never ended up watching it. Which is kinda funny, cause I had it lined up with Taxi Driver but pulled one and not the other (I had Taxi Driver first and it was like game over by the end).
I don’t really understand corporate rituals. I don’t know if I ever understood them. I know they are the way they are to do business globally. But I think it’s way better to do like you’re saying and just feel comfortable working. Because that’s what drives others further. But eh, it is what it is. I’m glad you got there! Thanks by the by =)! For that bit at the top, it was sweet!
Yep, that’s the movie. Hmm I haven’t seen Taxi Driver but I hear they’re similar. The opening scene of Falling Down is like… the character being driven crazy by all these abrasive sensory things while stuck in traffic. Would screw with anyone but yeah… that oldschool srs bsns office getup is my most despised element
You’re right, a lot of the time the rituals get in the way of getting the job done. And you’re welcome, thanks for the thread!
Yeah buddy =)! I’m on PieFed and there’s like…five posts. And I think we deserve a space to express ourselves. Cause you never know what you’re gunna find out. Either from your own writing or the writing of others (which sounds very Forrest Gump-y hahaha!)
Cheers!
They stayed mostly the same, experience wise, but as an adult I can make more choices myself. And I have more experience about what causes issues and what I should avoid in general.
I however still have issues with loud noise, itchy clothing, bright light and too much touch. But as an adult I can just buy (or sew) the clothing I can tolerate, I can wear noise cancelling headphones and wear sunglasses and just don’t touch people and pretty much nobody can force me to do otherwise.
Hey, let’s talk shop. I can sew a lotta stuff when my hands a good (I hand sew because machines overwhelm me - le sigh!) but I have wanted to so, so, so badly sew some clothing for myself. But I can’t ever seem to figure out what kind of fabric I want to work with. And none of the stuff I find in stores ever seems to be the right stuff to makes tops with. Maybe bottoms, not tops for sure though. So you mind passing on some of your shared-knowledge on this? Cause I am mad curious!
Also, I really like that you stated you can choose how you interact with the world. That’s really sound and absolutely true. You get to have more control, and so it helps you feel safe. I wonder if we could translate this in a way that could aid younger people? I am not sure though, because kids do require structure. But perhaps not ABA levels of “do it enough times and it’ll just stick” hyper-vigilance =/!
I dig your vibes though =)
To be completely fair, I picked up sewing recently as a new special interest and I’m still in the learning phase.
I prefer pure cotton (or linen or other cotton based fabrics like viscose or modal) and then the fabric you choose depends on how thick it needs to be and if it should be elastic (jersey, sweat) or not (eg. standard woven dress shirt fabric, denim, canvas,…). I buy most of my fabric online as I don’t like interacting with people, but going into stores definitely has advantages in that you can touch the fabric.
I only machine sew (unless hand sewing small parts is kinda necessary). My fine motor functions are pretty bad (probably autism related), so I got a cheap standard sewing machine and a used serger from eBay.
So far I’ve made a hoodie, some tops/t-shirts, some underwear ( didn’t come out very well tbh, had not the right fabric) and I’ve changed some store bought jeans and t-shirts to fit me better.
Check out freesewing if you’re interested, there are lots of neurodiverse people on their discord server who can help you and the website can create sewing patterns for your sizes.
That’s the catch for me too. I grab mine from Bobbie Lou but I can’t touch the fabric and sometimes they come to me and even if they’re marked they surprise me in texture or by weave. I used to grab a lot in the store pre-pandemic. But I really never felt anything I wanted to turn into a shirt. I want that buttery smooth stuff. I once had a rayon shirt that was lighter than a breeze that tore to shreds when my gal’s skate belt ended up in the wash. I was thinking going that direction, because as it stands I wear only cotton. And it’s okay, but it’s pretty utilitarian. And that softness, oh that softness. That’s the stuff dreams are made out of.
I am probably going to hand-sew for life. I’ve thought about it a handful of times. a) I get immense pleasure from the act of hand -> THING (as in whatever I created with my hands) but b) Idk. I mean so many women in my life all could sew that way. And did. My best bud of a hundred years (who I’ve seemingly lost touch with as of late maybe due to drugs…=/) could sew like a machine. He tried to give it a go with me but I just didn’t follow. I just don’t have that *thing* that drive for learning it anymore. I figured however something comes out, as long as I did it I’m happy. And I’ve sewn a ton of things for myself but I def am the queen of wabi-sabi.
