It’s not true, folks. The lying liberal media wants you to think he’d shag a settee. That he’d bone a book stand. That he’s creamied on the credenza.

Don’t trust them. My beautiful boy JD, he’d never do it! He’s chaste with the chaises. He’s never loved a loveseat.

My VP would never fuck furniture.

  • Jo Miran@lemmy.ml
    1·
    4 months ago

    …to completion…

    Interesting specificity.

    Is this satire? It is really hard to tell in this reality.

  • N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    1·
    4 months ago

    LBJ: Let’s spread a rumor that he’s a pigfucker.

    Aide: But he never fucked a pig…

    LBJ: I know. I just want to hear him deny it.

  • Gork@lemm.ee
    1·
    4 months ago

    I have a KIVIK in my room. Never thought to have coital relations with it though. Pretty sturdy ottoman. The Ottoman Empire would be proud of the Swedes for it.

  • grandma@sh.itjust.works
    1·
    4 months ago

    Would JD Vance ever fuck a couch, melons, jell-O or other food stuffs or furniture? Just askin’?

  • Todd Bonzalez@lemm.ee
    1·
    4 months ago

    The best part of this is that J.D. Vance will never be able to be in a photo with a couch ever again. Think about how hard that is going to be, especially if he is VP.

    Otherwise we’ll be collecting them as evidence of all the couches he’s fucked.