drop your childhood stories:
>be me, age 12
>hate showering more than anything
>it feels gross and i hate getting wet
>my mom starts telling me that if i don’t shower every day then i can’t eat dinner
>i want my dindin so i come up with a genius plan
>let the shower run for 10-15 minutes while i sit in the bathroom
>quickly wet my hair with sink
>mom buys it, i get dindin
>after a month she gets suspicious
>realize i have to step up my game
>now i run the shower and rub my arms/neck with hand soap
>also run my hair under the shower so it’s dripping wet and not just moist
>she asks why i haven’t asked her to buy shampoo yet
>come up with final version of my genius plan
>i’ll stand next to the shower, let the water run, rub soap on my whole body and also use shampoo on my hair so it smells like shampoo
>then i’ll rinse off in the sink
>all while the shower runs

i did this for four years until i realized i was just showering on hard mode

  • sbv@sh.itjust.works
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    10 months ago

    Kids are great. Mine spend 5-10 minutes refusing to do a two minute task.

    Kind of like how I spend three or four days avoiding a ten minute phone call.

      • GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip
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        10 months ago

        Not the flex you think it is lol

        Seriously, get your teeth fixed. It’s such a huge impact on your quality of life, especially later in life when that damage really starts to affect your eating habits or self confidence

        • Duranie@literature.cafe
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          10 months ago

          I wouldn’t call it a flex. But sometimes openly admitting something even to strangers on the Internet can offer some ownership of the situation and start someone headed the right direction.

        • KingJalopy @lemm.ee
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          10 months ago

          Not to mention, you could literally fucking die from a tooth infection if left untreated.

      • 7u5k3n@lemmy.world
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        10 months ago

        Broke a tooth on a pizza crust once… 5 years later it abscessed and I had to have emergency surgery to have it removed.

        Fun times :/

          • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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            10 months ago

            I’m just waiting Americans to come in and tell that actually that’s just Houston style pizza or some shit and it’s supposed to be like that (also it’s a cube, don’t worry about it)

            • Holyhandgrenade@lemmy.world
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              10 months ago

              Houston lobbied for the FDA to permit the addition of glass shards to pizza dough as a bulking agent. What doesn’t kill your teeth and internal organs can only make you stronger!

    • CJOtheReal@ani.social
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      10 months ago

      4 days… I’ve been avoiding some phone calls for straight up 3 years now, the people probably think im dead.

    • qevlarr@lemmy.world
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      10 months ago

      “dinner is ready in two minutes”

      Two minutes later, dinner ready

      “but I just started a new game!”

      🙄

      • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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        10 months ago

        “Why did you do that when you knew dinner was going to be ready in two minutes?”

        “dunno”

        :/

      • I Cast Fist@programming.dev
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        10 months ago

        “but I just started a new game!”

        Too bad, you either quit that game right now or no videogame/computer for you for the next 2 days.

  • webghost0101@sopuli.xyz
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    10 months ago

    If this isnt fake op may actually be on the spectrum. Washing yourself with the sink Is also called a catwash.

    been plenty of times i ve been way to overtimulated to handle a full shower its much more manageable to wash and dry hair and body parts separately one by one.

    Op learned what many autistic people do. Inventing an alternative method while masking it into the socially acceptable method.

      • frosty99c@midwest.social
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        10 months ago

        A friend of mine is a non-native English speaker. He teaches at an elementary school and works with ‘English as a second language’ students. He casually mentioned that he always tells his students to take a ‘horse bath’ in the bathroom sink after recess if needed. He was traumatized when I told him that he’d misheard that phrase for his entire adult life.

      • [email protected]@sh.itjust.worksOP
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        10 months ago

        Reminds me of a snippet of conversation I overheard at the grocery. Kid’s talking to their mom and yells “child prostitution, ever heard of it?” She was pissed.