Yooo, I didn’t even think about underwear! That’s brilliant! Also being a professional shortie, hemming is a lifesaving skill. I think I heard of read someone once say - what’s the difference between celebrities and you if you bought the same shirt. That the celebrity gets all their clothing tailored. So if you can do your own work, you’re probably out here looking great for it too.
Big thanks for the site. Eyeballs the pacos @_@!!! I am like a moth to the flame right now. Thanks again =)~
I think I’ve mostly gotten to understand them better, and put more meaning to them.
a) Super cool, really dig that.
b) By meaning do you mean like…the source or perhaps like…how to mitigate them or just that they exist and will always exist so it’s best to just accept them? If you feel like explaining, I am interested.
For example, I’ve come to understand that my hypervigilance isn’t a deficit, but in fact provides me with valuable information about details, that other people just completely or mostly miss out entirely on.
Trusting yourself is such a big one in a world that keeps telling you you’re wrong one away or another.
I feel that. I actually talked about it up there. We just see things differently than most people, so we pick up on a lot of details that would otherwise go unnoticed. I will say it’s a double-edged sword (why is that light bulb humming?), but it’s still been a blessing in my own life. So I’m not knocking it =)!
I bet you know too, who’s your actual ally and who’s just going through the motions through that as well.
Yeah, what sources of information do you believe in? I believe in my own instincts. When my intuition tells me something, it’s likely true; no matter what other people say.
I had this conversation with my girlfriend earlier cause like - okay let me explain. She was doing this whole thing talking about the difference between fetisizing people and having a kink. And talking about how she learned it in school, saying fetishes are exclusively towards objects. And I was like, that’s bullshit because people get fetishized all the damn time. And she said well that’s the classic definition. And I said, yeah well fags are a bundle of sticks and a dyke is a thing on the side of the road. And I said I know this sounds super woo-woo but science has to be definitive in nature in order to be expressed. Otherwise you’re just speculating. And that there are things that I believe that we intrinsically know as human beings that even if the science hasn’t caught up yet is still true. And if what’s in the DSM-5 says something (which I just looked into and it’s not explicitly objects - so she might have some misinformation there) that I don’t explicitly believe in it’ll take some heavy evidence to lead me in a different way.
But I will say that I am open to suggestion, but I also trust in my gut. Especially on personal matters. Because people can be cruel, and if they figure out you’re “different” than them some will mess with you. This was some real brain-soup so apologies if it was all wobbly. I am gunna go take my buns outside and chill. Hahaha!
deleted by creator
Worse, but I think a big part of that has been giving myself the space to have those sensory response moments, and just like understanding myself better, being more patient with myself, stuff like that.
Being true to yourself is 10/10 the way to go even if it causes things to get worse I think. Cause then at least you can figure out what you’ve been hiding with masking and just unapologetically do the opposite from here on out.
Better - but not through age.
Since I got diagnosed late, my before-diagnosis time was a mess and I had no idea why. Since my diagnosis and me subsequently understanding what’s happening I have become less likely to compromise on things that will cause meltdowns.
I also have disabled status so I can request accommodations at work, and lucky enough my team and workplace are lovely about that.
I can’t tell if time made a difference for me, but I feel like I’ve lost patience for people telling me “don’t be like that”, but that’s probably also due to knowing what’s going on now. I keep asking them if they’d tell a quadriplegic to not be like that and just real quick get them something from the high shelf. Surprisingly efficient, although there’s always people claiming you’re just being dramatic. Thankfully they are a minority around me.
I feel this terribly deeply. I wanna send like e-hugs because it’s crazy how bad life can be pre-diagnosis. I can’t say what it’s like on the other side of the fence, but I can say for sure there’s some mental scars that I will probably always hold that won’t swap. And maybe I don’t care if it swaps so much anymore, because I know who I am and I am valid so you know - there’s that.
I’m glad you’re holding your own and not getting harmed (as much more than likely) anymore. Because you deserve happiness, and people are hella quick to take it from people they don’t understand because they don’t believe they deserve anything less than the floor.
I’ve been kicking around the idea of disability for the past year or so. Because I know I can get it, but I also know it’s a long process. I ultimately want to marry my partner if plausible, and I think that’d drive a wedge in the works. There was a point where I was so crippled with pain that I couldn’t really do anything. I am on some new experimental treatment that has helped but there’s still times when my body just shuts down, and this past week was a “kind” lesson in it. If you have the time and the care (as in you do not have to do this) you mind hitting up my inbox and telling me some more about disability x gigs?
