Wallace. Bet he’s seen some shit.
All of the above. Let’s party!
Hannah, because in a few months she won’t be just engaged so she will turn less annoying.
Also Wallace. I generally don’t mind old people. Maybe I’m getting old myself but stay off my lawn!
Plot twist, her fiancee refuses to commit to a date and she will be engaged for years, constantly planning a wedding that will never come. Growing more and more frustrated and vocal about her upcoming wedding.
It’s against my morals to use another persons mental anguish for my own amusement, but if she annoys me for years even after I’ve brought it up with Susan from HR I would eventually do that.
Same picks for the same reasons.
… although I’m less proud to admit that I read it as “Known Father” the first time, didn’t catch it until I came to the comments, and he still didn’t make the top 2.
I just kinda figured that “Known Father” meant he was always talking about his kids and experiences with parenthood, and that was enough to eliminate him.
Wallace
Wallace
Wallace. Wallace probably doesn’t give a fuck anymore, and once you gain his trust, is going to say some hilarious shit as a result.
Thats it, he knows the company doesn’t give a fuck and hes just waiting it out. Also I bet he has some stories or wisdom to bestow.
Yeah Wallace is solid, he’s just running out the clock at this point. Bring in some snacks and treat him like a human and he’ll do anything he can to help you.
Kinda wanna have Susan in your corner, tbf.
Shiloh because I fuck with anyone down with Gary Numan.
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Dayzie
me too, i like the way women smell…
Absolutely Wallace. He looks like he prefers to work in dead silence - thumbs up.
Gotta be careful with that. I shared an office with an old guy once and had to bring headphones. We wouldn’t talk, but he would constantly make old man noises. Coughs, grunts, snorts, etc. If I didn’t block them out, they would drive me crazy like nails on a chalkboard. That said, the guy himself was really cool and I loved working with him otherwise.
‘Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.’
Never shuts up about how the country has gone to hell, complaining about “the queers”, etc, etc, etc.
He could be a union supporter though - in my experience of doing labor organizing, the younger folks are usually more pro-union, then there’s a dead zone of support from the Boomers, and then the really old folks are much more supportive because they grew up when unions were more of an active force.
If Wallace is down to organize, then I’d pick him and just take the risk that he’s got some shitty opinions that I’ll have to work through and re-educate him on.
Alternatively, may have a shitload of good jokes and all around pleasant person to work with. Its a mix with the elderly. The sharp ones are awesome sometimes
Alternatively, he’s the type of old fart that constantly makes calls when they could’ve been emails.
And when it’s a message I bet it would be just Hi and nothing after that until you reply
AAAAAAAH
“Anything longer than a sentence deserves a phone call”
Had a supervisor that if you texted back and forth with him more than twice for something, he’d call you
Lewis for sure we can have competitions
The only rule; first to shit themselves loses
No way the first to shit themselves wins
I’ve been there. My opponent ended up kneeling before me and admitting defeat.
I think he was half way gassed out not kneeling
The answer is Wallace. Every old dude with a desk near me has been a solid guy who shuts the fuck up and always makes coffee before I get in.
There is always an exception. One of my older coworkers once came in to work with a sprained ankle. I asked why and he said he got it from kicking a dog, with zero remorse in his expression. I wish I had not asked. I knew he was weird but that detail cemented my opinion of him.
Maybe the dog was about to attack a small child.
I’ve seen someone poke a dog in the ass with a stick. They were a hero. Dog was latched on to someone’s leg.
Yeah it’s possible it was a defensive move. But I don’t think he framed it that way, and I would absolutely be sure to clarify why I kicked a dog if that were the truth. Honestly I would probably lie to avoid having to explain that.
Sadly this was a while ago and I don’t remember if I asked for more details. I just remember it was super awkward.
A stereotype … but why do old people wake up so early and go to bed so early?
People have different circadian rhythms on average as they age. We simply associate the pattern of those middle aged and older with virtue. Middle age and old people raise children, and they teach children that the sleep patterns of the elders are wise and just, while the sleep patterns of the youth are slovenly and sinful. Our entire concept of “early” is defined by what middle age and older people simply adapt to naturally without force or effort. Older folks tend to wake up at a certain hour, so we just declare that the hour everyone is expected to wake at.