  • Hikermick@lemmy.world
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    10 months ago

    This is a right of passage. Growing up there are times when you find out that the easy way to go about doing something is the way your parents were trying to pound into your head all along

    • ComradeSharkfucker@lemmy.ml
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      10 months ago

      I’m gonna assume you said autistic but it was taken to be derogatory and while the phrasing you used implies that, it is literally a reaction to symptoms of autism. That hypersensitivity to physical feelings fucking suuuuucks

  • leftzero@lemmy.ml
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    10 months ago

    Had to do x km/day on the static bike, because fat.

    Got no time for that.

    Old static bike, with mechanical revolution counter.

    Unscrew spinning cable that feeds from the bike into the counter.

    MacGyver Lego contraption, with motor, with a pointy bit that fits where the cable would go.

    Motor goes brrr, do required km in seconds, plug cable back in, rinse and repeat;, parents never find out (I “exercised” while they were working).

    Still fat. 😞

    • Nepenthe@kbin.social
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      10 months ago

      This seems like some “Einstein working at the patent office” type shit to me. I would have never thought how to do that and I hope that mechanical aptitude has stuck around somehow.

      • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
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        10 months ago

        Yeah but Einstein actually did work. This guy’s just come up with an incredibly convoluted way to make it look like you’ve done work.

        It may have been easy to just do the exercise

        • Zeppo@sh.itjust.works
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          10 months ago

          That aptitude could be repurposed to do something useful. Programmers spend hours figuring out how to automate stuff due to laziness and desire to avoid tedium.

  • thorbot@lemmy.world
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    10 months ago

    Anything that starts with “be me” is pretty much universally idiotic, so this is no surprise.

  • UNWILLING_PARTICIPANT@sh.itjust.works
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    10 months ago

    God I was a pig headed, grubby little preteen I relate to this in spirit so hard.

    Pushing boundaries by never doing exactly what you’re told: always put your own idiotic spin on it, or else the adults win!

  • PatFusty@lemm.ee
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    10 months ago

    are you guys that bitch made that saying retarded on a 4chan sub is crossed out

    • [email protected]@sh.itjust.worksOP
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      10 months ago

      You’re allowed to do anything anywhere. All acts are permissible, in the grand scheme. I just don’t care to. Now bothering the people who want to say it, that’s my jam.

    • Kedly@lemm.ee
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      10 months ago

      Lemmy seems to hate that word more than reddit funnily enough. It was my first instance of learning that Tankies have a FUCKED sense of priorities

      • abraxas@sh.itjust.works
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        10 months ago

        A lot of us are really hoping Lemmy doesn’t turn into tankie-voat to the extent a lot of lemmy instances are staying away from tankie instances. Being uncool with some shit (like making fun of mentally handicapped people) is part of that.

        • Kedly@lemm.ee
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          10 months ago

          1: The vast majority of people using the word Retard are NOT maming fun of mentally handicapped people, its a word used for someone who made a very stupid decision they were perfectly mentally capable of not making, both people who are and who arent mentally handicapped are capable of being retarded.

          2: Its the tankie servers that gave me a 3 day ban for using the word, the fucked sense of priorities I was talking about was their supposed heavy support of social justice issues while simultaneously supporting/believing Russia/China have done nothing wrong

          • abraxas@sh.itjust.works
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            10 months ago

            The vast majority of people using the word Retard

            I have had too many mentally challenged folk in my life, and they are offended by it. It’s something to keep in mind.

            the fucked sense of priorities… believing Russia/China have done nothing wrong

            Oh yeah, they’re idiots. Thank god they’re not smart enough to make their dystopian wet-dream happen.

            • Kedly@lemm.ee
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              10 months ago

              Thats fair, and tbh I’d never use the term around someone with a mental disability unless they told me to (which HAS happened) in person, but on the internet where a thicker skin is required in general, or around friends I dont really see a better blunt term for stupidity, idiot has the same problem as Retard and any term that works now will eventually be tainted by the few who DO use mental health terms derogatively

  • Feirdro@lemmy.world
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    10 months ago

    I’m constantly amazed at the variety of possible human sensory differences.

    My problem is not spending the whole day in the shower.

  • bugs@lemmy.world
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    10 months ago

    Are we ignoring the fact they did this until they were 16? I mean like, if this ended when they were 12 that’d be pretty par for the course kid idiocy. But 16? Damn dude.