Still relatively new to Lemmy and can’t figure out RN how to dm you, but I am not in the US, so most likely we are not in the same country.
I can tell you broad strokes though - I got super lucky with my therapist at that time. Sadly he’s retired now :( I was super exhausted, had gotten out of hospital and then diagnosis and at the same time (since in paper I looked like an easy candidate to find work for) the unemployment agency was hounding me. I told my therapist as an off-comment “I wish I didn’t have to do shit for the rest of the year.”
He said that can be arranged and I thought he was joking - it was October or something. Nope, he stalled and his practice became unreachable. All I could tell the unemployment agency was that I didn’t hear back and I don’t know what’s going on until they got frustrated and backed off. Come new year, everything went back to normal and it went fast-ish. Took maybe a year in total? I think less, maybe roughly 9 months?
I didn’t realize what happened until after the fact, but he bought me the time I needed to process things at that time.
Ah for sure we’re not in the same country, cause my ass is as American as a sloppy grilled cheese sandwich and a crusty can of tomato soup =P! No worries by the by, I think (cause I’ve done it a couple of times) - you just kinda like…click the person’s name and there’s an option somewhere past that. But I am on desktop and I couldn’t even begin to tell you on mobile.
I am so super glad you ran into that therapist. Look, I will shout it from the rooftops that I literally love the crap-crackers outta my therapist. They are a wonderful human being, and they just are so real and so present. Like just so freakin’ cool! It’s always a blessing when you find those people who are just there. Themselves. Real af. Dope! And they vibe with you. I have a teacher I’ve stayed in touch with hundreds of years later, because I think they really made a difference in my life and they are just such a wonderful organic human being. And when I think of stand-up people, they’re at the top of my list. BLAM!
It was kinda shady how he did you, but it sounds like he gave you everything you needed. I’m taking some time off right now. I’ve got a loving supportive partner, and originally I was lined up for a couple of surgeries. But my amaze-a-balls doctor told me about a radical new treatment I could give a go, so instead I am just getting a chance to rest. Which is crazy, because I don’t know if I’ve ever rested in all my days @_@! And it is still weird, but while I am in pain (and yeah, unfortunately I am still in pain) it’s not as much as it was. And I have way more mobility than before and can do way more than I could for a while there. But I am pretty blessed that my partner and I are pretty low-needs and we can make it on one income as long as we’re smart about it.
I was making food yesterday after writing to you, and I did get hit with a case of the sads. Because I thought about it, and when I said I really didn’t think my life would play out like this I really did mean it. And I have been practicing radical acceptance, because I think such things are necessary in situations like this. But I am also really sad because I know I’ve got a lot to give to the world and have lived quite the adventure for someone like myself. But I also figure that organically things tend to slow down the older you get. And to live in the past is to live like a fool. Ultimately dream aspirations are to move back to a super-dense city with my partner, work for some kind of non-profit (but not one full of bullshitters…which can be hard to find), and to be well enough to hold my own. But I am not sure these things will be obtainable the way I see them, and I have also sort of had to come to terms with that as well. Now, I’ve just gotta fudge my way through, cause it’s all I’ve got.
Idk if I we’ll “meet” again (cause it’s a small community but people come and go as they please) but I really hope your life only gets better from here on out. That no matter where you go, you keep getting all the support and assistance you need and keep being the sassy (and probably funny) advocate you are. Cause the more of us that are open about our real life issues and our day-to-day struggles the more people will realize we’re just humans - out here, trying to live - just going through it is all.
Big hugs (sis? Getting strong sis vibes. I wanna sis you =P!) and keep being you =)
deleted by creator
Everything my gal does is with a television on and it makes me literally sick to hear that chatter all day. She listens to it most of the time with headphones on (we got the cushiest of the cush and she actually likes it so win/win). I knew someone else who was ADHD and said they can’t work without having a movie they’ve seen on in the background. I always think it’s crazy because I can’t even work with distracting music in the background, or a second monitor and my ass is ADHD too. It’s too distracting, it’s as if a siren is calling me from a liminal space and my brain heads to the clouds. Even with medication. I much prefer a single but sizeable (enough for me) monitor and everything super chill (I work on the floor most times).