The most insidious form of this temporal bigotry is how we typically force high school students to start school at the earliest time of day of any school students, even though high school students have the latest natural waking time of any age group. We value “teaching lessons” to our youth more than we do actually teaching them. So we drag them out of bed at an unnaturally early hour so that they can make class at 7 AM. We then berate and shame them for being sleepy and inattentive in the unnaturally early classes we require them by law to attend.
And I say all this as someone in their late 30s who naturally wakes up pretty early. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes a great deal of sense why we have people with different natural sleep and wake times, and for those preferences to shift with age. We spent several hundred thousand years living as small groups huddled around campfires. Part of warding off predators is having people on watch through the night. Having people who don’t have to fight to stay awake late into the night makes that guard duty so much easier. In prehistory, I imagine the young adults staying up late into the night after the adults are asleep, enjoying some time to themselves, tending the fire, and watching for predators. The last of the youth to go to sleep would trade off with the earliest rising of the elders. We are a social species. We are evolved to live in groups. And a group is more effective with a diversity across many characteristics, including sleep/wake times.
But we’ve forgotten this fact and turned a simple consequence of evolution into a moral issue. And for that, we as a society abuse our youth and force them to wake at unnaturally early hours for the sake of puffing up the sense of moral superiority of the middle aged and older. Collectively, our relation to early waking times, and especially how we use it to collectively abuse our children, is one of our greatest sins as a culture.
You put the “L” in “LLM”.
(/s if needed - I absolutely thrive on extensive word jamborees)
You start to lose endurance. Your body becomes less efficient at recovery, and while you’re not pushing as hard and you don’t need as much sleep, you find that kicking it off earlier is advantageous. Your eyesight starts to deteriorate, you start finding that doing work in bright light affords you better focus through the pinhole effect.
Well the getting up early is because we go to bed early. And we go to bed early because we can and no one can stop us.
My favorite old guy I worked with, I was around 25 at the time, he was early 70s.
We used to joke that I’d call him with a wake up call when I was getting home from the bar, and he could return the favor when he took his morning break. He was in the office every day at 5:30.
Because we have to get up to pee a bunch of times during the night and eventually can’t sleep at all so we get up for the day. Which results in our being tired AF and having to go to bed early.
It’s more go to bed late and still wake up early. I was up to 4am (at home) and still woke up about 9:30am
WWII
I’ve had Hannah, Caleb, Wallace and Susan.
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Hannah is annoying at first, but it will blow over.
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Caleb will talk about sports and that will be all he talks about. You can tune him out, but he will learn to hate you, because you don’t value his feats of manliness.
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Wallace is ok at first, but becomes really tiresome. His worldview is from 1920s, blatantly racist and doesn’t realize it, judges you constantly according to some stereotype that is based on some guy he knew 100 years ago and gives you occasional corrective sermons that make no sense, because they are for that guy he once knew.
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Susan appears to be ok, but is a psycho. Will try to manipulate you and delegate stuff to you, even though doesn’t even work in for the same department. Everything is a thing that will be decisive to your career and soon marks you down as a looser, because you don’t listen to her. Will leave the company, because everyone is a looser.
Edit: so anyone in the top four. Office already stinks and on music is allowed.
The last two guys in my team that got retired were 65, but excellent people, and taught me lots, so my first instinct was Wallace. But reading your report, it occurs to me that maybe the description “Is like 100” actually implies a certain oldness of mind that I didn’t consider.
Agree on Caleb. He will quickly tune out due to your lack of interest and there will be peace in office.
I’ve been sharing an office with a Wallace. It can be tiresome. But one can occasionally learn things and ignoring the annoying parts can be part of what you can learn. I’d certainly chose Wallace of these options.
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Wallace. In a heartbeat. Cause if someday he doesn’t have one, I’ve got my own office!
Finally the voice of reason. And until then I got an extra cool Grandpa figure in my life to tell me goofy stories.
Monkey paw: he’s a raging maga
Radio head it is then
Dayzie
This is the correct answer… As long as there’s no patchouli in it… That shit smells awful