I have always found ADHD stuff that pushes me over the edge are things that are like “flashy” and intended to draw attention. I was thinking why in that sense things might have gotten worse and I figured it’s because our entire world is one giant slot-machine. So yeah, in that sense, it’s absolutely awful. On the autist front the sensory stuff does distract but it “feels” way worse to me. As in, it prompts pain I guess? Is the best way to describe it. Ickies. It prompts ickies. Both are overwhelming af though. Idk how the fk I used to do clubs n shit, cause I went to a show recently and it blasted me into another universe. I still like music and what not, I just don’t think I’ve got it on that level anymore.
My sib, who also has fun genetics goes ham-sandwich when they cross that threshold. I’ve snapped a time and two, but I think I am more of a “slip-out the backdoor and leave” kinda person. But either way, it’s no fun and I am glad you’re trying your damndest to find your happy middle.
p.s. - I know with stims autistic ones are for the feels and adhd are for the stimulation and maybe the sensory issues line up like that too? I also know stuff can show up differently between the genders, but I don’t know entirely in what way because I haven’t read too much into it and it’s all pretty new. Either way, good luck on your travels fellow fighter =)~
deleted by creator
Feel thisss! Yess! There’s a huge overlap between the two by the by! AuDHD. I think they said 1/5 ADHD individuals are also Autistic. I’m just lucky I found someone who understands me, and vice versa. Yeah on the gender stuff a lot of women were thought to not be able to be autistic or ADHD. I am not sure when that changed but I really don’t think it’s been that long. But I think I read something like it teaches women to cope in different ways that basically allow them to “super mask” but ultiamtely masking is unhealthy. So, eh! I have a mixture of both. I forgot what it’s called (maybe just mixed). But I always thought mind was explicitly inattentive, but later found out I was diagnosed with both.
Oh, one more thing before I go. I heard that gender and queerness can be (but not always) aligned with autism. I can’t give you the scoop on that one cause I am about to hit the hay. But I think it comes down to being less adherent to gender roles/norms. Fist-bump =)~!
deleted by creator
Oh yeah for sure. I am not saying if you’re autistic you’re definitively queer but it’s just like I believe there’s a high rate of LGBTQA+ members that are neurodivergent like off the cusp. Idk what your life is, but I just wanted to say I think it’s kinda funny. But in general neurodivergent people don’t understand the kinda superficial bull that a lot of society enforce. So eh! It’s an uphill battle, but if you can figure out how to make it work you can be a huge innovator. Because you see and think differently, and can problem solve in ways that supesede normality. Kinda like how Betty Edwards tells you - you can flip a canvas upside down and learn how to draw that way and it shifts your perspective and changes the way you understand the very act. We’re kinda like the automatic “flipping” of the canvas so to speak, because we understand the world in a very different way than the majority. Which if we can find a way to ground ourselves in the world, can be a very sought-after skill. But also know, there’s bigots out the ass. I found a lot of places like it when you have a “hint of something interesting” but not when you come at them like a bird of paradise. Hahaha! Sounds like you’ve overcome a lot of the chaotic bits by forcing yourself through the system. But masking is fkin hard and it fucks us up good - take care of yourself! Big hugs, my brother! We got this =P!
I’ve gotten way more sensitive to clothing textures as I get older, and I don’t remember having too much texture sensitivity as a kid (except for hating itchy tags). I’m also way too aware now of my clothes when I sleep, so sleeping in any kind of pajama bottoms or socks is impossible for me. That never used to be A Thing for me until a few years ago. It doesn’t really impact my life very much though.
Idk how old you are, but I wanna just make assumptions (because it seems there’s a large bracket of a certain age group floating around here) and say - it’s it crazy to get more sensitive to clothing textures when all clothes used to be made of the most durable yet least breathable/staticly cut/outright funky (but some real!!) materials? LIke, sometimes I’ll go to thrift stores and see stuff that I actually wore (not the actual clothing, but like the same shirts or jackets or whatever) from a hundred years ago and my hand will wander to the material and I will wonder how I got on so long in life wearing a paper bag and pretending it’s clothing. Or itchy af sweaters. Or sweats that felt old the second you put them on. And maybe, because they were? Idk, it’s weird.
But new stuff is nasty too. I am like a huntress on the prowl for solid clothes. Cause stuff will say x-material and feel like someone slid their shit-covered ass cheeks off my side. No thank you (and apologies for the visual, it’s just what came to mind =_o!) I’m glad you found what works for you. I hope things level out and you just do what you gotta do whenever you go shopping =)
